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Stiff

Prepare to groan

70 posts in this topic

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Stiff

I had a delivery of bubble wrap the other day. I said to the driver, "Just pop it in the garage".

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Stiff

A man is walking through the forest and finds a suitcase with a fox and four cubs in it.
He rings the RSPCA to tell them.
"Oh dear, that's terrible" says the woman on the other end of the line. "Are they moving?"
"I don't know" replies the man "But if they are it would explain the suitcase".

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Stiff

At the barbers today, I asked to have my hair cut like Tom Cruise.

So he gave me a cushion to sit on.

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Stiff

Jokes about White Sugar are rare. Jokes about Brown Sugar, Demerara.

  • Haha 1

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Matt221

"Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy?"I  hear you asl

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Matt221

"Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm."

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Stiff

Just watched a documentary about how ships are put together.

It was riveting.

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Stiff

David Hasselhoff refers to himself as “the Hoff”

Must be less hassel.

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Stiff

Use of the word 'Beefstew' as a password is not a good idea.

It's not Stroganoff.

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Stiff

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.

She looked surprised.

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Stiff

I have just accidentally knocked a lady over in Domino's Pizza.

Well, I say one...

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Stiff

My Optician just informed me that I'm colour blind.


Well, that certainly came out of the orange.

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Stiff

"Mummy, where do babies come from?"
"Well, daddies make sperm and put it inside mummies."

"Do mummies eat it?"

"Only if they want new shoes"

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Stiff

Just bought a dictionary today and just got it home to find out the pages are all blank...

....I have no words to describe how angry I am.

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Stiff

Sad news about the New Musical Express stopping print production.
I used to keep mine in a pile near my bed, with American sitcom DVDs. 
Kept my Friends close - but my NMEs closer.

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Stiff

Premature ejaculator seeks blonde with massive ti....

Never mind.

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Stiff

Got pulled up by the police last night and ordered to get out of my car.
"You're staggering." Said the officer.
"You're not bad looking yourself." I replied.

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Stiff

My mate has just told me that his parents have gone on a 'Sex tourism' holiday to India.

"Mumbai?" I asked.

"Yes" he replied, "And I think my Dad is too..."

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Stiff

Just had a call from my doctor said he has a cure for my dyslexia..

That's music to my ****.

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Stiff

I've just started to read a horror novel in Braille, something bad is about to happen....
I can feel it.

  • Like 1

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