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RoseDancer

Your Real Life Issue At The Moment?

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RoseDancer

I'm a loner and an night owl. Finally happy in my own skin. My issue at the moment is family members alway trying to get me involved in stuff. You need to get out more, you need to smile more, you need to..

I know others may have much more serious stuff going on at the moment than I do. 

Care to post about your stuff?  

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Desertrat56

I have two things.  I have to keep working to pay the mortgage when I think it I would really rather retire and my daughter lives with  me. She does not teach her 9 year old to pick up after himself and then once a week, unless she is in her doldrums, she picks up his messes and gets after me if I mention to him that he needs to pick something up.  I know my problems are very minor compared to some.  I don't have to worry about money to pay bills, just worry about paying off the mortgage early so I can retire.  I was a crazy woman and got the mortgage to pay my brother his half of the house we inherited that I was living in.  He was a ripe ass about it, though I was paying him monthly, he wanted his money now.  (oh, resentment towards a sibling, I guess that is a problem too).

 

Edited by Desertrat56
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the13bats

It's a bit hard to be happy yet keep others happy, hum, sounds flawed, if your family isnt happy for you doing what makes you happy thats a them problem, do not sweat it.

Me? I dont recall the awake world, my drdp nerves etc has kept me in a twilight zone silent hill so long i wouldn't know what it feels like to just be what many consider "normal" i vaugely remember what it feels like, just a memory like a dream,

 

 

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XenoFish

Normal doesn't exist.

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the13bats
10 minutes ago, XenoFish said:

Normal doesn't exist.

Figure of speech, :rolleyes:

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XenoFish
2 minutes ago, the13bats said:

Figure of speech, :rolleyes:

True though. I've never met a normal person in my life. 

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Desertrat56
1 minute ago, XenoFish said:

True though. I've never met a normal person in my life. 

Me either.  But I get what @the13bats means, he is talking about his normalcy, which is not anyone else's.

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the13bats
1 minute ago, XenoFish said:

True though. I've never met a normal person in my life. 

I get it....:tu:

Oh well....whatever, I would prefer feeling like i did many years ago.

 

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the13bats
3 minutes ago, Desertrat56 said:

Me either.  But I get what @the13bats means, he is talking about his normalcy, which is not anyone else's.

Right, how i felt the day before drdp first hit me ( in my 20s )  joined by its close friend panic attacks, but no I was never normal, looking back i had problems even in childhood.

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Desertrat56
5 minutes ago, the13bats said:

Right, how i felt the day before drdp first hit me ( in my 20s )  joined by its close friend panic attacks, but no I was never normal, looking back i had problems even in childhood.

Yes, I did too, though I didn't know it.  My family did not even come close to the expected normal, but I was glad I was normal and did not go through what my cousins did.  But even so, I knew I wasn't normal, just didn't know that no one else was either.  It all comes from being programmed about what we should think and how we should act, whether that is reasonable or not.

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the13bats

This has me wanting to post a thread about two things i felt as a kid, see if anyone relates, but it's in my brain, mental or mental /physical not paranormal, what section should I drop it in?

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Desertrat56
10 minutes ago, the13bats said:

This has me wanting to post a thread about two things i felt as a kid, see if anyone relates, but it's in my brain, mental or mental /physical not paranormal, what section should I drop it in?

Maybe General off topic?

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littlebrowndragon
1 hour ago, Desertrat56 said:

I have two things.  I have to keep working to pay the mortgage when I think it I would really rather retire and my daughter lives with  me. She does not teach her 9 year old to pick up after himself and then once a week, unless she is in her doldrums, she picks up his messes and gets after me if I mention to him that he needs to pick something up.  I know my problems are very minor compared to some. 

Well, compared to, say, starvation, yours may seem a minor problem but it is still a problem and one that is constant.

My sister-in-law, when she and the family came to our house for an annual holiday - would she have been so keen to visit had we lived somewhere industrial instead of scenic? - was very careless with respect to her hosts.  For example, I'd walk into the living room where she and her 4 children plus my brother, all cosily ensconced on the only available the comfy chairs, would totally ignore me and my housemate such that we were obliged to fetch a couple of dining room chairs for ourselves and to sit furthest away from the fire  etc, etc.  We were totally ignored and felt excluded in our own house!  Also, a bit like your daughter, my sister-in-law allowed her children to scatter their toys all over the house, a real tripping hazard.  At the end of every day my sister-in-law did tidy up after her children, but only for the place to be strewn with toys again next day.  She was very touchy if one made any complaint, however politely stated etc.  She would take such as an insult so there was just no talking to her.

 

However, having been a secondary school teacher, I will tackle kids as I did the other day.  My next door neighbours had family visiting and the two boys were entering my garden, without permission from me, to retrieve their toys which the wind had blown in.  When I "caught" them I made it clear that, while I did not mind them collecting their toys, they must ask permission from me first etc, etc.  But the boys' grandparents  have also made free with my garden from time to time!   

 

Quote

 He was a ripe ass about it, though I was paying him monthly, he wanted his money now.  (oh, resentment towards a sibling, I guess that is a problem too).

My housemate (my sister) and myself have ended up deliberately loosing contact with all our family, such as was left of them.  Not so difficult with my brother because he moved abroad.  I did resent how he imposed himself and his family on me.  Nonetheless, when I relocated to this area, I didn't give anyone, not friends nor family, a forwarding address.  I was making a very clean break and, to be honest, feel the better for it.

 

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littlebrowndragon
3 hours ago, RoseDancer said:

My issue at the moment is family members alway trying to get me involved in stuff. You need to get out more, you need to smile more, you need to..

That happened to me when I was sharing a flat when I was at university.  My flatmates were always out at weekends going to discos, parties etc, etc.  I didn't go out much so they tried to persuade me to go out.  They were relentless but, mostly, I resisted.  They made me feel like there was something wrong when I wanted to be on my own.  And being on my own taught me to be resourceful, to be able to entertain myself.  Resisting them also made me stronger.  So I'm glad it happened for those reasons. 

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Desertrat56
4 minutes ago, littlebrowndragon said:

Well, compared to, say, starvation, yours may seem a minor problem but it is still a problem and one that is constant.

My sister-in-law, when she and the family came to our house for an annual holiday - would she have been so keen to visit had we lived somewhere industrial instead of scenic? - was very careless with respect to her hosts.  For example, I'd walk into the living room where she and her 4 children plus my brother, all cosily ensconced on the only available the comfy chairs, would totally ignore me and my housemate such that we were obliged to fetch a couple of dining room chairs for ourselves and to sit furthest away from the fire  etc, etc.  We were totally ignored and felt excluded in our own house!  Also, a bit like your daughter, my sister-in-law allowed her children to scatter their toys all over the house, a real tripping hazard.  At the end of every day my sister-in-law did tidy up after her children, but only for the place to be strewn with toys again next day.  She was very touchy if one made any complaint, however politely stated etc.  She would take such as an insult so there was just no talking to her.

 

However, having been a secondary school teacher, I will tackle kids as I did the other day.  My next door neighbours had family visiting and the two boys were entering my garden, without permission from me, to retrieve their toys which the wind had blown in.  When I "caught" them I made it clear that, while I did not mind them collecting their toys, they must ask permission from me first etc, etc.  But the boys' grandparents  have also made free with my garden from time to time!   

 

My housemate (my sister) and myself have ended up deliberately loosing contact with all our family, such as was left of them.  Not so difficult with my brother because he moved abroad.  I did resent how he imposed himself and his family on me.  Nonetheless, when I relocated to this area, I didn't give anyone, not friends nor family, a forwarding address.  I was making a very clean break and, to be honest, feel the better for it.

 

My brother lives next door and my sister lives 200 miles away.  I visit more with my sister.  Occasionally I visit with my sister-in-law when we are both out back pulling weeds.  It is strange to me because people in my mother's family are very close, my sister and I are close, but my brother is not and I think it is mutual for us.  I still keep in touch with some of my cousins on both sides of the family.  And I complain about my daughter but I will miss her when she moves out.  When she is not around I teach my grandson things he needs to know, like scrubbing the toilet, picking up his clothes etc. 

It is hard when you don't fit with your family.  My friend has a similar experience.  Her relatives don't contact her unless they want something and when she visits they make it seem like she is a burden.

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littlebrowndragon
3 hours ago, RoseDancer said:

I know others may have much more serious stuff going on at the moment than I do. 

Care to post about your stuff?  

I guess my issue at the moment is my future.  There are things I want to do (e.g. getting a book published, emigrating, enlisting the help of an associate with a long-term project) but I'm in an in-between stage at the moment.  I'm champing at the bit to get on with my future but know that I'm not ready yet, that there are some things I need to learn first to equip me to move forward.  Patience was never my strong point and right now I need patience by the bucket-load.

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littlebrowndragon
4 minutes ago, Desertrat56 said:

.  When she is not around I teach my grandson things he needs to know, like scrubbing the toilet, picking up his clothes etc. 

If children are not taught these things then it just makes their adult lives all the harder, I think.  Luckily, although I did not see it as "luckily" at the time, when I was around 11 years I was made to cook all the family meals and do a lot of housework.  My father never lifted a finger and my mother worked in his shop (for a pittance of a wage), so my father used me as cheap labour, as it were.  (He could easily have afforded to pay someone to cook and clean, but he was an old skinflint where his family were concerned!)  But I am so glad I was made to do so much housework at such an early age for I am old enough now to see how this benefitted me.

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Desertrat56
16 minutes ago, littlebrowndragon said:

If children are not taught these things then it just makes their adult lives all the harder, I think.  Luckily, although I did not see it as "luckily" at the time, when I was around 11 years I was made to cook all the family meals and do a lot of housework.  My father never lifted a finger and my mother worked in his shop (for a pittance of a wage), so my father used me as cheap labour, as it were.  (He could easily have afforded to pay someone to cook and clean, but he was an old skinflint where his family were concerned!)  But I am so glad I was made to do so much housework at such an early age for I am old enough now to see how this benefitted me.

Yep, my dad used us all as his slaves.  When I was 12 I was told I was in charge of making sure his dinner was on the table at 5:00 every day.  After that I became more and more responsible for the household chores, as well as helping him in the yard and fixing the cars.  I learned a lot but one thing I learned that was not good was how to be a good slave.  I still catch myself taking care of everyone else, and some think I mean it to be critical of them, rather than understanding it as a habit.

 

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littlebrowndragon
1 minute ago, Desertrat56 said:

  When I was 12 I was told I was in charge of making sure his dinner was on the table at 5:00 every day.

Oh, I so relate to that.  Did your father get mad if his dinner was not on the table at 5:00?  

Quote

After that I became more and more responsible for the household chores, as well as helping him in the yard and fixing the cars.  I learned a lot but one thing I learned that was not good was how to be a good slave.  I still catch myself taking care of everyone else, and some think I mean it to be critical of them, rather than understanding it as a habit.

Yeah, I can see how that could be difficult for you.

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spartan max2
1 hour ago, the13bats said:

This has me wanting to post a thread about two things i felt as a kid, see if anyone relates, but it's in my brain, mental or mental /physical not paranormal, what section should I drop it in?

Psychology/Philosophy section maybe

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Desertrat56
Just now, littlebrowndragon said:

Oh, I so relate to that.  Did your father get mad if his dinner was not on the table at 5:00?  

Yeah, I can see how that could be difficult for you.

Yes, he did and he also raged about other nonsense things, he hated his boss so he would come home and rage at us.  He has been very sick (mentally) most of my life.

I understand how it is a double edged sword, having to take care of adult things before you are a teenager, you learn so much, but then the responsibility is a burden.  Of course you did not feel lucky when you became responsible for the meals and house work. 

In the long run I was lucky and have some fun army stories because I was a woman who knew what a carburetor was and how to adjust the points on an engine.  I knew a lot more about survival in the world when I left home at 18 than most people my age, but I knew nothing about money, had to learn that as an adult.  It is one thing I taught my kids and think every kid should have some money to learn with before they leave home.  (I still have the basic brown sugar cookie recipe memorized)

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the13bats
2 minutes ago, spartan max2 said:

Psychology/Philosophy section maybe

I dropped it in off topic

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littlebrowndragon
1 hour ago, Desertrat56 said:

Yes, he did and he also raged about other nonsense things, he hated his boss so he would come home and rage at us.  He has been very sick (mentally) most of my life. 

 

My father was like "a bear with a sore head" most of the time.  I remember, when he made one of his overnight business trips to Glasgow, how relieved my mother and I were when he went away.  We had a whole night of freedom.  We watched what we wanted on tv instead of what my father wanted.  My father's meal did not have to be on the table at night because he left for Glasgow mid-afternoon. Conversely, I remember our hearts sinking when we saw his car in the driveway the next day upon his return. ( He did have his good points too, my father, but much of the time his anger drove his family up the wall!)

Actually, he would have been, I suspect, the type of boss who would have made your own father angry.  For example, he never trusted his employees and always suspected them of having their hands in the till - which I doubt they ever did and even if they did steal, well, my father got what he asked for by not trusting them and maybe his employees stole just to get their own back.  My father, when he left the shop, always liked to return unannounced - this to try and catch his employees out doing something wrong.  Also, when the shop was quiet, even though his employees had already dusted the shelves and made everything tidy he made them do it again so that they would "look busy" and give a good impression.  

However, as I said, he did have his good points and he did in many ways give us a really good childhood e.g. via his boats.  He was trying to do his best, I think

 

Quote

In the long run I was lucky and have some fun army stories because I was a woman who knew what a carburetor was and how to adjust the points on an engine.  I knew a lot more about survival in the world when I left home at 18 than most people my age, but I knew nothing about money, had to learn that as an adult.  It is one thing I taught my kids and think every kid should have some money to learn with before they leave home.  (I still have the basic brown sugar cookie recipe memorized)

Lucky you.  I'd love to know about car engines.  My father did a lot of DIY and although he never taught any of this to his daughters, I did still learn a little from him in that regard.

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Desertrat56
3 minutes ago, littlebrowndragon said:

My father was like "a bear with a sore head" most of the time.  I remember, when he made one of his overnight business trips to Glasgow, how relieved my mother and I were when he went away.  We had a whole night of freedom.  We watched what we wanted on tv instead of what my father wanted.  My father's meal did not have to be on the table at night because he left for Glasgow mid-afternoon. Conversely, I remember our hearts sinking when we saw his car in the driveway the next day upon his return. ( He did have his good points too, my father, but much of the time his anger drove his family up the wall!)

Actually, he would have been, I suspect, the type of boss who would have made your own father angry.  For example, he never trusted his employees and always suspected them of having their hands in the till - which I doubt they ever did and even if they did steal, well, my father got what he asked for by not trusting them and maybe his employees stole just to get their own back.  My father, when he left the shop, always liked to return unannounced - this to try and catch his employees out doing something wrong.  Also, when the shop was quiet, even though his employees had already dusted the shelves and made everything tidy he made them do it again so that they would "look busy" and give a good impression.  

However, as I said, he did have his good points and he did in many ways give us a really good childhood e.g. via his boats.  He was trying to do his best, I think

 

Lucky you.  I'd love to know about car engines.  My father did a lot of DIY and although he never taught any of this to his daughters, I did still learn a little from him in that regard.

It sounds like we had similar experiences growing up.  I remember when my dad would be gone and we could relax, but  got anxious when it was time for him to return.  Once, because I was tired of his complaining, I made the other kids go outside and I cleaned the whole house so that he would have nothing to gripe about when he came home.  I left a coat hanger that he had put  there hanging in the doorway, missed it somehow.  When he came in his head hit the coat hanger and what a rage he went in to saying all the same things that he said every night when he came home.  That is when I realized it didn't matter, he would just rage anyway and I decided he was mentally ill.  I looked up several diagnosis in his psycology books and the next time he yelled at me I told him what I thought his diagnosis to be.  He actually walked away and stayed in the garage the whole day.  I suspect he had already determined something similar.

So, now I have told too much.  My family was always admonishing us "keep quiet about what goes on in our house".  I didn't realize it was because there was socially unacceptable stuff going on, I didn't know anything different until I was older.  It is probably like that in all families.  We always grow up thinking our family is the normal family.

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XenoFish
5 hours ago, the13bats said:

I would prefer feeling like i did many years ago.

Yeah, me too. Happy, care free, and focused. Everything seemed to just flow then. Now, chaos. Stress every direction with no end in sight. No hope either. At some point I lost my 'sight' and 'see' nothing. 

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