Matt221 Posted July 15, 2018 #1 Share Posted July 15, 2018 I was in a restaurant the other day and I asked the waiter “What are the specials?” He said, “An influential 2 Tone ska band from Coventry.” 1 1 4 Top Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StarMountainKid Posted July 15, 2018 #2 Share Posted July 15, 2018 From a W.C. Fields movie. "is this hash on the menu?" Waitress looks and wipes the menu with her apron, "No, it's roast beef gravy." 1 2 Top Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dejarma Posted July 15, 2018 #3 Share Posted July 15, 2018 my all time favourite joke: Patient>: doctor it hurts when i do this... Doctor>: well don't do it then!... 2 1 Top Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted August 3, 2018 #4 Share Posted August 3, 2018 Two vampire bats hanging from a tree. Bat1:"Core blimey, look at all of that blood around your mouth mate." Bat2:"Yeh-a-know, wicked isnt it." Bat1:"Tell me where you got all of that claret." Bat2:"Well, you see that tree over there..." Bat1:"Yes..." Bat2:"Well I didnt..." 2 Top Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StarMountainKid Posted August 8, 2018 #5 Share Posted August 8, 2018 Messenger: "Caesar, the barbarians are about to attack!" Caesar: "How many of them are there?" Messenger: Um, MCLVI, no, um MVCVII, no, MCMVXVII, no, err MMCMVXIII, no it's MCXCVII, no..." etc. 1 Top Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted September 4, 2018 #6 Share Posted September 4, 2018 Paddy and Mick replace a faulty lightbulb. Paddy turns off the electricity at the mains. Mick swaps the lightbulb and flicks the switch. The new lightbulb is tossed into the bin, mains is switched back on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MWoo7 Posted November 14, 2018 #7 Share Posted November 14, 2018 (edited) eeeeh yeah I'm copping out with these... I've just nothing BOO!, the chance probabilities of my pulling a serendipitous funny bunny out of a hat right now is pretty much nil NULL! Edited November 14, 2018 by MWoo7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Likely Guy Posted November 20, 2018 #8 Share Posted November 20, 2018 (Scene is the Oval Office during a morning security briefing.) Security Official: "...and in other news Mr. President, two Brazilian soldiers were killed during a riot last night." The President: "OH MY GOD! That's very very horrible! Call in the Joint Chiefs of Staff ASAP!" Security Official: "With all due respect sir, I think you're over reacting a little." The President: *pauses* "Tell me again... how many is a Brazilian?" 1 3 Top Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MWoo7 Posted November 21, 2018 #9 Share Posted November 21, 2018 (edited) Ran across this just sharing .... POTUS (ginger guy ... ? oh the trumpet) making comment on California Fires and why Finnish people take care of their forests by Raking it. THATS RIGHT, by raking the leaves, now read the following, warning you had better not have heart trouble or be on heart medication, warning FUNNY AS HELL ! UPDATE:: Comments will kill you... #25 raking quota for her day WHEW ! and then the comment, now scroll back up, I'm now heading to emergency I think I broke a laughing muscle. https://www.boredpanda.com/finns-troll-trump-raking-leaves-wildfire-prevention/ I quit at #30 think I broke a blood vessel laterzzzzzzzzzz Edited November 21, 2018 by MWoo7 1 Top Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robotic Jew Posted December 21, 2018 #10 Share Posted December 21, 2018 My life Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MWoo7 Posted December 22, 2018 #11 Share Posted December 22, 2018 (edited) A KIDS/KIDDOS! JOKE: The [edit] special kids club church kid was in to get his/her flu shot and the young kid , make that THE! practicing practition he-man nurse mentioned that he/she~she/he was new and that this was their first day and he/she~she/he hoped the nervousness didn't show too bad! *OH! there's no spoiler scripty toy insert in here , and there never will be tards I mean BOO!* Well --- now you can HIGHLIGHT ! with your mouse the punch line ! down below . . . SO! the Preachy Special Kids Club kid told the other kid GIVE IT YOUR BEST SHOT KIDDO! Edited December 22, 2018 by MWoo7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MWoo7 Posted February 9, 2019 #12 Share Posted February 9, 2019 Thought it unique A big kitty .... .,.,., . . . . . well it wasn't the dog. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MWoo7 Posted March 12, 2019 #13 Share Posted March 12, 2019 (edited) KremC16:59.Tuesday.12.mar2019.CIA/NSA comm. intel: A man stops in at Lubyanka (KGB Fortress) ..... start of a dumb Russian joke of Putins. Noted: Smelly city of Lube!yanka full of wwaaankers and yankers obviously. Edited March 12, 2019 by MWoo7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MainerMikeBrown Posted April 1, 2019 #14 Share Posted April 1, 2019 I was at an auto racing event that was near a country road. I asked a friend of mine, "Where does this road eventually go?" His response, "It doesn't go anywhere. It stays right there." I walked right into that one! 1 Top Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myles Posted April 18, 2019 #15 Share Posted April 18, 2019 Q: Is Google male or female? A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion. 1 2 Top Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrooklynGuy Posted October 15, 2019 #16 Share Posted October 15, 2019 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrooklynGuy Posted October 20, 2019 #17 Share Posted October 20, 2019 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrooklynGuy Posted October 20, 2019 #18 Share Posted October 20, 2019 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrooklynGuy Posted October 20, 2019 #19 Share Posted October 20, 2019 Q: What do you get when you offer a Liberal a penny for their thoughts? A: Change. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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