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Jujo-jo

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"Stories, Sightings & Experiences"

Well it's my story,

PTSD makes you see things

and I'm experiencing something I am  hoping to understand better.

My apologies if I done wrong.

What other heading should it have fallen under?

Edited by Jujo-jo
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8 minutes ago, Dejarma said:

do you feel it's possible your condition (because it's a mystery to you) may have some kinda supernatural/ strange/ unknown influence? Yes or no? It's a simple question.......

No

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4 minutes ago, Dejarma said:

@SectretSanta yeah thanks.. maybe i'm not that stupid after all.. it's either that or you're stupid as well;)

 

 

You missed these question...

I'm not sure what you are saying.

Other than you've read some of my replies to topics on UFO's, aliens and other supernatural subjects and you feel by me believing in those things, you think it makes my PTSD worse?

Or you dont think PTSD is a real condition? 

I posted in here under experiences... I am experiencing difficulties lately with my PTSD, where else should I have posted it?

So you dont feel it's possible? Aren't you posting on here?

You've confused me, I'm just trying to understand where you're coming from so that I'm not misunderstanding you.

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2 minutes ago, Jujo-jo said:

No

well i'm trying to help you in my own way but i give up... good luck

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It seems that with some, the main thing is that this story goes in the right pigeon-hole, whether the OP can get any resolution of PTSD is secondary.

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Just now, Habitat said:

It seems that with some, the main thing is that this story goes in the right pigeon-hole, whether the OP can get any resolution of PTSD is secondary.

why would this individual seek answers in a place like this??? again: do you think i'm stupid asking this question?

or is it you just want to fight with me?, as always;)

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2 minutes ago, Dejarma said:

why would this individual seek answers in a place like this??? again: do you think i'm stupid asking this question?

or is it you just want to fight with me?, as always;)

I reckon PTSD is a mystery of kinds. Some will get it, others not, from basically the same experience. Better understanding the dynamics might help a lot of people, the science of psychiatry is not as well developed as others, and that is likely due to the enormous complexity of the brain.

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I don't have any PTSD but my heart goes out to those who do.

I guess my only advice is to not be hard on yourself for not " controlling it". 

All PTSD is in essence your brain being hypervigiliant to avoid something horrible from happening again (at least that's what it thinks it's accomplishing).

It won't stop until it's been long enough for you to feel safe. It takes alot of time and patience.

Be kind to yourself. 

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8 minutes ago, Dejarma said:

why would this individual seek answers in a place like this??? again: do you think i'm stupid asking this question?

or is it you just want to fight with me?, as always;)

UM is like a social media for a lot of us. It makes sense for him to post something like that on UM. 

I've posted my share of personal things.

Edited by spartan max2
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2 hours ago, Jujo-jo said:

I am a long time victim of PTSD and seeking others to discuss the topic...

I think it could be beneficial to learn from one another on how each of us cope and deal with this disorder. 

I also think it may be a good source of support for one another; if any one should ever feel the need for support.

It's not something I can bring myself to talk about with my closest family or friends.

Triggers and feelings that I have after an episode, (especially if it has happened in front of someone) I am seeking enlightenment on.

I currently use meditation, music, essential oils, aromatherapy and sticker dates plastered on the vehicle windows, fridge and mirrors, to remind me of today and of the year.

I have and occasionally still seek counsel, most likely that will be an on again, off again event for me.

I appreciate you and your courage of any one willing to participate. 

Hey it's very nice to see new members here, and welcome to the forum. I spent more than half my life in the US Army, retired in 2003 and continued working for the government as a contractor on and off until November of 2019 when I decided to retire for good. While on active duty I had three combat deployments, and as a contractor I spent time in combat zones on and off until I recently retired. My first experience with PTSD started in 1998, I hadn't been in a Combat Zone since 1993. Then one night in 1998 I could not go to sleep, foolishly I waited for five days before I decided I needed help because I still hadn't slept a wink in five days. 

When I went into see a doctor, they were very surprised I had been up for five days. The first thing they recommended was to admit me to the hospital and put me under. I woke up 48 hours later, and while I still didn't feel really rested it did clear my mind and it allowed to think clearly. After five days with no sleep you start to see things and you aren't really thinking clearly at all. Well after I woke up the doctor came into see me, and told me while I was out, I was sweating and at times shaking and mumbling. So at that  point I was diagnosed with Post Tramatic Stress syndrome or PTSD. 

Now when this first started to effect me it was only effecting me during my sleep, but as time went by it stopped from me sleeping altogethe like I said above. At this point they put me on some medication to help me sleep, which worked pretty well. But then I started to have some episodes during the day. I would smell something, I would hear something at a distance, or I would see something out of the corner of eye and it would set me off. I wouldn't freak out, but I would start to sweat and feel uncomfortable in my surroundings. So I went back to the Doctor and they put me on more medication, which helped a lot but it didn't completely solve the problem.

I tried going to group secessions with other soldiers who also had similar problems, for around a year. While it helped to talk about the problems many of us found it didn't really completely solve the problems so I quit going and have been taking medication ever since. On my own over time I have learned to better control my mind in these situations, in fact I even continued to go back Into hot zones as a contractor. The best method I have found to deal with this problem is meditation, which I do on a daily basis. This helps me relax my body and mind so that if I don't sleep well, I can make up for some of it by meditation. I still wake up wet from the neck down at times, but the funny thing is I don't remember what I was dreaming about.

In fact I haven't had a dream I can clearly remember since before the problems started in 1998. If you ever want to talk please send me a PM, I understand most people do not want to speak openly about this in public. For me it's just a fact of life that I can't always control so I would rather have other know about my situation so they can better understand me. If people don't except the problem I have I could careless, because then it becomes their problem not mine any longer.:yes:

Peace

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Thanks for sharing your story and your experience with ptsd Jujo. I think reaching out is a great way to open a discussion. 
Recovering from ptsd is a process, for some it is a long process. Stick with your therapy and medication and talk about it when you get the opportunity , even in discussions like this. Getting it out into the open is so much healthier than keeping it in your head where it goes round and round. 
Good luck, I hope reaching out is a sign that you are on the road to recovery and prepared to deal with it openly xx
 

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1 hour ago, Habitat said:

I reckon PTSD is a mystery of kinds. Some will get it, others not, from basically the same experience. Better understanding the dynamics might help a lot of people, the science of psychiatry is not as well developed as others, and that is likely due to the enormous complexity of the brain.

No it's really not a mystery at all. The condition is caused by traumatic events in your life, in many cases you don't even start to feel or show symptoms until years after the event that created it. This is because it affects your subconscious mind, it starts like seed and it grows until at some point it will burst forth, at least that's how it effected  me. But that in no way is mysterious it is all easily explained scientifically.  

Peace

Edited by Manwon Lender
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7 minutes ago, Manwon Lender said:

Hey it's very nice to see new members here, and welcome to the forum. I spent more than half my life in the US Army, retired in 2003 and continued working for the government as a contractor on and off until November of 2019 when I decided to retire for good. While on active duty I had three combat deployments, and as a contractor I spent time in combat zones on and off until I recently retired. My first experience with PTSD started in 1998, I hadn't been in a Combat Zone since 1993. Then one night in 1998 I could not go to sleep, foolishly I waited for five days before I decided I needed help because I still hadn't slept a wink in five days. 

When I went into see a doctor, they were very surprised I had been up for five days. The first thing they recommended was to admit me to the hospital and put me under. I woke up 48 hours later, and while I still didn't feel really rested it did clear my mind and it allowed to think clearly. After five days with no sleep you start to see things and you aren't really thinking clearly at all. Well after I woke up the doctor came into see me, and told me while I was out, I was sweating and at times shaking and mumbling. So at that  point I was diagnosed with Post Tramatic Stress syndrome or PTSD....

Thank you for your service and for responding.

It is a very hard topic! 

I was misdiagnosed the first time around and was put on heavy meds that I did not even need and found out later after seeing a few more  doctors down the line.

I was on a number of meds but finally found a good medical dr. about 15 yrs. ago and the medication I have now is, as needed only. The last issue I had, I thought I only needed a half pill but I should have had at least one and a 1/2 but I was so out of it I couldn't comprehend that at the time.

This was one of the worst I've had in a very long time and I thought I was managing it well but this one was sneaking and cought me off guard and I was outside of my comfort zone when it hit. It made me concerned and I am now wondering if they're going to get worse as I age?

I dont know why I think that but I just do and I guess if that is the case than I might want to talk to the doc and see about a different medication plan.

For as severe as it was last time I am hoping that it isn't always going to be this bad from here out (but I guess only the next time it happens is when we'll know that, right...)

I do have another questions, does it ever seem like you learn something about yourself that you didnt know prior to an episode? (I know that might seem like a really strange questions.)

And do you forget sometimes that you have PSTD and you find yourself doing something out of the ordinary? Like in my case hiding and then you find yourself saying, to yourself what the hell I'm I doing and then, oh that's right, thats why?  Is this normal, just part of it? Will that part ever go away?

I had an incident this last time that memories and vivid details that I had forgotten about or had suppressed came in and floored me. This hasn't happened to me before, would you happen to have any insight on this?

And thanks again!

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Btw thanks about the PM and I will do that if I ever feel the need but it's taken me a very long time to talk about it all openly and I think the more I talk about it, especially with those who can relate and excgange pointers, it might serve as a healing process???

and it might be good for others who dont understand it, if they live with someone who has it, to get to really know it. Idk?

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It was 6 months not 4 sry I'm just coming out of my fog.

Also this is the 1st time my husband has seen an episode like this in 8 years, we've been married for 21. I was doing so good : (

(Trigger: my molesxxx, xxxxxst and abuser approached me, he is not supposed to other than through a lawyer he is family, I do have a protection order and no trespassing order but it doesn't do any good around here and when I called 911 cops couldn't get there before he took off I did have someone else with me, just to fill you in)

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4 hours ago, Jujo-jo said:

I am upset with my recent down time, pretty disappointed in myself that I couldn't break its grip quicker and I never want my employees or husband to see this! Unfortunately 2 of my employees saw that I was sick vomiting last week and poor husband has had two strokes and doesn't cook anymore. 

So it's best for me to not get down to begin with but sometimes it's out of my control.

The main thing for me is to accept and forgive myself for the times my raw edges show. It does not help to join up and be one of the factors that punch on you. I use meditation and prayer as my primary go to's, and when I feel I am slipping more I go for my shamanic background and work on trance and journeying. It works for me. In the past I had friends I could reach out to, but, now days people do not have time for that if they even think I need help, so I go it alone with my faith. Maybe it is a back handed compliment? IDK. I think few care is what it is, except for others who know what it is like.

But, rule one, you are human, it hurt you, it is a wound and needs to heal like anything else and it will take a lot more time than the cause took in marking you so deeply. Love yourself and accept humility enough to accept you can fail and not become a bad person for the failure. That was the hardest thing for me to accept, that I could not muscle through or beat down this one enemy inside, I was such a weakling it hurt me and broke something, and how that angers me. I had to learn to accept, I humbled myself and I work on that rage.

The damage is honorable, it is a war wound. Maybe we hide the scar but, we can learn to love it about ourselves and take care of our self better and become our own safe place and best friend. Work out from there, once you get on your own side as an ally. Look at it this way, you were and are a pretty good person for something that ugly to hurt you, right? It is not a bad thing to know about yourself, that evil is not like you.

You can do this. I believe in you and am proud to share a scar like that with you and other PTSD sufferers. 

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52 minutes ago, Jujo-jo said:

Thank you for your service and for responding.

It is a very hard topic! 

I was misdiagnosed the first time around and was put on heavy meds that I did not even need and found out later after seeing a few more  doctors down the line.

I was on a number of meds but finally found a good medical dr. about 15 yrs. ago and the medication I have now is, as needed only. The last issue I had, I thought I only needed a half pill but I should have had at least one and a 1/2 but I was so out of it I couldn't comprehend that at the time.

This was one of the worst I've had in a very long time and I thought I was managing it well but this one was sneaking and cought me off guard and I was outside of my comfort zone when it hit. It made me concerned and I am now wondering if they're going to get worse as I age?

I dont know why I think that but I just do and I guess if that is the case than I might want to talk to the doc and see about a different medication plan.

For as severe as it was last time I am hoping that it isn't always going to be this bad from here out (but I guess only the next time it happens is when we'll know that, right...)

I do have another questions, does it ever seem like you learn something about yourself that you didnt know prior to an episode? (I know that might seem like a really strange questions.)

And do you forget sometimes that you have PSTD and you find yourself doing something out of the ordinary? Like in my case hiding and then you find yourself saying, to yourself what the hell I'm I doing and then, oh that's right, thats why?  Is this normal, just part of it? Will that part ever go away?

I had an incident this last time that memories and vivid details that I had forgotten about or had suppressed came in and floored me. This hasn't happened to me before, would you happen to have any insight on this?

And thanks again!

I don't know how it will effect you as you age, however, when you experience Menopause if you have not  yet it may have some effect. If I were you, I would ask my doctor questions about how it will effect you as you age. I never feel like I have learned something from an episode, for me there is know doubt what caused my condition. It is directly due to experiences I had during or after combat and everything is related to that. I have seen the monster that anyone can become, I have looked into his eyes and survived while others didn't and at times I feel guilty. But in reality no one can do anything, when it's your time, it's just your time there is nothing. More  to it than that for me.

What I have learned is I have my worst moments when I am feeling down, or especially when I haven't been sleeping well over a period of days or even a week. Keeping that in mind I immediately deal with the situation, if I am not sleeping I take some sleeping pills, if I feel down I talk it out with my wife who generally can point something out that turns things around. I am also a 100 % diabked veteran, so due to injuries I am in a great deal of pain most days. But I do not take any Narcotics, even though they will give them to me whenever I want them. I have tried everything for the pain, but much of it is nerve damage in my spine that surgery can note fix. I have already had two surgeries, and I don't think I am going to have anymore even though they are telling me I need one.

i never forget I have PTSD, however, I do forget things at times because I have also had a TBI. But, PTSD is a shadow on my shoulder, I know it's there, and I know how to fight and control it. For me meditation is The remedy, for both my pain and the PTSD, it allows me to relax and find a place where I don't really feel as much pain. There is nothing magical or mystical about my experiences, PTSD is just what it is described as it's a form of extreme stress that effects you after an event, it may be days or years like in my case, it is in most cases different for many of us. If I can offer you anything to help you to deal with your problems I would suggest this. First ask your Doctor about how this will effect you as you age. When it comes to anything concerning treatments were any form of medication is concerned only listen to a doctor.

One thing that will not harm you is meditation, read up on it and learn how to do it. The methods used can vary, its best to find out what is good for you personally, no one can tell you that. But it does take practice, and you must be patient because it will take to learn how to put yourself in a deep subconscious zone. But once you achieve it you will be surprised how good it can be..

peace

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4 minutes ago, Not A Rockstar said:

The main thing for me is to accept and forgive myself for the times my raw edges show. It does not help to join up and be one of the factors that punch on you. I use meditation and prayer as my primary go to's, and when I feel I am slipping more I go for my shamanic background and work on trance and journeying. It works for me. In the past I had friends I could reach out to, but, now days people do not have time for that if they even think I need help, so I go it alone with my faith. Maybe it is a back handed compliment? IDK. I think few care is what it is, except for others who know what it is like.

But, rule one, you are human, it hurt you, it is a wound and needs to heal like anything else and it will take a lot more time than the cause took in marking you so deeply. Love yourself and accept humility enough to accept you can fail and not become a bad person for the failure. That was the hardest thing for me to accept, that I could not muscle through or beat down this one enemy inside, I was such a weakling it hurt me and broke something, and how that angers me. I had to learn to accept, I humbled myself and I work on that rage.

The damage is honorable, it is a war wound. Maybe we hide the scar but, we can learn to love it about ourselves and take care of our self better and become our own safe place and best friend. Work out from there, once you get on your own side as an ally. Look at it this way, you were and are a pretty good person for something that ugly to hurt you, right? It is not a bad thing to know about yourself, that evil is not like you.

You can do this. I believe in you and am proud to share a scar like that with you and other PTSD sufferers. 

Good post Bro!! 

Peace

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Hello Jujo-jo, I am sorry that you have had to endure so much. I had PTSD all my life from age 9 through to 65 after someone made a determined effort to kill me by suffocation. It never occurred to me in all that time that things could ever be different. Then I discovered hypnotherapy and it transformed my life. It was expensive(I live in the UK), but worth every penny. I hope you, and the others in this thread who suffer, can find something that will cure you.

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14 hours ago, Jujo-jo said:

I am a long time victim of PTSD and seeking others to discuss the topic...

I think it could be beneficial to learn from one another on how each of us cope and deal with this disorder. 

I also think it may be a good source of support for one another; if any one should ever feel the need for support.

It's not something I can bring myself to talk about with my closest family or friends.

Triggers and feelings that I have after an episode, (especially if it has happened in front of someone) I am seeking enlightenment on.

I currently use meditation, music, essential oils, aromatherapy and sticker dates plastered on the vehicle windows, fridge and mirrors, to remind me of today and of the year.

I have and occasionally still seek counsel, most likely that will be an on again, off again event for me.

I appreciate you and your courage of any one willing to participate. 

You have to accept that in life there are problems which cannot be fixed.

Life is messed up like that, it finds a way to get under a persons skin which they cannot get rid of and then drives them absolutely barmy. The lesson to be learned is to accept that some problems cannot be fixed. Accept those problems as being part of life, stop fighting against them, stop struggling against them, stop trying to fix them or get rid of them, instead totally give in and submit to them. Let your problems exist and simply put yourself into the state of mind where you no longer care about them or anything else.

What is going on in your brain with PTSD is your survival instincts have been triggered to keep you alive. The primitive part of your brain wants you to fix, fight against, and overcome whatever problem that threatened your life. Whenever something reminds you of it your PTSD kicks in full force to keep you alive. Yet, your PTSD response doesnt know when it should shut up and be quiet or activate during a particular situation to help you survive.

But if you get used to not giving a damage about it then you can gradually blunt its force down. In the mean time you need a psychologist to help your brain process the distress it experienced that it couldn't cope with. Until that experience is fully digested you wont get the significant release from PTSD that you are after.

Edited by RabidMongoose
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8 hours ago, Manwon Lender said:

I don't know how it will effect you as you age, however, when you experience Menopause if you have not  yet it may have some effect. If I were you, I would ask my doctor questions about how it will effect you as you age. I never feel like I have learned something from an episode, for me there is know doubt what caused my condition. It is directly due to experiences I had during or after combat and everything is related to that. I have seen the monster that anyone can become, I have looked into his eyes and survived while others didn't and at times I feel guilty. But in reality no one can do anything, when it's your time, it's just your time there is nothing. More  to it than that for me.

What I have learned is I have my worst moments when I am feeling down, or especially when I haven't been sleeping well over a period of days or even a week. Keeping that in mind I immediately deal with the situation, if I am not sleeping I take some sleeping pills, if I feel down I talk it out with my wife who generally can point something out that turns things around. I am also a 100 % diabked veteran, so due to injuries I am in a great deal of pain most days. But I do not take any Narcotics, even though they will give them to me whenever I want them. I have tried everything for the pain, but much of it is nerve damage in my spine that surgery can note fix. I have already had two surgeries, and I don't think I am going to have anymore even though they are telling me I need one.

i never forget I have PTSD, however, I do forget things at times because I have also had a TBI. But, PTSD is a shadow on my shoulder, I know it's there, and I know how to fight and control it. For me meditation is The remedy, for both my pain and the PTSD, it allows me to relax and find a place where I don't really feel as much pain. There is nothing magical or mystical about my experiences, PTSD is just what it is described as it's a form of extreme stress that effects you after an event, it may be days or years like in my case, it is in most cases different for many of us. If I can offer you anything to help you to deal with your problems I would suggest this. First ask your Doctor about how this will effect you as you age. When it comes to anything concerning treatments were any form of medication is concerned only listen to a doctor.

One thing that will not harm you is meditation, read up on it and learn how to do it. The methods used can vary, its best to find out what is good for you personally, no one can tell you that. But it does take practice, and you must be patient because it will take to learn how to put yourself in a deep subconscious zone. But once you achieve it you will be surprised how good it can be..

peace

Thank you, I had my change of life 5 years ago which has been beneficial, there's less confusion and emotions running wild.

Your post makes a lot of sense!

 When I was in my teens, I was thrown into rehab, already by then I was drink a 1/2 gallon of McMaster's daily and doing any drug I could put my hands on to numb the pain of what I was going through, it was at this time I had learned how to meditate. It is very helpful.

I will be talking things over with the dr. next time I am there.

I think for me at this stage in my life putting my pride aside and stop acting as though I dont have this problem is a wake up call for me.

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44 minutes ago, RabidMongoose said:

You have to accept that in life there are problems which cannot be fixed.

Life is messed up like that, it finds a way to get under a persons skin which they cannot get rid of and then drives them absolutely barmy. The lesson to be learned is to accept that some problems cannot be fixed. Accept those problems as being part of life, stop fighting against them, stop struggling against them, stop trying to fix them or get rid of them, instead totally give in and submit to them. Let your problems exist and simply put yourself into the state of mind where you no longer care about them or anything else.

What is going on in your brain with PTSD is your survival instincts have been triggered to keep you alive. The primitive part of your brain wants you to fix, fight against, and overcome whatever problem that threatened your life. Whenever something reminds you of it your PTSD kicks in full force to keep you alive. Yet, your PTSD response doesnt know when it should shut up and be quiet or activate during a particular situation to help you survive.

But if you get used to not giving a damage about it then you can gradually blunt its force down. In the mean time you need a psychologist to help your brain process the distress it experienced that it couldn't cope with. Until that experience is fully digested you wont get the significant release from PTSD that you are after.

Thanks! Sound like accepting it is a big part of healing. 

Seeing psychologists is something I've done off and on my hole life. Theres some good ones and then some not so good and to be honest the best ones I have had are now retired or have passed away. I may have to request a new one at this point, I've been trying but I just think she may be under qualified and may lack the experience with true clients, she is just fresh out of college.

I must have forgotten over time the progress I have made with those others who helped keep me up right.

Fully digested you say, well seems like I have more work to do, as I thought I was past that point but it does seem to hit home and yes, at times I guess I am my own worse enemy and again something I thought I was past.

Thanks again, much to work with from this and the other posters words on the matter.

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I didnt intend to share the nasty, nitty gritty here, thought I could talk about PTSD without having to explain the details but now that, that's out and over, getting back to business should be fairly easy. I dont play that pitty me game well, the traumatic events happened and that's that and I know worse has happened, however I did feel a sense of responsibility to answer questions that some of the posters had.

What irritates me the most about it all is that I know other people have been through worse and some are going through worse as we speak and in a way I feel that my issues shouldn't effect me the way it does, point blank!

 

Therefore with all that said I want to share with you a couple of things I havent mentioned that do help which are walking and surfing YouTube occasionally on subjects to take my mind off things.

I dont usually play games but there is one I've found most helpful and I think it is worth mentioning, (just in case someone else would like to check it out,) it is called Mayan Secret. It is a Mahjong based game.

The flute music and sounds of sping, thunder storms and birds are relaxing and the game itself seem to relieve a lot of stress and tention. I found it extremely helpful maybe some of you will also if intetested.

 

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I hope more people can and will feel comfortable enough to join in on this topic, I know when talking about this that timing plays a big role. As we all work with and through this individually I hope it will serve as a warm welcoming forum where we all can find comfort, peace and joy here on this form when its needed.

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57 minutes ago, Jujo-jo said:

Thanks! Sound like accepting it is a big part of healing. 

Seeing psychologists is something I've done off and on my hole life. Theres some good ones and then some not so good and to be honest the best ones I have had are now retired or have passed away. I may have to request a new one at this point, I've been trying but I just think she may be under qualified and may lack the experience with true clients, she is just fresh out of college.

I must have forgotten over time the progress I have made with those others who helped keep me up right.

Fully digested you say, well seems like I have more work to do, as I thought I was past that point but it does seem to hit home and yes, at times I guess I am my own worse enemy and again something I thought I was past.

Thanks again, much to work with from this and the other posters words on the matter.

Peoples brains cannot cope with high levels of distress.

So when something really distressful happens (like seeing a colleague stand on a IED, or being the victim of a violent crime) the person cannot digest their emotions. There is a blockage, the distress is just too much to swallow. Until it gets gulped down and digested then it continues to remain. A psychologist is supposed to help the person do that by getting them to revisit the trauma and helping them digest it in its original form.

PTSD is basically mental constipation!

Edited by RabidMongoose
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