Marriages are crumbling

[aztek]

“According to a study by Student Loan Hero, a website for managing education debt, more than a third of borrowers said college loans and other money factors contributed to their divorce,” Jen Rogers explained on the Final Round. “In fact, 13% of divorcees blamed student loans, specifically, for ending their relationship.”

“I’m surprised it’s not higher,” Jared Blikre responded. “Because when I looked into this report, it’s amazing. It says the average outstanding balance is currently $34,000. That’s up 62% over the last decade. In addition, the percentage of borrowers who owe $50,000 or more has tripled over the same period. The cost of college is just out of control.”

https://www.yahoo.com/finance/news/millennial-marriages-crumbling-student-loan-debt-134145853.html

it should be "until debt due us part", not death. lol

[zep73]

Marriage is the most stupid thing ever invented, after Facebook.

[NightScreams]

I got everything paid off, including my house. I'm now debt free. Now I can play the sugar daddy role.

[Auntyseptic]

If I let something as ridiculous as debt end my relationship, then i'd have a good hard look at who I am as a person.

Edited July 31, 2018 by Cat_From_Hell

[Grandpa Greenman]

Money is something you should work out before you get married, if you can.  It can be a deal breaker along with infidelity.   

[Taun]

When asked to further explain their findings they replied...

 

[+Not A Rockstar]

I think this is common to any divorces, not just student loan debt. Money is the leading cause of stress in relationships. Stress leads to divorce.

[LostSouls7]

The marriage is crumblling. but the ouija on the table is rumbling ..

after I drink these potions i will be stumbling

[docyabut2]

Quote

Marriages are crumbling ever since the 60`s and the sexual revolution

 

[acidhead]

Wow!!!

What an amazing discovery!!

Divorces increase when the household is indebt!

Ground breaking news!

 

 

[Imaginarynumber1]

4 hours ago, docyabut2 said:

 

Is your argument that sexual repression is a good thing? Or are you simply s l u t shaming any woman who enjoys sex?

Edited August 1, 2018 by Imaginarynumber1

[Farmer77]

3 hours ago, docyabut2 said:

 

You know what else happened in the 60's? The push for equal rights. It started to become unacceptable for a man to simply beat his wife into being too fearful to ask for divorce or complain enough that the man does. 

[Skulduggery]

Real love works by hook or by crook. Money? Pffff. Have you ever watched Natural Born Killers?

[lost_shaman]

12 hours ago, sci-nerd said:

Marriage is the most stupid thing ever invented, after Facebook.

Unless you're a child that wants to grow up with a Mommy and Daddy in the same Home who get along for your sake in Life!

[Imaginarynumber1]

1 hour ago, lost_shaman said:

Unless you're a child that wants to grow up with a Mommy and Daddy in the same Home who get along for your sake in Life!

Since when did two people have to be married to raise a child? 

[Gromdor]

  Done right it has financial benefits.  Lower insurance rates for men, lessened tax load, shared health insurance, etc.  It makes sense to me that finances are a big reason for divorce as the financial benefits are about the only tangible positive that marriage provides over simple cohabitation.

[lost_shaman]

4 hours ago, Imaginarynumber1 said:

Since when did two people have to be married to raise a child? 

You don't I suppose, but it's certainly beneficial to the child's well being by all accounts and studies that have looked into this aspect. 

[Imaginarynumber1]

19 minutes ago, lost_shaman said:

You don't I suppose, but it's certainly beneficial to the child's well being by all accounts and studies that have looked into this aspect. 

Links to any studies?

[lost_shaman]

1 hour ago, Imaginarynumber1 said:

Links to any studies?

Sure. this study cites dozens and dozens of other studies.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3091824/

Here is a relevant excerpt...

Quote

Over the past decade, evidence on the benefits of marriage for the well-being of children has continued to mount. Children residing in two-biological-parent married families tend to enjoy better outcomes than do their counterparts raised in other family forms. The differential is modest but consistent and persists across several domains of well-being. Children living with two biological married parents experience better educational, social, cognitive, and behavioral outcomes than do other children, on average (e.g., Artis, 2007; Broman, Li, & Reckase, 2008; Brown, 2004; Carlson & Corcoran, 2001; Manning & Lamb, 2003; Teachman, 2008; Videon, 2002). Variation in well-being among children living outside of two-biological-parent married families (e.g., married step, cohabiting, and single-parent families) is comparatively low and often negligible (Artis, 2007; Brown, 2004; Manning & Lamb, 2003). The benefits associated with marriage not only are evident in the short-term but also endure through adulthood (Amato, 2005; Biblarz & Raftery, 1999; Hill, Yeung, & Duncan, 2001; Teachman, 2002, 2004).

 

[Kismit]

3 hours ago, Gromdor said:

  Done right it has financial benefits.  Lower insurance rates for men, lessened tax load, shared health insurance, etc.  It makes sense to me that finances are a big reason for divorce as the financial benefits are about the only tangible positive that marriage provides over simple cohabitation.

I don't think of the problem so much being money, as I think it is a lack of mutual respect for how the money is handled.

People really need to understand what kind of life they want, in comparison to what kind of life they can afford.  And they need to be able to do this with a plan that respects the input of both parties.  Wether that input is providing an income, or budgeting the family expenses.

If people don't equally respect the role of the other person and have similar short term, mid-term and long term financial goals. Then the conflicts can become so great that a family breaks down.

Why are the benefits different for a married couple, compared to a defacto couple?

[Gromdor]

10 minutes ago, Kismit said:

I don't think of the problem so much being money, as I think it is a lack of mutual respect for how the money is handled.

People really need to understand what kind of life they want, in comparison to what kind of life they can afford.  And they need to be able to do this with a plan that respects the input of both parties.  Wether that input is providing an income, or budgeting the family expenses.

If people don't equally respect the role of the other person and have similar short term, mid-term and long term financial goals. Then the conflicts can become so great that a family breaks down.

Why are the benefits different for a married couple, compared to a defacto couple?

Quite true.  Most of the broken couples I have seen involved both participants being unable to comprehend money management.  Couples with at least one partner able to handle money seem to last, but when they both are bad it is just a quick sliding slope to disaster.

As for the benefits being different.  I think perhaps religion mixed with government played a big part of the issue.  A reward for forming a social contract, I suppose.  Streamlining things like inheritance also.  Gay marriage is only a political issue because of this.  If there was no benefits involved and the marriage only involved their personal church, then it wouldn't be a national hot button issue.

[Kismit]

23 minutes ago, Gromdor said:

Quite true.  Most of the broken couples I have seen involved both participants being unable to comprehend money management.  Couples with at least one partner able to handle money seem to last, but when they both are bad it is just a quick sliding slope to disaster.

As for the benefits being different.  I think perhaps religion mixed with government played a big part of the issue.  A reward for forming a social contract, I suppose.  Streamlining things like inheritance also.  Gay marriage is only a political issue because of this.  If there was no benefits involved and the marriage only involved their personal church, then it wouldn't be a national hot button issue.

I am not a fan of religion in politics, I just never realized it affected people financially in other countries.  

That has kind of blown me away. Marriage is such a huge commitment,  it really is important to get it right, and you may not know it is right for a long time,  for some of us it is never right. 

For a government to financially incentives marriage and financially punish cohabitation, that just... I'm gobsmacked. 

 

[Stubbly_Dooright]

Quote

@Cat_From_Hell

If I let something as ridiculous as debt end my relationship, then i'd have a good hard look at who I am as a person.

Quote

@Grandpa Greenman

Money is something you should work out before you get married, if you can.  It can be a deal breaker along with infidelity.

  Bingo. It makes me wonder, how the marriages are to begin with, to feel that finances are going to get in between them. I just feel, something wasn't planned or talked through, before getting married. And, in thinking with Cat, I think before 'becoming one'  the two should know who they are first. 

Quote

@docyabut2

Marriages are crumbling ever since the 60`s and the sexual revolution 

First, do you have sources, sites, and proof to show that? 

Second, what is wrong with both parties being complete and understanding of their own sexuality? Frankly, I think a lot of marriages don't work because of sexual hangups. There may have been less divorces in the past, but I doubt they were strong marriages with less issues and such. 

Quote

@Kismit

 21 hours ago, Gromdor said:

Quite true.  Most of the broken couples I have seen involved both participants being unable to comprehend money management.  Couples with at least one partner able to handle money seem to last, but when they both are bad it is just a quick sliding slope to disaster.

As for the benefits being different.  I think perhaps religion mixed with government played a big part of the issue.  A reward for forming a social contract, I suppose.  Streamlining things like inheritance also.  Gay marriage is only a political issue because of this.  If there was no benefits involved and the marriage only involved their personal church, then it wouldn't be a national hot button issue.

I am not a fan of religion in politics, I just never realized it affected people financially in other countries.  

That has kind of blown me away. Marriage is such a huge commitment,  it really is important to get it right, and you may not know it is right for a long time,  for some of us it is never right. 

For a government to financially incentives marriage and financially punish cohabitation, that just... I'm gobsmacked. 

I know. *shrugs* But, at least here in the States, I have seen this happen. I remember seeing it This a lot. (I know, the site is biased, in my opinion)  and things like this  where I feel very alarmed at how our personal lives are at scrutiny and that dictating them was for the best, (when I feel it was more than likely hurting) and I think really didn't do what they thought it would. 

I agree with you on what and how marriage should be looked at. And I think, that is how some of these groups do see that. But, I feel, there is an assumption that can be forced into people, when forced or goaded into marriage, when that is unrealistic. 

Frankly, I agree, marriage is a personal and committed situation, and that it shouldn't be used to organize ( I wanted to a more innocent term than 'control'  ) the people. 

I think these days, with less judgement on unmarried couples, parents, and such, and I think more people chose marriage because they want to get married (and see it for the commitment as it is) and not because they were goaded into it, I think divorces rates may end up lowering more and more. I'm sure some would argue that the marriage rates would lower too, but really, marriage is a personal thing that should not completely at the forefront of political ideals. I get that, it's something to consider lawfully when it comes to property, and custody and such. But, for to organize behavior, that I find extremely invasive and unrealistic. 

The point here is that, finances becoming the center of divorce rates, is something that should alarm us on how we look at marriage and the people in it. 

[Grandpa Greenman]

52 minutes ago, Stubbly_Dooright said:

  Bingo. It makes me wonder, how the marriages are to begin with, to feel that finances are going to get in between them. I just feel, something wasn't planned or talked through, before getting married. And, in thinking with Cat, I think before 'becoming one'  the two should know who they are first. 

 

Sometimes I wonder if humans are really meant for long term relationships. People can really change as they age. I'm not the same person I was when I was 20, nor am I the same person I was at 40.  Can anybody real know who they are until it is tested. 

[Likely Guy]

8 hours ago, Grandpa Greenman said:

Sometimes I wonder if humans are really meant for long term relationships. People can really change as they age. I'm not the same person I was when I was 20, nor am I the same person I was at 40.  Can anybody real know who they are until it is tested. 

In 1976 my sister got married three months before her 18th birthday. My new brother-in-law turned 21 about 2 weeks later.

They're still together, but like Kahlil Gibran said, "May there be spaces in your togetherness".