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Attenborough: 'of course Nessie is a hoax'

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Gwynbleidd

Well...I guess that's that then. *Dusts hands off* May as well pack up and go home now. Nessie is an ugly eel. It's all rather disappointing really.

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Ebenezer_J_Booze

Can't say I have ever really believed that Nessie exists, but Attenborough dismissing of his/her existence is pretty obvious? I would have seriously been surprised if Attenborough was a believer.

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A rather obscure Bassoon

Seriously did anyone ever believe it was a plesiosaur in a lake formed in the ice age?

On second thoughts don't answer that one....

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Jon the frog

They got seals in the Ness a couple of time already. Someone who never encountered seal and see some jumping or looking afar when standing upright, they can think they are monster.

Edited by Jon the frog
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Matt221

Sir David Attenborough one of the greatest natualist of all time and authority on dinosaurs........what does he know 

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the13bats

nessie is a real phenomenon, not a real live monster.

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Chewie1990

The problem with trying to determine what Nessie is is there's a good chance it's not just one thing.

The whole thing started as a hoax and I'm sure it's been hoaxed many times over the years but I'm pretty sure other Nessie sightings probably have been otters, seals, swimmers, logs, waves, giant eels, wishful thinking and downright fabrications - in fact just about the only thing I'm sure it isn't is a dinosaur with a knack for hide and seek..

But the story has transcended to legend to the point where even if we drained the Loch I dont see it going away any time soon

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Don Caesar

Even if Mr. Attenborough was a believer, I doubt he would say so.

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Tom1200

Really - what can this old dinosaur possibly know about old dinosaurs?  A "hand-written note" in the 21st century?  Seriously man, I don't trust anyone who can still read and write.  And what sort of made-up name is "David" anyway?  It's obviously a palindromic acronym for something sinister.  AND that surname is obviously fake - the real Attenborough is a beautiful nature reserve in Nottinghamshire1.

So who is this bloke, and what is his evil motive in trying to conceal the Loch Ness monsters2?

After conducting literally no research I remembered that Roxburgh Castle is also in Scotland, and this is where the Holy Grail is hidden!  So this 'David Attenborough' is obviously part of some Illumination conspiracy to make Scotland appear less interesting to us common folk, so they can continue their sinister activities in private, drinking monster blood and that sort of stuff.

Actually - I'm thinking of Rosslyn Chapel, aren't I?  Easy mistake to make - same initials, etc.  Wouldn't it be spooky if Rosslyn Chapel was also in Scotland, or would 'they' claim this is also a coincidence?

In summary - this old man works for the BBC, which stands for "British Brainwashing Cabal".  This is an organisation of extreme right-wing lunatics (masquerading as extreme left-wing lunatics) whose purpose is to trick the population into believing all sorts of nonsense, such as:

  • We all really like ballroom dancing
  • Brexit is going to happen
  • America is a real place
  • Nessie doesn't exist

1 https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-nottinghamshire-49742285

2 I reckon there's lots of them, based on the literally several sightings over the centuries.  Unless it's just one and it lives for ever, but that's not really believable, is it?

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openozy

Old David has turned into a spoiler,It's alright for him as he's on the way out.Probably told his great grandkids there's no Santa too,miserable old skep.:td:

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Alchopwn

Nessie has been many things over the years...  Abnormal wave patterns, logs caught in the current, a school of otters, giant eels, a circus elephant, a dinosaur ghost, and maybe even a plesiosaurus.

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Chewie1990
14 minutes ago, openozy said:

Old David has turned into a spoiler,It's alright for him as he's on the way out.Probably told his great grandkids there's no Santa too,miserable old skep.:td:

I know right? Poor kids - they get to have the same number of presents, appreciate the generosity of the people giving the gifts rather than an imaginary fat man and don't get the enjoyment of finding out he's not real and they've been lied to their whole childhood

I guess it turns out there is a monster after all..

/sarcasm

Edited by Chewie1990

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openozy
6 minutes ago, Chewie1990 said:

I guess it turns out there is a monster after all

Yeah you, by the sounds of it :tu:

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RoofGardener
2 hours ago, Tom1200 said:

.....

Actually - I'm thinking of Rosslyn Chapel, aren't I?  Easy mistake to make - same initials, etc.  Wouldn't it be spooky if Rosslyn Chapel was also in Scotland, or would 'they' claim this is also a coincidence?...

Umm... Rosslyn Chapel IS in Scotland. It's in Rosslyn just south of Edinburgh. 

At least.. that's what they WANT us to think !

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Matt221

Is it really a chapel it has lots of suspicious looking  pointy things on the side if I remember 

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Chewie1990
6 hours ago, openozy said:

Yeah you, by the sounds of it :tu:

Haha oh ok so Nessie's fair game but Santa is off the table - noted!

(Disclaimer: as this is the internet where every message can be read as friendly joking or hostility in equal measure I'd just like to clarify the message was intended to be lighthearted - I'm pretty sure you got that already but you never know these days..)

Not that I'd object too much to the monster tag, it doesn't seem to have done Nessie's reputation any harm..

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