Beliefs... everyone has them

[+Sherapy]

21 minutes ago, Will Do said:

 

And then there are some who've had those kinds of bad experiences too, who just simply let them go, become free of the baggage, and move on unhindered. 

 

 

A lot of folks pretend they do this too when they really don’t. This is a person in need of healing, it can be a lot of things it will be seen in all kinds of ways, controlling, attacking others, blaming others, and triangulation it might be due to a trauma of some kind, trauma’s can be all kinds of things too. Just my two cents. Take it or leave it.

Edited December 6, 2020 by Sherapy

[Will Due]

4 minutes ago, Sherapy said:

A lot of folks pretend they do this too when they really don’t. 

 

And some pretend they're like a psychologist when they're really not lol.

 

 

Edited December 6, 2020 by Will Do

[+Sherapy]

3 minutes ago, Will Do said:

 

And some pretend they're like a psychologist but they're really not lol.

 

 

You must have missed the part where I said just my two cents. Take it or leave it. 

Edited December 6, 2020 by Sherapy

[Will Due]

1 minute ago, Sherapy said:

You must have missed the part where I said just my two cents. 

 

Lol 

Sheri, by now your two cents has added up to more than a million bucks. 

 

 

[+Sherapy]

6 minutes ago, Will Do said:

 

Lol 

Sheri, by now your two cents has added up to more than a million bucks. 

 

 

If you are annoyed it is a trigger, if not disregard. 

[+Hammerclaw]

2 hours ago, Sherapy said:

A lot of folks pretend they do this too when they really don’t. This is a person in need of healing, it can be a lot of things it will be seen in all kinds of ways, controlling, attacking others, blaming others, and triangulation it might be due to a trauma of some kind, trauma’s can be all kinds of things too. Just my two cents. Take it or leave it.

Collectively, our life experiences, both good and bad, happy and painful, costly or profitable, are a reference library to refer to, to avoid making the same mistakes and steering one's life to more welcome and happy outcomes. Our memories are the foundation of our existential education. They facilitate one not repeating the same error, or at least, not without reason.

 

[+Sherapy]

1 hour ago, Hammerclaw said:

Collectively, our life experiences, both good and bad, happy and painful, costly or profitable, are a reference library to refer to, to avoid making the same mistakes and steering one's life to more welcome and happy outcomes. Our memories are the foundation of our existential education. They facilitate one not repeating the same error, or at least, not without reason.

 

Yep. So well said. 
 

Cut and pasted into my wisdom bank. Much gratitude.

Edited December 6, 2020 by Sherapy

[Sakari]

On 12/4/2020 at 1:23 PM, joc said:

I remember the old days...I am saddened by the news of your health.  I wish you the best.  So, for what it is worth, I will give you my perspective.  I came to an understanding  sometime ago that when we die...we are dead.  There is nothing more. And I am good with that.  I also came to the realization that right now...this exact moment...is all we have...it is all we have ever had.  And so, I know that I am going  to die today.  I cannot die tomorrow and I cannot die yesterday,  because neither exists.  The date on the calendar is irrelevant.  When you die, when I die...it will be today.  I am saddened by the news of your health because I have always thought of you as a friend...and it hurts to lose friends. But I think your attitude is exactly right on!  As Jimi Hendrix once said:  I'm the one that has to die when it's time for me to die, so let me live my life, the way I want to!  

 (Regardless, please be careful on your bike...you really are invisible you know...never assume anyone is aware of your presence!)

...that was a good breath! 

Thank you for this.
Let me try to put some good vibes on this. Warning. Will be long.

Cancer gave me a gift. Something I wish I had received when I was about 14 years old. That gift is not taking life for granted, and understanding that every day is important. It woke my ass up to "living". I always had a list of "bucket list" rides, probably about 30 years now. Never once went on one. Starting just under 3 years ago, when diagnosed stage 4, I started. I have gone on 7, and have 2 already booked for next Summer. Have ridden across 13 States since June this year.

I work my ass off, and do overtime for this. Budgeted hard, and paid off as many bills as I can. Medical is a nightmare, but is budgeted in. I have also been exploring some ceremonial caves here in Arizona. They are not known to the public. Some people I met are nice enough to share some of the GPS coordinates with me. They are amateur archeologists, and have found a lot of them. They do not give anyone the areas, and they do not take anything, or leave a trace. I made that promise to them also.

I have been studying a lot on Norse Mythology, and pretty much figured out I have probably been living a Pagan / Heathen life for a while, and not realizing the path I was on. (Long story). So, I do have a new found "spirituality" I am currently trying to focus on. Mainly, respecting nature, and all lives. Not a organized religion at all. Working on a sleeve, and it is about 3/4's done now. (Tat). If you have FB message me, or message me anyway, and I can share the pics here.

So, I have been living life big time. Enjoying every damn day just about.

I had the surgery, and started treatments of Keytruda March of 2018. Every 3 weeks, a infusion. Had a PET scan at 3 months, and the remaining tumor was gone.Had another scan at 3 months and it was NED. (no evidence of disease) Sounds great, but a PET scan can only see things larger than a pea. But, NED is the best thing a cancer patient can hear. So, clear scans all the way. Last treatment was March of 2020, and just had a scan a month ago. It was also clear. I have been very lucky. Not many side effects to speak of, and clear scans. And, fate was nice enough to me to keep my job, and medical insurance so far.

I will continue scans every 6 months. Melanoma comes back with a f'ing vengeance, and unfortunately, all Cancers at stage 4 tend to come back one day. There are people that it has never come back on, so hoping for that. The anxiety never leaves though. The thought of it coming back never leaves. It makes life pretty challenging. And, the best medicine is to stay busy, and to focus on living, not dying.

So, that was the short version. As said, shoot me a message, an I will give you link to FB. I only use it to post updates on health, and pics of trips. No politics, Religion, or Corona on it at all

I will occasionally check in here. Was hoping it was a bit more "mature" but I see it went the other way. At least for my liking. I have grown in different ways also, and do not exactly look at everything the same way I had before.

Again, thank you for the kind words. Stay in touch!
 

[+Sherapy]

1 hour ago, Sakari said:

Thank you for this.
Let me try to put some good vibes on this. Warning. Will be long.

Cancer gave me a gift. Something I wish I had received when I was about 14 years old. That gift is not taking life for granted, and understanding that every day is important. It woke my ass up to "living". I always had a list of "bucket list" rides, probably about 30 years now. Never once went on one. Starting just under 3 years ago, when diagnosed stage 4, I started. I have gone on 7, and have 2 already booked for next Summer. Have ridden across 13 States since June this year.

I work my ass off, and do overtime for this. Budgeted hard, and paid off as many bills as I can. Medical is a nightmare, but is budgeted in. I have also been exploring some ceremonial caves here in Arizona. They are not known to the public. Some people I met are nice enough to share some of the GPS coordinates with me. They are amateur archeologists, and have found a lot of them. They do not give anyone the areas, and they do not take anything, or leave a trace. I made that promise to them also.

I have been studying a lot on Norse Mythology, and pretty much figured out I have probably been living a Pagan / Heathen life for a while, and not realizing the path I was on. (Long story). So, I do have a new found "spirituality" I am currently trying to focus on. Mainly, respecting nature, and all lives. Not a organized religion at all. Working on a sleeve, and it is about 3/4's done now. (Tat). If you have FB message me, or message me anyway, and I can share the pics here.

So, I have been living life big time. Enjoying every damn day just about.

I had the surgery, and started treatments of Keytruda March of 2018. Every 3 weeks, a infusion. Had a PET scan at 3 months, and the remaining tumor was gone.Had another scan at 3 months and it was NED. (no evidence of disease) Sounds great, but a PET scan can only see things larger than a pea. But, NED is the best thing a cancer patient can hear. So, clear scans all the way. Last treatment was March of 2020, and just had a scan a month ago. It was also clear. I have been very lucky. Not many side effects to speak of, and clear scans. And, fate was nice enough to me to keep my job, and medical insurance so far.

I will continue scans every 6 months. Melanoma comes back with a f'ing vengeance, and unfortunately, all Cancers at stage 4 tend to come back one day. There are people that it has never come back on, so hoping for that. The anxiety never leaves though. The thought of it coming back never leaves. It makes life pretty challenging. And, the best medicine is to stay busy, and to focus on living, not dying.

So, that was the short version. As said, shoot me a message, an I will give you link to FB. I only use it to post updates on health, and pics of trips. No politics, Religion, or Corona on it at all

I will occasionally check in here. Was hoping it was a bit more "mature" but I see it went the other way. At least for my liking. I have grown in different ways also, and do not exactly look at everything the same way I had before.

Again, thank you for the kind words. Stay in touch!
 

Sakari, as a Hospice caregiver at times in my journey, I have had the great honor of being a part of such moments. 
 

The only thing I would ever say to one with your journey “is It’s yours show now.”
 

Enjoy every moment. Thank you for sharing your truly beautiful journey the way you want to. God speed.

Edited December 6, 2020 by Sherapy

[Mr Walker]

10 hours ago, Sherapy said:

For me, Compassion is caring about others by meeting their needs while preserving their independence and dignity.

For me, Empathy is the ability to walk in another’s shoes, it is understanding one’s vulnerabilities. 
 

Yes, I have followed your posts over the years, and no you have not done the living of 3 lifetimes or lived more than anyone else. 

 

I will not lie to you, it will not serve you. Being protective of a toxic person is not help, it is often a cover for trauma, often revealing itself as PTSD  one would try and shift to relational protectiveness and this is the work of a Psychoanalyst. 
 

Toxic people need firm to rigid boundaries and professional help more often then not. 

Basically i agree with number one 

also with number two although both are more complex than your statements 

well I am not going to list all the things i have done, again, in my life but i bet my list is several times longer than your own and would have been even when i was your age. 

and i dont get where your last point is coming from.

I dont really know any toxic people, only a few people with problems caused by their childhood. which are affecting their present  lives Those i do my best to help.

Over the years Ive known less than a handful of people whose personalities conflicted too much with my own for me to tolerate, so i simply stopped having anything to do with them.

  Thus i have no idea what, or whom, you are thinking of in regards to toxic people  in my life (I really dont like that description for any human  being.   As my mother would say to me when i was very young and had done something wrong    "Your behaviour was bad. but that doesn't make you  a bad person ")

[Mr Walker]

11 hours ago, Sherapy said:

MW, I see you are making this about you again. It is called triggering an insecurity in Psychology. Just my two cents, all the best.

 

I hope you and the misses are doing well. 
 

 

 

 

lol No i am complaining about you constructing a persona for Will and i, based on your own insecurities and problems, and your( positive)  responses to them  That's precisely what you were doing in the post being referenced, and what you are doing here  Eg I dont have any insecurities to trigger, but because you do (or once did, and understand their nature) you interpret my responses through your own world view. 

Rather than be about me, this is about you trying to create a "me"  which you can comprehend and  cope with in your mind; so you restructure me to be like you are, when we are totally different.

An empathetic person would put on my lenses to see the world, rather than maintain their own, and try to look out through my mind while still wearing their own glasses   

You know enough about me and Will to put on our lenses, but you refuse to do so, because it might mean accepting some of the  things  we know or believe to be true 

Edited December 7, 2020 by Mr Walker

[Mr Walker]

11 hours ago, Will Do said:

 

And then there are some who've had those kinds of bad experiences too, who just simply let them go, become free of the baggage, and move on unhindered. 

 

 

yes i believe  that  is true, although  I have  never  really had experiences bad or traumatic enough to upset me,( in part because i trained my mind ealry to understand the nature of emptions trauma etc and learned how not to construct negative responses; so while losing everything in a bushfire certainly  did traumatise many, it left us emotionally unharmed. There was nothing to deal with outside of the practical things  

[+Sherapy]

2 hours ago, Mr Walker said:

Basically i agree with number one 

also with number two although both are more complex than your statements 

well I am not going to list all the things i have done, again, in my life but i bet my list is several times longer than your own and would have been even when i was your age. 

and i dont get where your last point is coming from.

I dont really know any toxic people, only a few people with problems caused by their childhood. which are affecting their present  lives Those i do my best to help.

Over the years Ive known less than a handful of people whose personalities conflicted too much with my own for me to tolerate, so i simply stopped having anything to do with them.

  Thus i have no idea what, or whom, you are thinking of in regards to toxic people  in my life (I really dont like that description for any human  being.   As my mother would say to me when i was very young and had done something wrong    "Your behaviour was bad. but that doesn't make you  a bad person ")

I am not talking about you, this isn’t about you at all. It is information the norm for a conversation between two people. 
 

Just my two cents, Not gospel.
 

Why do you personalize and get so defensive over so much?

[+Sherapy]

1 hour ago, Mr Walker said:

lol No i am complaining about you constructing a persona for Will and i, based on your own insecurities and problems, and your( positive)  responses to them  That's precisely what you were doing in the post being referenced, and what you are doing here  Eg I dont have any insecurities to trigger, but because you do (or once did, and understand their nature) you interpret my responses through your own world view. 

Rather than be about me, this is about you trying to create a "me"  which you can comprehend and  cope with in your mind; so you restructure me to be like you are, when we are totally different.

An empathetic person would put on my lenses to see the world, rather than maintain their own, and try to look out through my mind while still wearing their own glasses   

You know enough about me and Will to put on our lenses, but you refuse to do so, because it might mean accepting some of the  things  we know or believe to be true 

How are you and the misses holding up? 

[Mr Walker]

28 minutes ago, Sherapy said:

I am not talking about you, this isn’t about you at all. It is information the norm for a conversation between two people. 
 

Just my two cents, Not gospel.
 

Why do you personalize and get so defensive over so much?

I defend myself when attacked. That is the only type of defensive i do. 

I am doing very well thank you.

   Done the household chores  inside and out. Taken the dogs out for a run ,been to the supermarket, had a coffee and read the paper at the local cafe,  played some games on my tablet   Got mywife hr breakfast  Spent some time here Will get my wife some lunch soon, then a niece and a couple of grand nephews are coming out for a visit.

  After that, if I have time, i will watch a video or read a book get my wife some tea, drive into the larger nearby town (about an 80 mile round trip)  to do some more shopping, catch up with my brother, and then spend the evening playing board games before returning home about 11-12 pm. Then i will read some more, and play some more games and go to sleep about 1am .  

I dont like to speak for my wife  She is still mobile and  coping with the pain She had a good sleep last night  She is happy and spends her time reading online, listening to music online   and communicating online with friends and relatives   However  it  takes  her about 2 hours to get up, have a shower, get dressed, and come out for breakfast, and about an hour to get ready for  bed    She cant do much physically but insists on feeding the dogs and  the cat herself and managing her own personal care and hygiene  (although she wamts to grow her hair longer and it looks like i may have to learn how to plait it )   

The best way to describe her is like one of those frontier women; tough, independent, capable, and keeping on in her own home  until the day she drops dead

She organises those around her to do what she cant do, and does what she can. 

Edited December 7, 2020 by Mr Walker

[+Sherapy]

15 minutes ago, Mr Walker said:

I defend myself when attacked. That is the only type of defensive i do. 

I am doing very well thank you.

   Done the household chores  inside and out. Taken the dogs out for a run ,been to the supermarket, had a coffee and read the paper at the local cafe,  played some games on my tablet   Got mywife hr breakfast  Spent some time here Will get my wife some lunch soon, then a niece and a couple of grand nephews are coming out for a visit.

  After that, if I have time, i will watch a video or read a book get my wife some tea, drive into the larger nearby town (about an 80 mile round trip)  to do some more shopping, catch up with my brother, and then spend the evening playing board games before returning home about 11-12 pm. Then i will read some more, and play some more games and go to sleep about 1am .  

I dont like to speak for my wife  She is still mobile and  coping with the pain She had a good sleep last night  She is happy and spends her time reading online, listening to music online   and communicating online with friends and relatives   However  it  takes  her about 2 hours to get up, have a shower, get dressed, and come out for breakfast, and about an hour to get ready for  bed    She cant do much physically but insists on feeding the dogs and  the cat herself and managing her own personal care and hygiene  (although she wamts to grow her hair longer and it looks like i may have to learn how to plait it )   

The best way to describe her is like one of those frontier women; tough, independent, capable, and keeping on in her own home  until the day she drops dead

She organises those around her to do what she cant do, and does what she can. 

I intend no attack at all. Why don’t we work on building a friendship? I am a pragmatic direct person, do not take me personal.
 

I actually admire your relationship and think you have a good marriage. I also have respect for you as a caregiver too. 
 

You sound good, are you exercising, watching your weight? I am glad to hear you get out. 
 

Did you guys get the vaccine yet?

 

Edited December 7, 2020 by Sherapy

[+Hammerclaw]

46 minutes ago, Sherapy said:

I intend no attack at all. Why don’t we work on building a friendship?

What you two actually need to do is to simply acknowledge you already are friends. Only friends are so open and honest with one-another and carry on such lengthy and sustained conversions, mostly civil, with one another. Just about everyone here is his friend, too. The fact we can all be contentious and disagreeable at times is beside the point.

[+Hammerclaw]

To everyone here I have offended or irritated, I hope we all stay healthy and live long enough so--I can do it all over again!    HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Edited December 7, 2020 by Hammerclaw

[Mr Walker]

19 hours ago, Sherapy said:

I intend no attack at all. Why don’t we work on building a friendship? I am a pragmatic direct person, do not take me personal.
 

I actually admire your relationship and think you have a good marriage. I also have respect for you as a caregiver too. 
 

You sound good, are you exercising, watching your weight? I am glad to hear you get out. 
 

Did you guys get the vaccine yet?

 

I choose to take you at your word in this post  although it is contrary to the perception i get  from the   way you  usually post to me As hammer said  (and i acknowledged recently ) it might just be a natural difference in personality

To answer your questions in reverse 

No vaccine yet but apparently soon 

while we are in a higher risk bracket there has never been a case in our community and they have been rare in our district (2 within 10000 square miles) There have been  no new cases in our state for a week or more and only a few active cases at all.

   I ,and i think most Australians, feel terribly sorry and worried about America because despite it being a country much like ours it is suffering terribly from  the virus  There have been less than1000 deaths this year for the virus in Australia and only 4 in our state Even acknowledging the  big difference in our populations it is staggering that the daily  death rate in America, every day, is between 2 and 3 000 people.

I am watching my weight especially  over the Christmas period Hope to lose a bit more over summer then keep it off in winter and do this each year 

I get enough exercise although my actual exercise classes have been  cancelled for quit a while. I walk, garden, ride a bike and do things around the house  

I appreciate your thoughts but, without meaning to be rude (and this applies to every one else in my life as well) it is irrelevant how you feel about my relationship or my caregiving. I do it because i want to,  and  because its the right thing to do.  It was a part of the commitment made in our marriage vows to each other and, personally,   i took those vows seriously, or I wouldn't have made them . I have fulfilled those vows, from love,  and that is not admirable, it is just how it is.    

When we cared for her parents with advanced Alzheimer's,  people would say how wonderful we were as if it was something special, or difficult, to do .

We would reply, no it was not wonderful, it  was normal, and was simply the right ethical thing to do (and we got a lot back in return, like self respect   ) 

I also hope you and yours are well, and remain  so  While younger, you are surrounded by a far greater risk than we are. so stay safe 

Edited December 7, 2020 by Mr Walker

[+Sherapy]

3 hours ago, Mr Walker said:

I choose to take you at your word in this post  although it is contrary to the perception i get  from the   way you  usually post to me As hammer said  (and i acknowledged recently ) it might just be a natural difference in personality

To answer your questions in reverse 

No vaccine yet but apparently soon 

while we are in a higher risk bracket there has never been a case in our community and they have been rare in our district (2 within 10000 square miles) There have been  no new cases in our state for a week or more and only a few active cases at all.

   I ,and i think most Australians, feel terribly sorry and worried about America because despite it being a country much like ours it is suffering terribly from  the virus  There have been less than1000 deaths this year for the virus in Australia and only 4 in our state Even acknowledging the  big difference in our populations it is staggering that the daily  death rate in America, every day, is between 2 and 3 000 people.

I am watching my weight especially  over the Christmas period Hope to lose a bit more over summer then keep it off in winter and do this each year 

I get enough exercise although my actual exercise classes have been  cancelled for quit a while. I walk, garden, ride a bike and do things around the house  

I appreciate your thoughts but, without meaning to be rude (and this applies to every one else in my life as well) it is irrelevant how you feel about my relationship or my caregiving. I do it because i want to,  and  because its the right thing to do.  It was a part of the commitment made in our marriage vows to each other and, personally,   i took those vows seriously, or I wouldn't have made them . I have fulfilled those vows, from love,  and that is not admirable, it is just how it is.    

When we cared for her parents with advanced Alzheimer's,  people would say how wonderful we were as if it was something special, or difficult, to do .

We would reply, no it was not wonderful, it  was normal, and was simply the right ethical thing to do (and we got a lot back in return, like self respect   ) 

I also hope you and yours are well, and remain  so  While younger, you are surrounded by a far greater risk than we are. so stay safe 

Lol, I didn’t say you were wonderful, I said I respect you for caregiving. It is apparent it is a tradition for you. 

Glad to hear you and your wife are safe. 

All the best. 

Edited December 8, 2020 by Sherapy

[Sakari]

On 12/6/2020 at 3:28 PM, Sherapy said:

Sakari, as a Hospice caregiver at times in my journey, I have had the great honor of being a part of such moments. 
 

The only thing I would ever say to one with your journey “is It’s yours show now.”
 

Enjoy every moment. Thank you for sharing your truly beautiful journey the way you want to. God speed.

Thank you very much. You sound like a very good person. Need more like you in this world.