Matt221 Posted July 18, 2018 #26 Share Posted July 18, 2018 My wife said that if I don't get off my computer she'll slam my head on the keyboard, but I think she's jokinfjreoiwjrtwe4to8rkljreun8f4ny84 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stiff Posted July 18, 2018 Author #27 Share Posted July 18, 2018 1 hour ago, Matt221 said: About a month before he died, my uncle had his back covered in lard. After that, he went down hill fast Post #7 - Keep up at the back 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stiff Posted July 18, 2018 Author #28 Share Posted July 18, 2018 My wife woke up with a massive smile on her face this morning. I love felt tip pens. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stiff Posted July 18, 2018 Author #29 Share Posted July 18, 2018 If you get sent a link for constipation.com, don't go there. I couldn't log out for hours. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stiff Posted July 18, 2018 Author #30 Share Posted July 18, 2018 Little Red riding hood has been found by a member of the public, unconscious and in a critical condition. Paramedics have stabilised her condition and the Air Ambulance is in attendance. However, I must stress, she is not out of the woods yet. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stiff Posted July 18, 2018 Author #31 Share Posted July 18, 2018 I was attacked by a group of mime artists. They did unspeakable things to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stiff Posted July 18, 2018 Author #32 Share Posted July 18, 2018 Everyone is so interested in my dog as he can do magic tricks. He's not a cross breed. He's a Labracadabrador. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Caspian Hare Posted July 18, 2018 #33 Share Posted July 18, 2018 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt221 Posted July 19, 2018 #34 Share Posted July 19, 2018 asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn't complain 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt221 Posted July 19, 2018 #35 Share Posted July 19, 2018 (edited) My girlfriend was complaining last night that I never listen to her. Or something like that... Edited July 19, 2018 by Matt221 c*** up 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt221 Posted July 19, 2018 #36 Share Posted July 19, 2018 I hate people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious And finally I would like to thank all those people who explained the word"Many".....it means alot 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Meeseeks Posted July 19, 2018 #37 Share Posted July 19, 2018 One of many struggles women deal with 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stiff Posted July 19, 2018 Author #38 Share Posted July 19, 2018 My wife told me, "Sex is better on holiday!" Not the best postcard I've ever received. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt221 Posted July 19, 2018 #39 Share Posted July 19, 2018 A woman says to the dentist "I don't know which is worse having a tooth pulled or having a Baby." The dentist says "Well make up your mind I gotta adjust the chair!" 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt221 Posted July 19, 2018 #40 Share Posted July 19, 2018 I saw a sign that said "Watch for children" and I thought, "That sounds like a fair trade" 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt221 Posted July 19, 2018 #41 Share Posted July 19, 2018 I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet. I asked my 27 brothers and sisters and they didn't know either 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Meeseeks Posted July 19, 2018 #42 Share Posted July 19, 2018 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stiff Posted July 20, 2018 Author #43 Share Posted July 20, 2018 I've just bought some shoes off a drug dealer. I don't know what he's laced them with but I've been tripping all day. 15 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt221 Posted July 20, 2018 #44 Share Posted July 20, 2018 A good rule of thumb is to never hire a magician with a wife with no legs 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt221 Posted July 20, 2018 #45 Share Posted July 20, 2018 I got myself into this, and I'll get myself even deeper into this 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Meeseeks Posted July 21, 2018 #46 Share Posted July 21, 2018 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt221 Posted July 22, 2018 #47 Share Posted July 22, 2018 I went into one of places that sell breakfast at anytime so I asked for French toast during the french Renaissance 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt221 Posted July 22, 2018 #48 Share Posted July 22, 2018 Q.What do you call Postman Pat on holiday A.Pat 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stiff Posted July 22, 2018 Author #49 Share Posted July 22, 2018 I bought a dog from a blacksmith the other day. Soon as I got it home, it made a bolt for the door. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stiff Posted July 22, 2018 Author #50 Share Posted July 22, 2018 Had an argument with the wife the other night. I was adamant I could build a car out of spaghetti. She said it was impossible. You should've seen her face when I drove pasta. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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