Marriages are crumbling

[AnchorSteam]

29 minutes ago, Likely Guy said:

In 1976 my sister got married three months before her 18th birthday. My new brother-in-law turned 21 about 2 weeks later.

They're still together, but like Kahlil Gibran said, "May there be spaces in your togetherness".

Best post in the thread, kudos. 

IMHO, there are a lot of people who hate stories like that because it reminds them of "the one that got away" and how foolish they were in their own youths. 

People just need to be good to each other. It is no special talent, just a willingness to do right by the other guy (or gal) and... if there is a trick to it, its wanting to bring out the best in someone else.

Kinda the opposite of how we usually post in a political thread, for example.

 

[Myles]

10 hours ago, Goddess of the Mist said:

I couldn't agree more.  It seems so very rare for two people to make a relationship work over many years, as they change and grow into different people.  It seems to magically work sometimes, but you don't see it happen very often, that's for sure.  We are all fed the fairy tale of "happily ever after" as young ones, but that's all that is - a fairy tale.  

Many people do stay together happily though.   

 

[Likely Guy]

14 hours ago, Myles said:

Many people do stay together happily though.   

 

She did say, "It seems to magically work sometimes, but you don't see it happen very often ". There are many, but it's not the norm.

Here's an aside note. My great grandfather married young and had 13 children, about 1 1/2 to 2 years apart. She died.

He got married again, and had 13 children, about 1 1/2 to 2 years apart. My grandfather was No. 24. and his dad was in his mid sixties. She died.

He got married again, and was a stepfather to another six children.

Mennonites! When people hear my last name in western Canada and say, "Are you related to so and so"?

I say, "Probably".

Edited August 4, 2018 by Likely Guy

[Myles]

9 hours ago, Likely Guy said:

She did say, "It seems to magically work sometimes, but you don't see it happen very often ". There are many, but it's not the norm.

Here's an aside note. My great grandfather married young and had 13 children, about 1 1/2 to 2 years apart. She died.

He got married again, and had 13 children, about 1 1/2 to 2 years apart. My grandfather was No. 24. and his dad was in his mid sixties. She died.

He got married again, and was a stepfather to another six children.

Mennonites! When people hear my last name in western Canada and say, "Are you related to so and so"?

I say, "Probably".

You have a big family.   I come from a family of 8.  

I think the old thought of the grass is always greener comes into play too.   I know a few people who got divorced but now wish they would have stayed together.   They can't get back now because things got stupid during and after the divorce. 

I think sometimes people think love and life can or should be like it is in the movies.  

[Nanaka]

money is not a problem when you know how to handle your problems.

My husband and I know everything about each other, including our salaries and money spending. we are free to buy anything we need, but just have to speak about it. When it comes to problems, we just accumulate our efforts and deal with it

but, I have a friend who is working hard to pay for a private school for a daughter, rent a house and car. still, he has enough money to buy almost everything he need and travel sometimes.

but, when he has a hard times, he just goes to  https://webmoneyloans.com/  and takes a little credit. his wife doesn't even knows about that, but he returns the money very fast. And everyone is happy! So, just deal with it and do not ruin a marriage because of money)

 

[+and-then]

On 8/1/2018 at 9:58 AM, Gromdor said:

Lower insurance rates for men, lessened tax load, shared health insurance, etc. 

Even governments have to try to incentivize a desire for strong families.  The family unit is the nation in microcosm.  Adults in committed relationships, willing to sacrifice for a spouse and to raise children that will be productive... that's what western civilization was built on.  Looking around today at the family unit it isn't difficult to understand why the world, in general, has gone insane.  It seems that too many people have lost the desire to be part of something greater than themselves.  In fact, today, NOTHING is greater to them than themselves.  The "SELFIE" generation, indeed.  And I'm not preaching.  I turned 45 and became the biggest, most selfish, childish ass you could imagine.  Blew up a marriage and then was blessed enough to be able to have a second chance.  

[Opus Magnus]

One if the promises of Communism is to protect the marraige of husband and wife. It preaches the abolition of all religion and monarchy Kings and Queens, but one thing it holds on high is that original marraige would always be protected. I'm not sure it can accomplish this, but at least it holds this principle in value. In case anyone tries to say otherwise.

[Dark_Grey]

On 31/07/2018 at 3:47 PM, sci-nerd said:

Marriage is the most stupid thing ever invented, after Facebook.

Sorry that she got the house...

[spartan max2]

Money issues have always been the number 1 factor in divorce 

 

[zep73]

1 hour ago, Dark_Grey said:

Sorry that she got the house...

Actually she took everything, except some tableware she didn't want.
But it was fine by me. I was just happy to get the hell away from her.

55 minutes ago, spartan max2 said:

Money issues have always been the number 1 factor in divorce 

For me it was not money. She turned into a douchebag.
After I left, she aimed her evil towards our daughter (I was not aware). After 5 years the kid had a mental break and was removed by the municipality.

[Stubbly_Dooright]

7 hours ago, Nanaka said:

money is not a problem when you know how to handle your problems.

My husband and I know everything about each other, including our salaries and money spending. we are free to buy anything we need, but just have to speak about it. When it comes to problems, we just accumulate our efforts and deal with it

but, I have a friend who is working hard to pay for a private school for a daughter, rent a house and car. still, he has enough money to buy almost everything he need and travel sometimes.

but, when he has a hard times, he just goes to  https://webmoneyloans.com/  and takes a little credit. his wife doesn't even knows about that, but he returns the money very fast. And everyone is happy! So, just deal with it and do not ruin a marriage because of money)

 

That to me, is one key to a dishonest marriage, and something that would eventually break it. I have always found that the truth always comes to light. 

But, the big thing I think is the problem, is the lack of honesty toward the wife. That, to me, is not an element of a healthy and strong marriage. I find that an inconsiderate act toward her. What else will the husband keep from the wife in the future? How does this show respect for her? Respect being one of the many elements of a strong marriage, for me. 

And how would he feel, if she was doing things that were similar and didn't tell him about it? How would he feel about her? 

Yes, money, and anything else would be something that could be worked on, if the two parties did worked with it and in consideration for their spouse. And that's if they are willing to see the marriage go on. But if anything was going to be a deal breaker in a path to a broken marriage, including money, it's those in it who let it. And to me, shows that they are not ready or in the frame of mind to work at a marriage. 

If marriages are crumbling, I think it's needs to be noticed how the marriages started in the first place. I still see too many encouraged into marriage (and children), who feel they can't handle the responsibility. And then, when it is let known they can't, they are made to feel guilty about it. 

If it's to be 'encouraged' to have strong marriages and strong families, then they need to see who has the knowledge and the willingness for it. Don't push the ones, who don't. 

[Tatetopa]

4 hours ago, and then said:

Even governments have to try to incentivize a desire for strong families.  The family unit is the nation in microcosm.  Adults in committed relationships, willing to sacrifice for a spouse and to raise children that will be productive... that's what western civilization was built on.  Looking around today at the family unit it isn't difficult to understand why the world, in general, has gone insane.  It seems that too many people have lost the desire to be part of something greater than themselves.  In fact, today, NOTHING is greater to them than themselves.  The "SELFIE" generation, indeed.  And I'm not preaching.  I turned 45 and became the biggest, most selfish, childish ass you could imagine.  Blew up a marriage and then was blessed enough to be able to have a second chance.  

Well said.  Our experiences are complimentary, I didn't settle down and feel the need to be anything but self-absorbed until I was nearly 40.  Yet our conclusions are much the same. 

When I was young, I never had to face anything bigger than I could handle alone.  I could manage well enough on my own.  I thought I was all that and a bag of chips. I had friends, but really, they were mostly convenient contacts and casual entertainment.  I traveled for job opportunities and left friends behind seldom to be thought of again while I made new friends.  Work was my identity.  I thought a good companion was hot or witty or shared a few interests.  I was shallow and didn't look for depth in others. 

My character was stuck in adolescence, as many people's are.  That is not a good place to start a marriage.  Until you can see beyond yourself, you are not ready and might be better off with casual non-committed encounters.

Of course some people are wise in this respect when they are 18 or 20.  Some of us are slow learners and require another 20 years of  character building before we get there.

[Mantis914]

Marriage is pretty much like anything else in life:  You get, what you give but sometimes you get what the last person in your significant other's life left and if that is a mess... it's pretty much what you get.  That's when you use .38 Special and Kenny Rogers' advice:  Hold on loosely but don't let go... yet, know when to fold them, know when to walk away and know when to run.

[Myles]

10 hours ago, Mantis914 said:

Marriage is pretty much like anything else in life:  You get, what you give but sometimes you get what the last person in your significant other's life left and if that is a mess... it's pretty much what you get.  That's when you use .38 Special and Kenny Rogers' advice:  Hold on loosely but don't let go... yet, know when to fold them, know when to walk away and know when to run.

When I first read the "you use the .38 special"  I didn't think of the band.    Ha ha.

 

[Myles]

18 hours ago, Nanaka said:

money is not a problem when you know how to handle your problems.

My husband and I know everything about each other, including our salaries and money spending. we are free to buy anything we need, but just have to speak about it. When it comes to problems, we just accumulate our efforts and deal with it

but, I have a friend who is working hard to pay for a private school for a daughter, rent a house and car. still, he has enough money to buy almost everything he need and travel sometimes.

but, when he has a hard times, he just goes to  https://webmoneyloans.com/  and takes a little credit. his wife doesn't even knows about that, but he returns the money very fast. And everyone is happy! So, just deal with it and do not ruin a marriage because of money)

 

Not wise to take out loans like that.   Better to be honest and deal with it together.   Adding another loan payment when you are having money problems usually won't end well.    

[Nnicolette]

Yeah i was married once... The irs is still coming after me for unpaid child support. Never mind that im the only one that was ever made to pay his child support and that i am supposed to recieve it but never have gotten a penny.

[Imaginarynumber1]

My last relationship just ended. Not because of money, though.

It ended because she could understand that i like my relationships the way i like my coffee... without someone else's dick in it.

[Coil]

On 01.08.2018 at 12:47 AM, sci-nerd said:

Marriage is the most stupid thing ever invented, after Facebook.

Well, you understand that without a woman and a family, the entire social structure of society will collapse and there is no other alternative yet.

Whatever you give to a woman, she will make something better out of it.
If you give her a sperm, she will give birth to a child.
If you give her an apartment, she will make a cozy home.
If you give her food, she will make delicious food.
Woman everything multiplies and develops.

Spoiler

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Yeah, people somehow don’t want to drag others ’debts on themselves and we also do not want to get involved with divorced women who have children call them "divorced woman with a trailer." It is the capitalist system that brought you that even for  studying  you need to take a loan, and our parents usually pay for university and buy an apartment for children.

There was a case when a man took out a loan for a wedding and as a guarantor he took his military acquaintance  and after the wedding he went somewhere else and the bank now repays the loan from his acquaintance, as the guarantor is legally equal to the main debtor.
There was also a case in Russia when one woman covered a loan with the help of a new loan and the amount rose to several millions and the number of banks by which she should have grown to a dozen.

 

[Dark_Grey]

20 hours ago, sci-nerd said:

Actually she took everything, except some tableware she didn't want.
But it was fine by me. I was just happy to get the hell away from her.

Sorry to hear that man. What happened to you happens to so many guys. The patriarchy leans heavily in favor of women when it comes to divorce. If you're happier now, you came out ahead - everything else is just "stuff"

[Ashotep]

There was a time women stayed in abusive relationships, and some still do, but anymore with women having their own careers and money they are more likely to get out of an abusive relationship.  That may be another reason for higher divorce rates.

[MWoo7]

On 8/2/2018 at 7:19 PM, Likely Guy said:

In 1976 my sister got married three months before her 18th birthday. My new brother-in-law turned 21 about 2 weeks later.

They're still together, but like Kahlil Gibran said, "May there be spaces in your togetherness".

   Amen , that should go into a book there Likey Guy; not sure about all families but on one side of our family, well lets just say, not a real huggy kissy bunch. *crickets* No way to add likes to my post eh?!!??!  I think four would be about right.

Edited March 17, 2019 by MWoo7

[Likely Guy]

1 hour ago, Ashotep said:

There was a time women stayed in abusive relationships, and some still do, but anymore with women having their own careers and money they are more likely to get out of an abusive relationship.  That may be another reason for higher divorce rates.

'Ewomancipation' is a good thing.

[Raptor Witness]

Here, we see usury as a way of inflating the cost of what is essentially a commodity.

We can no longer afford to higher educate our young people unless they are willing to enter the killing fields abroad, and the President and the Pentagram are happy to provide those.

The free market education system has become corrupt to the core, with clowns like Trump at the helm of a grander deception. 

“Death to America,” is when bad leadership is the mechanism of certain death. 

 

 

[Raptor Witness]

On 7/31/2018 at 5:47 PM, sci-nerd said:

Marriage is the most stupid thing ever invented, after Facebook.

You must not have found the right person that you love to hate. So instead you hate to love?

If no one is willing to put up with you, then you aren’t hating yourself enough.