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LightAngel

Kindness

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Helen of Annoy
1 hour ago, joc said:

Thank you for agreeing with me finally!

:)

 

It's not a problem to agree with the obvious. Sometimes the definitions are different, but no human is perfect. 

It's the intent and the ability to control own imperfections that matter. And that is lacking lately. More and more children are not even introduced to the concept of controlling yourself, more and more adults behave like neglected children. 

It was not always like that and it's not 'freedom', it's return to the cave. No, I take that back, cavemen were very aware it's impossible to survive on your own. 

Functional -. or less dysfunctional if you will - society at least makes it harder for psychopaths and narcissists to live out their derangement. The direction consumerist society takes is obviously trying to make everyone into a psychopath - nothing else and no one else matters but their majesty.     

Only it doesn't work like that. A bunch of uncooperative psychos has no future. Other than eating each other. 

And it doesn't have to be like that. In fact, I've got a problem with explaining this phenomenon to myself - I just see no logical reason for mass retardation that is in progress. Maybe I'm underestimating the gullibility of an average person, but I'd say people should be able to remember what 'celebrities' do and blather is not what keeps the real world inhabitable. 

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joc
15 minutes ago, Helen of Annoy said:

It's not a problem to agree with the obvious. Sometimes the definitions are different, but no human is perfect. 

It's the intent and the ability to control own imperfections that matter. And that is lacking lately. More and more children are not even introduced to the concept of controlling yourself, more and more adults behave like neglected children. 

It was not always like that and it's not 'freedom', it's return to the cave. No, I take that back, cavemen were very aware it's impossible to survive on your own. 

Functional -. or less dysfunctional if you will - society at least makes it harder for psychopaths and narcissists to live out their derangement. The direction consumerist society takes is obviously trying to make everyone into a psychopath - nothing else and no one else matters but their majesty.     

Only it doesn't work like that. A bunch of uncooperative psychos has no future. Other than eating each other. 

And it doesn't have to be like that. In fact, I've got a problem with explaining this phenomenon to myself - I just see no logical reason for mass retardation that is in progress. Maybe I'm underestimating the gullibility of an average person, but I'd say people should be able to remember what 'celebrities' do and blather is not what keeps the real world inhabitable. 

I think it is the old frog in the slowly warming to boil pot of water.  

Do you realize what happened to change the world in 2007?   That's the year my now 22 year old daughter got an apple ipod.  The very first touch screen.  12 years later...look around...we all have incredibly powerful computers in our hands...in our children's hands.  Two year old bored and acting out?  Pull up a game on the old iphone and the kid can't help but stare at the screen.

We are a push button, instant gratification society...and you are right...it hasn't always been that way.  Things have changed.  Social Media didn't even exist until a few years ago and now...it is so prevalent in most people's lives.  I bought a television a couple of years ago but all that is watched on it is Netflix.  No cable...no real TV...haven't watched it or missed it in years...and the TV is in the bedroom not the living room.  Who..besides me...in the entire world..doesn't have a big screen TV in their living room?  We invite the liars and propagandists into our homes and then wonder why there is such mass retardation?  There is the answer right there in your very own living room.  Hollywood spends millions of dollars on movies that show us how to kill each other...and we are surprised when there is an uptick in violent crime?  

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Helen of Annoy
1 hour ago, joc said:

I think it is the old frog in the slowly warming to boil pot of water.  

Do you realize what happened to change the world in 2007?   That's the year my now 22 year old daughter got an apple ipod.  The very first touch screen.  12 years later...look around...we all have incredibly powerful computers in our hands...in our children's hands.  Two year old bored and acting out?  Pull up a game on the old iphone and the kid can't help but stare at the screen.

We are a push button, instant gratification society...and you are right...it hasn't always been that way.  Things have changed.  Social Media didn't even exist until a few years ago and now...it is so prevalent in most people's lives.  I bought a television a couple of years ago but all that is watched on it is Netflix.  No cable...no real TV...haven't watched it or missed it in years...and the TV is in the bedroom not the living room.  Who..besides me...in the entire world..doesn't have a big screen TV in their living room?  We invite the liars and propagandists into our homes and then wonder why there is such mass retardation?  There is the answer right there in your very own living room.  Hollywood spends millions of dollars on movies that show us how to kill each other...and we are surprised when there is an uptick in violent crime?  

Err... the entire world consists mostly of people who have no big screen TV or ipod. 

Yet they're going stupider too. Social media is guilty as hell, but current fashion and propaganda are spreading by the classic media and word of the mouth too.

But they're not losing the touch with the reality the way it happens in the West. My part of the world is somewhere in between, you can see screaming children rolling on the floor while mother is immersed into her phone, completely oblivious of the child, but it's still considered a spectacle, not a rule. We've got 'amateur politicians' too, who would dismantle government and let the more ruthless survive, which is how you murder a nation, but they don't get elected. We've got *****s and thieves being peddled as celebrities too, but still, the majority of parents would not wish their daughter is a successful *****. Majority, some would. The disease that's taking you down infected us too. 

Certainly, my first thought is to simply start beating infected people :D It happens, not rarely in history, that people simply start beating each other but screw me and my brain if I didn't learn one thing from the history and that's precisely that quick and violent solutions are not solutions, they are begging of the real, worse problems. 

So, patience. Patience and kindness, whenever possible.  

And maybe some light beating for a celebrity or two... kidding.   

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joc
57 minutes ago, Helen of Annoy said:

So, patience. Patience and kindness, whenever possible.  

Yes Patience and Kindness.  It's possible now!   Thank you for being so patient and so kind.  :wub:

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psyche101
On 12/29/2019 at 2:50 PM, LightAngel said:

 

a5a70445eb6fe52f8ae4232d9e1aacb6--siberi

 

That's very common though. Social etiquettes are abused, people step over each other. Kindness s often mistaken for weakness. By a certain point one know who one can trust in life, and who one cannot. Kindness is limited and proportional. 

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Helen of Annoy
19 hours ago, joc said:

Yes Patience and Kindness.  It's possible now!   Thank you for being so patient and so kind.  :wub:

Thank you for accepting my attempt at kindness. 

Like anyone else, I've got days when my fuse is shorter than it should be. But at least I do my best to realize I was too harsh, apologize and try to make up for that. 

No one's perfect, no one can react perfectly each time, so it's very important to be able to notice, admit and correct the mistakes. People who stubbornly keep defending their mistakes are generating whole chains of problems in their attempt to deny the initial problem. That's plain stupid. Though it usually doesn't come out of stupidity, but out of insecurity caused with experiences in uncooperative environment. 

I work with people and there are days when pressure is just too much for anyone to bear. Then I usually say, loudly 'St.Francis would lose his temper today!' and it usually stops me from exploding. I sort of conditioned myself, I'm using that humorous expression as a code that signals to my brain that I have to stop taking it personally and just do the most urgent stuff and leave everything for later. Cursing and frothing included. Later. 

Then that 'later' comes, I sit down to unwind and take my frustration out, on random people on the Internet :lol: Kidding. I don't do that, but I see many people do exactly that - scoffing and even outright offending others, just because they can. I certainly do offend people sometimes, but only for a good reason. Not because that's my idea of fun. 

This site is a perfect example of a place abused by frustrated people. Here we are, at the Unexplained Mysteries and god help you if you dare mentioning something might be unexplained. There are people who willingly joined the site called unexplained (yes, not explained) mysteries (no, not the most dogmatic materialist theories) with specific intention to mock and belittle anyone who doesn't agree with them to the last letter. 

It's so irritatingly bizarre I very rarely take part in the threads that should be the basis of the site. You know, the unexplained. 

It's not really healthy to keep attempting to be friendly if there's no trace of friendly reactions on the other side and though I can argue until the end of time, it's definitely not healthy and - believe it or not - I don't really enjoy it.

Fighting is like chopping wood - sure, I can do it, and it has to be done sometimes, but it's not something I wish to do whole day every day. 

 

Confession over :D    

I promise not to abuse the kindness of very patient readers any more :D 

Edited by Helen of Annoy
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Desertrat56
5 minutes ago, Helen of Annoy said:

This site is a perfect example of a place abused by frustrated people. Here we are, at the Unexplained Mysteries and god help you if you dare mentioning something might be unexplained. There are people who willingly joined the site called unexplained (yes, not explained) mysteries (no, not the most dogmatic materialist theories) with specific intention to mock and belittle anyone who doesn't agree with them to the last letter. 

I have found this to be true on any site that has a specific subject in the title of it, for example a bible study site that attracts trolls that insist the bible is lies etc.  Or a science site where people who don't understand science troll the scientists, or a paramormal site where people insist there is no such thing.  There are some who have nothing better to do with their time and the best way to cull them from the "herd" is to never respond to anything they post.  No attention, they go away.  Their whole purpose seems to be to get people riled and angry.  Don't let them.  Post what you want and ignore the nay sayers. 

There are a lot on this forum who are skeptics, but they are respectful most of the time.  I am not talking about those.  There are also some who just love to complain and some who beleive anything without question and get upset because someone asks a reasonable question.  It is a melting pot of humanity on this forum and sometimes kindness is just skipping a certain person's posts, kindness first to yourself for not engaging, and kindness to them for not engaging.

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joc
14 minutes ago, Helen of Annoy said:

Confession over :D    

I promise not to abuse the kindness of very patient readers any more :D 

You're a good egg!  We disagree on politics vehemently...but that doesn't mean anything except we see things differently on different subjects because we have experienced different things, in different places, in different ways.  Just because you are wrong doesn't mean I shouldn't be nice to you! :P  You are such a good person and sometimes we have to look beyond the fortress of our own insecurity to see the good in other people.  I realized a long time ago I had a fortress around my heart.  The key to the drawbridge was held by a little boy.  I told the little boy to go take a nap...and while he slept...I lowered the drawbridge, got on a bulldozer and leveled the place, filling in the moat with the rubble and the key.   :)

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Helen of Annoy
10 minutes ago, Desertrat56 said:

I have found this to be true on any site that has a specific subject in the title of it, for example a bible study site that attracts trolls that insist the bible is lies etc.  Or a science site where people who don't understand science troll the scientists, or a paramormal site where people insist there is no such thing.  There are some who have nothing better to do with their time and the best way to cull them from the "herd" is to never respond to anything they post.  No attention, they go away.  Their whole purpose seems to be to get people riled and angry.  Don't let them.  Post what you want and ignore the nay sayers. 

There are a lot on this forum who are skeptics, but they are respectful most of the time.  I am not talking about those.  There are also some who just love to complain and some who beleive anything without question and get upset because someone asks a reasonable question.  It is a melting pot of humanity on this forum and sometimes kindness is just skipping a certain person's posts, kindness first to yourself for not engaging, and kindness to them for not engaging.

I absolutely agree. 

It's just that the troll phenomenon is so perpetually perplexing for me :lol: I can't imagine myself doing that for years and not wondering what the heck is wrong with me. 

 

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Desertrat56
7 minutes ago, Helen of Annoy said:

I absolutely agree. 

It's just that the troll phenomenon is so perpetually perplexing for me :lol: I can't imagine myself doing that for years and not wondering what the heck is wrong with me. 

 

I think that is the difference.  Some people don't think they have anything wrong with them.

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Helen of Annoy
10 minutes ago, joc said:

You're a good egg!  We disagree on politics vehemently...but that doesn't mean anything except we see things differently on different subjects because we have experienced different things, in different places, in different ways.  Just because you are wrong doesn't mean I shouldn't be nice to you! :P  You are such a good person and sometimes we have to look beyond the fortress of our own insecurity to see the good in other people.  I realized a long time ago I had a fortress around my heart.  The key to the drawbridge was held by a little boy.  I told the little boy to go take a nap...and while he slept...I lowered the drawbridge, got on a bulldozer and leveled the place, filling in the moat with the rubble and the key.   :)

Yes, we disagree on politics, vehemently. I used to disagree on politics with my favourite uncle, and I know he'd still give me not one but both of his kidneys if I needed them. 

Differences are something to be discussed in honest search for common ground. 

Please remember me saying this the next time I jump at your throat in a political thread :D   

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LightAngel

 

 

:P

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openozy
1 hour ago, LightAngel said:

 

 

:P

I really like that LA,I've seen country towns over here with the opposite,one family with a negative nasty attitude moves in and it destroys the whole place.In a couple of generations it's a way of life.There is a very large western town here and the entire population is miserable,maybe they should watch stuff like this.

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LightAngel
On 12/30/2019 at 5:38 PM, Helen of Annoy said:

 

Like anyone else, I've got days when my fuse is shorter than it should be. But at least I do my best to realize I was too harsh, apologize and try to make up for that. 

No one's perfect, no one can react perfectly each time, so it's very important to be able to notice, admit and correct the mistakes. 

 

 

 

There is nothing more healing than a sincere apology - followed up by changed behavior. ;)

If you want to have a close and healthy friendship with the people you love, then you shouldn't pretend you didn't do anything wrong if you did - it will just create distance between people.

There are, of course also situations where people don't know they hurt someone - but as soon as they are told that what they did or said was hurtful  - then they should say that they didn't mean to cause harm because they had good intentions, etc. In many cases, it turns out to be just a misunderstanding and talking about it ends up bringing people closer together because now they know about each other a little bit more. 

All this has a lot to do with emotional intelligence.

 

 

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Helen of Annoy
5 hours ago, LightAngel said:

 

 

There is nothing more healing than a sincere apology - followed up by changed behavior. ;)

If you want to have a close and healthy friendship with the people you love, then you shouldn't pretend you didn't do anything wrong if you did - it will just create distance between people.

There are, of course also situations where people don't know they hurt someone - but as soon as they are told that what they did or said was hurtful  - then they should say that they didn't mean to cause harm because they had good intentions, etc. In many cases, it turns out to be just a misunderstanding and talking about it ends up bringing people closer together because now they know about each other a little bit more. 

All this has a lot to do with emotional intelligence.

 

 

Exactly!

And it often takes a 'fool' to start first with honest approach. A lot of people think they have to keep everything for themselves, others think they have to constantly ask for too much or they won't be important enough... we all have our own quirks. 

For example, I've got a 'victim' co-worker. No one ever suffered so greatly and she was always at the brink of tears. In her defence, the environment in which she worked for years was hostile and waaay too prone to various little blackmails and intrigue. It took few years for her to stop crying and start talking directly what she wants, so we can coordinate. It was I guess just too easy, too unreal for her to simply say what you want/need and get an objective compromise. 

I'm trying to say that sometimes people are uncooperative not because they're naturally mean, they simply have horrible experiences and it takes some time for them to decide who they can trust. 

Of course, since we're all just humans, no one's patience is inexhaustible, so while I don't really write anyone off for good, I do take 'vacations' from people who are in toxic phases. It protects my own integrity, while they can compare the results of their behaviour themselves - tell me directly what's the problem and I'll stand on my head if needed be, to help. Scream at me and I guarantee I can outscream the whole choir :D 

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joc
3 hours ago, Helen of Annoy said:

Exactly!

And it often takes a 'fool' to start first with honest approach. A lot of people think they have to keep everything for themselves, others think they have to constantly ask for too much or they won't be important enough... we all have our own quirks. 

For example, I've got a 'victim' co-worker. No one ever suffered so greatly and she was always at the brink of tears. In her defence, the environment in which she worked for years was hostile and waaay too prone to various little blackmails and intrigue. It took few years for her to stop crying and start talking directly what she wants, so we can coordinate. It was I guess just too easy, too unreal for her to simply say what you want/need and get an objective compromise. 

I'm trying to say that sometimes people are uncooperative not because they're naturally mean, they simply have horrible experiences and it takes some time for them to decide who they can trust. 

Of course, since we're all just humans, no one's patience is inexhaustible, so while I don't really write anyone off for good, I do take 'vacations' from people who are in toxic phases. It protects my own integrity, while they can compare the results of their behaviour themselves - tell me directly what's the problem and I'll stand on my head if needed be, to help. Scream at me and I guarantee I can outscream the whole choir :D 

Hell hath no fury what like a Helen of Annoy screaming her head off! ;)

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LightAngel
11 hours ago, Helen of Annoy said:

Exactly!

And it often takes a 'fool' to start first with honest approach. A lot of people think they have to keep everything for themselves, others think they have to constantly ask for too much or they won't be important enough.

 

 

Everyone had traumas in their life - but how people handle their traumas is very different. 875.gif

 

I think that the balance is somewhere in between - if you keep bottling up all your problems and never ask for help - you might end up just punishing yourself needlessly - putting the burden of the world on your shoulders.

On the other hand - if you start seeing everyone else as agents of your own misery, begin to siphon all of their energy and, in lack of a better word, turn your misfortune in one big narcissistic trip, spewing bile in every word you say - you are likely to end up turning people backs and achieve the exact of opposite of what you need - getting some help.

In this age of digital communication, where it takes milliseconds for anyone to just share whatever it is that they have on their mind with the rest of the world - I have observed a trend, a disturbing trend, of people of the latter type that I have mentioned above - using,  or better to say, abusing, other people. It is an onslaught of individuals who are the very definition of "projecting their own problems onto others".

The curious thing is that some of them, on the surface, appear to be quite eloquent, often verbose, incurably social - but unmistakably unhealthy, narcissistic, attention-seeking and altogether destructive - not only for others but mainly for themselves. A very sad fact is that 99% of the time - they are not even aware of what they are doing.

I would just like to finish this by saying that no matter what we are going through - and no matter how much help we get from the outside - that step that we need to take towards our own better selves, or just healing, is our own to make. 

There is no amount of distractions or addictions: drugs, alcohol, or the internet that will do anything else than just provide temporary relief (and an illusion of relief, to be precise) - but as soon as the high is over (or the computer is off) - all of our problems that we haven't faced and dealt with will be right there - waiting for us. 

In life, as it is with most things, personal growth is not cheap and it's not easy.

But if we consider the payoff of becoming stronger, better, kinder and happier people - then the price we have to pay is negligible - and it is only through self-awareness and working with ourselves that we can approach life in this way and deal with our problems in a productive fashion.

 

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LightAngel
On 1/2/2020 at 9:10 PM, joc said:

Hell hath no fury what like a Helen of Annoy screaming her head off! ;)

 

You better watch yourself! :lol:

 

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joc
7 minutes ago, LightAngel said:

 

You better watch yourself! :lol:

 

I would bravely embark down any darkened corridor knowing that the Helen of Annoy had my back. :sm With no worries of her putting a knife into it...

hmmm...she does wear an octopus on her head though....

Nope...we trusteses her completelys...

stuffs mirror in sock ....

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Habitat
22 hours ago, LightAngel said:

The curious thing is that some of them, on the surface, appear to be quite eloquent, often verbose, incurably social - but unmistakably unhealthy, narcissistic, attention-seeking and altogether destructive - not only for others but mainly for themselves. A very sad fact is that 99% of the time - they are not even aware of what they are doing.

Egotistical, self-centred  behaviour is very high maintenance. The more unrealistic our self-image is, the greater exertions needed to maintain the illusion. If we relieve ourself of this burden, by not judging everything that pops up, on a scale of its benefit/detriment to us, life becomes much easier.

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LightAngel

There is something else I have been thinking about:

"Feigned kindness" - people who use insincere kindness to manipulate others.

I can understand that in a job-situation, it can be necessary to use feigned kindness to be polite and diplomatic - but some people use feigned kindness in almost all situations. 

 

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Habitat
4 minutes ago, LightAngel said:

There is something else I have been thinking about:

"Feigned kindness" - people who use insincere kindness to manipulate others.

I can understand that in a job-situation, it can be necessary to use feigned kindness to be polite and diplomatic - but some people use feigned kindness in almost all situations. 

 

In retail, they say the customer is always right. Yes madam ! I think you may have described SCHMOOZING

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LightAngel
5 hours ago, Habitat said:

In retail, they say the customer is always right. Yes madam ! I think you may have described SCHMOOZING

:lol:

 

Nevertheless:

 

Helping+Quotes.jpg

 

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Habitat

…...then there's the complicated business of sometimes having to be cruel to be kind. interpersonal politics can be very delicate work.

 

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Wes83

So.... not to “troll”, but I have very different views on kindness and I really see it as an unnecessary evil.

I manage various restaurants for a living and once I find a thief, there is no proper action other than termination. In my early days I tried pulling the thief aside, showing them the evidence, letting them know I had every right to terminate them, asking what was going on in their lives and offering them a second chance. Always, within weeks I had to terminate them for repeat behavior and what was worse-my team was informed of my action and I created more thieves. Now when I terminate a thief I do it knowing that maybe I’m helping that person grow and I know I’m keeping the rest of my teams honest.

Lets look at food stamps, what would happen to all the people on them if they were taking away? We have a society with so many who can not properly provide for themselves, and who is to blame? Was it kindness to start passing out food monies with taxpayer dollars or is it ultimately evil? I see them in the grocery stores occasionally trying to hide their form of payment from shame I suppose, and more often other consumers look on with a disapproving gaze.

I challenge any notion that kindness is a selfless act, I see many buying their personal feel goods by contributing to those less fortunate. Perhaps that’s why I tried mercy on the thieves.

i think in any population size, whether we play with army’s and nations or cooks and waitresses, an act of kindness sends the wrong message. Showing strength is always better.

Even with the customer is always right mess, we have created the most arrogant, loud mouthed, entitled consumers in the world. Kindness breeds vile behavior.

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