Humans aren’t designed to be happy

[Still Waters]

Quote

A huge happiness and positive thinking industry, estimated to be worth US$11 billion a year, has helped to create the fantasy that happiness is a realistic goal. Chasing the happiness dream is a very American concept, exported to the rest of the world through popular culture. Indeed, “the pursuit of happiness” is one of the US’s “unalienable rights”. Unfortunately, this has helped to create an expectation that real life stubbornly refuses to deliver.

https://theconversation.com/humans-arent-designed-to-be-happy-so-stop-trying-119262

 

[acute]

Xeno will love this thread!

[HandsomeGorilla]

Humans aren't designed to be happy. What makes humans any different than any other animal in that regard? Humanity's one and only goal is that of everything else on the planet - survival and procreation. Anything beyond that is just meaningless fluff, in the end. 

[XenoFish]

32 minutes ago, acute said:

Xeno will love this thread!

It makes me happy. So very very happy. 

I've been saying this for quite some time now. Trying to be happy will make you miserable. Positive fantasies rob motivation and constantly trying to maintain an upbeat attitude while things fall apart only makes you feel worse. Join me, join the pessimistic side of the force. 

 

Edited July 19, 2019 by XenoFish

[Taun]

That's why we have a "Grumpy Old Coot and Cootess" society and not a "Happy, Cheerful and Smiling Elderly Gentlemens and Ladies Tea and Cookie" society...

[LightAngel]

So now it's a "crime" to feel happy?! - What will be next!  

I'm naturally happy most of the time and I'm not even trying!

I let people be people, and let them feel whatever they feel - whatever works for them is fine with me (it does make me extra happy when people make their life work, especially if it's people I really care about.)

I don't need other people to agree with me here.

Some people follow religion, and other people follow the media etc.

I just follow myself, and common sense.

Each to their own.

 

[Alchopwn]

I have discovered the key to happiness.  Don't get married.

[Duke Wellington]

44 minutes ago, XenoFish said:

It makes me happy. So very very happy. 

I've been saying this for quite some time now. Trying to be happy will make you miserable. Positive fantasies rob motivation and constantly trying to maintain and upbeat attitude while things fall apart only makes you feel worse. Join me, join the pessimistic side of the force. 

 

People want to have no problems in life but unfortunately life is full of problems. We can either Embrace them or Fight and Resist:

1. Embrace: We can recognise a problem has arisen, that we can do little about it, and therefore adopt an `oh well` attitude and move on.

2. Fight and Resist: This seems like the logical response but lets look at what happens. Our highly evolved brains get to work trying to figure out what caused the problem, how to fix it, how to overcome it, how to prevent it happening again, etc. Thats great if the problem can be resolved. But most of the time they cannot so our brains go around and around stuck in problem solving mode experiencing the stress, anger, rage, and other negative emotions associated with it. The more we fall into that trap the more we damage the limbic system area of our brains. The limbic system experiences a shrinking hippocampus (harming memory, concentration, and self-control) and a growing amygdala (responsible for feeling negative emotions).

The result of Fight and Resist is a hyper-sensitive individual led by raw negative emotions, who cannot think, cannot recall, and who is prone to volatile outbursts. Overtime they develop anxiety problems, panic disorders, and depression. So fighting and resisting is the cause of unhappiness while just embracing keeps us much happier in life. Likewise we do not spend our days trying to find ways to be happy or upbeat. That also uses our limbic system developing its problem solving abilities. Strong problem solving abilities then make the problem worse when trying to Fight and Resist.

If we have already damaged our limbic systems it can be repaired, with time. Cease Fight and Resist. Learn to Embrace and overtime embracing will reverse the changes. And once it is undone guess what? You feel happy as your natural state automatically lol.

Edited July 19, 2019 by RabidMongoose

[Duke Wellington]

24 minutes ago, LightAngel said:

So now it's a "crime" to feel happy?! - What will be next!  

I'm naturally happy most of the time and I'm not even trying!

I let people be people, and let them feel whatever they feel - whatever works for them is fine with me (it does make me extra happy when people make their life work, especially if it's people I really care about.)

I don't need other people to agree with me here.

Some people follow religion, and other people follow the media etc.

I just follow myself, and common sense.

Each to their own.

 

@xeno - Notice this poster saying she lets people be people, she lets them feel what they want to feel, she doesnt need validation off them, and is fine with other people having different views.

She is carefully side-stepping several types of problem which arise due to other people, or our expectations of other people. She has not engaged in Fight and Resist, but Embrace. As she hasn't degraded her limbic system she is naturally happy.

[+OverSword]

Who decided that we aren't designed to be happy?  What bull.  We're designed to be many things.  I'm generally pretty happy personally.  Just because it's not some kind of eternal bliss and is interrupted by other states of being as well doesn't mean you're not happy in general or that you're not designed to be happy.  This thread really makes me angry .  JK .  I feel sorry for the poor dumb ass that wrote the article.  Must be miserable to be in the mind of someone who says don't even try to be happy. 

[+OverSword]

43 minutes ago, LightAngel said:

So now it's a "crime" to feel happy?! - What will be next!  

I'm naturally happy most of the time and I'm not even trying!

I let people be people, and let them feel whatever they feel - whatever works for them is fine with me (it does make me extra happy when people make their life work, especially if it's people I really care about.)

I don't need other people to agree with me here.

Some people follow religion, and other people follow the media etc.

I just follow myself, and common sense.

Each to their own.

 

I love you!  Never change.

[spartan max2]

We are not meant to be miserable either or else we would off ourselves which is not good for survival lol.

 

 

[spartan max2]

19 minutes ago, OverSword said:

Who decided that we aren't designed to be happy?  What bull.  We're designed to be many things.  I'm generally pretty happy personally.  Just because it's not some kind of eternal bliss and is interrupted by other states of being as well doesn't mean you're not happy in general or that you're not designed to be happy.  This thread really makes me angry .  JK .  I feel sorry for the poor dumb ass that wrote the article.  Must be miserable to be in the mind of someone who says don't even try to be happy. 

People confuse elation with happiness.

Excitement and ecstacy are not the same thing as happiness.

People often think if they are not in bliss then they are not "happy"

 

[Kenemet]

It's an op-ed with selective points presented, and I can certainly think of a few counters to it.  But in main, we weren't "designed" to do anything; we're the product of generations of breeding principles that can be summarized by "Whoa!  So sexy!"

[Big Jim]

It's been said before - Most people are as happy as they want to be.  As with any other attitude, it comes from within.  People who look for it elsewhere will never find it.   I also believe the capacity or tendency towards happiness is born in.  My mom always said I was a happy baby.  I've had my share of ups and downs, maybe even more downs than ups, but my attitude has been consistently positive.  Not to say that I'm always smiling or that things can't get me down, but I recognize them as temporary.  Years ago I went through a horrific divorce from a very vengeful woman.  Most of the people I worked with were aware of what I was going through, yet I'd arrive each morning with a smile on my face and humming a happy tune.  Occasionally this one guy would say "what are you so happy about?" and my answer was always the same. If I had to wait for something to be happy about I never would be.   Now I'm in my waning years.  Mortality looms large, I'm in constant pain and limited in abilities.  I'm officially below the poverty line.  I'm all alone.  I have none of the things that people say you need to be happy, yet I still am.  I greet every day with a smile and I am grateful for what I do have with no remorse for what I lack.  I'm as happy as I've ever been.

[+Desertrat56]

It is much more reasonable to strive to be OK than to strive to be happy.  Unless, of course you have learned the Jedi mind trick of being happy as you are in the circumstances you find yourself. 

There was a survivor of Auschwitz who said, ...they took away everything but the one thing they could not take away was my mind..  I don't remember the exact words so I did not use quotes.  It doesn't mean he was happy, it just means he did not cave to the abuse mentally.

 

[Duke Wellington]

5 minutes ago, Desertrat56 said:

It is much more reasonable to strive to be OK than to strive to be happy.  Unless, of course you have learned the Jedi mind trick of being happy as you are in the circumstances you find yourself. 

There was a survivor of Auschwitz who said, ...they took away everything but the one thing they could not take away was my mind..  I don't remember the exact words so I did not use quotes.  It doesn't mean he was happy, it just means he did not cave to the abuse mentally.

 

While its counter-intuitive to people that dont know about psychology you dont strive to be happy.

You simply accept what life brings your way while being careful not to attach to any of it. Developing those acceptance and non-attachment neurons are what lead to happiness and being content.

Edited July 19, 2019 by RabidMongoose

[Big Jim]

It just occurred to me that the "pursuit of happiness" mentioned in the Declaration serves to throw people off the trail by implying that happiness is "somewhere out there".  Since it comes from within, the more we seek it elsewhere the further we get from it.  

[moonman]

Who says we were "designed" to be anything? Don't like that word choice.

Other than that, I would agree that happiness isn't what kept us evolving and surviving. We evolved to be hunters that never quit looking for better shelter/food/mates/whatever. It's no wonder some never settle for "good enough", because it simply never will be.

Edited July 19, 2019 by moonman

[Commander CMG]

I am naturally happy, I don't want be around miserable, unhappy people I don't want their negativity in my life.

I would hate to project bad energy to my dogs, they feed off my energy and I don't have space in my life or marriage for anything but being positive, being out with the packs of dogs all day absorbing nature and the outdoors with them all just interacting with each other and just doing what dogs do is enough to make me happy.

Although I am not happy that Tiger Woods has lost me my £5 bet at the Open. 

[XenoFish]

1 hour ago, OverSword said:

Who decided that we aren't designed to be happy?  What bull.  We're designed to be many things.  I'm generally pretty happy personally.  Just because it's not some kind of eternal bliss and is interrupted by other states of being as well doesn't mean you're not happy in general or that you're not designed to be happy.  This thread really makes me angry .  JK .  I feel sorry for the poor dumb ass that wrote the article.  Must be miserable to be in the mind of someone who says don't even try to be happy. 

No it's more miserable trying to be happy that it is not trying. People pursue happiness like a drug. That's the point of the article. People have been sold on the idea of perpetual happiness and if you're not happy 24/7 then you need pills, lots, and lots of pills. Happy thoughts are sold to avoid facing reality. Like body positivity where you have a 300+ pound land whale feeling good about themselves when it reality they are avoiding dealing with health issues.

The thing is if you want real happiness, first set low expectation and then don't pursue happiness itself. Let it happen. 

8 minutes ago, Iilaa'mpuul'xem said:

I don't want be around miserable, unhappy people I don't want their negativity in my life.

[XenoFish]

44 minutes ago, Desertrat56 said:

It doesn't mean he was happy, it just means he did not cave to the abuse mentally.

 

I liken the attitude as a big middle finger to those who cause him harm. Perhaps it was sheer stubbornness. 

[Commander CMG]

1 minute ago, XenoFish said:

No it's more miserable trying to be happy that it is not trying. People pursue happiness like a drug. That's the point of the article. People have been sold on the idea of perpetual happiness and if you're not happy 24/7 then you need pills, lots, and lots of pills. Happy thoughts are sold to avoid facing reality. Like body positivity where you have a 300+ pound land whale feeling good about themselves when it reality they are avoiding dealing with health issues.

The thing is if you want real happiness, first set low expectation and then don't pursue happiness itself. Let it happen. 

PMSL.... Xeno, your the exception.

[XenoFish]

1 hour ago, spartan max2 said:

People confuse elation with happiness.

Excitement and ecstacy are not the same thing as happiness.

People often think if they are not in bliss then they are not "happy"

 

I think people actually confuse contentment with happiness. Happiness is a fleeting emotion. 

[Duke Wellington]

6 minutes ago, XenoFish said:

I think people actually confuse contentment with happiness. Happiness is a fleeting emotion. 

So tell Dr Rabid about your early childhood.

I already know lol.