Please help: A Reading Request

[Garrison50]

I have been divorced for quite some time.  I recently was in a relationship with someone I felt an emotional connection to and the relationship ended really before it began.  The pain I am feeling from the ending of this relationship is worse than from my divorce.  Last night he told me he feels zero emotions for anyone and needs to be by himself and sort out himself.  I saw myself building a life with this man and now my journey in life is clouded.  Can you help me see if there is any hope of him returning into my life in the near future or do I just need to move on?  I thought his words and actions were real but now I am just lost.  Any insight you can give me would be so appreciated.  

[zep73]

There are no psychics, only frauds who prey on the desperate, and deluded "well-meaning" fools.

[XenoFish]

Move on. Build your own life.

[Garrison50]

15 hours ago, zep73 said:

There are no psychics, only frauds who prey on the desperate, and deluded "well-meaning" fools.

I am sorry you feel that way. I do believe that many people can read into the cards. 

[XenoFish]

4 hours ago, Garrison50 said:

I am sorry you feel that way. I do believe that many people can read into the cards. 

So you're willing to trust a complete stranger with your future? 

[Garrison50]

I guess right now, where I am at I was looking for some insight. I don’t trust anyone anymore other than my daughters. I am completely crushed that the one person I have trusted broke my heart and I will never again open up to anyone. 

[XenoFish]

6 minutes ago, Garrison50 said:

I guess right now, where I am at I was looking for some insight. I don’t trust anyone anymore other than my daughters. I am completely crushed that the one person I have trusted broke my heart and I will never again open up to anyone. 

Congratulations. You know what to do now. Live your life for yourself and those whom you truly care about. Create the life you want. Don't let anyone dictate your future, you don't even have to do what I suggest. This life is yours. Do what you will, hopefully without harming others. Good luck. 

[+Desertrat56]

P.S. Welcome to the forum @Garrison50

[jypsijemini]

21 hours ago, Garrison50 said:

I have been divorced for quite some time.  I recently was in a relationship with someone I felt an emotional connection to and the relationship ended really before it began.  The pain I am feeling from the ending of this relationship is worse than from my divorce.  Last night he told me he feels zero emotions for anyone and needs to be by himself and sort out himself.  I saw myself building a life with this man and now my journey in life is clouded.  Can you help me see if there is any hope of him returning into my life in the near future or do I just need to move on?  I thought his words and actions were real but now I am just lost.  Any insight you can give me would be so appreciated.  

You can't force a square peg into a round hole.

We're all like jigsaw pieces who believe that we can force ourselves together with somebody else and that love will make the picture change.

I did. I was mashing jigsaw pieces for three years thinking that love would stop him from abusing me.

And then I had enough and I realised how farking awesome I am. How worthy my love is. How worthy I am.

 

I didn't get it right the first time. Or the second. I tried dating for a bit and there were a few times where I forgot my awesomeness and allowed myself to be used and abused again. But I got back up quicker. I slammed those doors closed and dusted myself off and refocused my game.

I decided that the only way I wanted to attract someone into my life was if I was living a life that was authentic and true to myself. I didn't want to impress anybody. I didn't want to feel like I had to speed up my healing or growth for anybody else.

If anybody was going to walk into my life, they would see me just as I am, and they would have to decide whether that was something they wanted. I'd be clear about what I wanted and expected. I'd communicate clearer. No games. No drama.

I didn't want to feel like I had earn love ever again. I didn't want to be told ever again that I didn't deserve something. I didn't want to feel like I wasn't enough, ever again.

So I decided that I wouldn't waste my time being upset over the people who bowed out.

I made peace in my heart with the memories of my exes and the experiences I had in those relationships. I stopped calling them a 'waste of time' and honoured them as 'life experiences' and 'teachers of valuable lessons' instead.

"Thank you for teaching me to love myself."

 

I don't get to choose if he's going to stay. I don't choose if we stay together for the rest of our lives. But I do get to choose who I let in.

We DO choose who we love.

And sometimes we love other people a WHOLE lot more than we love ourselves. And that's where things go very, very wrong.

 

Everybody understands a different love language. They generally fall into five general categories:

- quality time       - words of affirmation       - physical touch and intimacy         - acts of service          - thoughtful gifts

The issue is that we understand different languages but usually we only speak the language of our heart.

You can usually tell what a person's love language is by the way they show love. They're doing whatever they know feels good. If the thoughtfulness of a gift makes them feel loved and appreciated, chances are, they're serious gift givers.

If physical affection makes you feel loved - hugs, kisses, being held, being touched, massages, sex etc. - then usually, this is the way you display your love for other people. It makes you feel loved so you unconsciously assume that it'll make the other person feel good.

Sometimes the other person doesn't speak that language at all. And relationships begin to break down when both people are making effort but the languages they're speaking aren't being understood and received by the other person.

 

 

Just a few things to consider xx

 

[XenoFish]

43 minutes ago, jypsijemini said:

You can't force a square peg into a round hole.

A hammer, a really big hammer.

[Garrison50]

20 hours ago, jypsijemini said:

You can't force a square peg into a round hole.

We're all like jigsaw pieces who believe that we can force ourselves together with somebody else and that love will make the picture change.

I did. I was mashing jigsaw pieces for three years thinking that love would stop him from abusing me.

And then I had enough and I realised how farking awesome I am. How worthy my love is. How worthy I am.

 

I didn't get it right the first time. Or the second. I tried dating for a bit and there were a few times where I forgot my awesomeness and allowed myself to be used and abused again. But I got back up quicker. I slammed those doors closed and dusted myself off and refocused my game.

I decided that the only way I wanted to attract someone into my life was if I was living a life that was authentic and true to myself. I didn't want to impress anybody. I didn't want to feel like I had to speed up my healing or growth for anybody else.

If anybody was going to walk into my life, they would see me just as I am, and they would have to decide whether that was something they wanted. I'd be clear about what I wanted and expected. I'd communicate clearer. No games. No drama.

I didn't want to feel like I had earn love ever again. I didn't want to be told ever again that I didn't deserve something. I didn't want to feel like I wasn't enough, ever again.

So I decided that I wouldn't waste my time being upset over the people who bowed out.

I made peace in my heart with the memories of my exes and the experiences I had in those relationships. I stopped calling them a 'waste of time' and honoured them as 'life experiences' and 'teachers of valuable lessons' instead.

"Thank you for teaching me to love myself."

 

I don't get to choose if he's going to stay. I don't choose if we stay together for the rest of our lives. But I do get to choose who I let in.

We DO choose who we love.

And sometimes we love other people a WHOLE lot more than we love ourselves. And that's where things go very, very wrong.

 

Everybody understands a different love language. They generally fall into five general categories:

- quality time       - words of affirmation       - physical touch and intimacy         - acts of service          - thoughtful gifts

The issue is that we understand different languages but usually we only speak the language of our heart.

You can usually tell what a person's love language is by the way they show love. They're doing whatever they know feels good. If the thoughtfulness of a gift makes them feel loved and appreciated, chances are, they're serious gift givers.

If physical affection makes you feel loved - hugs, kisses, being held, being touched, massages, sex etc. - then usually, this is the way you display your love for other people. It makes you feel loved so you unconsciously assume that it'll make the other person feel good.

Sometimes the other person doesn't speak that language at all. And relationships begin to break down when both people are making effort but the languages they're speaking aren't being understood and received by the other person.

 

 

Just a few things to consider xx

 

I guess that is the part that is confusing me. We were very comparable and comfortable together. Things changed in an instant and the break up came from nowhere and really left me perplexed which is why I wanted a reading. 

[+Desertrat56]

45 minutes ago, Garrison50 said:

I guess that is the part that is confusing me. We were very comparable and comfortable together. Things changed in an instant and the break up came from nowhere and really left me perplexed which is why I wanted a reading. 

It is possible that he was not honest about something, his feelings, his life, or something and instead of coming clean he ran.   I am just guessing a scenario, but what ever it is, he obviously was not as comfortable as you thought and your emotional reaction being extreme may be that you had expectations that went beyond what you admit  and what he could handle.  It happens sometimes, we get in our heads and map out something that includes others based on incorrect assumptions.  Then we have betrayed ourselves in a way and that can be really hard to look at.

[Garrison50]

I actually had a reading done this morning and it made a lot of sense of the situation and where my path is leading me as far as he is concerned.   I am very anxious and I need patience. Work on myself, while he does the same. Things will align again.

[XenoFish]

11 minutes ago, Garrison50 said:

Things will align again.

Then you will once again ask for a reading, because people change and you desperately wish to hold on to something that didn't work the first time. 

[Garrison50]

Maybe people have to change in order for things to work. I don’t know. My marriage didn’t work because my ex husband refused to change. I don’t have all the answers but I know the changes I need to make. For now I will work on making myself a better person. For myself. 

[+Desertrat56]

20 hours ago, Garrison50 said:

Maybe people have to change in order for things to work. I don’t know. My marriage didn’t work because my ex husband refused to change. I don’t have all the answers but I know the changes I need to make. For now I will work on making myself a better person. For myself. 

The problem is you can't have expectations of others in that way.  You have to choose to change, and others get to choose that as well.  When you have realized that some way you are thinking is not working for you, you change it with no expectations that anyone else will notice, much less change with you.  Expectations are where we fail ourselves.  Even expectations of yourself can fail you if they are not based in reality and really knowing yourself, like wanting to be something but not understanding what that something really means.  Before you can be honest with anyone else, you have to be honest with yourself.