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LightAngel

Emotional Vampires

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RabidMongoose
7 hours ago, LightAngel said:

I think it would be useful for further discussion to refer to all of these disorders (narcissism, anti-social personality disorder as well as borderline) as zero-empathy disorders, so I don't need to spell them out every time.

I don't think that they all spend a lot of time looking for targets. Some may be more calculating, some less. Just imagine if you take out that emotional burden of a social interaction, the affective response, a zero-empathy individual will find it much easier to just observe the situation from a strategic and cool standpoint. How calculating zeros are - depends on how much patience they have before they need their "reward" - this is really the only difference. And their tactics also vary - for example, when speaking of predators - compare the hunting tactics of a lion, a leopard and a cheetah - same goal but very different strategies - power vs. stealth vs. speed, respectively.

And yes, the strong and the gifted are for certain more appealing targets for them, however, only if they have a weak point, and zeros usually have a knack for figuring out what those are. They know how to push people's buttons. It just so happens that most "normal" people, no matter how strong and/or gifted they are - have a weak point.

I disagree that asking about staff lunches is a good strategy for zeros. I think that we should differentiate between people who are just obnoxious and zeros. The first group are usually people with very low self-esteem and overcompensating overinflated ego they use to cover up their ever eroding self-confidence. The latter are people who are emotionally flat and have predatorial nature. 

This leads me to my second point - and that's the moral dilemma question. I would say that zeros are very good at knowing exactly what the "right answers" to moral dilemmas are - because they know that those are exactly the kinds of things that could blow their cover. This is exactly where they are very well prepared.

Overall, I am not trying to paint a picture here of ASPDs as some elusive demons that we cannot tackle. But I would say that a lot of research on ASPDs, most of it in fact, has been done on convicts and the prison population. And I say that - the worst psychopath, the most dangerous one, is the one that doesn't get caught and those are the ones that you will most likely meet in real life.

Don't look at the crazy guys - look at those who surround themselves by people, always say the right things, are generally well liked - that is the mask of a psychopath - using people and circumstances as a lion uses the tall grass.  

For me I realise that the Bible and texts in other religions offer sound advice for dealing with them

Turn the Other Cheek: This means not reacting when someone presses your buttons or says something nasty to you. When you are indifferent to their attempts to create a scene and make your angry, jealous, or upset, then you have stopped playing their games. You arent providing the fuel which they need to create a bonfire. The anger, jealousy, and sadness are the three emotions ASPDs go for because they usually lead to drama and excitement. The first step to dealing with ASPDs is to learn what the game is and how its played. The next step is to no longer to play it which is quite challenging. To do it you have to learn to master your own emotions because ASPDs are very good at annoying and stressing the hell out of people.

Cut Off: You might not be able to get them all out of your life (for example you might work with one) but with all the rest cut them off. Dont talk to them, dont interact with them, dont be around them, be done with them forever.

In my opinion its not that high functioning ASPDs are elusive so they can evade getting caught. Its that people cover for them. Anybody able to sustain a relationship with an ASPD (romantic, friendship, manager-employee, employee-manager) is almost certainly in a co-dependency arrangement. And co-dependents are oddballs - they let the ASPDs dictate to them their views and opinions on everything while completely believing in it. Co-dependents dont out their masters for abuse, fraud, or other crimes. They spend their lives trying to be perfect followers of the ASPD instead.

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oldrover
On 30/06/2018 at 12:11 AM, Relam said:

Damn those are the worst, when i translate word from my native language to english, we call them: Washers 

We call them something very similar. 

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oldrover

Found this thread a bit scary. I read the list on the opening post and thought if I was ever to go on Plenty of fish, and honestly say what I seem to be attracted to that'd be it. It fits my most recentex down to a t. But then I read on and started to think, 'it's me, not them', I think I'm the weirdo.  Seriously. 

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LightAngel
22 hours ago, RabidMongoose said:

You arent providing the fuel which they need to create a bonfire. 

 

 

Exactly!

And this is our own responsibility!

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Relam
19 hours ago, oldrover said:

Found this thread a bit scary. I read the list on the opening post and thought if I was ever to go on Plenty of fish, and honestly say what I seem to be attracted to that'd be it. It fits my most recentex down to a t. But then I read on and started to think, 'it's me, not them', I think I'm the weirdo.  Seriously. 

It's good that you recognize it, now you can change it to better.

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jmccr8

So you don't think being blunt works? When I get some types that I prefer not to interact with  I just look at them and say" why are you talking to me I thought we both knew what I think of you" stops them dead in their tracks.

jmccr8

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LightAngel
11 hours ago, jmccr8 said:

So you don't think being blunt works? When I get some types that I prefer not to interact with  I just look at them and say" why are you talking to me I thought we both knew what I think of you" stops them dead in their tracks.

jmccr8

 

 Each situation is different.

 The goal is to find the best solution :P

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LightAngel
On 7/7/2018 at 12:44 PM, RabidMongoose said:

Its that people cover for them. Anybody able to sustain a relationship with an ASPD (romantic, friendship, manager-employee, employee-manager) is almost certainly in a co-dependency arrangement. And co-dependents are oddballs - they let the ASPDs dictate to them their views and opinions on everything while completely believing in it. Co-dependents dont out their masters for abuse, fraud, or other crimes. They spend their lives trying to be perfect followers of the ASPD instead.

 

People like that gives me the creeps!

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RabidMongoose
8 hours ago, LightAngel said:

People like that gives me the creeps!

I know right?

And if I speak to one where I am criticising their ASPD master for some totally obvious poor behaviour I can see in the co-dependents mind that the cogs dont go around properly lol.

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LightAngel
On 4/7/2018 at 1:17 PM, ouija ouija said:

Thanks for that, Light Angel. :) It was good to be reminded that these 'vampires' are wounded souls. This doesn't mean you have to put up with their shenanigans, you have to take care of your own soul after all, but, if we can manage them in a civil manner that must be a good thing.

 

Yup.

But if we can't manage them, then we need to be strong enough to get them out of our life!

It can be very difficult when you feel empathy.

I wonder if there is an easy way here?!

 

 

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jmccr8
On 7/11/2018 at 2:22 AM, LightAngel said:

 

 Each situation is different.

 The goal is to find the best solution :P

Hi Light Angel'

That is true to some extent, I have lived and walked alone for most of my life although I have known and interacted with many in favorable ways. When I meet people that are controllers or think my name is Mark they get burnt pretty quick as I have no patience for social manipulators, I don't mind helping people out but if they think I am going to carry their a$$ then they have greatly underestimated who they are dealing with.

jmccr8

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RabidMongoose
4 hours ago, LightAngel said:

Yup.

But if we can't manage them, then we need to be strong enough to get them out of our life!

It can be very difficult when you feel empathy.

I wonder if there is an easy way here?!

When you realise someone is one outside of work cut them off.

Inside of work I advise ignoring them if they dont work on your team. If they do, act weak (act like a co-dependent) until you have enough to make a complaint likely to get rid of them.

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Mark One

(From my own personal experiences of disturbed and parasitical people)

Most energy/emotional Vampires will in the long term require more than just their victim.  They will build upon the attention aspect of their parasitic lifestyle and begin to crave this too.  Playing the victim and adopting a `gang stalking` approach can often become the vampires Achilles Heel when these listeners/gang members disagree or offer their own unique view of the victim.  After all, emotional vampires are control freaks - its their way or no way.  So, a short lived argument often takes place - which the vampire can truly never win, and in turn leaves them feeling wounded or deflated. 

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RabidMongoose
33 minutes ago, Mark One said:

(From my own personal experiences of disturbed and parasitical people)

Most energy/emotional Vampires will in the long term require more than just their victim.  They will build upon the attention aspect of their parasitic lifestyle and begin to crave this too.  Playing the victim and adopting a `gang stalking` approach can often become the vampires Achilles Heel when these listeners/gang members disagree or offer their own unique view of the victim.  After all, emotional vampires are control freaks - its their way or no way.  So, a short lived argument often takes place - which the vampire can truly never win, and in turn leaves them feeling wounded or deflated. 

The vampire has emotional dysregulation going on combined with aspects of narcissism.

Their behaviour towards other people is how they make themselves feel better. This behaviour violates the rights and boundaries of others causing them stress, anger, and resentment. In turn, those violations make people hate and hate being around the vampire. It comes full circle back onto the vampire who usually ends up as someone with no friends (or having a limited number of co-dependent followers).

The narcissism of the vampire causes them to distort and delude away their inappropriate behaviour (yes, they know how they are behaving) so that there is no moral conflict in their mind. So it never happened, it was a misunderstanding, they are actually the victim (you talk about playing victim up above), or there is some conspiracy against them. If someone starts to question that or outs them as a narcissist they usually react with character assassination, violence or anger.

With co-dependents they are people who have been broken in the past by their parents. In order to survive the abuse from their parents they totally caved psychologically to them. This training activates whenever around a disordered personality and therefore they let the vampire shape and mould their reality. They do not question or allow themselves to see the obvious conflicts. They fully get onboard with the vampire instead who uses them to `gang stalk` or `group bully` the target. The vampire tells them the target is a bad person, a bully, evil, and they need to be ignored or bullied to teach them a lesson. The co-dependents dont question this even when they know it isn't true and instead execute the will of their master.

With enough people on board then even ordinary people come to see the target as the problem. This is because with so many convincing co-dependents also saying the target is a nasty piece of work (co-dependents never question, stand up too, or go against their master) then ordinary people who know no different get caught up in blaming the target.

Again, if you find yourself working with one of these people its best to play along. Act like a co-dependent. Gather evidence (like recordings of them lying about a target and then instructing people who they think are co-dependents to ignore, harass, and bully them) and then give it to HR. Play along until you have what you need to successfully destroy them. And also, when you do it, dont forget to explain how those people work using the above.

Edited by RabidMongoose
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Mark One

The truly horrid thing about such vampires is how their seemingly endless abuse can lead the victim into meltdown, breakdowns or worse.  And if this occurs, they take great delight in feigning sympathy to make themselves appear like good Samaritans. 

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LightAngel

 

facc2846c58ef06da6d8ff0ff2b93a48.jpg

 

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Robotic Jew

Another word for emotional vampires is....HUMANS

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Sherapy
On 7/16/2018 at 2:50 AM, LightAngel said:

Yup.

But if we can't manage them, then we need to be strong enough to get them out of our life!

It can be very difficult when you feel empathy.

I wonder if there is an easy way here?!

 

 

IMHO, I agree, to end the abuse is always a good thing. Approach is another thing entirely. I think if one can end a bad situation civilly great, but if not then it is what it is. 

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Mark One
10 hours ago, LightAngel said:

 

facc2846c58ef06da6d8ff0ff2b93a48.jpg

 

We have some neighbors down the road who match that description.  And the irony is their surname which is something you would associate with the church.

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Mark One
2 hours ago, Robotic Jew said:

Another word for emotional vampires is....HUMANS

...Without souls.

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Robotic Jew
15 minutes ago, Mark One said:

...Without souls.

Well duh....souls don't exist.

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Mark One
12 minutes ago, Robotic Jew said:

Well duh....souls don't exist.

I rest my case :D

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LightAngel
9 hours ago, Sherapy said:

IMHO, I agree, to end the abuse is always a good thing. Approach is another thing entirely. I think if one can end a bad situation civilly great, but if not then it is what it is. 

 

Yes, we must be willing to do whatever it takes. :)

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LightAngel
13 hours ago, Mark One said:

...Without souls.

 

 

main-qimg-e8e47f7ef4445c8d8e4485093ec051

 

Well, a psychopath's brain is different in function and structure.

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LightAngel
On 14/7/2018 at 7:45 PM, RabidMongoose said:

I know right?

And if I speak to one where I am criticising their ASPD master for some totally obvious poor behaviour I can see in the co-dependents mind that the cogs dont go around properly lol.

 

There is a lot to discuss about codependency.

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