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RoseDancer

Your Real Life Issue At The Moment?

35 posts in this topic

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the13bats
8 minutes ago, XenoFish said:

Yeah, me too. Happy, care free, and focused. Everything seemed to just flow then. Now, chaos. Stress every direction with no end in sight. No hope either. At some point I lost my 'sight' and 'see' nothing. 

I wasn't care free before but i see where you are coming from,

So tell us why do you stressed, feel hopeless, no end in sight, chaos, etc?

Edited by the13bats
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XenoFish
5 minutes ago, the13bats said:

I wasn't care free before but i see where you are coming from,

So tell us why do you stressed, feel hopeless, no end in sight, chaos, etc?

Had a legal issue in 2012 I lost my life savings. Before that my grandmother died (the one I liked) a week before Thanksgiving in 2011. My depression started them. After the legal issue and moving into a rundown shack in order to build our lives back up, wife finds out she has ovarian cancer, fast forward to now, she's in the clear. We are strapped with a mountain of bills with no end in sight, I'm watching both my parents slowly breakdown due to old age. My father being the worst. At one point I have 'vision', dare I say almost predictive, where I knew on some unconscious level how to deal with thing. A problem came up, boom, got the idea I needed in order to resolve it. I was in a 'flow'. Listened to my intuition all the time. Once 2011 happened all of that started to go. Lost that intuitive sense, lost the small fortune I had been saving for retirement, wife got sick, lived in a dilapidated house. Basically I'm looking at a life where I never retire, I never get to live my life. I will forever be working till the day I day. My life has been a waste of time. I honestly do not know why I didn't kill myself last year.... I pretty much hate being alive. No hope, no faith, nothing to believe in. The 'magic' that was in my life is gone. I can't trust anyone either. In many ways I am ready for the long sleep. That eternal dreamless slumber and I am tired. 

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RoseDancer
23 hours ago, Desertrat56 said:

I have two things.  I have to keep working to pay the mortgage when I think it I would really rather retire and my daughter lives with  me. She does not teach her 9 year old to pick up after himself and then once a week, unless she is in her doldrums, she picks up his messes and gets after me if I mention to him that he needs to pick something up.  I know my problems are very minor compared to some.  I don't have to worry about money to pay bills, just worry about paying off the mortgage early so I can retire.  I was a crazy woman and got the mortgage to pay my brother his half of the house we inherited that I was living in.  He was a ripe ass about it, though I was paying him monthly, he wanted his money now.  (oh, resentment towards a sibling, I guess that is a problem too).

I think you have every right to ask the 9 year old to pick up after himself. Sounds like your daughter could do with a talking to as well. It is your home after all. 

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RoseDancer
22 hours ago, XenoFish said:

True though. I've never met a normal person in my life.

What normal? I don't think I would recognise it if I saw it. 

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littlebrowndragon
18 hours ago, Desertrat56 said:

 When he came in his head hit the coat hanger and what a rage he went in to saying all the same things that he said every night when he came home.  That is when I realized it didn't matter, he would just rage anyway and I decided he was mentally ill.  I looked up several diagnosis in his psycology books and the next time he yelled at me I told him what I thought his diagnosis to be.  He actually walked away and stayed in the garage the whole day.  I suspect he had already determined something similar.

Trouble is that when my father got angry he could take it out on my mother (he was not physically violent).

What did you think his diagnosis was?

I lived in a small community for a long time and a close friend came down with a mental illness - she had a serious mental breakdown, for want of a better description.  When she started attending the doctor's surgery she became aware of just how many people, even in such a small community as that, had mental health problems.  Some, of course, would not admit to having problems publicly and would scurry in and out of the surgery quickly so as to be noticed by as few people as possible..  One such was a colleague of mine who refused to be referred to a psychiatrist.  She denied any suggestion or appearance of mental health problems.    

Quote

So, now I have told too much.  My family was always admonishing us "keep quiet about what goes on in our house".  I didn't realize it was because there was socially unacceptable stuff going on, I didn't know anything different until I was older.  It is probably like that in all families.  We always grow up thinking our family is the normal family.

My father especially was always concerned about "appearances".  However, having been brought up in a small community where it is harder to hide domestic goings on, was a bit of an eye-opener for me.  I eventually realised that family problems are not so uncommon as one might think.

 

Nor do I think you have told too much.  The "friend" who had a breakdown that I referred to above was my sister.  Her mental breakdown was actually schizophrenia, a severe form of schizophrenia.  However, she made a point of being open about her condition.  When she began socialising again, she told me to tell everyone we knew that she had schizophrenia.  She always believed that being open and upfront was the right thing to do, even if some of our so-called friends made snide references to the "funny farm"!  She was sufficiently detached to find those sorts of remarks funny.  But she has never regretted her policy re her condition i.e. of always being open and upfront..  
 

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RoseDancer
21 hours ago, littlebrowndragon said:

when I was around 11 years I was made to cook all the family meals and do a lot of housework.

Similar but younger. I had to stand on a chair to do dishes or put the kettle on. Nothing to do with teaching me anything, if I didn't do it my siblings and I went hungry. Dad was in jail and mum had taken to the sofa with a blanket. 

Oooh wooo me. Not! Just a distant memory now. Life is good. And thankfully me and my siblings and our children are all very close. 

Edited by RoseDancer
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littlebrowndragon
1 minute ago, RoseDancer said:

Similar but younger. I had to stand on a chair to do dishes or put the kettle on. Nothing to do with teaching me anything, if I didn't do it my siblings and I went hungry. Dad was in jail and mun had taken to the sofa with a blanket. 

You certainly had a lot of responsibility on those very young shoulders. 

In my experience, all experiences, good or bad, make one a better, stronger person. 

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Desertrat56
32 minutes ago, littlebrowndragon said:

Trouble is that when my father got angry he could take it out on my mother (he was not physically violent).

What did you think his diagnosis was?

I lived in a small community for a long time and a close friend came down with a mental illness - she had a serious mental breakdown, for want of a better description.  When she started attending the doctor's surgery she became aware of just how many people, even in such a small community as that, had mental health problems.  Some, of course, would not admit to having problems publicly and would scurry in and out of the surgery quickly so as to be noticed by as few people as possible..  One such was a colleague of mine who refused to be referred to a psychiatrist.  She denied any suggestion or appearance of mental health problems.    

My father especially was always concerned about "appearances".  However, having been brought up in a small community where it is harder to hide domestic goings on, was a bit of an eye-opener for me.  I eventually realised that family problems are not so uncommon as one might think.

 

Nor do I think you have told too much.  The "friend" who had a breakdown that I referred to above was my sister.  Her mental breakdown was actually schizophrenia, a severe form of schizophrenia.  However, she made a point of being open about her condition.  When she began socialising again, she told me to tell everyone we knew that she had schizophrenia.  She always believed that being open and upfront was the right thing to do, even if some of our so-called friends made snide references to the "funny farm"!  She was sufficiently detached to find those sorts of remarks funny.  But she has never regretted her policy re her condition i.e. of always being open and upfront..  
 

Well, I don't remember what the 3 diagnosis I chose were, except parnoid.  I was 13 and that was 50 years ago, but today I would consider him a narcissitic sociopath.    He did hear voices so he might have been schizophrenic also.  My brother was also but he got diagnosed as bi-polar.  The medicines they tried to help him all made it worse.  He said once that each time they changed his medicine he would feel better for about three weeks then every thing was worse than before the change.  When he died he was on something that the pharmacist said was the last resort, only prescribed when there was nothing that worked. 

I admire your sister, she must be very strong in herself.  My brother rarely talked about it and only admitted to our mother that he heard voices.  My dad never admitted it even when he finally went to a psychiatrist.  I knew he was hearing voices when I was 9.  He only went to the psychiatrist for the drugs and he would read the drug books and choose what drug he wanted to try.  My mother did get most of the verbal abuse and then when all of the kids left home the dogs started getting the physical abuse.  There was something wrong with my mother too, though because she stayed with him until one of his girlfriends insisted that he leave my mom and marry her.  Then he left and came back over and over for years before she finally had enough (29 years of insane marriage).  And of 4 of us, 3 are as ok as anyone can be.  We all did our best to give our kids more calm, rational environments (not always successful) but all of our kids are grown and doing well.

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littlebrowndragon
2 minutes ago, Desertrat56 said:

Well, I don't remember what the 3 diagnosis I chose were, except parnoid.  I was 13 and that was 50 years ago, but today I would consider him a narcissitic sociopath.    He did hear voices so he might have been schizophrenic also.  My brother was also but he got diagnosed as bi-polar.  The medicines they tried to help him all made it worse.  He said once that each time they changed his medicine he would feel better for about three weeks then every thing was worse than before the change.  When he died he was on something that the pharmacist said was the last resort, only prescribed when there was nothing that worked. 

Paranoid.  I think my father was probably paranoid to a degree too.  It can't be that uncommon in societies such as ours i.e. societies that like so much to spy or to keep secrets.  But it seems you showed exceptional insight for a 13 year old.  As to the voices, I think you can have psychosis without being schizophrenic - I think.  My sister eventually refused all medication despite being put under enormous pressure from her psychiatrist.  In the first instance, the psychiatrist was misdiagnosing my sister and so giving her the wrong medication which just made her condition worse.  Also, she saw patients in a psychiatric hospital who were so drugged up that they were like zombies.  My sister didn't want to lose her mind through drugs.  She also wanted to keep her mind free of drugs so as to allow her psychological immune system to work unhampered.  In addition, one of the drugs they put her on, when they took her off it, she became insomniac as a result.  That was 20 years ago and she still suffers insomnia.  The schizophrenia is gone, now.

 

Quote

  And of 4 of us, 3 are as ok as anyone can be.  We all did our best to give our kids more calm, rational environments (not always successful) but all of our kids are grown and doing well.

Good outcome!

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Desertrat56
5 minutes ago, littlebrowndragon said:

Paranoid.  I think my father was probably paranoid to a degree too.  It can't be that uncommon in societies such as ours i.e. societies that like so much to spy or to keep secrets.  But it seems you showed exceptional insight for a 13 year old.  As to the voices, I think you can have psychosis without being schizophrenic - I think.  My sister eventually refused all medication despite being put under enormous pressure from her psychiatrist.  In the first instance, the psychiatrist was misdiagnosing my sister and so giving her the wrong medication which just made her condition worse.  Also, she saw patients in a psychiatric hospital who were so drugged up that they were like zombies.  My sister didn't want to lose her mind through drugs.  She also wanted to keep her mind free of drugs so as to allow her psychological immune system to work unhampered.  In addition, one of the drugs they put her on, when they took her off it, she became insomniac as a result.  That was 20 years ago and she still suffers insomnia.  The schizophrenia is gone, now.

 

Good outcome!

I think that is why the drugs never helped my brother is that he was mis-diagnosed and he suffered a lot of trauma as a child but I am not sure that was addressed correctly either.  It seems that some doctors go to the drugs first.  My dad had a GP that would give him anything he wanted if he could describe the correct symptoms and that doctor/quack is the one who gave him the first drug book, they come out every year for doctors to describe the new drugs.  When the quack retired and my dad couldn't find a quack/pill pusher to give him what he wanted he started going to a psychiatrist but I think he lied about everything to the psychiatrist, he knew what to say to get the drugs he wanted.

Edited by Desertrat56
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