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The Critic Attic


Mark One

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High above the cloudy heights of UM Towers and neatly settled inside its moss ridden rooftops is a place of refuge. Inside its humble abode of privacy is a soft comfy chair which faces a small electronic heater. On a small table to one side is a dusty old folder. It is one of many that line a nearby wall where volume upon volume of reported gripes are recorded.

 

Your groans and moans about something that happened last week, a TV shows plot holes, or Miss/Mr Celebs recent questionable activities are needed so they can all be recorded in the Critic Attic.

 

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I`ll start with something about butter.  A TV advertisement for Lurpack claims that their butter is spreadable whilst some guy spreads it onto some bread.  The label on their product is clearly misleading because whenever I take some out of the fridge and try to butter some bread with it I`m left with something that acts like putty. 

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The BBC's Bodyguard, which seems to be set in some weird world where there are hardly any men.

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Oh, I thought your opening was fine.

I can't believe you didn't put anything Brit flavoured in there that nobody can understand. KUDOS TO THE SHAKESPEARE OF OUR TIME *echoECHO*

Edited by MWoo7
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33 minutes ago, Black Monk said:

The BBC's Bodyguard, which seems to be set in some weird world where there are hardly any men.

..that's the latest movies for some reason, sheeze ' Terminator ' (among others) is now <snip> <snip> .  While not yet banned PHEW! I'm still trying to get a feel for this thread.  Just a place to report oddities off the tele or oddities of the day eh?!?!?!?!

Edited by MWoo7
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Need more shows on cleaning carpets?!?!??!?!?!?!  Don't laugh my evil runs a company doing that and that my good natured friend is how you cover your butt TA-DAH!  Phew, I think I getting the hang of this * mmmmmwooahahaa! * .........a diddy like slapper for the brits.

Edited by MWoo7
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Father Brown (the TV crime drama) cycles around the lavish countryside, attends garden fetes and visits stately homes.  Every week though, within such locations someone is murdered, ok...And then he outsmarts the police at their own game and solves the crime, right.  Surely over time though, the police would become concerned by his sleuthing and interfering to the point where he would be cautioned and receive a heavy ticking off.  And then there is the church to consider here.  Wouldnt a Cardinal eventually investigate Father Brown's non-religious obsessions and then declare him unfit or incompetent for service?  Father Brown would end up defrocked and the following series would be titled, Mr Brown.

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1 minute ago, MWoo7 said:

Need more shows on cleaning carpets?!?!??!?!?!?!  Don't laugh my evil runs a company doing that and that my good natured friend is how you cover your butt TA-DAH!  Phew, I think I getting the hang of this * mmmmmwooahahaa! *

You're more than welcome to visit my house, Miss Woo, for I own a Vax carpet cleaner.  I`ll even throw in a pot of tea and some scones :)

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8 minutes ago, Mark One said:

You're more than welcome to visit my house, Miss Woo, for I own a Vax carpet cleaner.  I`ll even throw in a pot of tea and some scones :)

TOOOOOO MUCH ! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAhahahahhaahhahahaaa! thanks but no thanks, imagine-- go figure ahahhaha ! pot of tea eh?!?!?!?!??!?! THANKSF OR T HE  GREAT LAUGHING TO DAY I HAVE TO GET THINGS DONE LATERZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

[oh, the laugh thing likey votie thing is working, just slow up dating billions of miles away, eeh I can live with a bit of lag LATERRRRRRRRRRZZZZZZZZZZ]

Edited by MWoo7
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Garden strimmers are ace when you first use them and they do save time when dealing with those awkward areas. Bad times arrive though when the line gets caught and snaps. You soon readjust the length of the line and start again. Very soon afterwards the same thing occurs again.  And then eventually you reach the point where there is no line left, so you purchase a replacement. You then have to painstakingly install it and once you start using it, you find that it constantly snaps away.

 

In the end, you shelve it and return to garden shears or some long scissors.

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Steam mops are a bit of a con in my opinion. But at the same time, yes they do an effective job and leave your floors looking like brand new. The problem arrives much later when one day you fill it with water, turn it on and then use it. It soon goes to work on that tricky floor stain but as you move along you begin to notice trails along the floor from the dirt that it has previously removed. So you switch it off and remove the cloth and that is when you realise that the spares need washing too.

 

So, in the end, you pack it all away, pop the cloths into the washer and then get out the traditional household mop. And when you are done the mop is squeezed clean and popped back under the stairs. A few days later you repeat the steam mop ritual and find dirt trails, you swap for a clean cloth and eventually complete the job – before using your washing machine again to clean the dirty cloths.

 

Then one day you decide that it's far more economical to use the standard mop. You also give up on all of those fancy attachments for the steam mop when you realise its far easier to just get out a cloth and use some elbow grease.

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