Stiff Posted July 22, 2018 Author #51 Share Posted July 22, 2018 I had a delivery of bubble wrap the other day. I said to the driver, "Just pop it in the garage". 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stiff Posted July 22, 2018 Author #52 Share Posted July 22, 2018 A man is walking through the forest and finds a suitcase with a fox and four cubs in it. He rings the RSPCA to tell them. "Oh dear, that's terrible" says the woman on the other end of the line. "Are they moving?" "I don't know" replies the man "But if they are it would explain the suitcase". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stiff Posted July 22, 2018 Author #53 Share Posted July 22, 2018 At the barbers today, I asked to have my hair cut like Tom Cruise. So he gave me a cushion to sit on. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stiff Posted July 22, 2018 Author #54 Share Posted July 22, 2018 Jokes about White Sugar are rare. Jokes about Brown Sugar, Demerara. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt221 Posted July 23, 2018 #55 Share Posted July 23, 2018 "Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy?"I hear you asl Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt221 Posted July 23, 2018 #56 Share Posted July 23, 2018 "Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stiff Posted August 3, 2018 Author #57 Share Posted August 3, 2018 Just watched a documentary about how ships are put together. It was riveting. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stiff Posted August 3, 2018 Author #58 Share Posted August 3, 2018 David Hasselhoff refers to himself as “the Hoff” Must be less hassel. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stiff Posted August 3, 2018 Author #59 Share Posted August 3, 2018 Use of the word 'Beefstew' as a password is not a good idea. It's not Stroganoff. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stiff Posted August 3, 2018 Author #60 Share Posted August 3, 2018 I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stiff Posted August 3, 2018 Author #61 Share Posted August 3, 2018 I have just accidentally knocked a lady over in Domino's Pizza. Well, I say one... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stiff Posted August 3, 2018 Author #62 Share Posted August 3, 2018 My Optician just informed me that I'm colour blind. Well, that certainly came out of the orange. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stiff Posted August 3, 2018 Author #63 Share Posted August 3, 2018 "Mummy, where do babies come from?" "Well, daddies make sperm and put it inside mummies." "Do mummies eat it?" "Only if they want new shoes" 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stiff Posted August 3, 2018 Author #64 Share Posted August 3, 2018 Just bought a dictionary today and just got it home to find out the pages are all blank... ....I have no words to describe how angry I am. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stiff Posted August 3, 2018 Author #65 Share Posted August 3, 2018 Sad news about the New Musical Express stopping print production. I used to keep mine in a pile near my bed, with American sitcom DVDs. Kept my Friends close - but my NMEs closer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stiff Posted August 3, 2018 Author #66 Share Posted August 3, 2018 Premature ejaculator seeks blonde with massive ti.... Never mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stiff Posted August 3, 2018 Author #67 Share Posted August 3, 2018 Got pulled up by the police last night and ordered to get out of my car. "You're staggering." Said the officer. "You're not bad looking yourself." I replied. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stiff Posted August 3, 2018 Author #68 Share Posted August 3, 2018 My mate has just told me that his parents have gone on a 'Sex tourism' holiday to India. "Mumbai?" I asked. "Yes" he replied, "And I think my Dad is too..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stiff Posted August 3, 2018 Author #69 Share Posted August 3, 2018 Just had a call from my doctor said he has a cure for my dyslexia.. That's music to my ****. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stiff Posted August 3, 2018 Author #70 Share Posted August 3, 2018 I've just started to read a horror novel in Braille, something bad is about to happen.... I can feel it. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stiff Posted September 23, 2018 Author #71 Share Posted September 23, 2018 Someone asked me why I wanted 5 litres of Tippex Big mistake.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stiff Posted September 23, 2018 Author #72 Share Posted September 23, 2018 People are often shocked when they find out I'm not good with electrics. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MWoo7 Posted October 15, 2018 #73 Share Posted October 15, 2018 ***** == ***** == ***** == ***** == ***** == ***** == ***** == ***** == Knock knock. Who's there? Interrupting cow. Interrupting cow mwoo! ***** == ***** == ***** == ***** == ***** == ***** == ***** == ***** == ***** == 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MWoo7 Posted October 19, 2018 #74 Share Posted October 19, 2018 wh-MOO! sorry for late edit, suppose to be above, oh well, Boo! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
'Walt' E. Kurtz Posted October 19, 2018 #75 Share Posted October 19, 2018 (edited) https://goo.gl/images/vxupkt Edited October 19, 2018 by Avalanche Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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