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Alligator Skin Boots


jypsijemini
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On a lovely summer's day, a stoner walked into a high-end shoe store.

He browsed the racks for more than half an hour, gaining the attention of the clerk.

She studied him quietly for a few seconds. Her usual customers wore suits and ties. The man before her had dreadlocks and piercings, and an unwashed t-shirt with an offensive slogan scrawled across the back drooped over his slumped shoulders, his appearance complimented by a fat joint behind his ear. Reluctantly, the well-dressed woman approached the man.

 

"Just browsing?" she asked suggestively, eyebrow raised and arms crossed.

"Kinda, yeah. I really like the look of these crocodile skin shoes though," he replied. His glazed eyes wandered over to a pair of cowboy-style reptile skin boots.

The clerk scoffed, "They're alligator skin boots, and they're very expensive," she spat.

"How much?" the stoner inquired.

 

The clerk forced a fake smile, "Five hundred dollars."

"Yeah, that's a bit steep," the stoner replied. "I really like them though, where else can I get a pair?"

She laughed judgementally, "Like these? Nowhere. They're very rare and exclusive only to our store. You'd probably have more luck if you stopped by the marshes on your way home and got a pair by catching an alligator yourself."

He pondered this for a second. "Where can I find the alligators?"

It'd been a slow day at the store. The bemusement outweighed the clerk's annoyance for this customer so she gave him directions to the nearest swamplands. He thanked her earnestly, walked out the door and hopped into the beat-up, smoke-blowing sedan that was parked out the front. She waved to him as he drove off, then relayed the story to her co-worker in the storeroom.

 

An hour later, the clerk locked the front door and left out the back door to her Mercedes parked behind the shop. She checked her watch, the alligator skin band jogging her memory. She giggled to herself as she started the car. I wonder if he really went down there! she thought to herself. Double-checking the time, she figured she'd take the long way home - just to see if the hazy stoner had been fooled.

 

As she rounded the corner and started cruising parallel to the marshes, she noticed a car parked on the side of the road. The sedan! Her eyes widened with disbelief. The car was empty so she pulled up several feet before it and looked around. She couldn't see the man from where she sat so she got out and took a few strides towards the trees. There was enough of a clearing through the trees for her to notice an embankment. Then she heard cursing and splashing.

She spotted the stoner, waist deep in the water. He had an alligator by the tail and was wrestling him up onto the bank. Her eyes widened and she gasped as she noticed that just metres away, there was a pile of five more alligators, belly-up, all on top of one another.

Heaving and swearing, the man heaved the alligator up out of the mud and rolled him over onto his back.

 

"DAMMIT!" he cried.

 

"THIS ONE DOESN'T HAVE SHOES EITHER!"

  • Haha 3
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