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Spiritual guidance and being doomed: request

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So this may be a strange one, ha ha.

 

I’ve been learning in the morning to receive symbols for things that i need to pay attention to throughout the day, my to do list, sort of. I have been probably 50/50 on being able to stay in the flow of things well enough to be able to interpret and accept the lessons being offered, but i am feeling strongly that i am not doing this well enough, that important opportunities are slipping through my hands. In this particular moment in time, all things (tarot, psychic readings) are saying i am being offered big, important love, but i feel myself getting in the way of this. I am deeply concerned about this, and feeling doomed. I don’t know how to grow, I feel very frozen hearted. This feels like one of the bigger events in the fight for my life, and i want so much to be closer to Creation, open to love, being vulnerable, and kind, able to navigate smoothly, change, grow. I just feel so hopeless right now. I don’t know what kind of advice i seek from this forum, but i am scared, wow. I don’t want to mess this up.

 

Here’s yesterday’s symbols, 

4/9 there was an earthquake this morning. Bird turned around flight scramble, potato/Pete the steam shovel, puffin biting soap bird tongue biting soap too Facing away from me, tunnel to the center of myself cream painted brick, holding a frog in my hand the size of my hand bright green, find the moon, Metatron

 

there was an earthquake this morning

That’s not a received symbol, but it seemed important. The previous day in a reading i was told i need to choose sides spiritually.

 

Bird turned around flight scramble, 

We had some changes at work. Went smoothly, well received.

 

potato/Pete the steam shovel, 

An Irish coworker was very reliable in helping get the job done well, continuously, for awhile 

 

puffin biting soap bird tongue biting soap too Facing away from me, 

Puffin appears the other day as well, and recently phosphorescent beaks have been discovered on their bills pre-mating season; today, a beautiful woman, attractive to mates surely as puffins mating bills are, mock-bit a white piece of foamcore, almost in the same way. Uncanny.

 

tunnel to the center of myself cream painted brick, i interpret this as needing to get to the center of myself when a coworker i have deep feeling for (big love, which I’m so scared of) returned from being away and took supervisory position back over from me, 

 

holding a frog in my hand the size of my hand bright green, Same person delivers the news that FBI raids Trumps office, 

 

find the moon, smoke in the air from local fires and ‘there’s a bad moon on the rise’ comes up on the cd I’m listening to, cannot find moon because it’s on the other side of the earth now, 

 

Metatron- train horn blows while ‘tell me all your thoughts on god, cause I’d really like to meet her’ comes in the radio in the store

 

 

And then today’s symbols:

4/10 Daisy, diamonds falling from boss’ ears, candy cane/Rudolph, dory fish eating fish, moose insert (post revision), (sidetracked by meaning of puffin yesterday), Library, apple

 

Daisy, listening to a recording of that psychic reading, woman reminds me of a daisy, coloration as well;

 

Diamonds falling from boss’ ears, a piece of plastic most people in my workplace wear reflects light like falling diamonds, but my boss does not wear this piece of equipment, which is used for Communication; boss speaks another language and seems to have big trouble communicating 

 

Candy cane Rudolph- an incident w my landlords gets me very angry, this is an opportunity to deal with my anger in a way that doesn’t damage my day, but it turns out that i feed the anger, can’t really stop the flow like i need to learn how to do; instead, it leaks all over everything and creates big tension 

 

Dory fish eating fish, at work we all seem to be eating each other, cycle of life, just is what is, matter of facts

 

Moose, for a project I’m working, it calls for me to find many hard to understand physical points, all spread out in unpredictable ways: my patience is tested, i do okay. I don’t enjoy myself, but i could have enjoyed myself.

 

Library- at lunch, my coworker reminisces about her childhood and going to the library, she recalls a story about a boy who gets a piece of ice in his eye and is sent to the Snow Queen because his heart has been frozen, 

 

Apple, all i can think of is the knowledge that this is make or break it for me, I’ve got to do something differently or I’m doomed, and now knowing, I’m cast out of eden, right? Find your way back to god, etc.

 

This may all just sound like a bunch of nonsense. I mean, it’s definitely Not nonsense to me, but i don’t expect it to make sense to anyone else. And I have no idea what kind of help I’m asking for, but i guess I’m asking for help. I feel so powerfully out of tune, so wrong. I am crying a lot lately. I don’t want to live without love like i have been. I want to love.

 

Thanks for your time reading this.

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ouija ouija

Hi Lightbox and welcome to UM :st

The symbols and their interpretations are very personal to you so I don't think anyone here could give you help with that. What I would say is, it sounds as if you are focussing way too much on this aspect of your life so that it has become unbalanced. Nobody knows 'how to grow', they just live life as it comes to them. There is no need to be interpreting symbols on a daily basis, especially if they are with regard to world events .... we are all very, very, VERY tiny cogs in a huge machine! I'm sure your 'lessons' are fascinating to you, but they really are of no consequence. It makes no difference to anyone's life that you 'receive messages' like this. In fact, they are distressing you so it would benefit you to shut them out of your life. The big, important aspects of your life will make themselves known to you without any effort on your part, don't worry!

Forget over-interpreting every little detail of your life and focus on actually making something happen by your own effort ..... looking for love sounds as if it's top of the list. It would probably be good to think of love in a very broad sense. If you focus purely on winning your co-worker and convince yourself that 'this is meant to be', 'they are the love of my life', you will be setting yourself up for a lot of heartache. RELAX! :)

What Tarot readers and psychics tell you will either happen or it won't, and you can't predict exactly how it will happen and exactly what form it will take so don't stress yourself worrying about it and over-interpreting.  

Would you mind saying how old you are? I wonder why you feel the need to 'fight for your life' ..... can you tell us more about that?

Good Luck. 

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Lightbox

I’m 34. That’s calming, thank you for your response. I guess by fight for my life, i mean just that. Trying not to fall into complete disconnection, letting numbness win. It feels like a fight.

I don’t want to disregard this stuff, or sit on it like it doesn’t exist. I have tried that before, it wasn’t really helpful. It’s trying to tell me important things about how to find happiness. I think it’s more about my response to it and the feeling like i don’t measure up.  

I don’t know if it’s even love i want. This scares me. Even the idea of flirting makes me powerfully nervous, very scared. I think because I’m so scared of it, i feel i need to overcome this fear. Maybe i need time alone. Maybe being alone more would make me even less connected to people. Probably it has already and I’m trying to open up.

This inner dialogue is pretty neurotic, huh?!

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ouija ouija

I'm sorry, when I first read 'fight for my life' I thought you were being over-dramatic, I didn't appreciate that you have a very real battle going on within yourself. But then I remembered feeling like that myself(perhaps in my 20s; I'm 65 now), and how I was completely wrapped up in my inner life. An overpowering inner dialogue is fine if you are a monk or an aesthete but the fact is we are spirits in physical bodies because we chose to have that experience. Of course there are times when we should listen to our inner voice and be guided by it but the majority of our time should be out there, involving ourselves in the lives of others and experiencing life.

I would suggest seeing someone professional to talk this through with, someone who will be honest in their response to your struggles and how you can deal with them. Trying to do this yourself or with friends will not be successful because you/they won't be impartial. If you are open minded and willing to try what is suggested, you will probably not need many sessions.

I'm wondering if you are simply in the wrong job or with the 'wrong' people(at work and socially) and that is why you feel 'frozen' and 'disconnected'.

Isn't the biggest and most important love(as mentioned in your OP), the love you have for yourself? I get the impression this is missing from your life. You sound very hard on yourself.

I've just read right through your OP again and it stands out so clearly that you are living in your head. This is not healthy and visiting tarot readers and psychics is only exascerbating the problem. You need to stop thinking and start acting.

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