XenoFish Posted February 6, 2020 #51 Share Posted February 6, 2020 https://positivepsychology.com/defensive-pessimism/ 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+joc Posted February 6, 2020 #52 Share Posted February 6, 2020 Just now, XenoFish said: Could very well be. Happy, happy, happy and if you're not happy 24/7 you are a very bad person. Oh yeah...there is an entire industry built around that concept. The truth is...it is not possible for a human being to be happy, happy, happy 24/7. There were a few who understood the entire concept of positive thought process and wrote books about it. One of them, as you know, was Napoleon Hill. What followed was an industry of people who had glommed onto the entire Be Happy concept without realizing the deeper, concepts of thought process. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+joc Posted February 6, 2020 #53 Share Posted February 6, 2020 4 minutes ago, XenoFish said: https://positivepsychology.com/defensive-pessimism/ I think there is some truth in that. I tend to play out sequences in my own mind and in doing so I often recognize problems before they occur. People deal with things differently...very interesting though! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XenoFish Posted February 6, 2020 #54 Share Posted February 6, 2020 20 minutes ago, joc said: I think there is some truth in that. I tend to play out sequences in my own mind and in doing so I often recognize problems before they occur. People deal with things differently...very interesting though! The problem with the idea of peace, love, and happiness world model, is that no one is the same. It can't work. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+joc Posted February 6, 2020 #55 Share Posted February 6, 2020 14 minutes ago, XenoFish said: The problem with the idea of peace, love, and happiness world model, is that no one is the same. It can't work. So true! We all experience varying degrees of peace, love, and happiness. But we also all experience varying degrees of negative emotions. The Kumbaya Model is actually not a workable model. It is the model that draws some people to communes and to gurus and the like. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazy Horse Posted February 6, 2020 Author #56 Share Posted February 6, 2020 1 hour ago, joc said: Sri Bhagavan has said exactly what you are relating to. Paraphrase: If you sweep anger or jealousy under the carpet, pretty soon it begins to stink. You must experience anger, experience jealousy, and recognize it. From Psychology Today: When you deny or avoid unpleasant emotions, you make them bigger. Avoiding negative emotions reinforces this idea: Because you avoid feeling them, you tell yourself that you don’t need to pay attention to them. While you are trapped in this cycle, these emotions become bigger and more significant as they remain unprocessed. I really, really, do not need to feel jealousy. If someone is happy, wealthy, has a great life etc, then I am happy for them, certainly not jealous. And as for anger, I don't need that either. I don't deny unpleasant emotions, but I am the author of my life, I get to decide how I live it. And so it has come to my attention that a negative outlook on life, really doesn't help anything. And negative emotions like-wise. And so, slowly, bit by bit and day by day, I am rising above such unhelpful habits, and replacing them with something more practical. And you can believe me, I feel so much better for it! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazy Horse Posted February 6, 2020 Author #57 Share Posted February 6, 2020 2 hours ago, XenoFish said: I blame people denial/inability to face the negative aspects of life on the self-esteem movement. Got to play the blame game. Why not take responsibility and work things out for your-self? Then you will know, for yourself, that love creates an inner peace, and with that comes a mental clarity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+joc Posted February 6, 2020 #58 Share Posted February 6, 2020 5 minutes ago, Crazy Horse said: I really, really, do not need to feel jealousy. If someone is happy, wealthy, has a great life etc, then I am happy for them, certainly not jealous. And as for anger, I don't need that either. I don't deny unpleasant emotions, but I am the author of my life, I get to decide how I live it. And so it has come to my attention that a negative outlook on life, really doesn't help anything. And negative emotions like-wise. And so, slowly, bit by bit and day by day, I am rising above such unhelpful habits, and replacing them with something more practical. And you can believe me, I feel so much better for it! I'm not doubting that your philosophy of life is beneficial to you. No one 'need's anger. No one 'needs' jealousy. They are human emotions. If your significant other cheated on you and you found out would you be jealous? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazy Horse Posted February 6, 2020 Author #59 Share Posted February 6, 2020 2 hours ago, joc said: Conflict is a part of life. Failure is a part of success. Actually, my goal in life is to completely eliminate stress in my life. In an effort to do so, I avoid drama, I avoid conflict, I avoid things that cause me stress. But negative emotions, one cannot avoid. If you are angry...be angry, it is okay. If you are jealous, be jealous, it is okay. These are natural emotions. One can avoid conflict...but one can not avoid emotion. Conflict does not have to be a part of life. And failure can be seen in a positive light, if that individual has enough wisdom. And one cannot avoid emotion, but I can certainly pick and choose which one I pay attention to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazy Horse Posted February 6, 2020 Author #60 Share Posted February 6, 2020 2 hours ago, joc said: I think it is more than just the self-esteem movement...it is our entire culture. Not our entire culture, just the parts that fail to recognise the importance of little, everyday acts of kindness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazy Horse Posted February 6, 2020 Author #61 Share Posted February 6, 2020 2 hours ago, XenoFish said: Could very well be. Happy, happy, happy and if you're not happy 24/7 you are a very bad person. This thread is called, Love - Peace - Wisdom. Nobody has said that if you are unhappy, you are a bad person. No-body except you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazy Horse Posted February 6, 2020 Author #62 Share Posted February 6, 2020 2 hours ago, XenoFish said: https://positivepsychology.com/defensive-pessimism/ In your own words please. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+joc Posted February 6, 2020 #63 Share Posted February 6, 2020 12 minutes ago, Crazy Horse said: 2 hours ago, joc said: Sri Bhagavan has said exactly what you are relating to. Paraphrase: If you sweep anger or jealousy under the carpet, pretty soon it begins to stink. You must experience anger, experience jealousy, and recognize it. From Psychology Today: When you deny or avoid unpleasant emotions, you make them bigger. Avoiding negative emotions reinforces this idea: Because you avoid feeling them, you tell yourself that you don’t need to pay attention to them. While you are trapped in this cycle, these emotions become bigger and more significant as they remain unprocessed. I really, really, do not need to feel jealousy. Sometimes paraphrasing is not the best idea: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XenoFish Posted February 6, 2020 #64 Share Posted February 6, 2020 5 minutes ago, Crazy Horse said: This thread is called, Love - Peace - Wisdom. Nobody has said that if you are unhappy, you are a bad person. No-body except you. Love and peace often denote being happy. There is this idea that if for whatever reason that someone is unhappy they've done something wrong. 5 minutes ago, Crazy Horse said: In your own words please. Easy. A defensive pessimist is someone who thinks thing through and plans for potential worst case scenarios. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazy Horse Posted February 6, 2020 Author #65 Share Posted February 6, 2020 2 hours ago, joc said: Oh yeah...there is an entire industry built around that concept. The truth is...it is not possible for a human being to be happy, happy, happy 24/7. There were a few who understood the entire concept of positive thought process and wrote books about it. One of them, as you know, was Napoleon Hill. What followed was an industry of people who had glommed onto the entire Be Happy concept without realizing the deeper, concepts of thought process. Happiness is just a by-product of doing the right thing, at the right time, and in the right way! No religion here, no mystery, just simple cause and effect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XenoFish Posted February 6, 2020 #66 Share Posted February 6, 2020 17 minutes ago, Crazy Horse said: Got to play the blame game. Why not take responsibility and work things out for your-self? Then you will know, for yourself, that love creates an inner peace, and with that comes a mental clarity. Please, I've been through hell at the hands of others and myself. I probably know myself better than some people think they know themselves. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+joc Posted February 6, 2020 #67 Share Posted February 6, 2020 2 minutes ago, Crazy Horse said: Happiness is just a by-product of doing the right thing, at the right time, and in the right way! No religion here, no mystery, just simple cause and effect. Actually...happiness is a state of mind. Doing the right thing, at the right time, and in the right way is a by-product of that state of mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazy Horse Posted February 6, 2020 Author #68 Share Posted February 6, 2020 1 hour ago, XenoFish said: The problem with the idea of peace, love, and happiness world model, is that no one is the same. It can't work. No one is the same, really? Who actually doesn't want world peace? Who actually doesn't want an inner peace? Who actually doesn't want to feel loved? And, who actually says it can't work? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazy Horse Posted February 6, 2020 Author #69 Share Posted February 6, 2020 1 hour ago, joc said: So true! We all experience varying degrees of peace, love, and happiness. But we also all experience varying degrees of negative emotions. The Kumbaya Model is actually not a workable model. It is the model that draws some people to communes and to gurus and the like. I have deliberately tried to keep religion and spirituality out of this conversation, trying to keep it as secular as possible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XenoFish Posted February 6, 2020 #70 Share Posted February 6, 2020 Just now, Crazy Horse said: No one is the same, really? Correct. No one is the same. Who actually doesn't want world peace? Those who thrive on conflict, narcissist, and opportunist. Who actually doesn't want an inner peace? I don't. It doesn't serve a functional purpose in my life. I would have no reason to further myself. Who actually doesn't want to feel loved? Love is just a chemical in the brain. It's temporary. And, who actually says it can't work? The world apparently. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+joc Posted February 6, 2020 #71 Share Posted February 6, 2020 1 minute ago, Crazy Horse said: I have deliberately tried to keep religion and spirituality out of this conversation, trying to keep it as secular as possible. I was speaking to the psychology behind the thought process...not to any religious or spiritualistic aspects. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazy Horse Posted February 6, 2020 Author #72 Share Posted February 6, 2020 23 minutes ago, joc said: I'm not doubting that your philosophy of life is beneficial to you. No one 'need's anger. No one 'needs' jealousy. They are human emotions. If your significant other cheated on you and you found out would you be jealous? I honestly don't know, but I suspect that I would feel hurt more than jealous! Which in all honesty, would lead me to question why she would have done that, to me, such a handsome guy, with such a great personality lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+joc Posted February 6, 2020 #73 Share Posted February 6, 2020 28 minutes ago, Crazy Horse said: I honestly don't know, but I suspect that I would feel hurt more than jealous! Which in all honesty, would lead me to question why she would have done that, to me, such a handsome guy, with such a great personality lol Isn't feeling hurt a negative emotion? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grim Reaper 6 Posted February 6, 2020 #74 Share Posted February 6, 2020 3 hours ago, XenoFish said: I blame people denial/inability to face the negative aspects of life on the self-esteem movement. Everyone must face the negative aspects of life, everyone suffers pain, loss, resentment, along with sadness. However, how we deal with the negative aspects of life determines how long we will suffer from them. Learning how to let go of these feelings and not keep them inside is a process that anyone can learn. But far to many people allow the negative side of life to be the only controlling factor within their lives, and this leads to nothing but misery. All of the negative aspects of life are caused by Desire, and once we realize this we can learn to control the desires that make us unhappy. Peace 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XenoFish Posted February 6, 2020 #75 Share Posted February 6, 2020 I needed a laugh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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