I've Done All the Dumb Things..

[ChrLzs]

I think all of us need a bit of a humility check from time to time..

So think back - pick out a dumb or embarrassing moment and post here..

As a trivial starter (I'll work my way up, but only if others join in..) I had one just this week - walked up to a shop, and despite it being ten minutes after the opening time on their door, the door was obviously locked.  Mildly annoyed, I peered into the shop, and noticed the counter person gesticulating at me...  to SLIDE the door open, not pull on it.  Sigh.

Reminds me of a Gary Larson cartoon..
 

PS - the thread title is a great song by Paul Kelly (he's the Ozzie Bob Dylan  ):

 

[Piney]

Rode down a water slide in a abandon amusement park with a IT 250 dirt bike and failed to stop before the pool. 

which happened to be filled with debris..

Climbed a huge hill in a huge gravel pit with my grandfathers 1969 Chevy C30  4x4  after going through a big puddle. It stalled. The brakes were wet. It slid down the hill backwards and smashed into a tree.

Dove a 5.0 Mustang into a pond in the same gravel pit.   

Jumped off a fence onto one of our free range mare's back. She charged another fence, cut, threw me into the barbwire. 

Walked into a "No Indians Allowed" bar and when recognized as a halfbreed flashed my New Jersey drivers license and said I was a Hungarian Jew. ( My last name is Joseph) 

Jumped onto a gigantic member of the Bloods' back from a mezzanine in prison.  He tossed me across the day space. 

There is much more, but these are my more brilliant moves. 

[Kittens Are Jerks]

My university campus is situated near an upscale shopping district, so one day with two hours to kill between classes, I decided I wanted a new hat. Bought a gorgeous black one with a netted veil. I paid $300 for it (that's the dumb part, but it was worth it). I then headed over to the park to have my lunch and, of course, try on the hat. A man who was walking by saw me primping and mentioned how nice it looked. I told him I thought it was the perfect hat to wear to the funeral of someone you just murdered, at which point I pulled down the veil and pretended to cry. I then asked him if he thought I was at all convincing. Long story short, the guy was an off-duty police officer. I offered him half my sandwich to act like we never had that conversation. He refused the sandwich but confiscated my cupcake. Thankfully, he had a good sense of humour and we both had a really good laugh over it. 

[SHaYap]

Back when I was in my early twenties I was temporarily housed in a village for a time to oversee the end bits and pieces of a landscaping job. Was a favor to a pal who was short staffed and all I had do was to make sure the equipments and tools left behind was still around when they return to pick them up. Nothing much needs done except parade myself a few times a day around the site. 

On one day, I stayed and watched the kids playing at the small playground, slides, swings, a three or four aside football game here and there... 

A teen, maybe sixteen or so was swinging like a maniac. I thought best take my leave, and as I was about to go, she slipped or something, didn't see it, she lifted high and sideways off the swing, wasn't flung out, just lost her grip at the peak. 

Instinctively I tried to break her fall and tried to catch her drop, I'm just a small fella and though she wasn't all that large, I wasn't prepared enough to get balance, I caught her elbow with my face, smashed my glasses and a small cut on my forehead. There I was, bleeding like a serial killer, standing over a crying teen, with bits of her skirt and blouse torn and still clearly in my hands. 

She was apologetic, says thank you, my house is near, my mom will clean you up. 

There I was, walking up to a Muslim house, in the middle of nowhere, with their precious virgin daughter, her clothes all tattered and face in tears, my face and front of my shirt all bloodied. 

I thought I would not survive the evening, luckily one of her younger siblings already ran home with the news. 

Luckily for me, the kid told the good part of the story. 

Oh yeah, her dad is the village "strong man" Not the village head, he's the "muscle" 

I survived the month and a half or so. 

~

 

[ChrLzs]

49 minutes ago, Piney said:

There is much more, but these are my more brilliant moves

Jeez.  You just won the internet!

[Piney]

4 minutes ago, ChrLzs said:

Jeez.  You just won the internet!

There was a ongoing contest in the biggest gravel pit in the Pine Barrens to see who could be the craziest. I was just a runner up. 

[ChrLzs]

55 minutes ago, Piney said:

Jumped off a fence onto one of our free range mare's back. She charged another fence, cut, threw me into the barbwire.

You just reminded me - when I was younger and fitter I went to visit my older brother who had gained a stepdaughter thru a new relationship.  She offered to take me for a tour of their farm, and asked me if I rode.. Yep, I said, not divulging that I hadn't ridden *much*.  She took me to an open, mainly dirt paddock and said I should have a go on her new horse - he's very quiet, she said.  Yep, he was quiet while I got on, but as soon as she walked away, the horse went bat**** crazy and had me bucked off within a few seconds.  She stood there laughing hysterically - "yeah he always does that if anyone else tries to ride him...".

  Ah well, no bones broken..

[Piney]

Just now, ChrLzs said:

  Ah well, no bones broken..

After my working gelding, Wind was poisoned everyone was itching to get me back on a horse. They knew I liked them hot.

I was stomped out and beat to death by the end of the month with all the crazies I rode. 

 

[lightly]

I walked across a 6 inch wide, 15 ft. ?  long piece of steel ,about 60 ft. In the air, on a fire tower....once !   How dumb is that?

Edited June 11, 2020 by lightly

[JVG]

When I was about 12 we would jump out of a third floor window and on to the roof of my friends house and then run and jump to other roofs on his street. To get back into the house we had to dive at the tree and jump back into the third floor window. God I shudder every time I think of how stupid we were...

[Waspie_Dwarf]

When working in my previous job I had to use various gas cylinders (nitrogen, helium and hydrogen mostly). Non-flammable gases use a right hand thread for the valves, flammable gases use a left hand thread. I briefly forgot this when changing a hydrogen cylinder. 

After a minute or two of struggle my tiny brain realised what the problem was. Rather than shift my stance I simply reversed my grip on the spanner and pushed. That's when the spanner slipped and I punched myself, whilst holding a spanner, in the nose.

I didn't return to the lab until after the bleeding had stopped because I didn't want to admit how I hard hurt myself, or indeed be entered in the accident book for posterity. 

[lightly]

Dart fights.       BB gun wars.      Out line each other in bales of hay....with arrows.    It's a miracle any boy lives to manhood?

[JVG]

@lightlyWe may reach manhood but I don’t any of us really grow up....