Jump to content
Join the Unexplained Mysteries community today! It's free and setting up an account only takes a moment.
- Sign In or Create Account -
LightAngel

Kindness

306 posts in this topic

Recommended Posts

LightAngel
1 minute ago, XenoFish said:

If you're talking hit as in ran over then you've got two choices. You either try to save the dog which might end up crippled, not adopted and put down. Second option you bring mercy upon it and kill the dog in order to end it's suffering. What do you choose?

 

Didn't you read my whole post?! - I don't like abusive humans!

He was abusing/hitting his dog (beating his dog).

 

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
XenoFish
1 minute ago, LightAngel said:

 

Didn't you read my whole post?! - I don't like abusive humans!

He was abusing/hitting his dog (beating his dog).

 

 

 

Did you not think about an alternative tale? Guy hits dog, if nothing else call them out or call the cops, easy answer. Now answer mine. Would you try to save the dog or end its life? Kindness or mercy?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
LightAngel
Just now, XenoFish said:

Did you not think about an alternative tale? Guy hits dog, if nothing else call them out or call the cops, easy answer. Now answer mine. Would you try to save the dog or end its life? Kindness or mercy?

 

I can't answer that question unless I can examine the dog and analyze its options.

 

  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
LightAngel
On 1/22/2020 at 6:00 PM, Helen of Annoy said:

 

In that particular situation

  

 

Since my question was for you.... then I will ask you again. 

Let's imagine a particular situation. 

You see a human hitting a dog on the street.

You are very tired that day, so you feel weak, but you want to help the dog because you love dogs - and you don't like abusive humans!

You want to react, but your tummy hurt so much that you can hardly breathe - and therefore, you can't protect the dog like you normally would!

That happened to me once, and it took me weeks to get over the guilt. 

Did something similar happen to you?
 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
openozy
On 1/23/2020 at 3:53 AM, Crikey said:

Another dilemma that's I've often been faced with in the past is when I've been unemployed and the Jobcentre wanted me to apply for jobs but I've refused on moral grounds, and had my dole partially reduced for a while ("sanctioned") as punishment.

For example they sent me to apply at a big grocer's, but I took one look at the cigarettes and porn mags and thought "I'm not handling that stuff", and walked back out without applying.

What would UM members have done?

I would have smoked the ciggies then had a ---- probably.Can't be too fussy when your hungry.

  • Haha 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Helen of Annoy
3 hours ago, LightAngel said:

 

Let's imagine a particular situation. 

You see a human hitting a dog on the street.

You are very tired that day, so you feel weak, but you want to help the dog because you love dogs - and you don't like abusive humans!

You want to react, but your tummy hurt so much that you can hardly breathe - and therefore, you can't protect the dog like you normally would!

That happened to me once, and it took me weeks to get over the guilt. 

Did something similar happen to you?

 

 

I'm sorry to hear you felt guilty. No need for that, someone had reacted to that person's behaviour, maybe not on that day, but there's plenty of people who share our mindset. And some of us have a bit too angry sides of their personality, such as me, so trust me, someone did step in. 

In other words, of course there are moments when I leave everything for later, except if it's an emergency. If it's an emergency, I could be dead and still breathe fire while running uphill if situation requires it. 

It's not really normal or sane, I don't recommend it, but it's the way I am. I hope it'll kill me when I'm older :lol: No, seriously, it would be wonderful to just drop dead in the middle of an rage attack, instead of slowly with all the complications that go with it.   

  • Haha 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
LightAngel
1 hour ago, Helen of Annoy said:

I'm sorry to hear you felt guilty. No need for that, someone had reacted to that person's behaviour, maybe not on that day, but there's plenty of people who share our mindset. And some of us have a bit too angry sides of their personality, such as me, so trust me, someone did step in. 

In other words, of course there are moments when I leave everything for later, except if it's an emergency. If it's an emergency, I could be dead and still breathe fire while running uphill if situation requires it. 

It's not really normal or sane, I don't recommend it, but it's the way I am. I hope it'll kill me when I'm older :lol: No, seriously, it would be wonderful to just drop dead in the middle of an rage attack, instead of slowly with all the complications that go with it.   

 

Be careful what you wish for. :lol:

 

giphy.gif

 

 

 

  • Thanks 1
  • Haha 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
LightAngel
13 hours ago, Helen of Annoy said:

 

In other words, of course there are moments when I leave everything for later, except if it's an emergency. If it's an emergency, I could be dead and still breathe fire while running uphill if situation requires it. 

 

 

Just to be a little serious. ;)

I had my first ever food poisoning, and I almost fainted many times. I was sick for over a week (I will spare you all the nasty details here) :lol:

However, I didn't have food poisoning ever since!

My point here is that even you wouldn't be able to react if you were that sick.

I normally always react when I see somebody being abused, and I'm talking about all kinds of abuse, physical and mental, etc. 

I don't understand why some people always pretend they don't see it - how can they live with themselves?!

 

evil-vs-broken-do-not-confuse-a-broken-p

 

 

Edited by LightAngel
  • Thanks 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Helen of Annoy
3 hours ago, LightAngel said:

 

Just to be a little serious. ;)

I had my first ever food poisoning, and I almost fainted many times. I was sick for over a week (I will spare you all the nasty details here) :lol:

However, I didn't have food poisoning ever since!

My point here is that even you wouldn't be able to react if you were that sick.

I normally always react when I see somebody being abused, and I'm talking about all kinds of abuse, physical and mental, etc. 

I don't understand why some people always pretend they don't see it - how can they live with themselves?!

You weren't able to help. It happens. We see horrible news reports daily and though we wish we could, we can't help. 

That shouldn't invoke guilt, it's not our fault. But it inevitably makes you sad. In my own experience, doing kind actions there, where you are able to do them, helps deal with that sadness.  

Cynics would say the intention doesn't matter, only the actual effect, but I believe it's not that simple. A person that has good intentions will act when they can, that's more than enough. Maybe we can't help about one particular situation, but we can and will in another.  

 

3 hours ago, LightAngel said:

 

evil-vs-broken-do-not-confuse-a-broken-p

 

 

 

To be honest, there are situations where it's very unwise to get involved personally. 

For example, with drug addicts. I meet all kinds of people, due to my job, and I know from experience that trying to directly help a drug addict will achieve only one thing: further damage to wider circle of victims. People with severe addiction and mentally ill having a full-blown episode are not to be approached. Call the police, it's the only act of kindness available. And it is kind towards everyone else.  

 

Does it mean kindness is limited? No, it just has more than one form and it's quite important to choose the right one. 

  • Like 1
  • Thanks 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
LightAngel

 

what-is-keep-worth-keeping-and-then-with

;)

 

  • Like 1
  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sheltie
On 12/25/2019 at 12:16 PM, Manwon Lender said:

Understanding them to me is important so long as you don't think this puts you in control of the situation. Building trust is the most important factor in a relationship with someone who is mentally ill. Once this is accomplished you can begin to set boundaries with that person. while I am certain you understand that without taking risks you can never build a bond with trust.

openozy, I had a brother who was mentally ill and homeless. I brought him to my home and tried to help him with his problems. I learned that trust under these unique situations was the first goal in helping a mentally ill person. I was unsuccessful building trust with my sibling, so after a year I had to let him go. In Dec 2017, he walked out in front of a car in Iowa and was killed. While I could blame myself for my failure and his death, I choose not to do so. I do this because I am confident that I did everything I could to help him, and I can find personal peace from this.

Peace

Sorry for your loss!  I had a schizophrenic friend who I tried to help.  Ultimately she stopped taking her meds, insisting that the voices in her head were those of spirits communicating with her.  Her crazy actions grew worse and worse and I eventually had to put down my foot and refuse all contact with her. 

What I took away from the experience is that mentally ill people know they are ill.  They've seen professionals and they know they have to take their meds.  They may not understand their illness or how society functions around them but they know what is expected of them.  We cannot blame ourselves if they refuse to help themselves.  The same is true for drug addicts and alcoholics.  

  • Like 1
  • Thanks 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Manwon Lender
9 minutes ago, Sheltie said:

Sorry for your loss!  I had a schizophrenic friend who I tried to help.  Ultimately she stopped taking her meds, insisting that the voices in her head were those of spirits communicating with her.  Her crazy actions grew worse and worse and I eventually had to put down my foot and refuse all contact with her. 

What I took away from the experience is that mentally ill people know they are ill.  They've seen professionals and they know they have to take their meds.  They may not understand their illness or how society functions around them but they know what is expected of them.  We cannot blame ourselves if they refuse to help themselves.  The same is true for drug addicts and alcoholics.  

I agree with you, but it's a little different when it's a family member. I really put myself through the ringer trying to help my Brother but it wasn't in the cards. He had many demons, and no matter what I did I couldn't help him come back to be the person I grew up with. In a way I think he is better off now, I am not a Christian but I do beleive he was in a great deal of pain and now he is at rest which he deserves. I don't really agree though that all mentally ill people know they are ill, That's the one thing I could not  get my Brother to understand, and I doubt he knew it the day he died. 

Thanks for your post, I appreciate your kind words.

Peace

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sheltie

Yes, my mother's younger brother was an alcoholic and had emotional issues.  I don't know all the details but I saw firsthand how his problems effected everyone throughout the family.  There is no easy solution when a family member is struggling.  

  • Thanks 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Manwon Lender
1 minute ago, Sheltie said:

Yes, my mother's younger brother was an alcoholic and had emotional issues.  I don't know all the details but I saw firsthand how his problems effected everyone throughout the family.  There is no easy solution when a family member is struggling.  

Yes it certainly has a cascade effect, but in my situation it was a little different. Our parents were both already gone, and we have no other relatives in the United States. So everything fell on my shoulders, so I really had no choice but to try and help. Just wish things could have had a happier ending, but that's the way life goes. But you are certainly right it's a whole different ball game when a family member is involved, hope you never have to deal with, I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

Peace.

  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Desertrat56
11 hours ago, Manwon Lender said:

I agree with you, but it's a little different when it's a family member. I really put myself through the ringer trying to help my Brother but it wasn't in the cards. He had many demons, and no matter what I did I couldn't help him come back to be the person I grew up with. In a way I think he is better off now, I am not a Christian but I do beleive he was in a great deal of pain and now he is at rest which he deserves. I don't really agree though that all mentally ill people know they are ill, That's the one thing I could not  get my Brother to understand, and I doubt he knew it the day he died. 

Thanks for your post, I appreciate your kind words.

Peace

Thank you for saying that ML, my brother was mentally ill, misdiagnosed and given a lot of different medicines ("let's try"...) and they all made things worse.  He had a job and his coworkers liked him for the most part but no one understood him and he finally hung himself.  He was taking his meds, but when I asked the pharmacist what medicine it was and what it was for he told me it was the last resort, when nothing else helps it at least allows someone to sleep.  There was a lot of guilt for me as I did not stay in touch with him on a regular basis, as his job took him to different states, and I have had to figure that out for myself.  In the end, I know there was nothing I could do to help him.  And I know he is ok now.  I also am not a christian (my christian relatives think he is in hell for killing himself and they are angry at him) but I know hell is where he was in life and now he is ok.

I also agree with you that not all mentally ill people know they are mentally ill, but then I have a different definition of mental illness.  Some people think they are the only one that matters, or they are so insecure that they must lash out if anyone appears to disagree with them.  Those people are mentally ill and would never even think it is them who has the problem.  

  • Thanks 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Manwon Lender
3 hours ago, Desertrat56 said:

Thank you for saying that ML, my brother was mentally ill, misdiagnosed and given a lot of different medicines ("let's try"...) and they all made things worse.  He had a job and his coworkers liked him for the most part but no one understood him and he finally hung himself.  He was taking his meds, but when I asked the pharmacist what medicine it was and what it was for he told me it was the last resort, when nothing else helps it at least allows someone to sleep.  There was a lot of guilt for me as I did not stay in touch with him on a regular basis, as his job took him to different states, and I have had to figure that out for myself.  In the end, I know there was nothing I could do to help him.  And I know he is ok now.  I also am not a christian (my christian relatives think he is in hell for killing himself and they are angry at him) but I know hell is where he was in life and now he is ok.

I also agree with you that not all mentally ill people know they are mentally ill, but then I have a different definition of mental illness.  Some people think they are the only one that matters, or they are so insecure that they must lash out if anyone appears to disagree with them.  Those people are mentally ill and would never even think it is them who has the problem.  

Yea I agree with you, and I know exactly how you feel. My hope for you is that you can some how come to terms with it all and not blame yourself in any way. That's the most difficult thing to do and many people carry that burden their entire life's which solves nothing.

I am very sorry to hear about your brother, but like you said he was in hell, and now he's in peace.

Peace

  • Like 1
  • Thanks 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
LightAngel
On 2/12/2020 at 4:23 AM, Sheltie said:

 

What I took away from the experience is that mentally ill people know they are ill. 

 

s7ed40f86auy.jpg

 

I don't post this quote to put you down.

I post it because it's important to think deeper all the time!

It's important to question what we think we know.....

 

Edited by LightAngel
  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
openozy
On 1/25/2020 at 4:20 PM, LightAngel said:

 

Just to be a little serious. ;)

I had my first ever food poisoning, and I almost fainted many times. I was sick for over a week (I will spare you all the nasty details here) :lol:

However, I didn't have food poisoning ever since!

My point here is that even you wouldn't be able to react if you were that sick.

I normally always react when I see somebody being abused, and I'm talking about all kinds of abuse, physical and mental, etc. 

I don't understand why some people always pretend they don't see it - how can they live with themselves?!

 

evil-vs-broken-do-not-confuse-a-broken-p

That was my ex partner,she came from a horribly abusive childhood and I thought I could make her life decent.I discovered she was a truly evil person,just like her abusive parents,but way way worse.It's an easy thing to mistake,if you are like me and look for the good side of people or at least an excuse for their evil deeds.

 

 

  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
openozy
45 minutes ago, LightAngel said:

s7ed40f86auy.jpg

That made me feel better about not fitting into society.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
LightAngel
30 minutes ago, openozy said:

That was my ex partner,she came from a horribly abusive childhood and I thought I could make her life decent.I discovered she was a truly evil person,just like her abusive parents,but way way worse.It's an easy thing to mistake,if you are like me and look for the good side of people or at least an excuse for their evil deeds.

 

I actually posted a long reply here, but I have now removed it because I think your words should stand alone for now. 

The fact that you were looking for the best in her show me that you are a kind person.

Stay kind, don't let anybody destroy that side of you.

But be alert at the same time - so you don't make the same mistake twice.

 

 

  • Like 2
  • Thanks 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Habitat
52 minutes ago, openozy said:

That made me feel better about not fitting into society.

It is better to be sociable, than social, I think, beware the person who has a different manner of speaking and acting, according to whom they are talking, and especially if they have a similar level of familiarity with each. 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
RabidMongoose
On 1/24/2020 at 12:42 PM, XenoFish said:

If you're talking hit as in ran over then you've got two choices. You either try to save the dog which might end up crippled, not adopted and put down. Second option you bring mercy upon it and kill the dog in order to end it's suffering. What do you choose?

For me it would depend on how knackered up it looks.

If it was as flat as a pancake or mangled around the wheels of the car I would mercy it off to dog heaven. Then I would take it home to turn him into a tasty stew (joking... or am I?). If after the vet has finished with it I think it would still be recognisable as a functional dog I would try to help it.

And go look for a nice tasty hedgehog instead for my supper!

Edited by RabidMongoose

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
joc
48 minutes ago, LightAngel said:
1 hour ago, openozy said:

That was my ex partner,she came from a horribly abusive childhood and I thought I could make her life decent.I discovered she was a truly evil person,just like her abusive parents,but way way worse.It's an easy thing to mistake,if you are like me and look for the good side of people or at least an excuse for their evil deeds.

 

I actually posted a long reply here, but I have now removed it because I think your words should stand alone for now. 

The fact that you were looking for the best in her show me that you are a kind person.

Stay kind, don't let anybody destroy that side of you.

But be alert at the same time - so you don't make the same mistake twice.

I am just going to mention something...

1.  People don't change.

2. What people learn in their youth, good, bad or indifferent, they carry with them the rest of their lives...you can not 'unlearn' your birth box...it is what it is. 

3. Hence...# 1

So, before the knee jerk reactions I will speak to #1:

People can change their attitudes.  People can change their addictions.  People can change their clothes and their hair and their tastes for food and music.

What people cannot change is their core.  Who they actually are.  People don't change!  So...word to the wise... cough ... @openozy Heed LA's advice.  What you see is what you get...you cannot change anyone...ever...whatever changes they are capable of making happens within them...not because of you ...because of them.  You cannot change people...ever...period.  Words to live by my friend.

 

Edited by joc
  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
openozy
4 minutes ago, joc said:

What people cannot change is their core.  Who they actually are.  People don't change!  So...word to the wise... cough ... @openozy Heed LA's advice.  What you see is what you get...you cannot change anyone...ever...whatever changes they are capable of making happens within them...not because of you ...because of them.  You cannot change people...ever...period.  Words to live by my friend.

At 25 I thought I could save the world,with a bit of love.Now at 57 I've known that this is a pipe dream for quite a while,but I won't let myself be dragged down,I never did,not down far enough not to get back.True you can't change your core, I still feel it is more what you come out of than how much sand gets kicked in your face while we are here.So in a way you can't blame the unkind, bad guy,he was programmed be this way at conception.I just don't have these people around me now.

  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
openozy
1 hour ago, Habitat said:

It is better to be sociable, than social, I think, beware the person who has a different manner of speaking and acting, according to whom they are talking, and especially if they have a similar level of familiarity with each. 

I like that but having to deal with people on different levels you have to adjust you speech and manner in order not to offend anyone by talking down at them.So wow,I'm not the social pariah I thought I was lol.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.