Demon oppression? Spirit of the dead? Shadow?

[violetraven7]

 

Hello! I just joined the group as I've researching spirit attachment stories & related things the past couple hours. And then I finally decided to find a forum so that I could, for the first time, open up about my story with the intention of asking for an outsiders opinion.

For the past several years I was always the one that people came to looking for an opinion or guidance. So this is rather new for me, in fact I'm going to through a rather large spiritual transition. And I've stopped offering guidance until I get my **** together. As I find my life in shambles... Anyways, here it goes. 

My whole spiritual/religious/metaphysical journey is rather large, full of various experiences from most all of the spiritual paradigms. The most well known however. I've been around. I've always had a large appetite for knowledge & experience. 

I don't want to to bore you with my whole life story however so I'll try to stick to the most important elements. 

The whole reason why I became a spiritual seeker is because of two experiences I had when I was a child and without influence of something logical for it to be the reason behind it's happening. As I wasn't allowed to watch horror nor anything haunted house related. My mom wasn't religious. In fact she didn't even go overboard about lying to me about Santa Clause. Lol 

One of my very first memories, I was about five years old, is that I was sitting in the middle of my room playing with my Barbie dolls. I remember sun rays pouring through the blinds of my window. 

Suddenly I saw/felt the presence of a large black thick mist approaching me literally before it was even in my room. I could sense it was moving through walls to enter my room. Once it entered I could sense the black mist shaping a male very tall humanoid shape but he also had, with him, something extra, idk howto explain it, but it was also very large black mist without a defined shape but it felt like a large item of some kind or a place even? Or maybe even baggage he is attached to? I don't even know, but it began to break apart and it filled every corner of my room as the humanoid shape of him also without warning and as if it was an everyday occurrence, he entered my body. I could feel his mist fill every part of me slowly, it felt somewhat warm. I didn't feel scared, intimidated, I didn't question it. I was curious. And it felt "normal". Even tho i couldn't recall it happening before. 

I could feel him peering through my eyes. He looked at my Barbie dolls and chuckled which came from my lips softly. I actually enjoyed the way he felt and still wasn't afraid. He then moved out of my body with the rest of his large black mist following him out of my room then he dissipated. 

On & off since then, and even to this day he still visits me. He has presented himself as a sort of fierceness protector of me. Towards humans and otherwise. I don't know clear details of him. But he has been this shadow in my life the whole time. Telling me whom to trust whom to not trust. And provide to me who is a good person and who isn't by sometimes guiding my words towards that person which isnt disrespectful but calmly assertive when needed. The other person always tends to react too strongly and negative towards me whenever he has guided my interactions with them. And sometimes by not saying or doing but being there, some people will lash out oddly towards me for literally no reason. For example, once we were at a ice cream shop and I ordered my ice cream, in a great mood, however the person working scoffed and said, "Don't sound so ****ing happy about it." And made my order by slamming his **** around and gave me dirty looks. 

I literally didn't understand any of these reactions nor other ones. There's logically no reason for these peopleto react negatively towards me. Regardless of his presence, nobody was being rude or disrespectful. It seems when he is around people begin to act a bit suspicious of my intentions. Or they cause fight outof the blue. They rip into me with cuss words. And im standing there like what the ****?

I've also had many people feel this inclination to produce a rape fantasy including me and they feel inclined to inform me. I've also had two people, male and female rape me when I was younger. Separately and together. As they were married. 

I always wondered if this works connected because when i was 15 Iwas seduced by a spirit and I always thought it was him tho he didn't say so. I call him Draven. 

The sex i had with this spirit wasn't aggressive nor painful. But it felt more like the spirit was talking me into it by his touch. It was sensual even tho it was crossing boundaries. 
It's never been confirmed that it was him and it only happened the one time. 

This spirit has been guide for me it seems relating to my relationships & friendships. Both female and male. It is because of this spirit I've identified with being gender fluid. 

He feels like he is soldier like. Very aware of war-like days. Fearless. And is activated when I feel I need to be protective. Which seems to happen towards women. I will literally forget I'm a short female and if a man is beating on a women no matter where i am and regardless if i know them, I will intervene, and tell the man to stop hitting a female. That it doesn't make him a man and if he wants to beat on a female I won't cry nor be afraid of it, Ive experienced alot of pain and his love taps wont phase me. Silly but it happens without me thinking. 

Some men actually react to me like as if they are going to get violent over the smallest of things. One time atthe Waffle House, this dude's eggs were late and he literally stood up and bowed up at me as if he was gonna hit me for not delivering his eggs on time. Lol 

All of my suffering from others in my life actually seem to mirror each other. Like everyone seems to do the same things to me. And I'm literally the most honest, caring and helpful person. Its my goal to stick by people no matter what because history matters to me. And i understand the darkness of humanity. 

It takes a while for people to learn. And I never fail to be there for those i love. But they all, women and men tend to get to this boiling point with me that in my eyes seems exxagerated to me. And have too many parallels.

All the while my spirit friend on the low key directs how I deal with these people once it gets to a point where i feel 

 

like I need a break from the tension. And he takes over to speak for me but not at all with the emotion I would have. He states things as they are and without repeating it or explanation. Because at this point the other person seems biligerent and convinced I've done something that they are actually guilty for doing. But I don't call them out because they are nearly spitting at me with rage. Lol 

Idk. It's hurtful because it happens far too many times for it to not have some reason for it. I've examined myself and I've even altered myself over the years to improve. Not to say im perfect or don't need more work. But do i deserve that extension of crazy? I don't think so. 

Essentially I'm wondering if a spirit attachment could cause **** like this..? And what does this all sound like to you? A spirit of the dead or demonic?

Because I used to think maybe demonic. However he isn't quite that aggressive. Dark and negative to a degree yes. But it feels he has some kind of feelings for me. And he is trying to protect me even if it backfires on some level. 

He seems to be possessive and oppressive of me definitely. Even controlling. As I've grown to become very anxiety ridden. I am not comfortable around most people do to being reacted to in extreme ways when I simply state what ice cream i want. And other things. 

I live with my husband and we have lived with a few of his family members on and off through out the 12 years we've been together which I absolutely loath because of the choices they make. And how negative they are. They hate me too.

I'm not necessarily negative but I don't trust people. And I'm nearly an agoraphobic. I have addiction issues.  I'm always in control of my actions, my thoughts, etc. But when I lose control it's like He comes out. 

He is actually far more controlling (tho with me he is more containing. But with others he wants blatant domination) and he will calmly give orders to people, and throw cold words at them highlighting their stupidity and how that is the very reason why they can't find happiness (or whatever itis they think they deserve. As he would see it.) Hethinks negatively of the people who hurt me. And he feels nothing to calmly attack them when I lose control or find my limit in keeping my mouth shut. 

He comes out and says similar things in my defense. I feel liberated when he does. Because I'm always controlling how i say things and when he says things I feel this high on the fact that he doesnt care and he isn't even having an emotional reaction when he takes over in that way. 

Its like he shows his talent in domination if he could, and then points out how they've failed. But with only assertion and not an ugly tone. 

So anyways, I also experience other entities and as I've said I'm going through a spiritual conversion and on a mudane level I'm seeing the effects on my regular life and my physical being from certain circumstances I've experienced that i know are linked to spiritual realms. 

But this is the main ongoing long term spirit that I've been with since I can remember and is still with me today. What do you all think?

Thanks for reading! Depending on this response im sure i will share more of my stories. I have many, many of them. Seriously. Lol

 

Amy

 

 

 

[XenoFish]

So you never grew out of the imaginary friend stage. Now this thoughtform has become the embodiment of all your subconscious fears and desires. You created it. Now you've got to figure out how to get rid of it.

[violetraven7]

Hm... You forgot to add.... "According to my own experience & opinion of these things..." I do love and appreciate my skeptics. What I definitely feel that outlook is valid for some experiences. But without knowing me better and more of my experiences... making that assumption is a bit premature. 

I didnt consciously chose this. And this entity knew things I had no idea of knowing, dear. I was very protected by my Mother. Whom didn't encourage the imagination in that way. Again, I didn't grow up with Santa, the Easter bunny, not even God nor spiritual or magickal thinking. 

But I totally appreciate the assumption! It's simple for people to say that when it actually doesnt make immediate sense.

If I created it, I would have known it. The subconscious isn't mysterous like these pseudo psychologist that originally came from Shamanistic psychology in the past. (Which makes modern psychology very diluted in comparison)

Imaginary doesn't equal to unreal. In truth everything spawns from the imagination first... Tho we arent always in control of what is manifested. 

We can barely identity our right ass cheek. You have far too much faith in the human race. Lol It's cute tho. 

Anyways, sure, id like to hear ideas on my story from someone whom sees a wee bit more validity in it. 

Thanks. 

[ChrLzs]

1 hour ago, violetraven7 said:

Anyways, sure, id like to hear ideas on my story from someone whom sees a wee bit more validity in it. 

well, that's me out then.

I think the fact that those were the only three options given, tells all.

[XenoFish]

6 hours ago, violetraven7 said:

You have far too much faith in the human race. Lol It's cute tho. 

You have no idea of the level of cynicism I operate at. Go see a therapist. 

[jamesjr191]

6 hours ago, violetraven7 said:

I didnt consciously chose this.

 

6 hours ago, violetraven7 said:

The subconscious isn't mysterous

 

6 hours ago, violetraven7 said:

Imaginary doesn't equal to unreal

 

6 hours ago, violetraven7 said:

 

"According to my own experience & opinion of these things.."

You really do need to see a professional counselor, these few statements clearly show your thinking is a bit misguided on the issue. Best

Edited November 19, 2018 by jamesjr191

[Piney]

6 hours ago, violetraven7 said:

If I created it, I would have known it. The subconscious isn't mysterous like these pseudo psychologist that originally came from Shamanistic psychology in the past. (Which makes modern psychology very diluted in comparison)

Do you want to expain this concept? Because as a Native Wisdom Keeper, I use psychology (as did my grandfather) to manipulate peoples thinking and "shamanistic psychology" sounds like some Newage bullcrap. 

Whatever is attached to you isn't good. Like @XenoFish said. It sounds like a powerful Thought Form. But if it's a Earthbound, It wasn't a good person in life. Because it feeds off of adictions and desires and is probably earthbound because of these urges.

Finally, nothing can hurt or manipulate you unless you let it, and anyone can banish their own "demons" with a strong focus and the "power of intention" from their own techniques and belief system. 

 

[XenoFish]

4 minutes ago, Piney said:

Do you want to expain this concept? Because as a Native Wisdom Keeper, I use psychology (as did my grandfather) to manipulate peoples thinking and "shamanistic psychology" sounds like some Newage bullcrap. 

Whatever is attached to you isn't good. Like @XenoFish said. It sounds like a powerful Thought Form. But if it's a Earthbound, It wasn't a good person in life. Because it feeds off of adictions and desires and is probably earthbound because of these urges.

Finally, nothing can hurt or manipulate you unless you let it, and anyone can banish their own "demons" with a strong focus and the "power of intention" from their own techniques and belief system. 

 

Its probably just an aspect of herself. That she's given form to. Similar to what someone with PTSD might do. Like a split personality of sorts. I think it's just the embodiment of trauma. 

If this is the case. Facing the trauma through therapy should eliminate it. 

Edited November 19, 2018 by XenoFish

[Piney]

17 minutes ago, XenoFish said:

Its probably just an aspect of herself. That she's given form to. Similar to what someone with PTSD might do. Like a split personality of sorts. I think it's just the embodiment of trauma. 

 

That's my prime projection. It sounds like the OP is reading too much Newage dreck. I guess I have to read some of that stuff to figure out what some of these wannabe workers are talking about. 

I have plenty of time now. 

[XenoFish]

Just now, Piney said:

That's my prime projection. It sounds like the OP is reading too much Newage dreck. I guess I have to read some of that stuff to figure out what some of these wannabe workers are talking about. 

I have plenty of time now. 

Hope your brain doesn't have a nuclear meltdown. 

[EsotericScience]

Sounds to me like this person is someone you knew in a previous life who refuses to move on.

[Imaginarynumber1]

All of the above?

Is all of the above the answer?

Oh wait.. probably just delusion.

[Davros of Skaro]

She obviously has no idea how powerful the mind is at creating fantasy that looks real.

 

[XenoFish]

3 minutes ago, Hello Davros Kitty said:

She obviously has no idea how powerful the mind is at creating fantasy that looks real.

 

Some people do it intentionally.

Anyone ever wonder why I take the psychological approach to all of this? Now you know.

[Davros of Skaro]

11 minutes ago, XenoFish said:

Some people do it intentionally.

Anyone ever wonder why I take the psychological approach to all of this? Now you know.

HOLY FREAKEN DAMN!

People are using the neuralplasticity capability of the  brain to schizo up anime characters into full on hallucinations. 

I guess the positive side is that they know it's not real unlike spiritualism thinking their delusions are real?

When I was doing so called spiritual stuff I did not like the side effects of neuralplasticity that made me paranoid. It went away when I stopped.

[XenoFish]

6 minutes ago, Hello Davros Kitty said:

HOLY FREAKEN DAMN!

People are using the neuralplasticity capability of the  brain to schizo up anime characters into full on hallucinations. 

I guess the positive side is that they know it's not real unlike spiritualism thinking their delusions are real?

When I was doing so called spiritual stuff I did not like the side effects of neuralplasticity that made me paranoid. It went away when I stopped.

Now think about this. If someone spent 200-500 hours focused on a religious practice what would the results be? Imagine someone doing "energy work", reading ghost story's, or simply believing. We get story's about talking to god, seeing demons, and magical beings who really reflect our darker aspects. 

The question becomes, "How much attention can you give to a single thought?"

Edited November 19, 2018 by XenoFish

[Davros of Skaro]

3 minutes ago, XenoFish said:

Now think about this. If someone spent 200-500 hours focused on a religious practice what would the results be? Imagine someone doing "energy work", reading ghost story's, or simply believing. We get story's about talking to god, seeing demons, and magical beings who really reflect our darker aspects. 

The question becomes, "How much attention can you give to a single thought?"

You still did not give me the description of that ghost conjured up in the cemetery. 

Maybe this is a good time as any to retell the story in greater detail from sigil to spirit.

I'm curious what your mind conjured up. It would be funny if it was a Scooby Doo sheet ghost. LOL!

[XenoFish]

15 minutes ago, Hello Davros Kitty said:

You still did not give me the description of that ghost conjured up in the cemetery. 

Maybe this is a good time as any to retell the story in greater detail from sigil to spirit.

I'm curious what your mind conjured up. It would be funny if it was a Scooby Doo sheet ghost. LOL!

8 foot tall slenderman type figure, a black dog, and black cat. I probably saw them as a result of expectations.

[Davros of Skaro]

15 minutes ago, XenoFish said:

8 foot tall slenderman type figure, a black dog, and black cat. I probably saw them as a result of expectations.

Cool. I only saw a real cat, and a real skunk in cemeteries at night.

[Duke Wellington]

12 hours ago, violetraven7 said:

 

Hello! I just joined the group as I've researching spirit attachment stories & related things the past couple hours. And then I finally decided to find a forum so that I could, for the first time, open up about my story with the intention of asking for an outsiders opinion.

For the past several years I was always the one that people came to looking for an opinion or guidance. So this is rather new for me, in fact I'm going to through a rather large spiritual transition. And I've stopped offering guidance until I get my **** together. As I find my life in shambles... Anyways, here it goes. 

Amy

When we come across someone new for the first time we can quickly tell if they got abused by their parents or received a decent upbringing.

People who got abused are quite often angry and bitter about the negative impact it had on their lives. When they come across other people they too can tell if they were abused or got a decent upbringing. Focusing on yourself then if you got a decent upbringing they will hate you for it and target you.

Trying to character assassinate you, sabotage you, corrupt you, isolate you, backstab you, dominate you, destroy you, are all tactics these people use. Their aim is to ruin everything that is good about you so you turn into them. Basically if they cant have the life they feel entitled too then you shouldn't have it either.

This is what gets negative reactions out of other people despite us not doing anything to them. To avoid negative reactions we have to learn to hide who we really are from other people. When we first meet someone we need to ask ourselves what sort of person is this? and mirror back to them themselves.

I think you will find the shadow entity is a parasite not a guardian. These entities are attracted to light in people not because its something they lack or want to acquire, but because its something they want to ruin and destroy.

[violetraven7]

I'm sitting here taking in all of your replies. I was going to reply to each of you individually but nobody has time for that especially when most of you couldn't state your opinion--of my difficult & real situation no matter what words you chose to define my experience--without being condescending, being careless with your words by throwing at me your solution of going to a counselor or therapist, you couldn't just express your disbelief or different view of my situation with compassion & understanding of my situation. That is a much bigger issue than the issues I mentioned in my post. My original post was essential me reaching out, and asking specific questions that were mostly ignored as you all labeled me as the culprit of the issues I"m experiencing as if that is the end all be all truth. If I could have seen you after you typed your opinions--that you took from a psychology book that of course is dubbed as true, by whom, another flawed human. What is the difference between choosing that view out of a mental illness book because someone in a business suit said it was the science of the mind, so believe it--compared to taking the words demons, shadow entity, psychic vampire, ghost, etc from an occult book and using these words to define my situation? 

It doesn't matter what you people what to call my situation. Thats wonderful for you. It makes zero difference to me. You all are stating views that I'm already well aware of & essentially subtly insulting me when by the way it was a bit hard to open up like that and be vulnerable knowing i was going to labeled as dilusional. Or I get to watch your replies to eachother using me as the topic. Much of you seem to be feeling the negative energy regardless if you want to admit it or not, therefore out of a need to feel safe, you had to put the blame on me, saying I created it, its my shadow side, or minimize it to the most mundane explanation. Most of you didn't take in my story completely and probably didn't even read it all. I could clearly see that some of you began typing your reply before you were even settled on the label you were going to give me as a definition of my situation. 

I dont think I was truly heard. I dont think compassion was used, nor tact as you express your views. I dont mind opposing views. I dont mind that you dont see it as I do. That isn't my issue. My issue is the tone of the ego that was felt from reading your words. You literally throwing blame at me just like everyone else. However you may not see it that way but its a subtler version. 

I wrote my post in hopes to connect with people who are capable of connecting on a human level. Not to be defined by people whom aren't me, whom haven't heard my whole story, whom probably haven't have experienced what I have. But your jumping to conclusions about who i am, and translating my words based on your own limited ability to understand. Stop it. It doesn't make you anything but insensitive and you literally offered me answers that didn't even pertain to my questions. 

I was speaking to people who aren't here to label the reason for my experience. I already know who the entity is and how he works and how he influences me. But I wanted opinions on what type of entity is he? I wanted to open up and be vulnerable and share a ****ing story of yes, imperfection and issues. I didn't pour our a piece of my soul relating to this story for it to be minimized, joked about, criticised, and defined with your condescending, uninformed tone. None of this is cool, its not humane, its ego, and you need to learn how to express your opposition with understanding and compassion. Or else you come off as hurtful like the rest of people who talk smack out of fear of being wrong. Because ultimately you dont really know the truth. 

We are all picking words out of books that someone else dubbed as real. Perhaps we all need to see a bloody counselor. 

You people need to remember your heart. It beats. You're alive. And what you say matters. And yes now its time for me to put the blame on you for not giving a **** about people who are sensitive to your tones, to your attitudes and inflated egos. This behavior isn't really who you are. Stop it, it shows what your trying to hide. 

Anyways, to the people who actually answered my questions. Thank you for your interest and feeling guided to answer. I appreciate that. I do also feel, to respond to one of you,this entity is parasitic in nature however there is a twist to his nature. It may inspire negativity such as the negativity and belittling comments i recieved as replys, if i wanted to see the positive in this, the ones whom are scared of connecting with another human being, allowing that person to speak of their story as it is TO THEM, and offer your perspective after thoroughly giving it thought, tender love and care--You care more about appearing to be smart & correct instead of simply offering aid to someone who told you very dark and difficult things. 

All you had to do was answer my specific questions. And yes im long winded with my reaction. People need to know, hear, the impact of their own issues and absent mindedness. Truly listen to what people are saying. Not what you think they are saying. This is the reason I will not be answering any of the questions I was asked. Those topics weren't my concern. You by passed my reason for being here so that you coul find ways to criticize me. 

People simply want to cause tension it seems more than anything else. Whether its done subtly or disguised as something else. 

I could give a **** how you think of my "misguided" ideas and thoughts of MY experience. I dont think you realize how presumptuous that is. 

I came here to find connection and others whom understood and have been through similar things. Not to defend my story to a bunch of keyboard ninjas. 

People like you are the reason why people put on too much weight of blame on themselves when unexplained things are happening. When things like this are happening the victim shouldn't take the full blame. Thats ridiculous. You can't take blame if you dont understand what the **** is happening. You can't take blame if the definition of your situation that was made by another or a Doctor is something you feel within your heart it isn't true. The outsiders view isn't more important. Its up to me to find the true definition of whats going on with me. Am I blaming all my problems on another, or on an entity? Nope. I never said that. 

I take blame for MY issues. I question everything. My sanity, my logical mind, my imagination. I see the perspective that it could not be real. However does that change it? **** no. The experience isn't going to just POOF go away because i decide to think im hallucinating. And no thanks for going to the counselor. I dont need to hear a shitload of bull**** when I handle this **** on my own. I was merely curious about what you people THOUGHT. I'm not interested in what you think its TRUE concerning anything about me. You aren't in the know to make such claims nor to use your nasty tones. 

Change the way you communicate, people. Its ugly. 

I wasn't being rude to skeptics. ****, I even said I love you b****es and i meant it! Just wow, you people dont realize your impact to make the relating issues stand out even further. lol Something to ponder...Maybe darkness has a ****ing lesson... other than causing issues.. maybe those issues are saying something you aren't listening to... Ego doesn't belong here nor in conversation with me. 

People wonder why good people snap.. because you people do not use your brain as you think you are. Everything is a war and a competition for you to strut around pretending that you know somebody. 

Embarrassing. Thanks for the lovely welcome.

[XenoFish]

Maybe consider that by going to a therapist you can actually work through your issues. Getting everything you've pent up over the years out of your system. Everyone has mental baggage. Do something for your wellbeing before its to late. 

[moonman]

When you claim to have sex with ghosts and talk about the abuse you went through, it raises lots of alarms. I don't see how telling you to get help with some therapy is angry, ugly, or mean. It's not. We simply have nothing else to offer. You asked us what we think it is, and we told you.

You're angry and have a right to be. You need professional help, not the internet.

Edited November 19, 2018 by moonman

[XenoFish]

OP I want make something very clear to you. I almost put a bullet in my skull a few months ago. For the past 6 freaking years I have dealt with suicidal depression, when I suggest that you talk to someone. I mean it. If you do not this inner demon of yours will win. 

[Kittens Are Jerks]

45 minutes ago, violetraven7 said:

Change the way you communicate, people. Its ugly. 

Likewise.

45 minutes ago, violetraven7 said:

I came here to find connection and others whom understood and have been through similar things. Not to defend my story to a bunch of keyboard ninjas. 

You should have made that clear from the outset, instead of ending your story with a general "What do you all think?"

And since you've asked:

I'm aware of one person who's had an experience somewhat similar to yours. A former classmate who was sexually assaulted as a young child. She created an entity that eventually became quite real to her. A warrior. But not just any warrior, a dark one. He made her feel safe and protected. Over time she developed a crush on him believing they were intended to be together forever. I don't know if it ever got to the sexual stage, but do know that therapy helped her understand why she brought him into existence.

Trauma, whatever its nature, can do strange things to people.

Your talk about sex, rape and dark entities entering the room of a small child was, quite frankly, disconcerting. I am in no position to analyse your situation,. Indeed no one here is. I also don't want to jump to any conclusions or make stab in the dark assumptions. But given everything you've written, I will offer this bit of unsolicited advice: please seek professional medical assistance because where you're at now is not a good and healthy place to be.

I wish you all the best.