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Sheltie

High-functioning autism -- I'm confused

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Sheltie

In recent years I've had a number of people tell me they've been diagnosed with high-functioning autism.  I did a search on this forum but I couldn't find a thread that specifically talks about autism so I thought I would start one. 

First of all from my online research, it is apparently no longer appropriate to refer to it as Asperger's Syndrome. 

Judging by the support group forums, one of the biggest frustrations for people with HFA is that they often have difficulty reading emotions.  "Neurotypicals", like myself, who do not have autism are often put off by their brashness and bluntness and their lack of "social filters".  To us they may appear to be arrogant and abrasive.  Many autistics claim they are being mistreated and misjudged and, what's more, they're damn angry about it. 

I grew up with a narcissistic father and as someone who has spent a lifetime being accused of being overly sensitive, I have a hard time wrapping my mind around this.  From my perspective there is now a group of insensitive people accusing sensitive people of being insensitive to them when they're being insensitive.  I'm not sure how to respond to this.       

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XenoFish

What makes you think you're autistic? If you're autistic have you had a formal diagnosis? Just curious.

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Daughter of the Nine Moons
6 minutes ago, Sheltie said:

I grew up with a narcissistic father and as someone who has spent a lifetime being accused of being overly sensitive, I have a hard time wrapping my mind around this.  From my perspective there is now a group of insensitive people accusing sensitive people of being insensitive to them when they're being insensitive.  I'm not sure how to respond to this. 

Hi Sheltie 

I'm a little confused. Are there autistic people in your life that are accusing you personally of being insensitive? 

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Daughter of the Nine Moons

@XenoFish I might be wrong but I don't think they are saying they're autistic. 

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XenoFish
3 minutes ago, Daughter of the Nine Moons said:

@XenoFish I might be wrong but I don't think they are saying they're autistic. 

4 hours of sleep. My brain is double battered and deep, deep fried. 

I don't even feel like arguing with anyone if that tells you something.

Edited by XenoFish

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sci-nerd

I am not diagnosed, but I have some autistic traits. It may not make me partially autistic, but it makes me able to understand both worlds.

- I don't like to socialize. Not even with family.
- I don't like small talk (IRL).
- I don't like eye contact more than 1 second.
- I prefer not to touch anyone.
- I have no need for a girlfriend. The trouble is not worth it.
- I find computer games a waste of time.
- I have a compulsive interest in science.

But despite all those things, if people think I'm weird or call me weird, I don't mind. I can see the weirdness myself. I am fully aware of it.

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Daughter of the Nine Moons
16 hours ago, XenoFish said:

4 hours of sleep. My brain is double battered and deep, deep fried. 

I don't even feel like arguing with anyone if that tells you something.

 @XenoFish get some sleep. 4 hours is not enough for your well-being.

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aztek
Just now, XenoFish said:

What makes you think you're autistic? If you're autistic have you had a formal diagnosis? Just curious.

 

Quote

  "Neurotypicals", like myself, who do not have autism are often put off by their brashness and bluntness and their lack of "social filters". 

 

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aztek
Just now, Sheltie said:

In recent years I've had a number of people tell me they've been diagnosed with high-functioning autism.  I did a search on this forum but I couldn't find a thread that specifically talks about autism so I thought I would start one. 

First of all from my online research, it is apparently no longer appropriate to refer to it as Asperger's Syndrome. 

Judging by the support group forums, one of the biggest frustrations for people with HFA is that they often have difficulty reading emotions.  "Neurotypicals", like myself, who do not have autism are often put off by their brashness and bluntness and their lack of "social filters".  To us they may appear to be arrogant and abrasive.  Many autistics claim they are being mistreated and misjudged and, what's more, they're damn angry about it. 

I grew up with a narcissistic father and as someone who has spent a lifetime being accused of being overly sensitive, I have a hard time wrapping my mind around this.  From my perspective there is now a group of insensitive people accusing sensitive people of being insensitive to them when they're being insensitive.  I'm not sure how to respond to this.       

so basically HFA is an what people call other people who are not sugar coating things and tell you truth straight in you face, i always thought it was being honest, well good to know, i can always use that excuse. when i'm called names by liberals for saying what i feel, i'll tell them it's a condition, that should shut their front doors.

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Dejarma
43 minutes ago, sci-nerd said:

I am not diagnosed, but I have some autistic traits. It may not make me partially autistic, but it makes me able to understand both worlds.

- I don't like to socialize. Not even with family.
- I don't like small talk (IRL).
- I don't like eye contact more than 1 second.
- I prefer not to touch anyone.
- I have no need for a girlfriend. The trouble is not worth it.
- I find computer games a waste of time.
- I have a compulsive interest in science.

But despite all those things, if people think I'm weird or call me weird, I don't mind. I can see the weirdness myself. I am fully aware of it.

are you happy?

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sci-nerd
Just now, Dejarma said:

are you happy?

As close to it as anyone. If I look back I've never been happier.

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Dejarma
Just now, sci-nerd said:

As close to it as anyone. If I look back I've never been happier.

if the way you are doesn't harm anyone then it's job done as far as i'm concerned ;) 

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sci-nerd
29 minutes ago, Dejarma said:

if the way you are doesn't harm anyone then it's job done as far as i'm concerned ;) 

I'm able to act completely normal among multiple people for 30 minutes. After that I withdraw mentally. Stop speaking. Try to become anonymous. Try to get away.

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Dejarma
2 minutes ago, sci-nerd said:

I'm able to act completely normal among multiple people for 30 minutes. After that I withdraw mentally. Stop speaking. Try to become anonymous. Try to get away.

oh well there ya go

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XenoFish
8 minutes ago, sci-nerd said:

I'm able to act completely normal

Never met a 'normal' person. I don't think they exist. I'm highly skeptical of this thing called normal.

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Sheltie
1 hour ago, Daughter of the Nine Moons said:

I'm a little confused. Are there autistic people in your life that are accusing you personally of being insensitive? 

I probably didn't choose the appropriate term because being sensitive or insensitive is such an abstract idea.  Yes, my brother, who has HFA, has accused me of not making enough effort to understand him.  My sister and I have always been frustrated with his inability to understand our feelings and emotions.      

 

36 minutes ago, Dejarma said:

if the way you are doesn't harm anyone then it's job done as far as i'm concerned ;) 

My feelings also, Dejarma.  I wasn't trying to pass judgement on the way one acts or doesn't act; I was only trying to express the frustration I feel at times.

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Dejarma
7 minutes ago, Sheltie said:

I wasn't trying to pass judgement on the way one acts or doesn't act; I was only trying to express the frustration I feel at times.

yeah i know

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Sheltie

Actually, I also have a friend who I've known for years who I recently found out is on the autism spectrum.  I understand now that she can't help some of the things she says but I still get tired of dealing with her. It's extremely annoying when she constantly says snarky things about the way I dress or the way I decorate my house.  She constantly complains and criticizes everyone and comes across as being very arrogant.    Maybe the fact that she's a woman and I'm a man makes it more offensive on a personal level.  She has no friends and her marriage seems dead and lifeless.  I want to be her friend but I just don't have the patience.   :o

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RabidMongoose
1 hour ago, Sheltie said:

In recent years I've had a number of people tell me they've been diagnosed with high-functioning autism.  I did a search on this forum but I couldn't find a thread that specifically talks about autism so I thought I would start one. 

First of all from my online research, it is apparently no longer appropriate to refer to it as Asperger's Syndrome. 

Judging by the support group forums, one of the biggest frustrations for people with HFA is that they often have difficulty reading emotions.  "Neurotypicals", like myself, who do not have autism are often put off by their brashness and bluntness and their lack of "social filters".  To us they may appear to be arrogant and abrasive.  Many autistics claim they are being mistreated and misjudged and, what's more, they're damn angry about it. 

I grew up with a narcissistic father and as someone who has spent a lifetime being accused of being overly sensitive, I have a hard time wrapping my mind around this.  From my perspective there is now a group of insensitive people accusing sensitive people of being insensitive to them when they're being insensitive.  I'm not sure how to respond to this.       

Autism is a problem with a persons brain development caused by genetics, physical damage, or infection. 

It results in them lacking a theory of mind meaning they cannot comprehend that other people have their own separate thoughts. Without that insight they never learn to regulate their interactions with other people in socially and interpersonally acceptable ways. Basically they lack the feedback mechanism which in normal children results in them engaging in self reflection over how their actions affect others and then learning from the experience. This is why they behave oddly and can be very annoying.

Autism is not the same as narcissism although on the surface they can appear similar. All people are narcissistic to a certain degree but when someone is so narcissistic that it causes problems in their interpersonal relationships then they have a problem. When this is the case the person has a Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and this is caused by a lack of identity not them missing a theory of mind.

NPD begins in childhood when the youngster is abused by their parents in such a way that they never form an identity. By constantly criticising, putting down, mocking, humiliating, and being negative towards their child the parents pull its self-perceptions all over the place. This prevents the kid figuring out who it is and unfortunately once they reach the age of about eight years old then they are stuck that way. The reason being is their brain has then finished most of its development so there is no way to give them the `identity neurons` which they are missing.

NPD is similar to bi-polar disorder but instead of it being the swinging back and forth between two extremes of mood its two extremes of identity. One is Godlike perfection and the other is being totally defective. There is no where in-between these two extremes because they never developed a normal identity. The reason why NPD swings between two extremes is because the identity of Godlike perfection is impossible to sustain.

To uphold the fallacy of Godlike perfection they need to be at the centre of the universe, be the centre of attention, always be right, always be the best, always be perfect, always be the winner, always be admired by others, and to always be morally impeccable. Basically everything which would be true if they were a God. Unfortunately for the person with NPD other people arent interested in playing along. This means they constantly force the narcissist into the realisation that the Godlike identity is false (often without even knowing it). This plunges the narcissist into the totally defective identity causing them significant psychological distress.

The bad attitude and hostility of a narcissist comes from them being in the totally defective identity state of mind. You have shattered their Godlike perfection so you must be crushed! You must be forced to valid their Godlike perfection so they can snap themselves out of being totally defective! You must be punished so you never make the same mistake again!

You mistake NPD for autism because of the lack of self-reflection going on inside their minds. The actual problem with them is they cannot engage in self-reflection because if they did then they would have to confront how their behaviour has been less than morally impeccable. Something which would destroy their identity of Godlike perfection!

You mistake NPD for autism because they never accept they have a problem. The actual problem going on is that if they accepted that they had a problem then they are no longer perfect. Something else which will destroys their identity of Godlike perfection!

The narcissist cannot accept that they have a problem, everything is someone else`s fault. Or it never happened, there has been a misunderstanding, they are the victim and you deserve it, or there is some kind of plot or conspiracy against them! All these delusional methods of escape allow the narcissist to keep the identity of Godlike perfection intact! The denial is also why they cannot be treated and why psychos in prison cannot be cured.

I tell a little lie, it is not known if the missing neurons can be given to them. The reason being is to get them to develop an identity they would have to first admit to themselves that they lack one. An admission of being less than perfect isn't something they can do. No psychologist has come up of a way of getting around that to find out.

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Sheltie
30 minutes ago, RabidMongoose said:

Autism is a problem with a persons brain development caused by genetics, physical damage, or infection. 

It results in them lacking a theory of mind meaning they cannot comprehend that other people have their own separate thoughts. Without that insight they never learn to regulate their interactions with other people in socially and interpersonally acceptable ways.

Thanks for the response, Mongoose!  I had never heard about autistics and theory of mind -- truly bizarre.  My brother was the executor of my father's will.  He's always been sharp at math, unlike my sister and I, and he always gets frustrated when we don't know exactly what he's talking about when it comes to finance and investments.  This explains a lot.  It's also really weird and difficult to imagine the concept of not understanding that other people have thoughts.  :unsure2:    

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Sheltie
1 hour ago, sci-nerd said:

I'm able to act completely normal among multiple people for 30 minutes. After that I withdraw mentally. Stop speaking. Try to become anonymous. Try to get away.

That's not unusual at all.  As an introvert I also begin to feel drained after I've been around a lot of people for a long time. 

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sci-nerd
10 minutes ago, Sheltie said:

That's not unusual at all.  As an introvert I also begin to feel drained after I've been around a lot of people for a long time. 

Not for us. But most people can't get enough of each other.

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darkmoonlady

My best friend of almost 30 years was diagnosed as Aspeberger Syndrome in the early 2000s, which makes sense as both parents are, she married someone with AS (or HFA) but their one child doesn't have it. They are great people, both have social anxiety and hate eye contact, both super intelligent. To the OP not having a filter is not exactly how it works (so aztek you aren't off the hook). It's more than that, you have two things happening at once, one not being able to read not just emotions of others but most of the subtle things like body language and facial expressions. My friends husband hates ordering from drive thru because it means talking to strangers. It isn't being DONE to you if someone with HFA is "rude" to you, quite the contrary inside their discomfort is at such an extreme because they can't read if you are bothered or not and usually worry you are. My best friend is a teacher and imagine navigating meetings, teacher parent conferences and students and attempting to overcome social anxiety and awkwardness. Luckily her Mom (also with HFA) got a Masters in special education and behavioural psychology and my friend learned to navigate better than most people with HFA. Her husband didn't and he struggles with social contacts outside of close family and friends. He's also the nicest guy I've ever met. 

Edited by darkmoonlady
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RabidMongoose
13 hours ago, Sheltie said:

Thanks for the response, Mongoose!  I had never heard about autistics and theory of mind -- truly bizarre.  My brother was the executor of my father's will.  He's always been sharp at math, unlike my sister and I, and he always gets frustrated when we don't know exactly what he's talking about when it comes to finance and investments.  This explains a lot.  It's also really weird and difficult to imagine the concept of not understanding that other people have thoughts.  :unsure2:    

Autistics lack an awareness of other people having minds. Here is an example:

From his perspective, because he doesnt realise that other people have minds there is no feedback mechanism in place (which he would get from social cues) to tell him that his behaviour is odd. Without that feedback mechanism he has never learned to behave normally. I suspect after watching that video you will quickly realise if your brother is autistic or not.

Next time you come across someone who is mean towards others keep an eye out for what happens when they get under a persons skin. Are they smiling? Do they seem to be experiencing pleasure? If so they have emotional dysregulation going on where they seek sadistic kicks from being mean towards others. The sadistic kick they get makes them feel better and this is one of the give away signs of bi-polar disorder.

Edited by RabidMongoose
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Sheltie

The person in this video is pretty much what I always envisioned when someone mentioned autism.  Until very recently I never knew there were people who had subtle functional forms of autism that cannot be detected unless you spend a lot of time with them and really look for the social cues.  

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