Don't speak ill of the dead

[Justice please]

Why do people say "Don't Speak Ill Of The Dead"? My opinion is why does it do something to you? Or maybe came out in the bible. I say this because my oldest sister passed away about 2 years ago. She was very hateful to me because I was the youngest. She told her oldest daughter not to invite me to her funeral if she died before me. One of my aunts asked me what happened between you? I said, " Nothing she just did not like me because I was the youngest and she always wanted to be first in all things." So I did not go to her funeral. I did feel bad only because we never got along. I wished I had a loving older sister. Never had it.

[Habitat]

It sounds as though you have regrets, about the rift between the two of you, but as far "speaking ill of the dead", it probably isn't highly regarded for a number of reasons, including the deceased is unable  to contradict what be said about them, it does sound like self-justification, to be doing it, inasmuch as nothing can be resolved, except in your own head. Others gain nothing from it, except an insight into your inability or refusal to put aside what is past. It isn't anyone else's business, but your own, now she is not around any more. But realistically, if she really was hateful toward you, for no good reason, you should feel sad for her, that she couldn't grow beyond petty jealousies. Maybe you think you omitted to act in some way, that might have resulted in your having a better relationship, but if she was as petty as you portray her, that would have been impossible, and you should not beat yourself up about it.

[freetoroam]

I would think it could be a couple of reasons, one being religious, maybe felt the dead souls were in heaven watching down on the living and had some power up there to do bad things if you spoke ill of them, this idea is one i would never believe in as i am not religious so do not believe in heaven and all that jazz.

The other is your own feelings, is it worth speaking ill of a dead person when they can not defend themselves?  In some situations it could be,  if someone has been cruel and have done some very bad things, some people can not retaliate when the person is alive, so if you can do it when they are dead, then do it is it helps you feel better.

There have been some very bad people in this world, they do not get off just because they are dead, the people they have hurt and - or their victims have every right to speak ill of them. 

But as they are dead and can not hear any of it, it really boils down to the living and how they want to deal with that persons death, you either miss them or you do not, and if you do not because of what they did,  then you have every right to say what you want about them.

[Rlyeh]

I suppose it's because the dead can't defend themselves.

[Justice please]

14 hours ago, Habitat said:

It sounds as though you have regrets, about the rift between the two of you, but as far "speaking ill of the dead", it probably isn't highly regarded for a number of reasons, including the deceased is unable  to contradict what be said about them, it does sound like self-justification, to be doing it, inasmuch as nothing can be resolved, except in your own head. Others gain nothing from it, except an insight into your inability or refusal to put aside what is past. It isn't anyone else's business, but your own, now she is not around any more. But realistically, if she really was hateful toward you, for no good reason, you should feel sad for her, that she couldn't grow beyond petty jealousies. Maybe you think you omitted to act in some way, that might have resulted in your having a better relationship, but if she was as petty as you portray her, that would have been impossible, and you should not beat yourself up about it.

You are right but what bothers me is a number of people listened to her jealousies of me and believed her.  She was crazy for two of our aunts, they still love me though. I did think to feel sorry for her but she did a number of cruel things. It still does bother me today. If there is truly a thing of Karma she is certainly paying her dues now.

[Justice please]

11 hours ago, freetoroam said:

I would think it could be a couple of reasons, one being religious, maybe felt the dead souls were in heaven watching down on the living and had some power up there to do bad things if you spoke ill of them, this idea is one i would never believe in as i am not religious so do not believe in heaven and all that jazz.

The other is your own feelings, is it worth speaking ill of a dead person when they can not defend themselves?  In some situations it could be,  if someone has been cruel and have done some very bad things, some people can not retaliate when the person is alive, so if you can do it when they are dead, then do it is it helps you feel better.

There have been some very bad people in this world, they do not get off just because they are dead, the people they have hurt and - or their victims have every right to speak ill of them. 

But as they are dead and can not hear any of it, it really boils down to the living and how they want to deal with that persons death, you either miss them or you do not, and if you do not because of what they did,  then you have every right to say what you want about them.

Thank you it is very true what you have said.

[Podo]

14 hours ago, Justice please said:

Why do people say "Don't Speak Ill Of The Dead"? My opinion is why does it do something to you? Or maybe came out in the bible. I say this because my oldest sister passed away about 2 years ago. She was very hateful to me because I was the youngest. She told her oldest daughter not to invite me to her funeral if she died before me. One of my aunts asked me what happened between you? I said, " Nothing she just did not like me because I was the youngest and she always wanted to be first in all things." So I did not go to her funeral. I did feel bad only because we never got along. I wished I had a loving older sister. Never had it.

I have sympathy for you. My sister hasn't spoken to me for almost two years because I refused to co-sign on a bank loan for her, despite her long history of money mismanagement. Before that, she's always been a foul, hateful person who rarely, if ever, even attempted to be nice to me. Don't let it eat at you, just continue on, because it is her loss and not yours.

[jmccr8]

On 10/10/2018 at 10:26 PM, Justice please said:

Why do people say "Don't Speak Ill Of The Dead"? My opinion is why does it do something to you? Or maybe came out in the bible. I say this because my oldest sister passed away about 2 years ago. She was very hateful to me because I was the youngest. She told her oldest daughter not to invite me to her funeral if she died before me. One of my aunts asked me what happened between you? I said, " Nothing she just did not like me because I was the youngest and she always wanted to be first in all things." So I did not go to her funeral. I did feel bad only because we never got along. I wished I had a loving older sister. Never had it.

Who needs to say anything, the dead said and did plenty when they were alive ( in most cases). What we see is subjective and may be just para secs of who that person is in the situation they are in at that time.

I am more inclined to say make your peace with it you have to live with it their dead.

jmccr8 

[fred_mc]

I think you should be allowed to speak ill of the dead. Why would we for example say only nice things about Hitler because he is dead?

[MainerMikeBrown]

In my opinion, it's okay to sometimes speak negatively of someone who has died because when it comes to remembering someone who has passed away, you shouldn't just remember only the good or only the bad of the person.  You have to remember the person honestly, I think.

[XenoFish]

The dead don't care. 

[darkmoonlady]

Not speaking ill of the dead isn't biblical. In Christianity (despite all the "everyone is in heaven" idea) are dead dead til Armageddon and resurrected in the Second Coming. It's why early Christians didn't adopt cremation, they buried the dead because you would need your body eventually. The phrase is more from ancestor worship, which many religions subscribe to. The belief that ancestors are intermediaries between you and deities or in a sense become like deities themselves capable of help or harm depending on how you honor them. There are still vestiges of ancestor worship in Christianity but it's from pagan beliefs that were integrated in holidays. The Day of the Dead in Mexico is an example, although Asian cultures have a lot of ancestor worship as well.

[Essan]

On 10/11/2018 at 5:26 AM, Justice please said:

Why do people say "Don't Speak Ill Of The Dead"?

Because it's not (or, at least in the good old days wasn't) considered fair to criticise those who are not in a position defend themselves.   Which is what the saying means (you don;t have to be physically dead for it to apply)

[Justice please]

On 10/11/2018 at 12:11 PM, Podo said:

I have sympathy for you. My sister hasn't spoken to me for almost two years because I refused to co-sign on a bank loan for her, despite her long history of money mismanagement. Before that, she's always been a foul, hateful person who rarely, if ever, even attempted to be nice to me. Don't let it eat at you, just continue on, because it is her loss and not yours.

Thank you at times I think of the evil fouls things she did and then remember she is not here anymore. I have to let go of the hate she left behind. This anger I feel at times is only hurting me. Thank you for your wisdom.

[Justice please]

On 10/14/2018 at 6:17 AM, darkmoonlady said:

Not speaking ill of the dead isn't biblical. In Christianity (despite all the "everyone is in heaven" idea) are dead dead til Armageddon and resurrected in the Second Coming. It's why early Christians didn't adopt cremation, they buried the dead because you would need your body eventually. The phrase is more from ancestor worship, which many religions subscribe to. The belief that ancestors are intermediaries between you and deities or in a sense become like deities themselves capable of help or harm depending on how you honor them. There are still vestiges of ancestor worship in Christianity but it's from pagan beliefs that were integrated in holidays. The Day of the Dead in Mexico is an example, although Asian cultures have a lot of ancestor worship as well.

Thank you.

[Justice please]

On 10/13/2018 at 11:31 AM, MainerMikeBrown said:

In my opinion, it's okay to sometimes speak negatively of someone who has died because when it comes to remembering someone who has passed away, you shouldn't just remember only the good or only the bad of the person.  You have to remember the person honestly, I think.

Thank you I agree with you.

[Justice please]

On 10/14/2018 at 6:17 AM, darkmoonlady said:

Not speaking ill of the dead isn't biblical. In Christianity (despite all the "everyone is in heaven" idea) are dead dead til Armageddon and resurrected in the Second Coming. It's why early Christians didn't adopt cremation, they buried the dead because you would need your body eventually. The phrase is more from ancestor worship, which many religions subscribe to. The belief that ancestors are intermediaries between you and deities or in a sense become like deities themselves capable of help or harm depending on how you honor them. There are still vestiges of ancestor worship in Christianity but it's from pagan beliefs that were integrated in holidays. The Day of the Dead in Mexico is an example, although Asian cultures have a lot of ancestor worship as well.

Thank you.

[Justice please]

On 10/12/2018 at 11:01 PM, fred_mc said:

I think you should be allowed to speak ill of the dead. Why would we for example say only nice things about Hitler because he is dead?

I feel the same.

[Justice please]

On 10/12/2018 at 10:39 PM, jmccr8 said:

Who needs to say anything, the dead said and did plenty when they were alive ( in most cases). What we see is subjective and may be just para secs of who that person is in the situation they are in at that time.

I am more inclined to say make your peace with it you have to live with it their dead.

jmccr8 

I agree with you sooner or later I will have to forgive her and let go.

[Podo]

6 minutes ago, Justice please said:

Thank you at times I think of the evil fouls things she did and then remember she is not here anymore. I have to let go of the hate she left behind. This anger I feel at times is only hurting me. Thank you for your wisdom.

Ah friend, it ain't wisdom, it's just the survival tactics of a dude who has to deal with unending hatred from his younger sister.

[Justice please]

On 10/11/2018 at 12:20 AM, freetoroam said:

I would think it could be a couple of reasons, one being religious, maybe felt the dead souls were in heaven watching down on the living and had some power up there to do bad things if you spoke ill of them, this idea is one i would never believe in as i am not religious so do not believe in heaven and all that jazz.

The other is your own feelings, is it worth speaking ill of a dead person when they can not defend themselves?  In some situations it could be,  if someone has been cruel and have done some very bad things, some people can not retaliate when the person is alive, so if you can do it when they are dead, then do it is it helps you feel better.

There have been some very bad people in this world, they do not get off just because they are dead, the people they have hurt and - or their victims have every right to speak ill of them. 

But as they are dead and can not hear any of it, it really boils down to the living and how they want to deal with that persons death, you either miss them or you do not, and if you do not because of what they did,  then you have every right to say what you want about them.

Thank you very much for your opinion.

[Justice please]

2 minutes ago, Podo said:

Ah friend, it ain't wisdom, it's just the survival tactics of a dude who has to deal with unending hatred from his younger sister.

Yes in my case it was my older sister. I see where you are coming from thank you.

[Justice please]

On 10/12/2018 at 10:39 PM, jmccr8 said:

Who needs to say anything, the dead said and did plenty when they were alive ( in most cases). What we see is subjective and may be just para secs of who that person is in the situation they are in at that time.

I am more inclined to say make your peace with it you have to live with it their dead.

jmccr8 

You are so right. Thank you.

[Justice please]

On 10/10/2018 at 9:41 PM, Habitat said:

It sounds as though you have regrets, about the rift between the two of you, but as far "speaking ill of the dead", it probably isn't highly regarded for a number of reasons, including the deceased is unable  to contradict what be said about them, it does sound like self-justification, to be doing it, inasmuch as nothing can be resolved, except in your own head. Others gain nothing from it, except an insight into your inability or refusal to put aside what is past. It isn't anyone else's business, but your own, now she is not around any more. But realistically, if she really was hateful toward you, for no good reason, you should feel sad for her, that she couldn't grow beyond petty jealousies. Maybe you think you omitted to act in some way, that might have resulted in your having a better relationship, but if she was as petty as you portray her, that would have been impossible, and you should not beat yourself up about it.

thank you that is exactly what I need to do.