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RabidMongoose

That Toxic Co-Worker of Yours/Mine?

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RabidMongoose
Posted (edited)

In every job I do I run into the dreaded narcissist or sociopath.

With the narcs I usually work hard, perform, and get identified as a future leader at a business. Its all downhill from there as the narc then targets me with their entourage (if they have one). For me I always believe I should try my best at work but I never get anywhere with this approach. I get picked off instead so is my approach wrong? Is the key to a successful career being average so you dont get sacked for incompetence and dont get picked off for being good at what you do? Basically not drawing any attention to yourself?

The current narc in my work life is female. With her she bad mouths me behind my back, plays victim, and is a tell tale. If I say something she thinks she can score points over me with it gets reported to my manager. She also constantly attention seeks and cannot cope unless she is number one. When we have a task switch around I also have to put up with her trying to one up me on everything I`ve been doing. Thats irritating but when it comes to watching what I say around her 100% of the time I cannot do it. Its my fault, I know what she is like, and even after several days of watching what I say I know sooner or later I will slip up and say something. Something that can be directly reported to chip away at me or distorted to being me having a go at her making her a victim gets fed back to the manager.

And sociopaths are just pure evil trying to destroy peoples jobs or ruin their reputation just for the drama and excitement. Thankfully I am only anywhere of ever working with one of them in my life so far. In fact I think he gave me the job to target me. But narcs are much more common and I`m useless at dealing with them.

Educate me people on how you build long-term careers (lets aim for 5-10 years) while navigating around all the political games, attempts at sabotage, attempts to undermine or devalue, attempts to destroy, etc? Lets take a full on toxic office with several people that are a challenge to work with. How do you deal with that and make it out the other side the winner? Has anybody succeeded, please can I have insights from you?

Is it wise to keep yourself to yourself at work except when work requires you to interact and communicate with others? If you do that doesnt the possibly arise where you might even have to go several days without any meaningful and rather minimalistic conversations if your office is a small one. Also if the delicacy of the information you have access in your job means your employee likes to keep your team isolated from the rest of the business going to mean staying quiet is stressful to maintain in the long-run?

Or is it better to completely cave, let the narc/sociopath be the winner, and act weak around them so you dont get targeted? Wont that also mean selling my soul when I see someone else being targeted and have to also pick on them with the rest of the clique? How do you give them what they want will keeping your moral compass intact?

I`m not changing my job again, I have only been there just about a year, I need to know how to deal with these situations because nothing I currently do seems to be effective. I find books on these issues dont offer meaningful advice. Its like the people righting them are lying or talking up their solutions as working when they dont.

Finally I am considering that maybe there is no way to actually deal with these people. They are what they are and no one really knows what to do about them (unless you want to lose your soul too). Anybody that claims any different is lying. With nothing that can be done about them I suspect people either move or, grin and bear it, or grin and bear it for a few years before moving on and hoping the next place will be better?

This next part will make you laugh and is why I think no one actually knows what to do about them. Thats right, I have a masters in business studies and everything I was taught about workplace politics on it doesnt work. And there is no psychology research on how to deal with narcs and sociopaths. 

I have tried being boring, I have tried ignoring, I dont take the bait (this is something I have mastered). The only options left that I know of are to cave to them and lose my soul, or ignore them forever unless its a work issue, or just accept there is absolutely nothing that can be done. I`m leaning towards the final one.

Edited by RabidMongoose

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ouija ouija

This isn't your first thread about this subject, is it? Sounds like you need to get into a completely different line of work. Does it not strike you as odd to be talking about 'narcs' and sociopaths in the work place?

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Daughter of the Nine Moons
55 minutes ago, RabidMongoose said:

In every job I do I run into the dreaded narcissist or sociopath.

Not to be disrespectful but maybe try some introspection. You have started a number of these threads if I recall correctly. You seem to be the common denominator.

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LightAngel
4 hours ago, RabidMongoose said:

Has anybody succeeded, please can I have insights from you?

 

 

 

Stay professional and stay away from all the drama.

It's easier said than done, but it really is the best you can do for yourself.

Look at this like it's a bad habit that you want to change, it will take some time and a lot of work, but you can do this!

NEVER GIVE UP!

And you will become stronger than you ever thought.

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I'mConvinced
5 hours ago, RabidMongoose said:

They are what they are and no one really knows what to do about them (unless you want to lose your soul too). Anybody that claims any different is lying.

It sounds as if you've already reached a conclusion. 

I'm sorry you're having trouble at work, I've been through it and it sucks. My answer was to strike out on my own but this is not for everyone.

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