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quiXilver

Truthfulness... would you dare?

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quiXilver

So, I usually phrase this question to parents... but it works for significant others as well.

 

Operating from the assumption that Lie Detectors actually were capable of reliably detecting falsehoods.

 

Would you be comfortable hooking yourself up and letting your children, or significan other, ask you whatever they wanted?

 

I've been a very open book Father and Mate.  While never going out of my way to accent the nasty, gritty or more fubar elements of life for my son... Neither have i sought to shelter him from them either.

He deals with them as I do, as his Mother dies, which is as they arise in our lives.  My folks tried hard to keep me from seeing certain things, but children particularly are tuned to the adults precious to them... and what I found was that in trying to shelter me from certain things, they simply denied me full participation in which I could have seen and uncovered what tactics work and which don't, for myself while growing up... thus preparing me for the inevitables when out on my own.

He sees me react and process and then witnesses the result.  He sees it in context and my answers to him about any topic are as forthright as I'm capable of giving.   He's even asked his opinion and to share his perspective whatever it may be.  Participate in life... it's all there is.

I figure, how are we supposed to figure out how to deal with life, if it's constantly being shielded from us?

 

 

But on the topic of honesty... and relationships.

I giggle when I think of kids grilling their parents and finding out about their past.  There are some youtube vids of just this going on... haven't watched them, but love that I'm not the only one who ponders this stuff.

 

My wife and I have come to love sharing our old embarassing and odd stories with our son and talk about getting his attention, he leans in to listen like few other topics can entice a teen age boy.  Authentic truth is undeniably appealing and it always works, even when it's not always pleasant.

 

 

So... would you let your S.O or kid as you anything... if you  had  to be truthful, or be revealed as hiding?

For me, resounding ForK yes!  Let's get that truth out here where we can all get a good strong wiff of it. :D

Edited by quiXilver
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quiXilver

"If we all sat in a grand circle... and revealed our deepest secrets to each other... how long would it be before we were laughing at our lack of creativity?"

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Robotic Jew

I wouldn't have a problem with it. While my SO doesn't know EVERY detail of my past she knows everything that is relevant and I haven't purposely hidden anything from her. And if my truthful answers upset her it's not my fault.

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19_Kilo

Well,  I was taught how to defeat LD tests when I went thru the US Army CI school at Ft Huachuca. So, being hooked up wouldnt divulge any info I didn't want divulged. LOL.  But no, there are personal secrets I'd not voluntarily share with anyone, including family.

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joc
1 hour ago, quiXilver said:

So, I usually phrase this question to parents... but it works for significant others as well.

 

Operating from the assumption that Lie Detectors actually were capable of reliably detecting falsehoods.

 

Would you be comfortable hooking yourself up and letting your children, or significan other, ask you whatever they wanted?

 

I've been a very open book Father and Mate.  While never going out of my way to accent the nasty, gritty or more fubar elements of life for my son... Neither have i sought to shelter him from them either.

He deals with them as I do, as his Mother dies, which is as they arise in our lives.  My folks tried hard to keep me from seeing certain things, but children particularly are tuned to the adults precious to them... and what I found was that in trying to shelter me from certain things, they simply denied me full participation in which I could have seen and uncovered what tactics work and which don't, for myself while growing up... thus preparing me for the inevitables when out on my own.

He sees me react and process and then witnesses the result.  He sees it in context and my answers to him about any topic are as forthright as I'm capable of giving.   He's even asked his opinion and to share his perspective whatever it may be.  Participate in life... it's all there is.

I figure, how are we supposed to figure out how to deal with life, if it's constantly being shielded from us?

 

 

But on the topic of honesty... and relationships.

I giggle when I think of kids grilling their parents and finding out about their past.  There are some youtube vids of just this going on... haven't watched them, but love that I'm not the only one who ponders this stuff.

 

My wife and I have come to love sharing our old embarassing and odd stories with our son and talk about getting his attention, he leans in to listen like few other topics can entice a teen age boy.  Authentic truth is undeniably appealing and it always works, even when it's not always pleasant.

 

 

So... would you let your S.O or kid as you anything... if you  had  to be truthful, or be revealed as hiding?

For me, resounding ForK yes!  Let's get that truth out here where we can all get a good strong wiff of it. :D

I think children need to be sheltered.  They don't have the ability to process a lot of things the way adults do.  My thinking is that...adulthood comes soon enough and with it a brain to process what one takes in.  

I have zero interest in anyone knowing all the details of my life, especially children.   Truth hurts.  Not my saying...a life saying.  Not a fan of your idea...but hey you asked. :)

Oh...and besides that....it's none of their damn business! 

Edited by joc
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Not A Rockstar

I have always been honest when asked. She knows well that she can ask me anything, and we have always had that open door.

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XenoFish

I'd tell you the truth but you wouldn't believe me, I wouldn't believe me.

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Crikey
4 hours ago, quiXilver said:

..I figure, how are we supposed to figure out how to deal with life, if it's constantly being shielded from us?..

 

I sometimes hang at the Leaked Reality video site which features the "horrors" of reality including assorted accidents which leave victims dead or mutilated, but they're so commonplace that I've got used to them and don't find them the least bit shocking, so who's to say kids wouldn't feel the same if exposed to them?

Anyway there's much more blood and gore in kids video games..:D

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Piney
1 hour ago, Crikey said:

I sometimes hang at the Leaked Reality video site which features the "horrors" of reality including assorted accidents which leave victims dead or mutilated, but they're so commonplace that I've got used to them and don't find them the least bit shocking, so who's to say kids wouldn't feel the same if exposed to them?

But real life is completely different. In a war zone or bad accident scene the noises and smells are worse than the sights, and the fact that you enjoy looking at that trash tells me everything "Christian?". 

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Crikey
2 hours ago, Piney said:

But real life is completely different. In a war zone or bad accident scene the noises and smells are worse than the sights, and the fact that you enjoy looking at that trash tells me everything "Christian?". 

 

I daresay there are some who prefer the shelter of their safe space away from the harsh realities of this world, in which case they never see the truth of reality.

Accident videos serve a useful twofold purpose, they make us feel compassion for the victims and they make us want to learn how to make the world a safer place..:D

"Have compassion for all beings, rich and poor alike; each has their suffering" (Buddha)

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Piney
2 minutes ago, Crikey said:

Accident videos serve a useful twofold purpose, they make us feel compassion for the victims and they make us want to learn how to make the world a safer place..:D

So does being a Red Cross medic and fire fighter.  :yes:

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19_Kilo
2 hours ago, Piney said:

But real life is completely different. In a war zone or bad accident scene the noises and smells are worse than the sights, and the fact that you enjoy looking at that trash tells me everything "Christian?". 

So true about smells. It's been medically proven that olfactory stimuli are the most effective memory retrieving of all our senses. After Iraq when I was back in Austin I had to actually quit a job I liked after only two months because of the smells from an "al carbon" chicken stand across the street. This was about six years ago, but to this day I avoid bbq's.

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Piney
Just now, Tuco's Gas said:

So true about smells. It's been medically proven that olfactory stimuli are the most effective memory retrieving of all our senses. After Iraq when I was back in Austin I had to actually quit a job I liked after only two months because of the smells from an "al carbon" chicken stand across the street. This was about six years ago, but to this day I avoid bbq's.

You can't get me near a pork bbq and diesel fumes. 

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Habitat
5 minutes ago, Tuco's Gas said:

So true about smells. It's been medically proven that olfactory stimuli are the most effective memory retrieving of all our senses. After Iraq when I was back in Austin I had to actually quit a job I liked after only two months because of the smells from an "al carbon" chicken stand across the street. This was about six years ago, but to this day I avoid bbq's.

Dare we ask why ?

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19_Kilo
2 minutes ago, Habitat said:

Dare we ask why ?

At the risk of TMI: burning human flesh can have an uncanny resemblance to grilled chicken. Especially in the manner of TexMex al carbon style.

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Habitat
Just now, Tuco's Gas said:

At the risk of TMI: burning human flesh can have an uncanny resemblance to grilled chicken. Especially in the manner of TexMex al carbon style.

I thought that was what you were alluding to. Not a happy reflection, no doubt.

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19_Kilo
7 minutes ago, Piney said:

You can't get me near a pork bbq and diesel fumes. 

Oh lawdy. Diesel. I actually relapsed once into drinking again after getting a diesel whiff at a Love's Truck Stop while travelling. I'd been sober for 6 months but went inside after gassing up and bought a 40 and chugged it sitting in my car. Whew. I can tolerate it better now,  though. Went thru "in vivo" PTSD therapy at the VA. But I digress.

Peace.

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Dejarma
9 hours ago, quiXilver said:

"If we all sat in a grand circle... and revealed our deepest secrets to each other... how long would it be before we were laughing at our lack of creativity?"

I've no idea what you're talking about! Maybe I'm having an extra thicky thick moment here= what point are you making?

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Habitat
8 hours ago, joc said:

I think children need to be sheltered.  They don't have the ability to process a lot of things the way adults do.  My thinking is that...adulthood comes soon enough and with it a brain to process what one takes in.  

Pretty right joc. I know some people go to extraordinary lengths to insulate their children from unpleasant facts, and can over-do it, but it is enough to cope with the rapid changes of the formative years without being belaboured prematurely with "facts" they will inevitably find out about anyway. Being a relatively carefree child is a huge advantage.

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