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LightAngel

Emotional Vampires

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RabidMongoose
2 hours ago, LightAngel said:

 

There is a lot to discuss about codependency.

I think its a conditioned response from having been broken down by their parents in childhood.

In order to cease the distress they not only caved to the parent, they totally psychologically caved to them too.

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LightAngel
On 22/7/2018 at 11:47 AM, RabidMongoose said:

I think its a conditioned response from having been broken down by their parents in childhood.

In order to cease the distress they not only caved to the parent, they totally psychologically caved to them too.

 

It's so important for a child to form a healthy emotional bond with their parents because that's how children know that they are loved, and that they are good enough just the way they are.

If children don't bond in a healthy way with their parents, then it can make them feel unworthy and unloved.

Codependent personalities seek outside validation because they lack self-love.

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LightAngel
On 25/7/2018 at 1:05 PM, LightAngel said:

 

It's so important for children to form a healthy emotional bond with their parents because that's how children know that they are loved, and that they are good enough just the way they are.

 

 

Oops, I had to correct this.

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LightAngel

We see a lot of codependent tendencies in Church leaders when they cover up sexual abuse!

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LightAngel
On 30/6/2018 at 5:21 PM, ouija ouija said:

 

 Kick them to the kerb! 

 

Or just..

 

tumblr_nlc1ccZbtp1qiouwio1_400.gif

 

:lol:

 

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LightAngel

 

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Helen of Annoy

Very useful thread! 

I've got one practical question: How to deal with guilt, once you've noticed someone's attempting to drain you and refused to be a victim? 

It may seem like a silly question, but most of us know that 'vampires' are shamelessly good at shifting the blame.

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ouija ouija
2 hours ago, Helen of Annoy said:

Very useful thread! 

I've got one practical question: How to deal with guilt, once you've noticed someone's attempting to drain you and refused to be a victim? 

It may seem like a silly question, but most of us know that 'vampires' are shamelessly good at shifting the blame.

Not sure how helpful this is, but if you just keep reminding yourself how right it feels to have cut them out of your life, eventually you won't question it any more. It literally took me years to pluck up the courage to end things with my friend because at times she had been very good to me and I thought it would seem ungrateful. But it's weighing the positive side of them against the negative, isn't it? And if the negative side is beginning to overwhelm you take notice of that ...... strong feelings are there for a reason! If a relationship often makes you feel really bad, then the right thing to do is end it.

Just because a 'vampire' has at times been kind and helpful to you doesn't give them the right to drain you when they choose to. In fact, it should make you wonder why they have been helpful! Or if the 'vampire' is in a low state themselves and obviously needs help, you don't have to be the one who helps them! Again, if it feels all wrong to you, walk away and don't look back. Trust your feelings, keep focused on the health of your own soul. :)

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LightAngel
On 11/11/2018 at 12:52 PM, Helen of Annoy said:

Very useful thread! 

I've got one practical question: How to deal with guilt, once you've noticed someone's attempting to drain you and refused to be a victim? 

It may seem like a silly question, but most of us know that 'vampires' are shamelessly good at shifting the blame.

 

If you feel guilty for no reason, then it can be because of some childhood events?!

If that is the case, then you must start there.

If you want to fix a problem, then the first thing you should do, is start dealing with the real cause of the problem.

Otherwise you might get trapped in a negative circle where you keep making the same mistakes repeatedly.

 

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Helen of Annoy

@ouija ouija @LightAngel Thank you both! 

It's actually because of my upbringing: I was raised to accept responsibility for everything that happens to me. While responsibility is generally certainly a good thing, it's, of course, no good if taken to extreme. 

I don't think anymore that every single thing that happens to me is exclusively my fault, but there's still this reflex, to blame myself only.

Combine that tendency to blame yourself with typical vampire blaming you and there it is - guilt. 

When I think of some situations and replace myself with someone else, I don't think that person was wrong to refuse being drained. So it kind of works for me, to try seeing my situation more objectively by imagining it happened to someone else instead of me. Here comes the funny part: but when I put myself back into my place, the guilt is back :lol: Like: yes, yes, others should have done exactly that, but not you, you had to make it didn't happen at all. You should have foreseen it and avoid it. Completely. Now your shortsightedness made the vampire sad. And so I negotiate with my own self for a while. 

I wasn't sure if I'll hit 'submit' or 'delete', but writing this down had positive effect on me, so let it be submitted. Without any guilt :D 

Edited by Helen of Annoy
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joc
2 hours ago, Helen of Annoy said:

@ouija ouija @LightAngel Thank you both! 

It's actually because of my upbringing: I was raised to accept responsibility for everything that happens to me. While responsibility is generally certainly a good thing, it's, of course, no good if taken to extreme. 

I don't think anymore that every single thing that happens to me is exclusively my fault, but there's still this reflex, to blame myself only.

Combine that tendency to blame yourself with typical vampire blaming you and there it is - guilt. 

When I think of some situations and replace myself with someone else, I don't think that person was wrong to refuse being drained. So it kind of works for me, to try seeing my situation more objectively by imagining it happened to someone else instead of me. Here comes the funny part: but when I put myself back into my place, the guilt is back :lol: Like: yes, yes, others should have done exactly that, but not you, you had to make it didn't happen at all. You should have foreseen it and avoid it. Completely. Now your shortsightedness made the vampire sad. And so I negotiate with my own self for a while. 

I wasn't sure if I'll hit 'submit' or 'delete', but writing this down had positive effect on me, so let it be submitted. Without any guilt :D 

We have a saying for that in the US:

would've, could've, should've didn''t....

or the abbreviation thereof:  would'a, could'a, should'a...din't...

Also:

No point in crying over spilled milk.

Also:  My own personal saying I just made up this instant:

I think you are freaking awesome just the way you are!B)

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LightAngel
14 hours ago, Helen of Annoy said:

 

It's actually because of my upbringing: I was raised to accept responsibility for everything that happens to me. While responsibility is generally certainly a good thing, it's, of course, no good if taken to extreme. 

 

 

You must find out why you take it to the extreme?! 

Why do you have a need to be "perfect" all the time?!

I love the empathy you have for all creatures, but why don't you have the same empathy for yourself?!

That's the question you should ask yourself!

And you will probably find the answers if you look at your past.

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Helen of Annoy
18 hours ago, joc said:

We have a saying for that in the US:

would've, could've, should've didn''t....

or the abbreviation thereof:  would'a, could'a, should'a...din't...

Also:

No point in crying over spilled milk.

Also:  My own personal saying I just made up this instant:

I think you are freaking awesome just the way you are!B)

:D We are awesome. All of us, who want to make each other feel better. And it's working :yes:

 

 

6 hours ago, LightAngel said:

 

You must find out why you take it to the extreme?! 

Why do you have a need to be "perfect" all the time?!

I love the empathy you have for all creatures, but why don't you have the same empathy for yourself?!

That's the question you should ask yourself!

And you will probably find the answers if you look at your past.

Thank you :) 

I have it explained, sorted out in my head, it's just that it takes time to 'rewire' your brain. 

'Vampires' could do the same, some introspection can do wonders, even without professional guidance, but I guess a part of their specific problem is that they don't want to deal with themselves, don't want to see themselves from a bit more objective angle.   

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OverSword

I had a singer in my band that is an emotional vampire.  There is always some kind of crises in his life and it was always out of his control, someone else's fault, never because of his own choices actions or thoughts.  Everyone is always against him.  It was amazing watching all of the people that would get sucked into his whirlpool of self pity and do everything they could to help him, which of course never helped.  He is now a woman and of course this is just another extreme way for him to be alienated beyond his control.  After all he can't help it if he identifies as a female gender, right? When he stopped by my house a few years ago (after not seeing him for years) with his brother to tell me about his/her new lifestyle I decided to give every bit of my positive support to this exciting new lifestyle decision since I knew what he/she really wanted was for me to deny his/her new lifestyle so he/she could cry to someone that his long time brother and band mate (which really is a very intimate connection) has rejected him /her for reason's beyond his/her control.  I run into him/her every once in a while and give him/her a hug and ensure that everything is well.  It rarely is of course but I would be surprised it it was.

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RabidMongoose
3 hours ago, OverSword said:

I had a singer in my band that is an emotional vampire.  There is always some kind of crises in his life and it was always out of his control, someone else's fault, never because of his own choices actions or thoughts.  Everyone is always against him.  It was amazing watching all of the people that would get sucked into his whirlpool of self pity and do everything they could to help him, which of course never helped.  He is now a woman and of course this is just another extreme way for him to be alienated beyond his control.  After all he can't help it if he identifies as a female gender, right? When he stopped by my house a few years ago (after not seeing him for years) with his brother to tell me about his/her new lifestyle I decided to give every bit of my positive support to this exciting new lifestyle decision since I knew what he/she really wanted was for me to deny his/her new lifestyle so he/she could cry to someone that his long time brother and band mate (which really is a very intimate connection) has rejected him /her for reason's beyond his/her control.  I run into him/her every once in a while and give him/her a hug and ensure that everything is well.  It rarely is of course but I would be surprised it it was.

Over the last 60 years people with certain psychological problems such as identity disorders have been normalised. It is problems with a persons identity which cause narcissism, sociopathy, transgenderism, and homosexuality. With identity disorders they are caused by a specific kind of parental abuse where a child`s self-image is attacked and destroyed.

With people who are drama queens, who need constant high octane excitement, who frequently cause controversy, and who constantly seek out or cause frequent interpersonal conflicts, then the problem is likely sociopathy. Without going to deeply into it, sociopaths have a problem with boredom which they experience differently from psychologically healthy people. All of these behaviours are their learned strategies to alleviate that boredom.

Sociopaths are normally homosexual or transgender (although someone can be homosexual or transgender without being a sociopath) and they have narcissism in their disorder. Basically the difference between narcissism and sociopathy is the sociopath endured even more abuse at the hands of their parents. It is the narcissism in their sociopathy which prevents them learning from their mistakes or seeing that they have a problem.

Basically narcissists have to be perfect including being morally perfect. So everything they do wrong is the fault of another person, or it didnt occur, or there is a misunderstanding, or its a plot against them. Its why they feel no remorse or guilt because they cant even entertain the idea that they might be the problem. In psychology there are various definitions of what sociopaths and psychopaths are and what I am calling a sociopath is in some countries classed as psychopathy.

Best bit of advice I can give is to cut them off even if they arent targeting you. You will get your hands burned at some point and these people take great pleasure in ruining peoples lives for the drama and excitement value. After all, their need to alleviate that boredom comes before all else!

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joc
19 hours ago, Helen of Annoy said:

'Vampires' could do the same, some introspection can do wonders, even without professional guidance, but I guess a part of their specific problem is that they don't want to deal with themselves, don't want to see themselves from a bit more objective angle. 

And so...the old adage, You cannot help those who do not want to help themselves. 

It isn't the things that happens to us in life that is so important...it is how we think about the things in life that are important. 

So, it is really important to figure out our own issues...what triggers our emotions...because with that knowledge comes power over the demons within us...and also power over the EVs in our lives.

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LightAngel
On 27/11/2018 at 6:34 PM, OverSword said:

There is always some kind of crises in his life and it was always out of his control, someone else's fault, never because of his own choices actions or thoughts.  Everyone is always against him.  It was amazing watching all of the people that would get sucked into his whirlpool of self pity and do everything they could to help him, which of course never helped.  

 

It can be difficult to say no to somebody you really care about.

But if you really want a person to get better then sometimes tough love is needed.

They might get angry at you, but at least you care more about their well-being than your own selfish need to be loved.

All we can do is inspire each other!

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OverSword
55 minutes ago, LightAngel said:

 

It can be difficult to say no to somebody you really care about.

But if you really want a person to get better then sometimes tough love is needed.

They might get angry at you, but at least you care more about their well-being than your own selfish need to be loved.

All we can do is inspire each other!

Easy to say but in this case the best option is to accept him/her regardless of anything. Believe me, I’ve known this person for decades. He/she is an extremely talented, artistic individual that truly has come from a background that most people cannot comprehend outside of fiction. The fiction that he has created about his life to explain who he is, is many layered, complicated, and sad for a person like most of us to even contemplate, sort out and attempt to extrapolate some kind of reality that may have inspired most of it and figure out the truth.  The best you can do for someone like this is to accept and respect them for what they claim, while letting them know you don’t believe them but accept them regardless. We are way past the point of me saying this that and the other thing you claim are a lie please just be honest. He/she already knows my stance on these things which is why they  still count on me as one of their consistent point of reality that can be turned to. The whole relationship is so complicated that I really can’t express it on a phone. If you’ve never been in a serious (really serious) band then there are very few relationships anyone has outside of marriage that can be equivocated to make people understand the intimate relationship I have with this sadly damaged person. I am outside this persons ability to be a vampire to me however and have been for years and years and he/she will never be normal so I just let him/her know that I love them regardless.

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LightAngel
On 27/11/2018 at 6:34 PM, OverSword said:

There is always some kind of crises in his life and it was always out of his control, someone else's fault, never because of his own choices actions or thoughts.  Everyone is always against him.  It was amazing watching all of the people that would get sucked into his whirlpool of self pity and do everything they could to help him, which of course never helped. 

 

I quoted this part of your post because I was "generally speaking".

I'm sure you handle this as healthy as you can!

 

 

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BuddingPsychic1111
On ‎11‎/‎27‎/‎2018 at 3:58 PM, RabidMongoose said:

Sociopaths are normally homosexual or transgender (although someone can be homosexual or transgender without being a sociopath)

Huh?  Most sociopaths are straight, though an equal portion of them are probably gay.  And as with the general population, a tiny minority may be transgender.  I see no evidence for this.  Just like the general population.  Gay or "transgender" people are no more likely to be sociopaths than anyone else. 

Quote

Over the last 60 years people with certain psychological problems such as identity disorders have been normalised. It is problems with a persons identity which cause narcissism, sociopathy, transgenderism, and homosexuality. With identity disorders they are caused by a specific kind of parental abuse where a child`s self-image is attacked and destroyed.

This is largely true, though I believe that some people truly are gay, not that I hold it against them at all.  There are actually animals that tend to have a high frequency of same sex sexual partners when compared to other animals, and this has been confirmed by studies.  Though, some narcissists and psychopaths/sociopaths were not abused, but a very large portion were. 

As for transgender people, it's true that many are victims of abuse.  A minority are transgender by neurology, but it's rare in my opinion.  My thinking is that much more commonly, I believe that people who are transgender are simply males with more feminine mannerisms than usual or women with more masculine mannerisms than usual.  And as a result, when they begin to see their true selves, it feels foreign to them....... and they falsely perceive that they are 'really' transgender when really they are just experiencing their true personality for the first time, as they have had it suppressed all their life.

And, of course...... "operating" on such people is a bad idea.  Because they WILL come to regret it.  And it's messed up.  Because the sinister and evil humans and the devil wish to feed off the pain of people in this situation.  Of having made a life altering and regrettable decision that they cannot go back on.  At least, that's my opinion.  I wouldn't argue with anyone's decision on that though, as it's a personal matter. 

Just stating my opinion here, and everyone is free to do whatever the **** they choose IMO.  If everyone were allowed to do whatever the **** they want, the world would be a better place IMO. 

On ‎11‎/‎27‎/‎2018 at 3:58 PM, RabidMongoose said:

and they have narcissism in their disorder. Basically the difference between narcissism and sociopathy is the sociopath endured even more abuse at the hands of their parents. It is the narcissism in their sociopathy which prevents them learning from their mistakes or seeing that they have a problem.

Basically narcissists have to be perfect including being morally perfect. So everything they do wrong is the fault of another person, or it didnt occur, or there is a misunderstanding, or its a plot against them. Its why they feel no remorse or guilt because they cant even entertain the idea that they might be the problem

This is very true, and it's consistent with what most psychologists believe about sociopathy.  I have taken college psychology courses, and this is exactly what my instructors have taught me.  And I don't doubt it.  It's consistent with what I've observed in the world around me.  So, I believe them on this.

 

On ‎11‎/‎27‎/‎2018 at 3:58 PM, RabidMongoose said:

Best bit of advice I can give is to cut them off even if they arent targeting you. You will get your hands burned at some point and these people take great pleasure in ruining peoples lives for the drama and excitement value. After all, their need to alleviate that boredom comes before all else!

Agreed.  These types of people are truly ****ed up, and they will see no harm in tearing others down for sport.  So, staying the **** away is best advised.

Edited by BuddingPsychic1111
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RabidMongoose
8 hours ago, BuddingPsychic1111 said:

Huh?  Most sociopaths are straight, though an equal portion of them are probably gay.  And as with the general population, a tiny minority may be transgender.  I see no evidence for this.  Just like the general population.  Gay or "transgender" people are no more likely to be sociopaths than anyone else. 

This is largely true, though I believe that some people truly are gay, not that I hold it against them at all.  There are actually animals that tend to have a high frequency of same sex sexual partners when compared to other animals, and this has been confirmed by studies.  Though, some narcissists and psychopaths/sociopaths were not abused, but a very large portion were. 

As for transgender people, it's true that many are victims of abuse.  A minority are transgender by neurology, but it's rare in my opinion.  My thinking is that much more commonly, I believe that people who are transgender are simply males with more feminine mannerisms than usual or women with more masculine mannerisms than usual.  And as a result, when they begin to see their true selves, it feels foreign to them....... and they falsely perceive that they are 'really' transgender when really they are just experiencing their true personality for the first time, as they have had it suppressed all their life.

And, of course...... "operating" on such people is a bad idea.  Because they WILL come to regret it.  And it's messed up.  Because the sinister and evil humans and the devil wish to feed off the pain of people in this situation.  Of having made a life altering and regrettable decision that they cannot go back on.  At least, that's my opinion.  I wouldn't argue with anyone's decision on that though, as it's a personal matter. 

Just stating my opinion here, and everyone is free to do whatever the **** they choose IMO.  If everyone were allowed to do whatever the **** they want, the world would be a better place IMO. 

This is very true, and it's consistent with what most psychologists believe about sociopathy.  I have taken college psychology courses, and this is exactly what my instructors have taught me.  And I don't doubt it.  It's consistent with what I've observed in the world around me.  So, I believe them on this.

Agreed.  These types of people are truly ****ed up, and they will see no harm in tearing others down for sport.  So, staying the **** away is best advised.

Why are you trying to say this or that is true or false when you dont have any psychology knowledge?

Actually all narcissists and sociopaths have been abused by their parents with the abuse being what created their disorders. The abuse needed to create both personality disorders includes attacks on the child`s identity. Homosexuality and transgenderism are identity disorders too, specifically gender identity disorders. With lesbianism, the girl grows up in a household where she is rejected, patronised, and belittled, for being female. She wants to feel special about herself so rejects the `defective female identity` and adopts the `superior male one` creating a lesbian. With male homosexuals something similar happens with their masculinity being attacked and this is especially common in single parent families where the boy reminds its mother of the boyfriend/husband who abandoned her .

The sociopaths identity disorder normally extends as far as to include a gender identity disorder too. When a parent tries to destroy them as a child (turning them into a sociopath) it usually included attacks on their gender identity too. Hence, most sociopaths are homosexual or transgenderism. Can gender identity go wrong with someone that isn't abused? Yes, there are cases. This is why while most sociopaths are homosexual, not all homosexuals are sociopaths.

You have not taken psychology courses and I`m surprised you are trying to claim that. Anybody here that has an understanding of psychology will see straight through you.

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Helen of Annoy

Oh, the irony... almost overwhelming. 

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joc
14 hours ago, BuddingPsychic1111 said:

Most sociopaths are straight, though an equal portion of them are probably gay.

Let me rewrite this for you....

Most circles are round, though an equal portion of them are probably square.

Most elephants are grey, though an equal portion of them are probably pink.

Most idiots are idiotic, though an equal portion of them are probably geniuses.

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Helen of Annoy
12 minutes ago, joc said:

Let me rewrite this for you....

Most circles are round, though an equal portion of them are probably square.

Most elephants are grey, though an equal portion of them are probably pink.

Most idiots are idiotic, though an equal portion of them are probably geniuses.

Don't be mean. That's BuddingPsychic, not CompletelyFunctionalPsychic yet. Kidding. 

Obviously, it was supposed to be 'a certain portion'. 

 

Anyway, I don't think gayness and sociopathy are in any correlation. Both straight and gay people both can and don't have to have any given mental disorder or illness. There's absolutely no statistic indication that certain mental condition is more frequent among gays.   

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joc
1 hour ago, Helen of Annoy said:

Don't be mean. That's BuddingPsychic, not CompletelyFunctionalPsychic yet. Kidding. 

Obviously, it was supposed to be 'a certain portion'. 

 

Anyway, I don't think gayness and sociopathy are in any correlation. Both straight and gay people both can and don't have to have any given mental disorder or illness. There's absolutely no statistic indication that certain mental condition is more frequent among gays.   

But...I like being mean! B)

I cannot read automatically into what someone says what they actually inferred. Well sometimes I can... None the less gave me an in to be witty:P

Seriously though, there's absolutely no correlation between a persons gayness or straightness and Sociopathic Behavior.

That is something totally unto its own.

 

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