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Eldorado

'Parental Burnout' in the U.S. among highest in world

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Eldorado

Nobody ever said parenting was easy, but depending on circumstances, some people can find it much harder than others.

In recent years researchers have begun to recognize 'parental burnout' – a condition in which exhausted parents become overwhelmed by their role as primary carers, potentially leading to emotional distance from their children, parental ineffectiveness, neglect, and worse in some cases.

But where does this phenomenon come from?

Full article at Science Alert: Link

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Nosy.Matters

Thx for article.

:: translate to content ::
, economics e ,
 entropy gains an too bad that can't be traded ( Wall Street humor ).

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Solipsi Rai
Posted (edited)

Predominantly, mothers are burned out trying to balance a life of work and raising children, double the work than what fathers have to do (and then there's bio-female traits like pregnancy, childbirth and post-partum when they opt for maternity/parental/family leave from their careers). It's important for couples with children to not determine their lives through artificial gender roles, it's not "a woman's job" nor a "man's job" to do chores and important errands. Both male and female spouses work outside the home and take care of their homes once they returned after a long, hard day at work (and more than 40 hours a week). 

Edited by Solipsi Rai
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HandsomeGorilla
Posted (edited)

Seems to come along with a disposable society. The kids have become disposable, as well

Edited by HandsomeGorilla
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Sherapy
5 hours ago, Solipsi Rai said:

Predominantly, mothers are burned out trying to balance a life of work and raising children, double the work than what fathers have to do (and then there's bio-female traits like pregnancy, childbirth and post-partum when they opt for maternity/parental/family leave from their careers). It's important for couples with children to not determine their lives through artificial gender roles, it's not "a woman's job" nor a "man's job" to do chores and important errands. Both male and female spouses work outside the home and take care of their homes once they returned after a long, hard day at work (and more than 40 hours a week). 

As a mother of 3 (grown men now), I would say —typically having more than one little one (under 3) can be challenging for a time. What has changed a lot is how hands on, involved and smarter parents are now then they were when I grew up in the sixties/seventies. Back then the older kids carried a lot of the parenting load or were left to themselves.
 

Another plus, is how much father’s are so helpful and hands on, often two parents working together (interdependence in action). One can organize their lives in a way that creates this environment. Having a good quality plan makes a difference. My hubby worked full time and at times I worked PT, but we helped each other with everything. My two cents is by the time the kids are 5 or 6 the quality of the parenting shows itself the more hands on in the beginning the better, a strong foundation at a time of great neural plasticity pays off. I am an advocate for present and mindful parenting, not perfect parenting, there is no such thing,. Paying  attention to one’s kids, active listening, respect, empathy, compassion, humility, and love are skills that never go out of style. Quality, not perfection, no parent is ever perfect. The best parenting book on the market  is “The Good Enough Parent” by Bettelheim.  
 

Time flies when you are having fun and parenting is the most noble endeavor anyone can be blessed with. I cannot imagine a life without children and for me, raising my kids brought me some of my greatest joys and challenges of my lifetime and I am grateful to my boys for putting up with me. 

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Hammerclaw
57 minutes ago, Sherapy said:

As a mother of 3 (grown men now), I would say —typically having more than one little one (under 3) can be challenging for a time. What has changed a lot is how hands on, involved and smarter parents are now then they were when I grew up in the sixties/seventies. Back then the older kids carried a lot of the parenting load or were left to themselves.
 

Another plus, is how much father’s are so helpful and hands on, often two parents working together (interdependence in action). One can organize their lives in a way that creates this environment. Having a good quality plan makes a difference. My hubby worked full time and at times I worked PT, but we helped each other with everything. My two cents is by the time the kids are 5 or 6 the quality of the parenting shows itself the more hands on in the beginning the better, a strong foundation at a time of great neural plasticity pays off. I am an advocate for present and mindful parenting, not perfect parenting, there is no such thing,. Paying  attention to one’s kids, active listening, respect, empathy, compassion, humility, and love are skills that never go out of style. Quality, not perfection, no parent is ever perfect. The best parenting book on the market  is “The Good Enough Parent” by Bettelheim.  
 

Time flies when you are having fun and parenting is the most noble endeavor anyone can be blessed with. I cannot imagine a life without children and for me, raising my kids brought me some of my greatest joys and challenges of my lifetime and I am grateful to my boys for putting up with me. 

Happy Easter!

 

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Sherapy
15 minutes ago, Hammerclaw said:

Happy Easter!

 

Same to you, my friend. :wub:

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Amaryllis

I58D25D04-8F52-4E87-88B3-352D06FCF388_1_105_c.thumb.jpeg.7269016deaece3f274d4c89f74b77afa.jpeg

 

I found this on Pinterest and sent it to my kids. Parenting is one of the hardest jobs ever because you always hope you you made the right decisions while raising them. Even when 

they're grown you still continue to parent. Thankfully my boys turned out to be fine young men.

 

 

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spartan max2

Interestingly, it seems to be the more "developed" the nation, the higher on the list they are. With pretty much the entire West being towards the top. Belgium at #1 lol.

Maybe it says something about modern society.

Or maybe parents in "less developed" nations have different expectations. Idk

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OverSword
Posted (edited)
On 4/4/2021 at 8:30 AM, Solipsi Rai said:

It's important for couples with children to not determine their lives through artificial gender roles, it's not "a woman's job" nor a "man's job" to do chores and important errands.

Well since gender roles have been a reality since the beginning of recorded history across cultures and around the world and are at this time now being questioned and changed which is really artificial, the traditional time honored biologically based roles or the ones that came into being for about the last 50 years or so in which there is no difference between men and women?

As noted above the more developed the nation the higher the burnout rate so could it be that our modern society has messed up the dynamic and not predetermined gender roles?

Edited by OverSword
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Solipsi Rai

In my thoughts is my recently departed mother (at the age of 69 as of this weekend), she raised 2 sons after divorce from our father, I happen to have autism and my brother currently has a drug and alcohol problem. It's sad but expected...to think about being a parent, esp. a mother, she's the generation of women who believed "they can do ANYTHING"...and ended up doing "EVERYTHING". I'm a married father myself who split responsibility, balanced our 3 lockdowns in the past 12 months, so my wife and I can take turns in our work schedules and looking after 3 children (now they're back in at-person public school classes). 

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Hugh Mungus
33 minutes ago, Solipsi Rai said:

she's the generation of women who believed "they can do ANYTHING"...and ended up doing "EVERYTHING".

I think that's the big lie that could be contributing to "parental burnout"

Telling woman they can be the CEO of a fortune 500 company and have a lovely family life is a lie. If you want to be a CEO you need to work around 80-100 hours a week and be ruthless in your work. 

To have a loving family you need to put time and effort in to your kids. To try and do both will destroy your soul

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Xeno-Fish
On 4/5/2021 at 11:30 AM, OverSword said:

As noted above the more developed the nation the higher the burnout rate so could it be that our modern society

The constant push for more, more, more, has gotten people so busy that no one really has time to just stop. I know that trying to be a productive member of society has basically ruined me, both mentally and physically. At the end of the day both parents are quite often just exhausted from the day to day hassle. Unfortunately the kids pay the price for it. 

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spartan max2

An interesting statement from the researchers 

Quote

"What parents feed their children, how they discipline them, where they put them to bed, how they play with them: all of these have become politically and morally charged questions… The distinction between what children need and what might enhance their development has disappeared, and anything less than optimal parenting is framed as perilous."

 

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Desertrat56
4 minutes ago, spartan max2 said:

An interesting statement from the researchers 

 

The problem I have is who defines "optimal parenting"?   Optimal is going to be a different standard for each person.   I think a lot of the burnout is bases on a person's expectations.   I was aquatinted with a couple who had two kids and they had so much stuff scheduled for those kids there was no time for them to be kids, karate, music, soccer every week on top of school and homework and cleaning their rooms, eating family dinners at the same time every day, etc.   As an adult that kind of schedule would wear me out, so imagine how it is for the kids.  The parents and the kids were burnt out.

 

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spartan max2
6 minutes ago, Desertrat56 said:

The problem I have is who defines "optimal parenting"?   Optimal is going to be a different standard for each person.   I think a lot of the burnout is bases on a person's expectations.   I was aquatinted with a couple who had two kids and they had so much stuff scheduled for those kids there was no time for them to be kids, karate, music, soccer every week on top of school and homework and cleaning their rooms, eating family dinners at the same time every day, etc.   As an adult that kind of schedule would wear me out, so imagine how it is for the kids.  The parents and the kids were burnt out.

 

I think you and the researchers are kind of on the same page.

Quote

"And abandon the cult of the perfect parent and gain some perspective on all the parenting advice out there in order to choose what works for you."

That couple you mentioned seems like a good example. Putting so much pressure on themselves to be perfect and do all the things that they think a parent is suppose to do to give their kid an "optimal development" or whatever.

It's all just a bunch of baloney. 

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spartan max2
26 minutes ago, Xeno-Fish said:

The constant push for more, more, more, has gotten people so busy that no one really has time to just stop. I know that trying to be a productive member of society has basically ruined me, both mentally and physically. At the end of the day both parents are quite often just exhausted from the day to day hassle. Unfortunately the kids pay the price for it. 

Could you go in to that more? I'm curious what you mean. 

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Desertrat56
20 minutes ago, spartan max2 said:

I think you and the researchers are kind of on the same page.

That couple you mentioned seems like a good example. Putting so much pressure on themselves to be perfect and do all the things that they think a parent is suppose to do to give their kid an "optimal development" or whatever.

It's all just a bunch of baloney. 

My kids are grown and they are fine.  We never got a television until my oldest was 10 and I was the one that watched, they did occasionally.    I read a lot of books to them, we gardened, hiked and sometimes just stayed home and played games.  I even made up a math game with a bowl of coins to help them learn math and about money.  Both of them got to be brownies (girl scouts) and play soccer.   They also got music lessons but we did not do more than one activity for each per week.  I had a full time job and cherished the time I spent with them.   I actually was jealous of married women who did not have to work (because their husbands had well paying jobs) but chose that instead of staying home with their kids.  I also worked with a lot of women, like me, who needed to work to feed the kids, etc, and they had similar expectations that I did.   So, my definition of optimal is definitely different than others definition.

P.S.  The burnout I have is with work.   Even now, when I work remotely from home, I am burnt out. 

Edited by Desertrat56
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toast
On 4/6/2021 at 12:36 AM, Hugh Mungus said:

 If you want to be a CEO you need to work around 80-100 hours a week and be ruthless in your work.

CEOs who work 80-100 hours a week are poorly organized and/or cannot delegate and/or have an incompetent and badly trained/focussed middle management and are most likely controll freaks.

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spartan max2

You guys made me want to look up the CEO workweek stats lol

Quote

It reveals, on average, the leaders worked 9.7 hours per weekday, which totals just 48.5 hours per workweek. They also worked 79 percent of weekend days at an average of 3.9 hours daily, and 70 percent of vacation days with an average of 2.4 hours on those days. Altogether, the study found that CEOs worked an average of 62.5 hours a week.

https://www-cnbc-com.cdn.ampproject.org/v/s/www.cnbc.com/amp/2018/06/20/harvard-study-what-ceos-do-all-day.html?amp_js_v=a6&amp_gsa=1&usqp=mq331AQHKAFQArABIA%3D%3D#aoh=16179903631891&referrer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com&amp_tf=From %1%24s&ampshare=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.cnbc.com%2F2018%2F06%2F20%2Fharvard-study-what-ceos-do-all-day.html

 

Edited by spartan max2
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Xeno-Fish
1 hour ago, spartan max2 said:

Could you go in to that more? I'm curious what you mean. 

I've been self employed since 1998. My daily hours vary from 6 to 16 and have gone from 5 days per week to 7 at lengthy stretches. So typically averaging between 30 hours to nearly 80 hours depending on work load. So yeah, couple that with being a dad and after 20+ years you're mentally, physically, and emotionally burnt out. 

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jmccr8
14 hours ago, toast said:

CEOs who work 80-100 hours a week are poorly organized and/or cannot delegate and/or have an incompetent and badly trained/focussed middle management and are most likely controll freaks.

Hi Toast

I work for myself, Not only am I the chief I am the whole tribe and someone has to do the work and unfortunately I do not see some as having a greater part than others in my limited view. Yes I married a control freak and that damn, near got me killed Well I got stabbed but it didn't kill me but sheet man it's hard to sleep with ur eyes open.:whistle:

jmccr8

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Tatetopa

https://rewild.com/in-depth/leisure.html#:~:text=Kung%2C James Woodbury's observations of,3-5 hours per day.

Hunter-gatherers have more leisure time.

Marshall Sahlins estimated (1972), based on a number of reports like Richard Lee’s study of the !Kung, James Woodbury’s observations of the Hadza, and many others, that extant hunter-gatherers typically work an average of 3-5 hours per day. Of course, such averages obscure the common pattern of working for a day or two and then taking off for a day or two, as well as seasonal changes. That said, such estimates make the old ideas of how agriculture led to civilization by introducing leisure time seem posi­tively absurd.

I think Xeno is on to something. There is a minimum limit  that is enough. There is not upper limit to more.

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spartan max2
4 hours ago, Tatetopa said:

https://rewild.com/in-depth/leisure.html#:~:text=Kung%2C James Woodbury's observations of,3-5 hours per day.

Hunter-gatherers have more leisure time.

Marshall Sahlins estimated (1972), based on a number of reports like Richard Lee’s study of the !Kung, James Woodbury’s observations of the Hadza, and many others, that extant hunter-gatherers typically work an average of 3-5 hours per day. Of course, such averages obscure the common pattern of working for a day or two and then taking off for a day or two, as well as seasonal changes. That said, such estimates make the old ideas of how agriculture led to civilization by introducing leisure time seem posi­tively absurd.

I think Xeno is on to something. There is a minimum limit  that is enough. There is not upper limit to more.

That's interesting.

 

 I wonder if we have more lesuire time than peasants? The time between hunter and gatherer and now

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Xeno-Fish
5 hours ago, Tatetopa said:

I think Xeno is on to something. There is a minimum limit  that is enough. There is not upper limit to more.

I personally feel at times that I'm working for the privilege to live. That unless I'm cranking in 40+ hours a week I don't deserve anything. I'd rather have an off grid life with a garden, maybe a few chickens and a 20 hour work week. 

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