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RabidMongoose

Standing out from the Crowd

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RabidMongoose
Posted (edited)

In the UK and US (which are both quite individualistic societies) a lot of value is placed on standing out from the crowd. Doing our own thing in life and getting recognised as being different are seen as admirable traits. But is it really a good thing?

I mean, while standing out from the crowd is talked up as a great quality to have the fact remains it attracts a lot of negative attention from other people. You have to deal with hate, bullying, people trying to bring you down, even people out to destroy you. It seems to me that the people who come out with such logic haven't really considered what human nature is really like.

The potted plants in society dont like those growing in non-conformist areas. If we are our own man/woman and we stand out from the crowd it turns 50% of people against us. For me it isn't that I`d rather be liked than hated. Its that being hated just causes constant grief that I have to deal with, and it makes me think is it really worth it?

Should I stop being myself and become a potted plant to save myself the grief? While standing out from the crowd is talked up, unless someone is a pop or movie star then I really fail to see what advantage comes from it. What do other people think? Do you pretend to be a potted plant to get on with other people while hiding your true self from them?

If not how do you deal with the politics?

Edited by RabidMongoose

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XenoFish
5 minutes ago, RabidMongoose said:

Should I stop being myself and become a potted plant to save myself the grief?

No one thinks about you as much as you think they do. If you care what people think of you, then you are trying to live up to their standards and opinions. In all honestly do whatever you want. No one can make the choice for you. 

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RabidMongoose
Posted (edited)
15 minutes ago, XenoFish said:

No one thinks about you as much as you think they do. If you care what people think of you, then you are trying to live up to their standards and opinions. In all honestly do whatever you want. No one can make the choice for you. 

I`m questioning the value and practicality of individualism.

Its not about caring if other people like me or not, its about facing the fact that I have to work with and get along with them. And the way I see it is I could make my life a lot easier by hiding the true me from them.

Whenever I am around them then just mirror back to them what they are.

Edited by RabidMongoose

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sci-nerd
Posted (edited)

I am not like most people, but I have no need to advertise it. I am just myself alone, and with my family.

When people react against weirdness, it's often because it's put in their faces. You can't force people to like "different".
Just take it easy, they will eventually get used to it.

Edited by sci-nerd
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XenoFish
2 minutes ago, RabidMongoose said:

I`m questioning the value and practicality of individualism.

Its not about caring if other people like me or not, its about facing the fact that I have to work with and get along with them. And the way I see it is I could make my life a lot easier by hiding the true me from them.

Everyone is an individual. However some among the collective hold common views. So once again. Either be yourself or wear a mask. Choice is yours alone. 

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Desertrat56
Posted (edited)
16 minutes ago, RabidMongoose said:

I`m questioning the value and practicality of individualism.

Its not about caring if other people like me or not, its about facing the fact that I have to work with and get along with them. And the way I see it is I could make my life a lot easier by hiding the true me from them.

Whenever I am around them then just mirror back to them what they are.

I learned when I was in 5th grade that being called weird was not a catastrophe and understood that it really had to do with people thinking differently and being surprised or taken aback by the way I think.  I was arrogant then  (maybe still am a little, being different you have to be in order to be ok), and I decided that any time I was called a weirdo was a good day, an acknowledgment that I was special, a compliment.  

I found out when I left home that I also was never going to back down when confronted with being wrong.  I would explore the possibility and if I found I was wrong, admit it but no one would take my self esteem.  My parents already did that and it made me angry which then made me more determined that I would never be a wall flower or potted plant as you put it.  Yes, some people don't like someone who is different, but that is not my problem, it is theirs.  I get along with people fine.  If someone doesn't get along with me it is ok.  I don't have to interact with them, or if it is work and I do have to interact with them I will not be disrespectful.

I don't think you should question the practicality of being yourself to get along with others.  Everyone needs to learn to get along with others and it is on them as much as on you.  Being different or thinking about things differently does not mean you can't get along with people, if they have a problem make them explain it or work it out, you should not have to.  

And I understand what you are going through, it is just that after so many years of keeping myself to myself I found that people will assume a lot of things about you that have nothing to do with you and then there are expectations that cause a ruckus when they aren't met.  So, be yourself up front.  If you don't cause friction then any friction that exists is not yours to fix.

Edited by Desertrat56
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Stiff

I find that washing helps a lot :D

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Michelle

I've never cared what anyone thought of me. :lol:

I grew up being a tomboy climbing trees, playing softball, basketball and volleyball. I also took ballet and piano lessons and was a cheerleader. Was raised in a restaurant, in every aspect of it, and ended up co-owning a welding business with my husband. We work with and have a lot of contacts in the artist community because of that. Worked on cars and restored a '62 T'Bird. Getting dressed up and go out dancing on girl's night out. I've faced every kind of discrimination there is.

I am definitely not a wallflower, :P but nobody is immune to criticism. I think people need to get out of their comfort zones so they can relate to other people. Getting involved in the community you live in is a great way to start. Focusing on the things you have in common instead of your differences.

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XenoFish
2 hours ago, sci-nerd said:

You can't force people to like "different".

The more people try to force this, the more resistance and animosity it creates. 

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sci-nerd
2 minutes ago, XenoFish said:

The more people try to force this, the more resistance and animosity it creates. 

Exactly. But if you hide it, they will never come around. So you need to find the middle ground.

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Aaron2016
Posted (edited)

I grew up with zero interest in what other people thought.  I spent most of my childhood in the shadows and just kept my head down.  I watched so many period dramas and studied history so much that I felt like I was born in the wrong century.  The 1990's just looked foreign to me and I had no interest in the modern world.  I must have suppressed a deep longing desire to be noticed for years because when I reached adulthood I cared very much what other people thought, and did my best to be trendy and fit in with modern society just to feel accepted and be part of the crowd, but when social media platforms like youtube and facebook took hold I realized that 'the crowd' was far more diverse than I realized, and it is much harder to describe 'the crowd' these days because there are so many sub-categories that filter towards everyone's unique personality and lifestyle.

 

Edited by Aaron2016
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Manwon Lender

In my opinion there are two types of people, leaders and followers. I don't think that people choose these traits, they are just born with them or they may be reinforced by their upbringing. Leaders don't have to intentionally stand out from the crowd, however, they do have an air about them that attracts others to them. We have all seen this throughout our lives, and I think most people don't even realize why this happens. Now I am not saying that being popular or a leader is the best place to be, some people cant handle their gift, while others handle it very well. It all depends upon the persons core values, and how they project them that makes a leader good or bad. History shows this time and time again, and it is a never ending circle that cant be stopped or altered. 

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Farmer77
9 hours ago, RabidMongoose said:

I`m questioning the value and practicality of individualism.

Its not about caring if other people like me or not, its about facing the fact that I have to work with and get along with them. And the way I see it is I could make my life a lot easier by hiding the true me from them.

Whenever I am around them then just mirror back to them what they are.

Thats how I handle my professional life. I put on the personality just like I put on the uniform.

Im an individualistic dude in my personal life though. Unless theyre paying my paycheck they can love me or they can screw off 

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Desertrat56
8 hours ago, Manwon Lender said:

In my opinion there are two types of people, leaders and followers. I don't think that people choose these traits, they are just born with them or they may be reinforced by their upbringing. Leaders don't have to intentionally stand out from the crowd, however, they do have an air about them that attracts others to them. We have all seen this throughout our lives, and I think most people don't even realize why this happens. Now I am not saying that being popular or a leader is the best place to be, some people cant handle their gift, while others handle it very well. It all depends upon the persons core values, and how they project them that makes a leader good or bad. History shows this time and time again, and it is a never ending circle that cant be stopped or altered. 

I would think that is someone is "chosen" by others to be a leader and can't handle it, they don't have a "gift".  Sometimes charisma has nothing to do with being a leader.  Any opinion that starts with "there are two types of peopele..." is a supposed to be a joke.  And yours is not really very funny.  I like "There are two kinds of people, those who understand binary numbers and those who don't." 

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Manwon Lender
9 hours ago, Desertrat56 said:

I would think that is someone is "chosen" by others to be a leader and can't handle it, they don't have a "gift".  Sometimes charisma has nothing to do with being a leader.  Any opinion that starts with "there are two types of peopele..." is a supposed to be a joke.  And yours is not really very funny.  I like "There are two kinds of people, those who understand binary numbers and those who don't." 

No offense intended, like I said this is just my opinion.

take care

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Desertrat56
10 minutes ago, Manwon Lender said:

No offense intended, like I said this is just my opinion.

take care

I was trying to lighten it up but I guess I failed. I get accused of being too literal minded.

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Help666

I grew up mute and barely talk, I wish I could be myself around people. I don't care about what others say ..... anymore. Its a really hard journey to go through how we are taught to care about what others say. Personally, if I could express myself, i'd rather do that than be like everyone else in this fake world.

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Ironside
Posted (edited)
On 30/06/2019 at 7:02 AM, Help666 said:

I don't care about what others say ..... anymore. Its a really hard journey to go through how we are taught to care about what others say. Personally, if I could express myself, i'd rather do that than be like everyone else in this fake world.

This reminds me alot of myself when i was younger... Bro you just did express yourself ^_^ You say you don't care what others say but saying that makes me think that you care about how others see that you don't care (hope that makes sense) as you can see i also have trouble expressing myself! :P There is not much in this world you should actually care about. Caring too much turns you apathetic but being too apathetic can make you care too much! Life is a balancing game. Just play it. If we all play to win everybody loses. (Enjoy decrypting my incoherent ramble) ^_^ also we are not taught to care about what others say. Its bred into us. Humans are social creatures. You are not alone!

Edited by Ironside
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Piney
On 6/29/2019 at 5:02 PM, Help666 said:

I grew up mute and barely talk, I wish I could be myself around people. I don't care about what others say ..... anymore. Its a really hard journey to go through how we are taught to care about what others say. Personally, if I could express myself, i'd rather do that than be like everyone else in this fake world.

I have a severe speak hesitation and don't speak in full sentences. If you met me in public you would think I was a gibbering idiot. 

But I don't care what one person thinks. 

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