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Aaron2016

What Causes Temper Tantrums?

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and then
On 10/21/2019 at 3:15 AM, Buzz_Light_Year said:

Temper tantrums?

You do realize that sometimes inanimate objects just need killing. :devil:

Had myself a brother-in-law once that tried that with a Ford.  He got 4 broken bones in his hand instead.  :) 

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Mantis914

I would just like to know why we as a society reward temper tantrums in general.  In the case of stores, when a customer throws an absolute fit, the store ends up caving lest they get fed to the unrelenting maw of social media and/or word of mouth.  It's never the person that gets told "No" and they walk away or go to another store, they are usually the ones that get mistreated or ignored by employees.  

Edited by Mantis914
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WillowLavenders

I'd say it often comes with breaking under excessive amounts of stress, pressure, emotion, etc. It's almost like a coping method to release some of the emotion you have bottled up. I wouldn't say a good method, but it's one of 'em.

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RoseDancer

Acceptable in children who lack the words to express themselves. But in adults, I think it's an overload of emotion and the inability to control a situation. I also think the recipient needs to stay calm or the situation could escalates. 

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RabidMongoose
On 10/20/2019 at 10:13 PM, Aaron2016 said:

I've never had a temper tantrum, and don't know what causes them.  I have seen friends who lose their temper so easily over trivial matters, and even punch the walls and destroy their own furniture.  What on earth possesses people to behave in such a manner?  I remember a guy who lost his temper because it was his birthday and everyone was trying to be nice to him.  Even a friendly smile would be taken the wrong way.

When a child is born it cries and the parents coming running.

As that child becomes a toddler it continues to throw temper tantrums to get what it wants. Unfortunately, not all people have good parenting skills so they never nip it in the bud. As a result that child grows into an adult which thinks throwing temper tantrums gets them what they want.

As with the unruly child, the way you deal with it is to let them have their temper tantrum. But dont give them what they want no matter how much they kick, scream, punch the wall, or roll about on the floor crying and holding their breath (yes, I have actually seen that in an adult).

If that doesnt resolve the problem then openly mock and humilate them to get the message across.

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Desertrat56
On 10/20/2019 at 3:13 PM, Aaron2016 said:

I've never had a temper tantrum, and don't know what causes them.  I have seen friends who lose their temper so easily over trivial matters, and even punch the walls and destroy their own furniture.  What on earth possesses people to behave in such a manner?  I remember a guy who lost his temper because it was his birthday and everyone was trying to be nice to him.  Even a friendly smile would be taken the wrong way.

I wish I knew.  I suspect that some people were allowed to have temper tantrums as very young children getting what they wanted to shut them up or calm them down and as they got older they still were allowed and it still got them what ever they were asking for until it got them in trouble, at which point it would be someone else's fault in their mind.  Then there are those narcissists who just do it it keep everyone under their thumb and afraid of them.  I consider it a sign of mental illness when an adult throws a tantrum.  I can see shouting about something when you are angry until you hear how crazy you sound and then apologizing (meaning it because of severe embarrassment) for going over the deep end as long as it is a once a decade or once a lifetime thing, but some people never stop.  I grew up with a parent who had daily temper tantrums over silly crap.  I figured out about the time I was 13 that those tantrums had nothing to do with what he claimed.  He was a rage addict, addicted to other mind altering substances as well.

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Desertrat56
On 10/20/2019 at 5:23 PM, Hankenhunter said:

Something, something, Donald Trump, something.

/ I couldnt resist the straight line you tossed out there.:P

Oh, please.

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Desertrat56
On 10/20/2019 at 9:38 PM, darkmoonlady said:

I wish I knew I would probably still be married to my ex. Pretty sure he had borderline personality disorder. He couldn't regulate his emotions at home. He would get p***ed off and throw a tantrum over small unpredictable things, it made life chaotic. I never knew what might set him off. Then he would wind it up to a fight and next day act like it never happened, happy as could be. It was exhausting to deal with, and I am way happier since we divorced. The sad part was he was great when he was not throwing things and slamming doors but it shrank our lives. You can't enjoy life with someone who loses it all the time over anything.

You were living with a narcissist.  Nothing is ever their fault and they do nothing wrong.  Impossible to live with without going stark raving mad.

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Desertrat56
On 10/21/2019 at 1:18 AM, Bed of chaos said:

I think a more important question would be why someone's angry? Perhaps its justified?  If a wife just discovered husband was cheating would tantrum be inappropriate? Perhaps a tantrum could be the only way to get thru to someone else (who's in the wrong or caused significant problems).

No.

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Desertrat56
On 10/21/2019 at 1:51 AM, Hankenhunter said:

I'd just like to throw bi-polarism into the mix. I've seen some impressive tantrums due to this ailment.

Right, that is still no excuse.  My dad was eventually diagnosed as bi-polar, though I suspect it was worse than that. And the diagnosis did nothing to change his behaviour, not eve counseling, which he only went to to get the drugs from the psychiatrist.  Some people may have some chemical or electrical issue in their brain but a lot just throw tantrums and tell stories to get away with it.  I think there are a lot more narcissist addicts around than people realize.  One thing is that certain emotions and responses to stimuli can become an addiction with or with out drugs and alcohol.

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Desertrat56
On 10/21/2019 at 1:55 AM, jmccr8 said:

When my grand-daughter was 2-3 yrs old she tried to pull tantrums a couple of times when we we at Tim Horton's, the first time she tried using the screw face and when I saw it I told her that was a really good face and if she practiced it enough one day it might work and chuckled a bit so she started laughing. The next time she started pulling some attitude and I told her she was only allowed to make one man in her life miserable but she would have to wait until she was old enough to get married and everybody in the place cracked up and she started laughing too.

For some people the RED MOON theory should have been applied generously in their youth if reason and humor doesn't apparently it worked on me.:innocent::whistle:

jmccr8

I went shopping with my sister-in-law and her 3 year old once.  He asked for candy but it was a few days before payday and she  had enough to buy cigarettes with a dollar left over.  She told him "no, I can't buy the candy bar."  He stared at her with an expression that seemed like "You are really going to make me do this."  Then as if on a time delay he threw himself down on the floor screaming and she watched him for about 30 seconds then said "Ok, have the damn candy bar."  He immediately jumped up and was fine.  She had trained him to throw a tantrum to get anything.  He never did that with me when I took him anywhere alone.

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Tatetopa
On 10/21/2019 at 1:30 AM, Hankenhunter said:

I watched a grown man try to beat to death a D6 bulldozer that had the temerity to drop a track 3 feet deep in swamp water. It was....educating

Sometimes retribution and karma come swiftly.  I knew a guy like that too Hankenhumter. A limb came through the canopy brushguard and smacked him a good one.  He was not being careful and thought a cat was an army tank,  he was hard on equipment.  He shut it off still tangled in a snag, beat the cat with a tool a good swipe or two and then was going to jump off and leave it there.  He didn't really know what a bad day was until he jumped on that yellow jacket's nest.    

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RabidMongoose
17 minutes ago, Desertrat56 said:

You were living with a narcissist.  Nothing is ever their fault and they do nothing wrong.  Impossible to live with without going stark raving mad.

The narcissist has to be perfect or they crack up.

So in their minds they convince themselves they are right, morally perfect, superior, etc. Trying to confront a narcissist over their behaviour gets you no where except gaining a rage response from them if you persist. They lie to, distort, and delude themselves, to remain perfect.

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RabidMongoose
7 minutes ago, Desertrat56 said:

I went shopping with my sister-in-law and her 3 year old once.  He asked for candy but it was a few days before payday and she  had enough to buy cigarettes with a dollar left over.  She told him "no, I can't buy the candy bar."  He stared at her with an expression that seemed like "You are really going to make me do this."  Then as if on a time delay he threw himself down on the floor screaming and she watched him for about 30 seconds then said "Ok, have the damn candy bar."  He immediately jumped up and was fine.  She had trained him to throw a tantrum to get anything.  He never did that with me when I took him anywhere alone.

The correct response would have been to laugh at him while refusing to give him the candy bar.

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Bed of chaos
2 hours ago, Desertrat56 said:

No.

Is that canon law? People make judgements about (family/friends) disruptive behavior, tantrums. It normal..some do very well go overboard. However it's dangerous to always make assumptions about someone you DONT know. Someone has tantrum in k-mart parking lot. You cant magically jump to stereotypical conclusion..its mental illness or narcissism. How do you know this? I dont. If you can typecast anyone that easy (or have psychic powers) you're one in a million.

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Desertrat56
37 minutes ago, Bed of chaos said:

Is that canon law? People make judgements about (family/friends) disruptive behavior, tantrums. It normal..some do very well go overboard. However it's dangerous to always make assumptions about someone you DONT know. Someone has tantrum in k-mart parking lot. You cant magically jump to stereotypical conclusion..its mental illness or narcissism. How do you know this? I dont. If you can typecast anyone that easy (or have psychic powers) you're one in a million.

The topic is adults having tantrums, It's not about why someone is angry, it's about their behavior when they are angry.  You seem to take this personally as if you might think you or someone else are justified in having a tantrum based on someone else's actions but no, that is not justification for a grown up having a tantrum.  In your example, a woman who finds out her husband is having an affair is not justified in destroying anything, she can get a lawyer, she can pack his stuff and put it in the street, but a tantrum is not justified.  As for a tantrum being the only way to get through to someone, that is just imbecilic.  You don't get through to any one about anything throwing a tantrum unless your goal is to make sure everyone knows you are an ass.

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darkmoonlady
6 hours ago, Desertrat56 said:

You were living with a narcissist.  Nothing is ever their fault and they do nothing wrong.  Impossible to live with without going stark raving mad.

He wasn't a narcissist. He was classic borderline discouraged. Everything sucked, in his view, he could only see the world through a negative view 95% of the time. He cried a lot, over things most people would bounce back from. He wouldn't seek counseling and then we finally went to couples counseling and he switched on the facade he used to get me into a relationship. I spent three more years than I should have trying to make it work because he fooled our counselor, who said all my ex needed was a different job. I drew the line when he was in a tantrum and jammed a broom at me and broke something next to me. I said the next thing you will break is me and asked him to leave. 

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Bed of chaos
5 hours ago, Desertrat56 said:

The topic is adults having tantrums, It's not about why someone is angry, it's about their behavior when they are angry.  You seem to take this personally as if you might think you or someone else are justified in having a tantrum based on someone else's actions but no, that is not justification for a grown up having a tantrum.  In your example, a woman who finds out her husband is having an affair is not justified in destroying anything, she can get a lawyer, she can pack his stuff and put it in the street, but a tantrum is not justified.  As for a tantrum being the only way to get through to someone, that is just imbecilic.  You don't get through to any one about anything throwing a tantrum unless your goal is to make sure everyone knows you are an ass.

Ok. Sounds reasonable. On another note I was in astral projection thread last night  and noticed your comment 'recruited by remote viewers to go join the army' when convenient could you possibly elaborate on that? I mean nothing personal. I've listed some of my work history on site (you ask, I'll tell..its nothing glamorous). And out of curiosity I'm interested in story, not to mention got two vets in my family.

Edited by Bed of chaos
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spartan max2

As a child we throw tantrums because we don't get what we want. We throw a tantrum to try to get what we want. We are still learning about the world.

Unfortunately I think for a lot of kids it worked so often that they just kept doing that pattern throughout life. Because it works so why not do it. As they got older they always found and are attracted to people who it would work on.

Of course I think this happens all on a Subconciuois level. 

Edited by spartan max2

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littlebrowndragon
On 10/20/2019 at 11:26 PM, and then said:

 People who allow themselves to indulge that behaviour often , though, may be using it to control the people around them. 

Been there, done it, got the t-shirt.  Yes, I used to be a VERY angry person and yes, I did use it to control other people.  Of course, I paid for this bad behaviour with my health.  However, there are all sorts of ways in which people manipulate i.e. try to control, other people.  The use of anger is one way.  So, too, is being really, really nice to people.    A former colleague of mine was such a person.  This "being nice" strategy is merely a way of disarming other people so that the "really nice" person can get away with murder without being challenged.

 

PS: There were other sources of my anger.  Inarticulacy, confused thinking, fear, being teased etc all fuelled my anger.

Edited by littlebrowndragon
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