Jump to content
Join the Unexplained Mysteries community today! It's free and setting up an account only takes a moment.
- Sign In or Create Account -
Dame_Diva

Entities with Telekinetic Abilities

40 posts in this topic

Recommended Posts

Dame_Diva
On 08/01/2019 at 11:25 AM, Emma_Acid said:

1. Prove that entities exist

2. Prove that telekinetic abilities exist

...only then can we talk about "entities with telekinetic abilities".

Prove they don't?

I've no idea if they exist or not. All i know is I had an odd experience I can't explain.

I am also compiling a book based on and around odd experiences I have had over the years both natural and supernatural...it's a work of fiction.

So any information about psychokinesis and/or telekinesis and any other parapsychological phenonmina would be useful. I am particarly interested in malevolent entities (fictional or otherwise) that like to inflict suffering on their victim (remember this is for a fiction based story or book...and has nothing to do with the real world).

It is meant to be a psychological/paranormal thriller.

 

 

Edited by Dame_Diva

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
 
Dame_Diva

For this story I am particularly interested in entities including, and similar to, Greys, Reptillians, Demons, Djinn etc.

Happy to consider real and fictional encounters...

No judgement made.

 

 

Edited by Dame_Diva

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
ParanormalKris

OK, You Said that You Had A Over-doss. And that can be Vary Hard on the Brain. Now I am Not Saying nun of it is Paranormal, Because I Believe that Some is. But most is you and being Vary Ill. If It Was All Paranormal, then more Stuff would Add up. So Please please Get A MRI.  

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Dame_Diva

Well I can confirm my dr has been lying to me.

 

When I overdosed in December 2017 a lot happened as a result and I can now confirm my Dr has been lying to me.

 

I will post more when i get back from the shop.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Dame_Diva

What I was told:

image.png.d8364dd0a38e1ac5d6b1983888c07304.png

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Dame_Diva

Yes I did an overdose but not for self hatred, because of the 20 years of abuse from the NHS

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Dame_Diva

More coming

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Dame_Diva

THis has happened numerous times before!

 

I am left sick and suffering from chronic pain that they keep insisting is anxiety and depression, so I get endless support for thinking patterns and belief systems I don't have whilst my physical symptoms are ignored becuase apparenlty you get physical symptoms with mental illness and my blood tests are normal...

 

Um it seems they are not!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Dame_Diva

I already have a complaint in progress about what happened in December 2017: The overdose was due to this kind of thing happening for the last 20 years, not worthlessness or melancholy or self hatred etc!

 

My complaint covers numerous concerns that involve more than one area of the NHS. My advocate has checked the NHS website and found the following statement ‘’In the event of a complaint about more than one organisation, perhaps a complaint that includes issues about your GP, local hospital and ambulance service – you’ll only need to make one complaint. The organisation that receives your complaint must then co-operate with the others to ensure you receive a co-ordinated response.’’ With this in mind my advocate has advised me to address this complaint to the NHS Norwich CCG.

I am writing to complain about an ongoing sequence of events that culminated at the end of December in 2017. For a number of reasons that are not stereotypical of the norm, I attempted an overdose of painkillers and alcohol.

Firstly, I had previously received a concussion and injured arm in a cycling accident where a hit and run driver knocked me off my bicycle (no fault of my own and there were eyewitness reports). I was sent home shortly after but started to become confused, at which point I contacted the 111 service for advice. I was greeted with a lady whom seemed to think it was a worsening mental health issue and whom cross questioned me about if I wanted to commit suicide (to which I said no) and if I wanted to hurt anybody (to which I said no). I had called about confusion, falling in and out of sleep, memory issues and not being able to remember how many painkillers and anti-sickness medications I had taken.

Following this I put the phone down as I was considerably upset. Consequently after the phone call I consumed an alcoholic drink. There are is a 20 year history where all my physical symptoms have been put down to mental illness when in fact they have turned out to have a physical cause. I have previously been given treatment over and over for the wrong set of symptoms and this has resulted in extreme psychological distress due to what I’ve been put through. Following the phone call and alcoholic drink I did become suicidal and took an overdose on top of the accidental one (I’d already taken too many tablets due to my concussion and resulting memory issues).

During a moment of clarity I called out for an ambulance and was told one was being sent out. No ambulance arrived and I subsequently passed out. When I awoke in the morning and, concerned about my health now that I was sober, I called for an ambulance again. I was informed that an ambulance was not sent out previously, contrary to what I had been told, but they would send one now.

When the ambulance arrived, the male paramedic was more than rude. He kept insisting that I must hate myself even though I repeatedly said no and continued to goad me for some time. He then moved on to insisting I must get tremors if I didn’t drink, which I don’t and to which I also said no, but he kept insisting I must regardless of what I said. He then said, rather abruptly, without any delicacy that “any liver damage I have now will be permanent.’’

His attitude upset me greatly as self-hatred is not one of my symptoms. I have, for the last 10 years, put up with people insisting I must hate myself even though I have clearly stipulated this is not an issue for me. I have long running issues with my gut and sleep in the form of daytime sleepiness and diarrhea, loss of bowel control, flare ups with heavy spontaneous bleeding, IBS type symptoms etc. that were diagnosed as depression and anxiety as routine blood tests come back as normal. I keep pointing out that I don’t hate myself or have low motivation or constant low mood, but people still insist on giving me emotional support for things I’m not thinking or feeling anyway, and it has become so distressing that it is now giving me nightmares at night! Wouldn’t self-improvement be more beneficial than self-flagellation? This is partly why I was suicidal that night whilst I was intoxicated (I don’t get suicidal ideation when I am sober). I have been left soiling myself with an incontinent bowel for years now whilst I am simultaneously blamed for it because both physical and mental health services keep insisting it’s mental illness and won’t even refer me to a gastroenterologist for further investigation. I have soiled myself many times over the years and don’t even know when I need to go, it just feels as though I have wind, therefore I have no chance of getting to a toilet. It is humiliating and degrading in its own right without having to put up with people insisting I am worthless, can’t do anything and must hate myself.

I have been through much abuse in the past, everything from being thumped, to thrown across rooms and repeatedly kicked, to being raped, to being emotionally and psychologically abused both locked in a room where I couldn’t get out or otherwise and I moved to my present location from Leeway in Stalham. I would never ever do such a thing to myself as I consider it to be a form of bullying and the paramedics’ attitude was incredibly distressing to me at a time when I was already distressed enough.

On the way to the hospital I asked the female paramedic about their busy night as I had assumed there had been a lot of emergencies. She said they had been out visiting a lot of people with colds. I also asked them to look at the elbow that had been injured during the cycling accident, they refused to do so.

On arriving at NNUH I was dumped in the A&E. After some time I was called through and given the usual tests (blood, blood pressure etc.). I also asked them to please look at my arm as I could not straighten it properly and it was painful. They would not. Some time later I was sent through into another waiting room where more blood tests were done. I asked again for someone to look at my arm. They would not. Some time later a nurse came through and talked to me. She arranged for an X-ray but did not examine the arm itself. Later I was given my results and told that my arm was not broken and that my blood tests were normal but that the psychiatric team wanted to talk to me about the overdose. I left.

Less than 2 days later I was admitted to NNUH suffering with cellulitis in my arm where the elbow had been injured in the accident. This is the arm that I had specifically asked several times to look at in A&E. The infection had spread down my forearm and was also moving up it. It was eventually treated and after 5 days was fine.

A few weeks later, whilst experiencing abdominal bloating and pain, I called the out of hours service at North Walsham and would like to add this point to the complaint:

During January and February I was getting a lot of pain in my upper right abdomen along with bloating and abdominal pain. When I was put through by 111 to North Walsham the man at the desk responded with why do you keep calling in when you know you cant get down here? (transport issues). To which I replied 111 put me through to talk to a Dr on the phone. He then asked the problem was and I told him to which he responded oh you and your stomach in a not so nice tone of voice.

 

It was a bit rude.

Some months later I was taken to the A&E at NNUH with what turned out to be a bad migraine with left-sided sensory issues. During the tests the doctor showed me my liver tests from December as my ALT readings were still high (although they have come down a bit). He did not realise no one had told me my liver ALT readings were over 400 in December 2017 in the first place. I was previously told they were normal. I am unhappy about this as it would have been nice to have been informed about the condition of my health. It would have been nice to have been able to make an informed decision about my lifestyle choices sooner instead of being left to believe my liver function was ok when it clearly was not.

Even when I was in the hospital with my arm I was not told about my liver and when I saw the out of hours doctor whom sent me back to the hospital with the infected arm in December 2017 I was not told. Although he did ask to check my abdomen around my liver area. I did wonder why when I had gone to see him about my elbow.

As to why I had tried to commit suicide in the first place? It is complicated, but it is not stereotypical by any means.

·       Years of being left with infections or other health issues that needed treatment (I have examples from over 18 years ago) and having them ignored by everyone I knew.

·       Years of everyone believing I have symptoms I do not have even though they appear in my medical notes.

·       Years of people not believing me about my real symptoms due to mental health labels when my physical symptoms are real and have nothing to do with my mood or my belief systems or my psychology.

·       All of this has destroyed my relationships, my family ties, my education and my career

·       Medical notes that accuse me of crimes I’ve not committed (not listed in this letter).

·       Long term social isolation due to social problems caused by the labels I have been given and the fact I cannot relate to those with similar issues (as diagnosed by drs).

·       The feeling as though the labels I have been given are inaccurate.

 

I would like the following points addressed in the response to my complaint.

  1. Why was I not told the correct result regarding my liver readings and informed about what that meant in terms of the condition of my liver?

  2. Why have I not been referred to a gastroenterologist about my gut issues when bleeding is present?

  3. I also have issues, for the last 4 years, with pain on the right side just under my rib cage. Again it is ignored and I am not referred to anyone. Why not?

  4. Why do mental health and support staff keep trying to give me support for the wrong set of symptoms when I have repeatedly told them they are not one of my issues, and why do they keep ignoring my real symptoms?

  5. Why is it ok for a paramedic to treat a patient in the way I was treated on that day, regardless of the reason for the emergency call?

  6. Why was an ambulance not sent out as a result of the first call I made?

  7. Why did they ignore me repeatedly when I asked them look at my arm? The bicycle accident had nothing to do with any mental health labels I may have. The car did not try to overtake and hit me from behind, swerved, kept driving and left me unconscious in the middle of the road where another car nearly ran over me. I was not at fault and there were eyewitness reports. But still my injured arm was ignored.

Along with answers to my questions, I would very much like a:

  1. Review of the events that happened during December 2017.

  2. Explanation for the above questions.

  3. Decent medical care moving forward and the right tests and treatment regardless of any labels I may have been given.

  4. To know what arrangements will be put in place to ensure this kind of treatment does not happen to anyone else.

 

I would like you to carry out a full investigation into my concerns and provide a written response in accordance with the NHS Complaints Procedure.

 

I look forward to receiving acknowledgement of my complaint letter in writing.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Dame_Diva

To my dr from me:

 

I might have written to the wrong person!

 

HI, I wanted to discuss an issue regarding my medical history/notes and felt it would be easiest to write to you about the matter rather than speak to you in the surgery. I shall endeavour to keep my letter as short as possible bearing in mind you are most likely very busy, however, it does need to cover a fairly long period of time. I am also trying not to type in what I call ‘drunkenese’ as we are all aware, I have little drink problem that needs to be sorted out right now!

Whilst I am aware, given the events over the last few years or so, that I obviously have some psychological difficulties (I really dislike the words mental illness due to the negative connotations and stereotypes it evokes) I feel that the labels I have been given of Anxiety and Depression are somewhat incorrect. This has led to my receiving a lot of support for symptoms/difficulties I do not have whilst my real symptoms have been constantly ignored for some years now (at least 20 for some of them).

It is hard to know where to begin as there is so much relevant history to cover so I shall just start typing and hope for the best!

My longest running symptom is a sleep issue consisting of daytime drowsiness/sleepiness. Usually put down to depression or diagnosed as such. These difficulties started in adolescence and persist to this day. However, unlike with typically depressed people I don’t have hypersomnia or need to sleep constantly throughout the day due to low mood. I will basically fall asleep anywhere and everywhere and have even fallen asleep when taking a shower and fallen over (rare that I nod off standing up, and fall over but it has happened, on average about once a year, if that – I am more likely to fall asleep when sedentary). I’ve nodded off sightseeing around a castle in Wales and been woken up by people whom think I have passed out, I’ve nodded off on a visit to the opticians and been met with the response that they ‘have never seen anyone so relaxed before an eye exam before’ and I can’t drive a car as I will nod off whilst I am driving and risk veering off the road as a result and don’t want to be responsible for harming anyone. My naps tend to be short rather than long and my sleepiness fluctuates throughout the day.

It has been a bit of nuisance for a very long time as every time I feel sleepy during the day people think it means I am demotivated or depressed, which I may not actually be. Then come the speeches about motivation or mood or anxiety and of course they have no effect on me as my sleepiness has nothing to do with my mental state and never has done (unless I have stress related insomnia…separate issue!).

Basically, my brain wants a nap, we are having a nap…end of story. I can sometimes stay awake but if I do my concentration and memory are affected and I won’t be able to retain anything I have read or done anyway, it’s a bit like being senile or something!

This sleep issue has existed now for about 27 years and is put down to depression even though I will nod off even when I am feeling happy or excited or looking forward to stuff.

The next set of symptoms to appear were my gut issues. Most recently it has been loss of bowel control but before that it was IBS type symptoms which differ from the flare ups (or raging bowel syndrome as I call it) that I reported the last time I saw you. I have had the IBS for over 20 years with them first appearing in my early 20s. They basically consist of having to use the loo repeatedly (up to 12 times a day for example), not feeling as though I am finished; soft stools, feeling generally unwell and so on. Some years ago this was thought to be IBS, however, a few years back the raging bowel syndrome began as well (I call it such because someone once said you can experience loss of bowel control with irritable bowel syndrome and I immediately thought ‘this is not irritable, this is past irritable, this is one upset bowel, this is the incredible hulk of upset bowels, this is the Bruce Banner on a bad day of bowel syndromes instead…!’ Or David Banner if you are more aware of the Louie and Bixby series from the 70’s but Bruce works better with the alliteration). The latter differs from my usual bowel issues in that I don’t know I need to use the loo, at most I feel as though I need to pass wind, its intermittent rather than chronic and I get bleeding with it as well. The bowel issues are normally put down to anxiety.

Sounds simple enough, however, these symptoms, along with their labels, have combined to make my life rather difficult and have affected everything from my everyday functioning to relationships to education and employment etc all amounting in a worsening of my mental and emotional wellbeing as a result.  

The symptoms I do not get however are:

Constant low mood (my mood may be low if I am very unhappy at the time due to distressing life events. Yes, being ill all the time can get someone down, but I can feel unwell/sleepy etc without being depressed or even anxious.

Beating myself up/Self-hatred. I don’t do this as I find it to be a useless response to a situation. I prefer either self-improvement, self-acceptance or finding a solution or creative work around instead.

Loss of interest in hobbies etc. No, I don’t get this one either. In fact, at times it’s been rather frustrating as I have wanted to indulge my favourite pastimes but did not feel well enough (or could not sit still for long enough due to having to run to the loo) to do so.

Low motivation. No, I am motivated, especially towards wanting to finish my degree, studying in general and in desiring to pursue a career, even with my rather rusty English lately (aka drunkenese as stated above); but my bowel issues and sleep issues etc have constantly interfered causing me to have to leave several courses before completion. Even though I got good grades (believe it or not – mostly A grades or Distinctions with the Occasional B and very rarely a C) I could not keep up with the pace due to nodding off, running to the loo or just feeling ill in general, and had to pull out half way through. If I asked for support or help what I got was a motivational speech aimed at my “depression” or um “anxiety” as the tutor or others around be became convinced my symptoms were from stress or worrying about failing. Um, on the prior OU module I was studying before the one I am doing now (trying again to finish a degree as usual whilst my bowel is having a very quiet patch) which was a BSC in the Natural Sciences my grades were along the lines of 97%, 96% 95% etc with one paper being below 90% at 86% instead. I very much doubt I was sitting on the edge of my seat worrying about failing with those grades! Yet people will convince themselves I am because I had another day of bathroom runs again.

This time around I am doing a BA in the Arts and Humanities, but I will admit I am missing the science a bit. I don’t know what possessed me to change over!

Self-criticism/Perfectionism. I am not a self-critical or perfectionistic person. Whilst I usually like to be thorough when sober, being perfect all the time is unrealistic. I cannot always get everything right, I will sometimes make mistakes and there are going to be things I am just not good at. This is just life and I am fine with that. If I want to, I can always practice in order to try and improve my ability in an area. Mistakes are a learning curve and not something I fear and being perfect all the time is simply impossible. I find individuals with anxiety and depression to be very difficult to cope with on this front. Their expectations of themselves are often very unrealistic and they seem to pass those expectations on to me. Therefore, I have trouble coping with other people with an Anxiety or Depression label and feel their way of thinking creates an awful lot of unnecessary stress etc!

Which brings me to my next consideration, my lack of social relationships and social isolation. People often suggest going to groups for people with mental health issues. This does not work for me at all. Firstly, I do have social anxiety and a terrible fear of public speaking. So much so that when it comes to the latter, when I had to do presentations at University, I would not sleep for 3 nights or so beforehand. Afterwards someone would always come up to me and say, “are you ok” and I would say “yes why?” and they would reply “I have never seen anyone shake so much!”. Everyone could see me shaking and sweating and tripping over my words due to my being absolutely terrified at the time! So many people all staring at me and whilst yes, in some modules, I was getting straight A grades I think that made it worse! People had expectations and I couldn’t always live up to them! Plus, you just know that the one time you are going to mess up and look like a complete dooberry (my word for idiot) is when you are presenting your work to a room full of people with expectations. Mess up in an essay, fine, only the tutor knows about it and we can sort that out, mess up in front of others and well, you will never live it down in this lifetime, even if you are forgiving towards yourself when it comes to making mistakes and not being perfect!

The world is not as kind to me as I am to myself it seems. In fact, it seems, the world can be rather unkind (more on that later).

Suffice to say, I don’t talk in front of groups. I just clam up, sweat, babble, ramble (like in this letter but worse lol) etc. I also can’t give them emotional support as I don’t really understand their feelings. When I reported my symptoms, I pretty much said my bowel issues/sleep issues etc were getting me down. I never said I had low motivation or hated myself or similar. These symptoms were assumed as a result of the labels I was given because my blood tests always come back as normal. I can not help them with support for such feelings as self-loathing as I do not experience them or know what they feel like. I have always considered my physical symptoms to be real, even if no one seems to know what they are and have not blamed myself for them at any point in my life. I’ve always endeavoured to try and find a solution actually and have over the years found things that help, although few people believe me.

1.      I quit antidepressants. I did used to get panic attacks and OCD like symptoms such as needing to count in certain sets of numbers, repeatedly touching things otherwise I’d be convinced something bad would happen, flicking light switches to counts of sets of 16 to the point that I would get blisters on my fingers and blow endless lightbulbs, having to reread the same sentence over and over again, always avoiding the bad numbers such a 3 for example. I also used to get racing thoughts, intrusive thoughts, palpitations, regular headaches of a migraine type quality and so on but these symptoms stopped after I stopped the psychotropic medications and I no longer get them.

 

2.      I quit smoking. I used to smoke 40 or more a day. I no longer do this. Symptoms such as shortness of breath, repeated chest infections and headaches etc improved once I had given this bad habit up. The shortness of breath was often attributed to anxiety even though it had more to do with smoking it seems.

 

3.      I changed my diet around. I have found great relief for many of my symptoms from a gluten free, dairy free diet. This does not surprise me as according to my notes from when I was a baby, I could not tolerate gluten containing baby foods. Although I am not sure if the notes are still there (my notes go missing a lot) I do remember reading (and in fact had a photocopy of the document for a while) a note that said that I was ‘failing to thrive’, was throwing up a lot and that I stopped being sick and started gaining weight when fed gluten free cereals/baby food instead. I saw this after I had figured out gluten was an issue for me (so it is not a nocebo effect or similar), even if no one believes me. Eating a Gluten free diet is not a problem for me as I grew up with a brother with Coeliac Disease (he was diagnosed as a child…also mentioned in my notes for some reason) and I do not mind not eating gluten free at all. I have been gluten free, dairy free for most of this year and my bowel has been unusually well behaved for the latter half of it (it takes a while for her to settle down when I remove these foods, maybe 2 or so months). If I do eat any gluten then the IBS type symptoms come back temporarily (soft, very pungent, stools), feeling tired/unwell and getting ulcers on my tongue several days after eating the offending food (3 of them last time after a McDonald’s quarter pounder I thought I would get away with as after all, it’s only one burger! Um apparently not it seems…) but will disappear if I don’t eat any more gluten grains (in my case wheat, barley, rye and oats) and dairy. If I carry on eating them, I get very sick over time but again, no one will believe me, and it’s not just diarrhoea either. The gluten makes me sick given long enough.

I am waiting to see if my flare ups of ‘angry bowel syndrome’ return or not. I know the gluten free/ dairy free diet helps with the chronic symptoms, but the angry bowel thing is newer and does not seem to be the same as my chronic IBS type stuff, so I wait to see what will happen with that. So far, bowel still quiet, despite my drinking, which I am trying to get control of and which is why I am writing this rambling letter in drunkenese. I need to resolve this stuff to solve the problem and rebuild my life, so I can move forwards.

Last year my bowel was a mess, a mixture of my chronic symptoms and my flare ups alongside my sleep issues. I was left soiling myself with a bleeding rectum, treated as though it was somehow my fault, trapped with people I can’t relate to emotionally and psychologically and with people pushing support on me for belief systems I don’t have and find distressing because they are so unrealistic. That, along with the Asperger’s thing (noted below), led to my drinking and using painkillers to help which then led to my being suicidal.

The 4 suicide attempts I had in the last 2 or 3 years came after the Asperger’s screening test, I had had none prior to that for over 15 years which takes me back to a time when I was drinking again. There was never any diagnosis of Asperger’s as you noted, but you are the only one to note that which I guess, is why I am rambling at you. At least you noticed. Everyone else treated the screening as a formal diagnosis and kept trying to give me support for my autism and learning disabilities. Um, I am not learning disabled! I have various qualifications and certificates all with Distinction level passes or A grades etc to prove it, yet when I enrolled on various academic courses since the screening, I have had special ed type stuff shoved on me anyway. On one course they said, “do you need any educational help” and I said “No, I am fine thank you” they replied with “Well if I think you need it…”. People said ‘well they are just trying to be nice/helpful’ but personally I felt more humiliated than anything. Whilst I have drink induced cabbage brain right now, normally I can get my own distinctions and A grades academically thank you!

I guess I do have characteristics that resemble Asperger’s, but that label is not a fit either as they too seem to have that self-denigrating way of thinking. I also do not have a need for fixed routines, sameness, a fear of change (right now I want change, that’s why I am doing this, my life appears to be insane and I am tired of it, I need a nice dose of normal instead) and I can read body language. When I said to the therapist whom referred me to AEA after I said that people didn’t make sense to me, I meant their belief systems…as in the self-flagellating thing not their body language and facial expressions. I have lived in Norfolk for over 10 years now and during that time the people I have met have kept on about their self-loathing relentlessly to the point it has somewhat disturbed me. My labels are public knowledge it seems and so I attract certain types because of them. People have insisted I must hate myself just like the Ambulance Driver in December even when I have stipulated that I don’t, but they persist anyway. For example, I visited the local pub some time ago, I was upset over something, at this time I was not consuming alcohol (was teetotal) and so ordered a pineapple juice. After a while a bar man sat opposite me and simply said “you hate yourself don’t you”. Um… I replied with no, a little shocked by his actions as this is not what one would expect when distressed (I believe the better response is to ask the person if they are ok and if they need anything!). This is not the only time such things have happened and to be honest I find it all quite disturbing. I have other examples I won’t highlight in this letter as its turning into the equivalent of a biography but suffice to say I find myself very disturbed and distressed by the behaviour of other people in that way to the point that it is giving me nightmares.

And now we touch on my actual psychological issues. Flashbacks and bad memories from years of abuse, not just the examples listed above. Since I was a baby I have been, over the years, thumped, thrown across rooms and repeatedly kicked, raped, and psychologically and emotionally abused by people. Indeed, I moved to my present address from leeway in Stalham. I was helped by Julian housing (now Together) and placed in temporary accommodation in Thorpe St Andrew before being moved here. December has unearthed so many bad memories, stuff I thought I had laid to rest, I don’t even know where to begin. I am trying to do my OU work, but my concentration is badly messed up. My brain keeps replaying things over and repeatedly and more so comes all the feelings I had at the time. Even without a distinct memory, the feelings pervade and that is why I drink the alcohol. It is merely an anaesthetic that I use to numb the pain down a bit. Every bad memory…and the pain that came with it, hitting me all at the same time. I can’t even rest when I sleep, I have nightmares. And people wanting me to hate myself just like those whom abused me….NO I’ll not hate myself for their bad behaviour! Not in this lifetime.

And this brings me yet again to my notes. Ancient notes, old ones from another town, another place, another time. The psychiatrist has accused me of violent crimes. I did not do this, I have no criminal record. I was on the receiving end of the assault, I was not the perpetrator and I can do a DBS check to prove it if need be. I can’t believe what I have read in my notes from the MHS (mental health services), they have messed them up badly. My symptoms are incorrect, the notes are laced with bias and prejudice, symptoms have been assumed but not confirmed and I’ve been accused of all sorts of things I did not do. Yes, I did have some behavioural issues when I was young, but it was to do with he abuse I went though and the alcohol I was consuming at the time. This does not mean I am not aware that those behaviours are not beneficial, but very few people understand the world I grew up in. Still they have painted me in the worst light possible and I feel gutted when reading it. I had good grades academically and all I ever wanted to do was get myself feeling well so I could finish my degree and have a career. I never asked for the life I got, I never asked for the abuse I got, I never asked to be trapped around mad people whom think it’s ok to throw a 14-year-old across a room and kick them repeatedly because they asked to borrow some bus fare…

Cause it is a bit insane isn’t it? Why would anyone do that? Could they not have just said no?

December, December, December going around and around my head. That ambulance driver, so bullying, so nasty. It’s unearthed so much.

I should just get over it, I know, but its much harder than people think.

Its not just December its 18 years ago. I had headache issues (don’t get headaches much now, maybe twice a year or so) and reported it to the Drs in Worcester. The head pain was across the front of my head and I could not breath through my nose. They insisted it was anxiety as the blood tests were normal. I thought it was my sinuses. For over a year I begged them to look at my sinuses and they refused until I had a breakdown over it (had alcohol issues at the time) and became suicidal. Afterall I knew that my headaches were not psychiatric by the symptoms I was experiencing, and I knew they needed treatment. In my mind I was left in pain for no reason, for something that could be easily treated and once again I could get no one to believe me. Was I going to be left in pain forever with everyone thinking it was my mental health? For over a year…I begged them to check my sinuses, when I did finally get a referral to an ENT, he stuck a probe up my nose and a load of pus shot down. He responded with “oh, you have an infection”.

I’d noticed.

An allergy test at the time revealed an allergy to feathers. Does not sound like much but I was sleeping under a down duvet with a down pillow and to this day I can’t sleep under a feather duvet. The words allergic rhinitis come to mind. Although people around me will insist its stress….

No, an allergy. A bit like when I get flu, and everyone asks, “is it your mental illness”? Um no, I think you will find it’s the virus someone sneezed on me. My immune system might be interacting with it!

Suffice to say they put me through hell and messed up my medical notes in the process.

And it’s happening again, every physical symptom I have is being put down to mental health issues, when as I told them at the hospital recently it’s the physical symptoms that impair my ability to function more than anything (except for the recent resurgence of bad memories I am getting) not my emotions or belief systems. Afterall, if you are unhappy with something wouldn’t you endeavour to want to change it? Why would I go to bed and do nothing just because I am feeling sad? That does not make sense to me.

I know I should talk to MHS about this but after seeing the subjective bias and prejudice displayed in the medical notes, they have written about me I don’t really want to have much to do with them. I can’t trust them obviously. I thought I was talking to a caring professional but then find out I am not. Of all the people whom have been the most accurate with my notes and symptoms it has been the GPs and if they have made an error, it was usually to do with being mislead by MH services because they keep messing up my notes (MH services not GPs).  Therefore, I will interact with GPs but not MHS services any more as evidenced in December when they wanted me to talk to them about my overdose and I simply walked away instead.

Anyway, I am going to leave this letter here, as I am rambling a bit now, but I hope it sheds some light into my situation. I am sure there is more I wanted to mention, it is after all 27 years of stuff, but it may be best to leave it here. I don’t expect anyone to care but it would be nice to have the truth known when it comes to my symptoms and how they work all the same.

If I can get this resolved, then maybe I can concentrate on making some kind of decent life for myself…

Thanks for reading this!

----

I never heard back from him!

Probably for the best....

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Saru

Thread cleaned

Not a good idea to post personal information such as a medical records on the forum - such things are best kept private.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Dame_Diva

Of course....

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Piney
20 hours ago, Dame_Diva said:

Of course....

It seems like your microbiome is trash. All the symptoms are related to loss of regulating bacteria and a bad diet.  Physical and mental. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Dame_Diva
On 20/01/2019 at 10:34 PM, Piney said:

It seems like your microbiome is trash. All the symptoms are related to loss of regulating bacteria and a bad diet.  Physical and mental. 

I rambled a bit...I know now that my gut issues were actually from having undiagnosed Celiac Disease. Runs in the family, however, I changed my diet to a gluten free, dairy free, unprocessed foods only diet a long time a go. I cook all my food from fresh.

I can't remember everything I posted and I've not gone back to read it but I am having some really weird experiences lately and it's giving me the wiggings, especially as (surprisingly) I am normally sceptical when it comes to such things.

I have had several weird experiences with that particular Dr. The one outlined in my OP where for some reason unbeknown to myself I turned to look at him in a really awkward kind of way where my gaze started on the floor and moved slowly upwards to his face, which was completely deadpan except for his eyes (I used the word glowing but thats not completely accurate, it was closer to a look of pleasure in someone eyes (you know when someone is so pleased their eyes appear to light up but much stronger in intensity). It was not pleasure however as his face was deadpan...completely. No expression or movement at all, thats why it was so disturbing and malevolent looking.

At that point I turned awkwardly back towards the door, mumbled thank you, and left. It was so weird...it left my head spinning for several minutes afterwards. It still feels so odd to me now.

The other weird experience ive had with the same Dr was during the appointment I had with him prior to the one above, during which he was sat typing something into his computer when he moved his mouth in such a way that it showed his teeth, which for a moment appeared pointed, but only for a split second before returning to normal. I assumed it to be a trick of the light.

I've only had this experience with this particular dr. I've seen the eye thing before but not quite like above where I don't know why I turned to look at him as I did when I was heading in the other direction...

I saw the same look in the Ambulace drivers' eyes (outlined above) in December 2017. But not the other stuff, the look in his eyes whilst he was goading me and at the point where, although I kept saying no to the hating myself part, I admitted I had made some decisions in my life that I have regretted (haven't we all). He seemed satisfied with that and started goading in other ways instead...

-----

As to my test results the weird Dr told me they were normal other than my ggt (which is 3 times higher than it should be) when they were not. Apparently my immune system is not very happy as my basophils, neutrophils, white cell count, heamoglobin count (and a few others) are abnormally high and my liver readings for ALT are high as well. Whilst I have gotten my bowel issues to settle with diet, I have been having problems with upper abdominal pain under my breast bone and on the right side for some time. Its so painful these days it wakes me out of my sleep and it hurts so much to eat I don't do it so much anymore!

I don't feel ill with it, other than just feeling really tired, but then I am not sleeping due to pain so...

There is no jaundice. I'd put it down to the drinking I did etc but the pain started under my right ribcage 6 years ago, long before my drinking and overdose attempts. I didn't drink back then, was teetotal, and didn't overdose on painkillers etc. I've been reporting it for years to the drs but they, as usual, passed it off as stress.

The weird Dr also referred me to the wrong follow up department, sending me to a lower GI gastroenterologist and not a the department that could look at my liver function and the pain under my right ribcage. So I still don't really know what is happening with my liver and still can't get any treatment for the pain I am in at the moment. I will need to go find another Dr. I am not taking anything painkillers etc for it as I don't know what is going on and don't want to take something that will make it worse. I've stopped drinking as much as I was.

------------------

I am however having other weird experiences (not alcohol withdrawal or similar, I was a binge drinker, not a full blown alcohol dependant so am used to going days and weeks without drinking anything) some of which I've had before but tended to put down to a trick of the light etc, and some I have not.

The familiar one is shadowmen, which, through the corner of your eye they appear to move across or through the wall and disappear, especially when you actually try to look at them. I've seen them on and off for years (although I did go a long while without seeing any until recently). They come with a feeling aprehension but don't really usually do much else.

The other thing I am getting is strange....orbs. White orbs, that move across the room and disappear. Now I have seen orbs before but only in a photograph, never with my own eyes. I've been seeing them on and off for a couple of weeks. They are not frightening, just unexpected.

Perhaps I have an eye problem? Or my liver is not functioning properly and its affecting my brain function (ie hepatic encephalopathy).

Thankfully, no one else has morphed like my Dr did a month ago. It was just him!

The thing is, I've had lots of weird experiences over the years -

* Sleep paralysis,

* odd behavious in my sleep (ie getting out of bed, taking my nightwear off and putting back on the wrong way around before getting back into bed upside down...ie feet , on pillow instead of head). I have no memory of doing such things I just remember waking up with my clothes either inside out, buttoned up incorrectly or with my arm through the neckhole for example when I know I didn't get into bed in that way...I didn't drink in those days either!

* musical instruments and other gadgets switching themselves on in the middle of the night (ie my now grown up son used to have an electronic trombone that would start playing at two am when no one was in the room. It only ever did that when he was not there. Used to freak me out so I threw the thing away eventually. Faulty I expect!). I have been having a similar thing lately with my bike light. You have to press the on button really hard to switch it on and off but I'd wake up in the middle of the night or leave the room and return to find the thing switched on. Id turn it off, go back to bed or leave the room, and 5 mintues later, on checking, the thing would be switched back on again. I chucked that away too...faulty I expect.

* prophetic dreams and a really strong intuition, which has been muted lately for some reason.

* exploding lighters (funny coincidence this one...I was arguing with a now ex and I yelled, at which point a lighter across the room on the mantle piece suddenly burst into flames at the exact moment i raised my voice. It shut my ex up! He said after he thought I was going to 'carrie' him lol. Again I suspect the lighter was just faulty).

* shadow men, one of which my mother also saw at the same I did whilst she was visiting. Never explained that one as it was seen at the same time by more than one person and there was no obvious light source etc to have caused it (hate when those ones show up lol....normally you can find something that may have caused it such as a car driving past, or something moving past a light source creating a shadow on a wall and a nice case of pariedolia or apophenia).

* strange sensations  - ie waking at night to the sensation that someone was blowing on the top of my head when there was no obvious draught to explain it.

But most of this stuff has been quiet for years. Ie Until the last year, I had a really quite patch where nothing much of anything happened other than endless bathroom runs.

-----

Anyway, normally sceptic but lately...I'm not feeling so sure. This year has been really weird for me what with morphing Drs and orbs floating around. Its really weirded me out, especially the Dr thing.

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by Dame_Diva

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Piney
5 hours ago, Dame_Diva said:

Anyway, normally sceptic but lately...I'm not feeling so sure. This year has been really weird for me what with morphing Drs and orbs floating around. Its really weirded me out, especially the Dr thing.

 

I have celiacs. It doe's strange things. I also had a stroke and that did stranger things. I'm going to re-read your post and meditate on it. But I really think your whole system is out wack. 

Just remember nothing can hurt you. If you have a vision sit down close your eyes and try to empty it from your head. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.