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Eldorado

The War on Loneliness

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RoofGardener
7 minutes ago, Sheltie said:

That's an important thing to consider -- one can be alone without necessarily being lonely and one can feel lonely in a crowded room of people. 

Very true. I treasure being alone sometimes.... I love my own company. 

And being in a crowd is NO gaurentee of companionship :) 

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XenoFish
18 minutes ago, Sheltie said:

Millenials may be the loneliest generation ever

A lot of people point to the internet as a primary reason for the rise in loneliness.  Is it a coincidence that the millenial generation, the first to grow up completely immersed in the internet, may also be the loneliest?  Perhaps social media has been a contributing factor.  I'm not sure one way or the other.  

 

I'm sure it is. I mean, on the net you can find whatever echo chamber you wish, voice whatever opinion you desire, and not really be countered. Whereas in the real world someone is bound to have a different opinion. So why would they want to open a discussion with anyone. Plus I think the positive thinking, self-esteem movement have backfired. The results being people who afraid of being wrong and lack the mental strength to handle criticism. Not all of them of course. 

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Big Jim
13 minutes ago, XenoFish said:

I'm sure it is. I mean, on the net you can find whatever echo chamber you wish, voice whatever opinion you desire, and not really be countered. Whereas in the real world someone is bound to have a different opinion. So why would they want to open a discussion with anyone. Plus I think the positive thinking, self-esteem movement have backfired. The results being people who afraid of being wrong and lack the mental strength to handle criticism. Not all of them of course. 

I tend to see it as just the opposite.  I have never been reluctant to share my opinion, whether in a face to face setting or on the internet, but I've only been called stupid and worse on the internet, never to my face.  Although I must admit some teachers and bosses have taken exception to my contributions.  I agree with your assessment of the self esteem movement.  Self esteem must have something to be grounded in, it can't be layered on from the outside like a coat of paint.  It may feel great to get a trophy along with everyone else but at some point in your life you will realize it was for nothing and by extension, you might be nothing too.

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XenoFish
19 minutes ago, Big Jim said:

I tend to see it as just the opposite.  I have never been reluctant to share my opinion, whether in a face to face setting or on the internet, but I've only been called stupid and worse on the internet, never to my face.  Although I must admit some teachers and bosses have taken exception to my contributions.  I agree with your assessment of the self esteem movement.  Self esteem must have something to be grounded in, it can't be layered on from the outside like a coat of paint.  It may feel great to get a trophy along with everyone else but at some point in your life you will realize it was for nothing and by extension, you might be nothing too.

I think the whole self-esteem movement only made mediocrity "exceptional". Why put in your best when you get rewarded for average effort at best. In a day to day setting I think chit chat is really the norm. Most probably avoid the stuff that's discussed here. 

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Desertrat56
19 hours ago, Manwon Lender said:

I am with you completely, I have also felt alone in the midst of friends and family. But this only happens when my PTSD gets the best of me, and normally I can control it pretty well. Jim I do agree with you, however, loneliness is a state of mind, that certainly is based upon expectations of wanting more from life. I suppose that if you can keep your expectations under control you can keep loneliness under control also. I think long term some people are just more suited for being alone than others, maybe because their expectations are lower or because they just enjoy being alone.

Peace

I agree too.  But I have seen insecurity as something that causes a lot of people to never want to be alone.  When I was a teenager if I felt like doing something and could I did it.  If my friends could come along ok, but I never felt like they did that I could not do something alone, like going to a movie (I actually prefer going alone), or getting a burger or what ever.  I remember when I was in my early twenties and I would go to a bar with other young women I worked with and they couldn't even go to the latrine alone.  They would get mad at me if I refused to go with them so I would leave, who needs that?  I never understood it and maybe it had something to do with feeling unsafe, but none of them ever expressed that.  I have always had a few good friends and still do, some of them from before I graduated high school but I don't like crowds.

Someone mentioned the disconnectedness that being online, social media and texting have caused and I agree totally with that.  If you can't run to the grocery store without your phone then your head is not in a good place, in my opinion.  Maybe because I remember being 25 and having a job and 2 kids to raise and not enough money to have a phone.  If someone needed me they had to come find me or call my sister.  If I needed to make a call there was a payphone around the corner.  My life seemed less frantic, not less stressed because, you know, kids and job and not enough money, but it was definitely less frantic.  Time off was real time off.

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Manwon Lender
44 minutes ago, Desertrat56 said:

I agree too.  But I have seen insecurity as something that causes a lot of people to never want to be alone.  When I was a teenager if I felt like doing something and could I did it.  If my friends could come along ok, but I never felt like they did that I could not do something alone, like going to a movie (I actually prefer going alone), or getting a burger or what ever.  I remember when I was in my early twenties and I would go to a bar with other young women I worked with and they couldn't even go to the latrine alone.  They would get mad at me if I refused to go with them so I would leave, who needs that?  I never understood it and maybe it had something to do with feeling unsafe, but none of them ever expressed that.  I have always had a few good friends and still do, some of them from before I graduated high school but I don't like crowds.

Someone mentioned the disconnectedness that being online, social media and texting have caused and I agree totally with that.  If you can't run to the grocery store without your phone then your head is not in a good place, in my opinion.  Maybe because I remember being 25 and having a job and 2 kids to raise and not enough money to have a phone.  If someone needed me they had to come find me or call my sister.  If I needed to make a call there was a payphone around the corner.  My life seemed less frantic, not less stressed because, you know, kids and job and not enough money, but it was definitely less frantic.  Time off was real time off.

Yea I understand how it could be pretty tough having a family when money is tight. It's isn't really talked about in any great detail, but there are many Americans who have this problem and the stress it creates. The only reason I never had that problem myself was because I made a career out of the Military, which I didn't really want to do, but it was a means to an end. My wife and I had a Daughter who was normal until she was 4 years old. She caught a unknown strain of encephalitis, and went into the Hospital normal, came out 30 days later with the IQ of a new born. She made it for 32 years before she passed at our home, she was never put in an institution. 

So when that happened, staying in the Military was the only opinion that allowed her to get the best care possible so I made a career out  of it. I enjoy being alone with my thoughts at times, In fact I need that time, but I still need face to face social interaction, for me, I don't think I could live without it.  But I do beleive that the Internet and social media give many people a life they could never have anywhere else. I mean online for the most part everything is anonymous and people can project an image of themselves that they would want to be, but that isn't really them in reality.

This becomes a form of addiction which makes real social interaction even that much more impossible and leads to people becoming shut in and never venturing out unless it's emergency. I think that's where  a lot of the loneliness comes from. Do you ever wonder when your online what the people are really like that are responding to you. I do and sometimes you can tell that people you respond to online are truly lonely.

Take care Peace

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Big Jim
1 hour ago, XenoFish said:

I think the whole self-esteem movement only made mediocrity "exceptional". Why put in your best when you get rewarded for average effort at best. In a day to day setting I think chit chat is really the norm. Most probably avoid the stuff that's discussed here. 

Again, my experience has been just the opposite.  At the times in my life when I've had a circle of friends we tended to discuss heavier things than the weather.  Politics and religion and solving the world's problems were all topics.  But, just like here, it's easier to be totally honest with people we don't really know.  Think of all the things we share with coworkers or people we meet at the laundromat that we wouldn't tell our friends or family.

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Desertrat56
18 hours ago, Manwon Lender said:

Yea I understand how it could be pretty tough having a family when money is tight. It's isn't really talked about in any great detail, but there are many Americans who have this problem and the stress it creates. The only reason I never had that problem myself was because I made a career out of the Military, which I didn't really want to do, but it was a means to an end. My wife and I had a Daughter who was normal until she was 4 years old. She caught a unknown strain of encephalitis, and went into the Hospital normal, came out 30 days later with the IQ of a new born. She made it for 32 years before she passed at our home, she was never put in an institution. 

So when that happened, staying in the Military was the only opinion that allowed her to get the best care possible so I made a career out  of it. I enjoy being alone with my thoughts at times, In fact I need that time, but I still need face to face social interaction, for me, I don't think I could live without it.  But I do beleive that the Internet and social media give many people a life they could never have anywhere else. I mean online for the most part everything is anonymous and people can project an image of themselves that they would want to be, but that isn't really them in reality.

This becomes a form of addiction which makes real social interaction even that much more impossible and leads to people becoming shut in and never venturing out unless it's emergency. I think that's where  a lot of the loneliness comes from. Do you ever wonder when your online what the people are really like that are responding to you. I do and sometimes you can tell that people you respond to online are truly lonely.

Take care Peace

I'm sorry for the loss of your daughter. 

I know every single person on the planet needs face to face time with others, even me, though I am very choosy about who and when.  And I agree there is an element of addiction to the video, social media etc. that we have online now days.

 

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Robotic Jew

I'm lonely all of the time. 

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Desertrat56
12 minutes ago, Robotic Jew said:

I'm lonely all of the time. 

Can you get out and about, interact with people face to face?  If you go to meetup.com you can find groups of intterests you share.  I suspect you didn't post that just to get advice, though.  I hope you find at least one compadre that you feel comfortable with.

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Robotic Jew
1 minute ago, Desertrat56 said:

Can you get out and about, interact with people face to face?  If you go to meetup.com you can find groups of intterests you share.  I suspect you didn't post that just to get advice, though.  I hope you find at least one compadre that you feel comfortable with.

I'm married and have 3 kids lol. Loneliness is just a mental illness for me. 

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Desertrat56
1 minute ago, Robotic Jew said:

I'm married and have 3 kids lol. Loneliness is just a mental illness for me. 

Blessings.  I hope you find your way out of it at least for moments.  I think my brother suffered from that and we are a big family.

Edited by Desertrat56
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Crikey

I've  never married or wanted noisy smelly kids because I'd have felt trapped being a "family man", so I've been quite happy to be a loner all my life.I've had the occasional - ahem - romantic involvements but as soon as they start mentioning getting married I've made some excuse to slip away..:D

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Sheltie

One of the hot topics nowadays is how divided and angry people believe society (especially here in the US) has become.  It has been proven that loneliness leads to depression and one of the major symptoms of depression is anger.  I believe the real reason so many people are so angry now is the isolation and loneliness they are experiencing. 

People have personalized politics and often do not consciously realize their political anger is really displaced anger towards their position in society.

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Manwon Lender
1 hour ago, Robotic Jew said:

I'm married and have 3 kids lol. Loneliness is just a mental illness for me. 

Yea I think we all suffer from that at times.

Peace

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