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Guyver

Dealing with Sorrow

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Guyver
8 minutes ago, Jujo-jo said:

Sorry to hear that.

Going on together, under one roof but detached?

Or going on apart, parting ways?

No, my wife and I are totally together.  We had to let go of our loved one who chooses to continue to live a life of drug addiction.  I remember the words of my grandfather speaking of another family member who struggled with addiction, “She’s doing what she wants to do.”

Its sad, but let’s face it.....that’s the way things are.  A person is free to choose their own actions.

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openozy
2 minutes ago, Guyver said:

No, my wife and I are totally together.  We had to let go of our loved one who chooses to continue to life a life of rug addiction.  I remember the words of my grandfather speaking of another family member ho struggled with addiction, “She’s doing what she wants to do.”

Its sad, but let’s face it.....that’s the way things are.  A person is free to choose their own actions.

My only brother died from a drug od at 23,I never dobbed him in,it wasn't what we did.I wish sometimes I had betrayed his trust,and he may be alive today.maybe he would have kept on the road to destruction and hated me,in a way  that would be worse than losing him.

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Jujo-jo

 

11 minutes ago, Guyver said:

No, my wife and I are totally together.  We had to let go of our loved one who chooses to continue to live a life of drug addiction.  I remember the words of my grandfather speaking of another family member who struggled with addiction, “She’s doing what she wants to do.”

Its sad, but let’s face it.....that’s the way things are.  A person is free to choose their own actions.

So sorry for both of you, we've been there, that crap is everywhere.

I had to tell my nephew and his girlfriend I could no longer help them out financially because if one of them overdosed on the money I thought was supposed to go toward food or rent (that obviously wasn't,) I would be able to live with myself and he never asked again but saddly both are in prison now.

And can't count the people I know who are no longer with us do to overdosing, so very sad.

3 minutes ago, openozy said:

My only brother died from a drug od at 23,I never dobbed him in,it wasn't what we did.I wish sometimes I had betrayed his trust,and he may be alive today.maybe he would have kept on the road to destruction and hated me,in a way  that would be worse than losing him.

 

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Guyver
13 minutes ago, openozy said:

My only brother died from a drug od at 23,I never dobbed him in,it wasn't what we did.I wish sometimes I had betrayed his trust,and he may be alive today.maybe he would have kept on the road to destruction and hated me,in a way  that would be worse than losing him.

Oh my God what pain.

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Jujo-jo
15 minutes ago, openozy said:

My only brother died from a drug od at 23,I never dobbed him in,it wasn't what we did.I wish sometimes I had betrayed his trust,and he may be alive today.maybe he would have kept on the road to destruction and hated me,in a way  that would be worse than losing him.

My condolences.

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openozy
4 minutes ago, Guyver said:

Oh my God what pain.

Just seems a long time until we meet again, but I know we will.He came to me at the time of his death,I didn't know it had happened and said clearly,"it's OK ---".I then started to panic lol.I think I know what you are going through Guyver,It's a hard choice.

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Guyver
8 minutes ago, openozy said:

Just seems a long time until we meet again, but I know we will.He came to me at the time of his death,I didn't know it had happened and said clearly,"it's OK ---".I then started to panic lol.I think I know what you are going through Guyver,It's a hard choice.

I don’t know why, but I actually believe there is some kind of afterlife and we will be reunited with all things, including our ancestors and loved ones.  I believe this because I think that if God exists, he gives up on no one, even if we have to. FWIW.

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Sherapy
1 hour ago, Guyver said:

No, my wife and I are totally together.  We had to let go of our loved one who chooses to continue to live a life of drug addiction.  I remember the words of my grandfather speaking of another family member who struggled with addiction, “She’s doing what she wants to do.”

Its sad, but let’s face it.....that’s the way things are.  A person is free to choose their own actions.

There are actual studies that nagging does help. 
 

Don't lose hope, take your space for your own sanity, but keep your faith, hope that he will find a reason to change. Just my two cents. 
 

My nephew is sober, he beat heroin. It took a few times in jail and a few OD’s and the wanting of the love of a girl who had told him she would not have him do drugs around her son. He wanted the girl more. 
 

My sister on the other hand we lost her even with my mom who never gave up on her it wasn’t enough. 

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Sherapy
2 hours ago, Guyver said:

So, yesterday my wife and I had to come to a hard place of loving and respectful detachment.  It was so freeing for me and partially freeing for her.  We had to come to a place where we realize that having given everything we have and finding that not enough we had to let go.  We had to give the person their right to live their life as they choose, even if we do not wish it.  At the same time, to continue in the suffering, continual drama, and emotional devastation is unhealthy to us.  We now have to live on because our time is not up.  We have each other and many people who love us and need us.  So we must go on and in doing so we have to detach from the situation.

PS.  When I say it was freeing for me....it doesn’t bring me joy.  It’s the saddest thing, but sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.  To quote the Fray.

I had a really good friend who was in an abusive relationship and I was really trying  to help her and one day she told me she was gonna marry the guy. I was with her the morning of the wedding and I tried to talk sense into her. She married him and I tearfully broken heartedly let her go, I saw it was going to get ugly for her and I couldn’t be part of it, it wasn’t what I would have chosen for her but it wasn’t my choice. It was hers. 

I was so sad, she was actually a wonderful person, my husband kept asking me what he could do, I said I had to honor the sadness and work through it myself and I did,  it took a few days.

 

One year later I got a phone call from my friends son, she had been shot by that psycho she married and was clinging to life in ICU. As soon as she got better I called her and wished her the best. She found the strength to get away from him and she reached out and we got together and we talked for hours, we cried, we hugged, I told her repeatedly how courageous she was and she opened up told me her story, why she kept going back, why she allowed the abuse . I listened and as I did I didn’t see a broken person anymore I saw someone who found the strength within herself, a self respect, a small shred of a fight in her for herself. She had been so religious her whole life, she left that behind too.
 

Today she is amazing and so happy and she found a great guy. We are buddies we picked back up, the new her.  She understood why I let go, she never held it against me. 

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Golden Duck
On 2/25/2020 at 4:14 AM, Guyver said:

I mean, part of me thinks that just nothing one can do about such things except for experience the pain, deal with the grief, and just move on as best one can.

I found that even when experiencing acute grief that the "attacks" run out of energy, giving you some respite and and a chance to function.

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Crikey
On ‎2‎/‎24‎/‎2020 at 5:51 PM, Guyver said:

Anyway.....let’s say you find yourself faced with a very difficult and emotional situation that involves a loved one being in jeopardy, illness, injury.. How do you deal with this situation..

Well I gave the hospital medics permission to switch off my 76-yr-old mother's life support in 1999 and my decision has never bothered me one bit.

She'd collapsed at home 5 days before with thyroid complications, we got her into hospital but she was semi-comatose and virtually braindead..The doctor said "We can keep pumping drugs into her to keep her alive, or we can let her slip quietly away", so I said "Okay lets go for the slip away option", and she died a day later.

I was too numb to shed any tears or lapse into grief and just walked around like a zombie for a couple of weeks til it wore off

Philosophically taking it on the chin was what worked for me, I thought to myself- "She's gone and she ain't never coming back and there's not a damn thing I can do about it" so I just got on with my life.

PS- If ever I end up as a vegetable I hope somebody will switch me off too, a nice clean exit..:D

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