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Still Waters

People rarely say thank you when others help

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LightAngel
6 hours ago, PsiSeeker said:

 master and slave dynamic.

 

 

I disagree.

As I already said, I'm sincere most of the time when I say thank you.

But, let's say my grandmother give me a present that I don't like, but I really like my grandmother, then I will say thank you because I don't want to hurt her feelings unnecessarily!

I'm the master of my own life, and I choose my battles carefully, there is no need to hurt people's feelings and create drama over stupid things!

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PsiSeeker
11 hours ago, LightAngel said:

 

I disagree.

As I already said, I'm sincere most of the time when I say thank you.

But, let's say my grandmother give me a present that I don't like, but I really like my grandmother, then I will say thank you because I don't want to hurt her feelings unnecessarily!

I'm the master of my own life, and I choose my battles carefully, there is no need to hurt people's feelings and create drama over stupid things!

That is absolutely fine, and I'm not necessarily arguing against that.  I'm just saying that if someone else doesn't say please and thank-you to you or to me then there's no reason to get worked up about it.  They aren't necessarily going out of their way to be rude, and if you you or I think they're being rude, or if you or I think they should say please or thank you, then it seems to impose upon them this master-slave dynamic I used as analogy.  Behave how you believe best however don't necessarily expect others to replicate that behaviour.  The same thing goes with generous behaviour.  If you give gifts and feel bummed when someone doesn't return a gift to you then you are, or I am, missing the spirit of what gift giving is all about.  I think this is what is meant by "unconditionalism" in sayings such as "love unconditionally" and so forth.

So, for the point of this topic, I think it misses the spirit in which please and thank you originates.  This "eye for an eye" thing is stupid.  "I behave this way so you should too".  At least to my way of thinking about it.  I say please and thank you all the time, and you're welcome.  I legitimately don't bat and eye if someone doesn't say it to me, and if they do say it I can tell if it's not meant sincerely, makes me feel awkward.  Just "saying it because they should" type thing. 

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LV-426
27 minutes ago, PsiSeeker said:

That is absolutely fine, and I'm not necessarily arguing against that.  I'm just saying that if someone else doesn't say please and thank-you to you or to me then there's no reason to get worked up about it.  They aren't necessarily going out of their way to be rude, and if you you or I think they're being rude, or if you or I think they should say please or thank you, then it seems to impose upon them this master-slave dynamic I used as analogy.  Behave how you believe best however don't necessarily expect others to replicate that behaviour.  The same thing goes with generous behaviour.  If you give gifts and feel bummed when someone doesn't return a gift to you then you are, or I am, missing the spirit of what gift giving is all about.  I think this is what is meant by "unconditionalism" in sayings such as "love unconditionally" and so forth.

So, for the point of this topic, I think it misses the spirit in which please and thank you originates.  This "eye for an eye" thing is stupid.  "I behave this way so you should too".  At least to my way of thinking about it.  I say please and thank you all the time, and you're welcome.  I legitimately don't bat and eye if someone doesn't say it to me, and if they do say it I can tell if it's not meant sincerely, makes me feel awkward.  Just "saying it because they should" type thing. 

I think you're reading way too much into this with the "master-slave dynamic."

It's simply about common courtesy.

If someone takes a few seconds out of their day to hold a door for you, rather than letting it swing shut in your face, a simple "thanks" takes no effort whatsoever.

If you see a young mum struggling with shopping bags and children on a bus, or someone older that looks a bit unstable, giving up your seat is just polite.

You either have manners or you don't. It's as simple as that.

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PsiSeeker
Posted (edited)
4 hours ago, LV-426 said:

I think you're reading way too much into this with the "master-slave dynamic."

It's simply about common courtesy.

If someone takes a few seconds out of their day to hold a door for you, rather than letting it swing shut in your face, a simple "thanks" takes no effort whatsoever.

If you see a young mum struggling with shopping bags and children on a bus, or someone older that looks a bit unstable, giving up your seat is just polite.

You either have manners or you don't. It's as simple as that.

I'm primarily viewing this from the perspective of those who feel hard done by in light of "lack of manners."

My basic instinct is to believe in human decency.  If, for whatever reason, someone doesn't display the typical set of manners associated with social norm then my instinct, as someone who is polite with good manners, isn't to judge them for their poor behaviour.  I don't know what that person's life is like.  I don't know if their grieving a dying pet and simply aren't as "with it" at the moment.

The instinctive reaction that someone has poor manners when behaviour doesn't map to expectation rests upon some form of entitled behaviour as far as I can see... 

I'm not saying that human behaviour is perfect however if people are going to start talking about the "poor manners of the younger generation" or crap like this then I'm going to have something to say.  It's very rare, in my experience, that people go out of their way to be rude.  And when they do it's a minority of a particular group and not a good representation of the group itself.

When things go as expected 95% of the time we hardly notice.  The 5% though >.>...  It's not just in this dynamic either.  I've noticed this in the work place too.

Edited by PsiSeeker
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LightAngel
10 hours ago, PsiSeeker said:

I don't know what that person's life is like.  

 

 

Of course not. 

We can't always be the best version of ourselves.

It always makes me happy when I meet humans who think deeply about things, just be careful that you don't make things more complicated than they need to be :)

 

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ChaosRose
20 hours ago, LV-426 said:

I think you're reading way too much into this with the "master-slave dynamic."

It's simply about common courtesy.

If someone takes a few seconds out of their day to hold a door for you, rather than letting it swing shut in your face, a simple "thanks" takes no effort whatsoever.

If you see a young mum struggling with shopping bags and children on a bus, or someone older that looks a bit unstable, giving up your seat is just polite.

You either have manners or you don't. It's as simple as that.

It seems there are people who want to imagine that they are somehow the "masters" because they never apologize for anything or thank anyone. 

But really, they're just jerks. 

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Hammerclaw
20 minutes ago, ChaosRose said:

It seems there are people who want to imagine that they are somehow the "masters" because they never apologize for anything or thank anyone. 

But really, they're just jerks. 

Or consideration is something they do--not just say. I encounter polite respectful and "thankful" people all the time who will steal you blind when you turn your back on them.  Good manners don't necessarily make one good people.

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ChaosRose
1 minute ago, Hammerclaw said:

Or consideration is something they do--not just say. I encounter polite respectful and "thankful" people all the time who will steal you blind when you turn your back on them.  Good manners don't necessarily make one good people.

I usually encounter rude and disrespectful people who will also rob you blind if they get the chance. 

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LightAngel

 

:P

 

 

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Hammerclaw
Posted (edited)

.

Edited by Hammerclaw

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XenoFish

Can I say "Thank you." sarcastically and it still count?

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khol

a sarcastic thankyou is really just saying you don't mean it so why say anything at all  

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Hammerclaw
17 hours ago, khol said:

a sarcastic thankyou is really just saying you don't mean it so why say anything at all  

Thanks fo' nuthin' pal.

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khol
Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, Hammerclaw said:

Thanks fo' nuthin' pal.

awe c'mon     I know you don't mean that  :whistle:    depends how you look at it i suppose. Sarcasm usually holds negative connotations. Does sarcasm add sincerity to a thankyou?  not really

Edited by khol

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Hammerclaw
1 hour ago, khol said:

awe c'mon     I know you don't mean that  :whistle:    depends how you look at it i suppose. Sarcasm usually holds negative connotations. Does sarcasm add sincerity to a thankyou?  not really

Ah, yas makin' me cry. Next yas be playin' me h'arts and flowers on yas Stradivarius. Yas should take a long walk and relax--off a short pier! (Just another of endless examples of what you were alluding to in your previous post.)

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XenoFish
Posted (edited)

Make one offhand comment and everyone loses their minds.

Edited by XenoFish

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khol
1 hour ago, Hammerclaw said:

Yas should take a long walk and relax--off a short pier

cheers friends     an example how posts can be misconstrued   :lol:

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Hammerclaw
3 minutes ago, khol said:

cheers friends     an example how posts can be misconstrued   :lol:

Only 99 ever understood me, 86.

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khol
23 hours ago, XenoFish said:

Can I say "Thank you." sarcastically and it still count?

I shouldn't even go here with you. But I never quoted this initially beacause it wasnt directed at you. There are individuals who will resent someone for doing a good deed because they are shallow and jealous it wasnt them that did it. The good samaritan deserves a thankyou so the resentful one throws out a ridiculous sarcastic thankyou out there that clearly isnt sincere. I was just commenting why bother with the sarcasm when it comes to examples like this. Believe me there are times when sarcasm is fully warranted and it can be hilarious

Now if you and hammer would both excuse me Ive got a long walk off a short pier to deal with :rolleyes:  thanks hammer by the way...that was very kind of you 

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Hammerclaw

English speakers are the products of the culture from which it arose and certain courtesies are considered the norm. That attitude is a bit parochial and provincial in a world-wide context.                                                                         https://www.healthytravelblog.com/2013/12/18/is-it-bad-to-say-thank-you-and-other-cultural-no-nos/   

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XenoFish

Ugh:rolleyes: forget I even made my earlier comments.

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khol

its all good man    your comments rock     Im a fan

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Mark One

I always say thank-you.  I was brought up that way.

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khol

yeah me too

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Nightsoul

I almost always say thank you to somebody, but when I was much younger, it always felt awkward to me. My family isn’t rich and I wasn’t ignorant about it, so maybe it’s just how the people were brought up. The weird thing is sometimes when I say thank you to somebody, they just stare back at me like they don’t have anything to say.

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