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jypsijemini

Sticks And Stones

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jypsijemini

Words. They're everywhere. They're essential for communication. Things that a fleeting glance or body language doesn't convey, communication fills in the blanks. They go hand in hand.
Without words, giving directions would be almost impossible. What would a business be without the mountain of paperwork on which it is built? Without the basis of words, sign language wouldn't exist for even those who can't hear nor speak.


We need words to understand our world, ourselves and others.


Learning to communicate is one of the biggest achievements in life. Parents place incredible importance on a baby's first words. We go to school to learn more words, how they're used, what they mean, how to construct sentences and how to apply these words to paper.
We use them in poetry. In songs. In our Facebook timelines. In our text messages. We sing them. We shout them. We whisper them. We can manipulate and alter them to create different meanings. Language and words are constantly evolving to improve communication and understanding.


There are infinite ways to arrange words to create alternative meanings (and don't even get me started on the wild and wonderful things that grammar can do to change the meaning of words!).


Plain and simple, human interaction, communication and socialisation would be a hollow, empty shell without being able to communicate using words.


Communication is also one of the leading causes of conflict and suffering.
Why?! The English language boasts OVER 200,000 words (both recognised and obscure). Most concepts are given more than one word for a more defined, more accurate expression or meaning. A girl, lady, woman, chick, mother, sister, grandmother, matriarch, mistress, b****, female, her, she, Miss, Mrs, Ms - all convey the idea of a female but each word has vastly different connotations.
With so many ways to express ourselves, you've got to wonder why there are so many misunderstandings and so much confusion.


"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."
What an ideal to live by, huh. We repeated it and heard it so often as children, you'd think it would have stuck.
But have you ever been called a "b****" (or worse) by someone you love? Ever been told you're crazy, toxic, negative, a burden, too emotional, too needy, too shy, too intense? You're either too fat or you're too skinny. You're either a **** just for being pretty or you're worthless and repulsive because you don't meet the mark.
I could fill this entire post with examples. The point I'm getting at is that every single one of us remembers a moment when somebody said something to us that cut DEEP.
It could have been a parent, a sibling, a relative, a friend, a teacher, your boss, your partner or even just a random stranger who felt the need to express their disgust for you.
We've all had it happen.


Communication is essential. Words have power.
Words can create something out of nothing. You can speak things into existence. It's not magic or spellcasting.
Words can inspire someone who feels hopeless. You can use words to encourage somebody to hold on even when they're at the end of their rope. Words can fill somebody with hope, reignite their passion and help them to believe in themselves again.
Words can also destroy a person's confidence. They can shatter their self-image. They can fill a mind with doubt, self-loathing and fear.


You can't control or change the way they speak to you. No matter how hard you try, you can't avoid these people and situations sometimes. Even those nearest and dearest to us will end up saying something that hits a nerve and triggers a pain response in us.


So what, then, is within your power and control? (Besides the ignore button...) And remember, words speak to the subconscious. It might seem easy to just answer, "Well I ignore them," - but you don't, really. Your subconscious hears it and takes it in. There's no possible way that you didn't ingest the words, whether you heard them or read them. The words got in.

How do you process the words you know are poisonous and toxic to you?

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XenoFish

quote-if-you-are-distressed-by-anything-

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third_eye

.....blissfully blissed 

~

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Susanc241

I have always believed it is a choice how we interpret and deal with the spoken or written word.  We make choices every waking minute of every day in how we will interact with the world around us.  Nobody else makes us feel as we do - we each make that choice on how to react.  Bit simplistic as there are shades of grey to all things (clinical depression etc).  
True, I have words that still ring in my ears about how I was this or that or not this or that, and that stung at the time.  It is hard to unhear or unsee things.  But dwelling on them gets you nowhere, unless there is a valid lesson to be learnt from them.  If so, learn it and move on.  If not, then regard the problem as the speaker's, or writer's,  not yours.

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Kittens Are Jerks
1 hour ago, jypsijemini said:

How do you process the words you know are poisonous and toxic to you?

Become a self-confident, self-assured person and BOOM! problem solved.

Rather than focus on processing toxic words, focus instead on positive self-speak.

No one with an abundant sense of self-worth would allow a few mere words to destroy them.

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XenoFish

Language is the most potent form of magick. It can create and destroy. Thoughts take form and shape through language. We cast spell all day long without a second thought.

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Kittens Are Jerks
22 hours ago, jypsijemini said:

Words have power.

So does silence, come to think of it. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is NOTHING.

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Bendy Demon

The words you use convey more than just a thought but advertises others what sort of a person you really are and what sort of a mindset you possess.

So..if someone runs around using expletives and being verbally abusive and thinks its' funny when their verbal vitriol hurts others, what are others supposed to think? Are they just supposed to endlessly smile sweetly and give the person a cookie?

Words can hurt and being hurt by the words of people you care about is not a sign of mental weakness nor it is a fault.

The words you use; the manner in which you express yourself tell others far more about yourself than you think.

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Saru

Thread cleaned

This thread shouldn't be used to air grievances about other forum members. 

If you have a concern about something or someone on the forum please either use the 'report' button or PM a moderator.

Thank you.

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Kittens Are Jerks
On 1/15/2020 at 5:44 PM, Bendy Demon said:

Are they just supposed to endlessly smile sweetly and give the person a cookie?

Sure if the cookie has poison in it. (jk)

On 1/15/2020 at 5:44 PM, Bendy Demon said:

Words can hurt and being hurt by the words of people you care about is not a sign of mental weakness nor it is a fault.

If someone I cared about said something hurtful (which they would never do) I would be more shocked than hurt. I would then make it very clear what my expectations and boundaries were. I can understand why/how words can harm a child, but do not understand why/how they can harm adults. You stated that words are a reflection of those who utter them, and I agree. So why not leave it at that? Why allow them to hurt you? That to me smacks of weakness.

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Bendy Demon
8 minutes ago, Kittens Are Jerks said:

Why allow them to hurt you? That to me smacks of weakness.

Then I guess I am weak.

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Kittens Are Jerks
7 minutes ago, Bendy Demon said:

Then I guess I am weak.

Not necessarily. No one is totally immune from harsh or negative words. The difference is how much we allow that kind of hurt to impact us. We can discard it or we can allow it to destroy us; or we can choose something in between. So whilst what one says to you is a reflection of them; how you choose to take in their words, is a reflection of you. And it's the latter reflection we need to be most concerned about, especially if it's something we need to work on.

 

 

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LightAngel
16 hours ago, Kittens Are Jerks said:

Not necessarily. No one is totally immune from harsh or negative words. The difference is how much we allow that kind of hurt to impact us. We can discard it or we can allow it to destroy us; or we can choose something in between. So whilst what one says to you is a reflection of them; how you choose to take in their words, is a reflection of you. And it's the latter reflection we need to be most concerned about, especially if it's something we need to work on.

 

 

 

Very true.

However, if we want to discuss unexplained mysteries, then it's important that we can do it in a productive environment!

A strong person would demand that!

A productive environment can question things - but maturely without destroying the topic! 

 

 

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Habitat

Would it be the case, that our susceptibility to flattery, and the degree of offence taken at unflattering remarks, are two sides of the same coin ? I would say so. If you don't feel especially pumped up by a positive critique of yourself, you won't feel deflated by the negative critique. 

Edited by Habitat
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LightAngel

My focus here is finding the truth.

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Kittens Are Jerks
23 hours ago, LightAngel said:

Very true.

However, if we want to discuss unexplained mysteries, then it's important that we can do it in a productive environment!

A strong person would demand that!

A productive environment can question things - but maturely without destroying the topic! 

A strong person would be unphased by the melee. Besides, some of the best ideas are born from destruction and chaos. 

20 hours ago, LightAngel said:

My focus here is finding the truth.

Good luck with that. 

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Kittens Are Jerks
On 1/20/2020 at 6:53 AM, Habitat said:

Would it be the case, that our susceptibility to flattery, and the degree of offence taken at unflattering remarks, are two sides of the same coin ? I would say so. If you don't feel especially pumped up by a positive critique of yourself, you won't feel deflated by the negative critique. 

There might be some truth to that, although I would suggest that a great deal of positive reinforcement is necessary during one's formative years. After that, they're good for the long haul.

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LightAngel
3 hours ago, Kittens Are Jerks said:

Besides, some of the best ideas are born from destruction and chaos. 

 

Disagree!

Good Ideas can be born in endless ways!

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Kittens Are Jerks
7 hours ago, LightAngel said:

Disagree!

Good Ideas can be born in endless ways!

Sucking and blowing one's way through a discussion is counter-productive, as contradictory statements (such as the one above) do little to advance it.

 

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Jujo-jo
On 1/14/2020 at 8:04 AM, jypsijemini said:

Words. They're everywhere. They're essential for communication. Things that a fleeting glance or body language doesn't convey, communication fills in the blanks. They go hand in hand.
Without words, giving directions would be almost impossible. What would a business be without the mountain of paperwork on which it is built? 

...
Communication is also one of the leading causes of conflict and suffering.
Why?!

.....

So what, then, is within your power and control?

Seems how you put it this way... words are essential znd makes me think we take words for advantage.

Question 1. Agreed!

A business would be nothing all without the words, hardships, comings and going, ups and downs and yes mountains of paperwork. All of that is its foundation and made it what it is.

 

Question 2. Again agreed!

Some people are stupid and enjoy conflict and sometimes it takes an idiot to know an idiot; meaning, few and far between does one act upon the point, when they do know they should walk away. It takes silence not words to end conflict.

 

Question 3. 

The power and control I have is to 1. Think before I speak or react. 2. If I need to walk away do so but return to continue the conversation using a calm or stern voice (depending on the situation) and put rationality back into the argument or situation. 3. I use intervention and redirection if I have to, to keep the conversation and tone at an acceptable level. 4. I have a choice either to play into it or to manage it. With that said sometimes I dont always chose the right choice. 5. Always remember it takes two to tango. 6. It's in my power to decide if I want to dance. 7. My strength, courage and wisdom are there even at times I want to ignore it or at times I forget and if I find that I have allowed others to make me feel insuperior then I realize that I can no longer forget or ignore the tools that are there for me to use to. 8. Remembering always that no matter who it is even if others disagree that we are all equal therefore having no right to make you feel less then who you are. Happiness comes from within not from others.

 

Quote

.......

But have you ever been called a "b****" (or worse) by someone you love? 

How do you process the words you know are poisonous and toxic to you?

Question 1. Here ~ Yes, of course I think most of us have do and will... & even by my own employees right to my face, brothers, sisters, mom, cousins yep & I'm no good, this and that and another thing. It's called verbal abuse. And no one needs to accept it or put up with it.

Question 2. Here ~ first I consider the why it is happening. 2nd consider the who it's coming from. (3rd if need be annalize if they are right or wrong. 4th If need be compromise.) 5th have me a good long cry especially if mad. 6th meditate, imagine peaceful places and sounds, I might take a nap or read, try to not think about it, doing whatever it takes to distract myself from the words that were said that are harming my emotions, consinstartion, dignity, and / or esteem. Most importantly 7th chew it up and spit it out meaning, pick yourself up and dust yourself off expelling it in any way you can example, write the event, words and all and your emotions and feelings down and burn it or journal becasue once it is out on paper it takes up less space in your mind. Take a long hot bubble bath maybe with a good book and sip on my nice cold water knowing that I just cleansed myself of the harshness of the incident.  And if it surfaces repeat the things that were most helpful from the list above, this is how I process... to proceed.

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Jujo-jo

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