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Still Waters

People rarely say thank you when others help

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Still Waters

At first glance it seems a slight on the polite: recordings of more than a thousand casual conversations from around the world reveal that people hardly ever say “thank you” when others help them out.

The everyday social exchanges, which played out in eight different languages on five separate continents, highlight a global reluctance to acknowledge trivial favours, such as passing the salt. Overall, people expressed their thanks only once in every 20 occasions.

Rather than reflecting manners, or a descent into rudeness, the findings say more about linguistic traditions, the researchers said. Across cultures, close-knit groups of people take it for granted that people will cooperate with each other, to the point that saying thanks is no longer needed.

https://www.theguardian.com/science/2018/may/23/people-rarely-say-thank-you-when-others-help-them-out-scientists-say

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Piney
9 minutes ago, and then said:

That's funny... I still hear my long-dead mom in my ear when someone does me a kindness:  Son, no one in this life OWES you anything and if they give you so much as a smile, say thank you!

:tu:

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Piney
38 minutes ago, and then said:

That's funny... I still hear my long-dead mom in my ear when someone does me a kindness:  Son, no one in this life OWES you anything and if they give you so much as a smile, say thank you!

I always hold the door and say thank you......and always get a shocked look anymore. :lol:

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OverSword

I thank people all the time.  Maybe I'll go read the article and see what savage lands they are referring to.

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OverSword

Okay, not specific at all.  And then  the study turns apologist for bad manners saying that people are not expected to say thank you because it is expected that you help others and the polite thing is to just go about your day.  Sounds like bull. 

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.ZZ.

I've noticed that many people that run the cash registers at stores don't say thank you either. I used to say in a snide manner "You're welcome!" :rolleyes: Has anyone else noticed that it's mostly young folks? Not surprising considering how most of these kids respect nothing, other than their phone texts.

Lately I just move along and don't say a word.

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RAyMO

I find this study contrary to my personal experiences - I find people ready and willing to say thank you - for trivial things like holding doors, or giving way when ques merge for example. I am just off a boat with multiple nationalities and heard thank you many times in many different languages.

The study suggests the better people know each the less likely they are to say 'thank - you' - Again even within my own family and I am sure it is no different from the majority of families - thank you is frequently said for passing pepper or bringing a cup of tea.

Bottom line - I am not convinced by this study.

 

'

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S I N
Posted (edited)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HWYLFizhjHs

Makes me think of this

from Kingsman

Edited by S I N
eddit to add

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Grandpa Greenman

Grandma said, please and thank you are magic words. I found that to be true. I use them a lot.  People often help me.  Sometimes it is great and sometimes not so great, either way I appreciate their kindness and always say thank you. 

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Michelle

Sometimes a smile and nod works too. We are notoriously polite in the South.

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Michelle
1 minute ago, Likely Guy said:

Ever been to Canada? We're usually ridiculously friendly and stupidly apologetic.

I have. It reminded me of home. I didn't meet a stranger the whole time we were there.

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.ZZ.
2 minutes ago, Likely Guy said:

Ever been to Canada? We're usually ridiculously friendly and stupidly apologetic.

I've mentioned before that as an American sailor alone, walking the streets of Vancouver at Christmas time I was treated very well by y'all up there.

But I have heard that Vancouver, like every place else, has changed.

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Likely Guy
5 minutes ago, .ZZ. said:

I've mentioned before that as an American sailor alone, walking the streets of Vancouver at Christmas time I was treated very well by y'all up there.

But I have heard that Vancouver, like every place else, has changed.

Well, the city is only about 130 years old, so it's never been 'the same'. It's beautiful, but horrendously expensive to live in. That's why I moved out.

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tcgram

I was always taught to say, "Please" and "Thank You".   I consider it common courtesy and I've drilled it into my kids so much that they say it without any prodding.   LOL   

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trancelikestate
10 hours ago, Still Waters said:

At first glance it seems a slight on the polite: recordings of more than a thousand casual conversations from around the world reveal that people hardly ever say “thank you” when others help them out.

The everyday social exchanges, which played out in eight different languages on five separate continents, highlight a global reluctance to acknowledge trivial favours, such as passing the salt. Overall, people expressed their thanks only once in every 20 occasions.

Rather than reflecting manners, or a descent into rudeness, the findings say more about linguistic traditions, the researchers said. Across cultures, close-knit groups of people take it for granted that people will cooperate with each other, to the point that saying thanks is no longer needed.

https://www.theguardian.com/science/2018/may/23/people-rarely-say-thank-you-when-others-help-them-out-scientists-say

They have obviously never been to Canada

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LightAngel
30 minutes ago, tcgram said:

I was always taught to say, "Please" and "Thank You".   I consider it common courtesy and I've drilled it into my kids so much that they say it without any prodding.   LOL   

 

:tu:

It's important to teach your children good manners, it will help them develop social skills.

Good manners make good conversations. if you want a productive conversation with someone, then good manners will help. Nobody wants to discuss with an impolite person! - So good manners are the intelligent choice if you ask me.

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psyche101
Posted (edited)

I always use my pleases and thank you'd but I guess not everyone does, I think the majority do though to my experience. 

I saw a story on the telly the other night claiming chivalry is dead, or dying. I'd believe that. It's not only the times but technology, most people have their heads in their phones oblivious to the rest of the world. People don't notice the elderly or pregnant ladies when there's a Facebook post to check out. 

Edited by psyche101
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Brother_Spirit
Posted (edited)

Give without expecting anything in return. That's what Christ told us.

Edited by Brother_Spirit

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PsiSeeker
Posted (edited)

Well, if you're drilling people to always say please and thank-you then you're saying please and thank-you for reasons other than polite request and genuine gratitude...  We aren't actually requesting politely 100% of the time when saying please or 100% grateful when expressing gratitude.

The expectation that this servile like behaviour should be the status quo is ridiculous.

If you're genuinely grateful say thank you.  If you're genuinely sincere about receiving something say please.  Used in the incorrect context it simply lowers the power these words have.

It's more important to teach people the true nature of the contextual frame they operate in with others and for them to decide for themselves what's appropriate than automating the behaviour for every instance of request and receive. >.>...

Edited by PsiSeeker

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LightAngel
3 hours ago, Brother_Spirit said:

Give without expecting anything in return. That's what Christ told us.

 

If you care about people, then it comes naturally to give without expecting anything in return.

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LightAngel
2 hours ago, PsiSeeker said:

 

If you're genuinely grateful say thank you.  If you're genuinely sincere about receiving something say please.  Used in the incorrect context it simply lowers the power these words have.

 

 

I agree, but just remember that this isn’t just about you.

I would say that when I say thank you, or please, then I'm sincere 95% of the time.

4% of the time it's an act just to keep the peace, because there is no need to create unnecessary drama.

The last 1% I refuse to say thank you or please, because there are some serious issues that need attention.

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PsiSeeker
16 hours ago, LightAngel said:

 

I agree, but just remember that this isn’t just about you.

I would say that when I say thank you, or please, then I'm sincere 95% of the time.

4% of the time it's an act just to keep the peace, because there is no need to create unnecessary drama.

The last 1% I refuse to say thank you or please, because there are some serious issues that need attention.

If we expect who we're dealing with to say please and thank then, to my mind, there's some servile like attribution we place upon them.  Expectation of this behaviour seems like entitled pomposity to my mind.  The point that it isn't just about me, or about you, is exactly the point I'm trying to make.  If someone doesn't say please or thank you then the feeling that they're being necessarily rude seems like some sort of master and slave dynamic.

 

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