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Xzenox

Homeless, broken, empty

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docyabut2
On ‎5‎/‎30‎/‎2021 at 12:34 PM, Bendy Demon said:

Sadly there are a lot of people who work paycheck-to-paycheck struggling to just to pay for gas, insurance and other things.

So yeah, you can be fully employed, work al the overtime you can and still be dirt poor. Just because someone isn't pulling in a six figure income or isn't a CEO/manager/director/etc doesn't mean that person is lazy, stupid or lacking ambition.

That said I have nothing to add for you, Xzenox..no magic words or anything. This life is very tough and only seems to value status and seeks to judge those of us who are not interested in climbing the corporate ladder.

All I can say is to save as much as you can even if it means going without certain things until you can find a mode of living that is useful for you.

If you are lucky enough to live in a state that 'allows' you to live off grid and be self sufficient (collect rainwater and use generators and wood stoves) then that may be an option...I don't know what else to say.

If you are homeless apply to Medicaid , the government will give you food stamps  and  a section 88  for a  house shelter

https://budget.digital.mass.gov/summary/fy21/outside-section/section-88-eviction-diversion-monthly-report

 

 

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Xzenox

I stared my demons in the eye, laughed, said do you're best to destroy me. And they did. Time and time again but only cause I wanted it. I didn't want a life. I wasn't grateful, nor did I ever count my blessings or feel happy to be alive because my happy was always masked behind a deep seated pain that I could never seem to just let go. What is the pain really? Is it because my parents threw me away when I was 3 years old? Is it cause I was raised by cruel people who reminded me of how worthless and futile my existence really was?? Or is it because the women I gave my heart to who turned around and threw it all away so easily but for me it was soul breaking because to them words and promises and love was imaginary when those words though sadly meant everything to me and where all i had to latch onto for dear life and hope. they already had all the love in the world while I was always starving and begging for mine it felt like to me.  I watched evil people do evil things to eachother for no other reason but to hurt eachother it seemed to be there pleasure but truly was there disguise for their own hidden pain inside. They never loved anything though but i was able to love still. I think its beautiful what could come out of the ashes and destruction of a broken places. If one does succeed to rise out of the ashes and become new they seem to have a quality of not only being able to save themselves but to help others..  So here I am. Why? What is my why? Why do I go forward anymore? And yet I know why. Because I promised God I would not give up again and do my best until the very end. Even though I still don't think I understand what that means nor what love truly means as well. I know what it feels like to love but I still don't know what it feels like besides from God here what its like to be loved. Does anyone truly ever feel completely loved and not alone? I always feel alone no matter what I do. That's what I cant stand the most really. Why won't it just go away? Why can't things just for once be okay? Yet with this huge cross of pain I've carried alone since I could remember it has brought me great beauty and love within myself yet I'm not able to find anyone to share it with and that makes my journey longer and more alone. Which in return has become frustrating, insanity. I get what the greatest poets we know were really saying when they wove their words. I always understood them they we're like my friends and lost comrades in a cold and isolating world this could be. I know what they meant from the tragedy and pain and loss came the love and beauty, and deep depths that shared its wonders with anyone who would listen. Why doesn't anyone listen anymore or want to know what love really could mean again? Goodnight my friends but I don't know if I truly have much faith left in this world but I do believe in God's love. Without it I would not be here. Till next time.

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ouija ouija

For a moment there you sounded quite positive :)

It does no good to have any expectations in this life even if you have been dealt the worst hand right from the start and feel that now it's time something went well for you. Life does not work that way, it is not fair but totally random in how it dishes out favours. 

Love is an over-used word. It certainly isn't constant or consistent and like everything else in life is handed out and taken away quite randomly. That might sound depressing, but in fact once you let go of all expectations a lot of stress disappears and of course disappointment too. Your head clears and you are more able to see how to move forward.

I wish you luck; you sound as if you are strong at heart.

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Xzenox

My heart is strong and I've become braver the most. Nothing really scares me anymore not even death besides continuing to live this life I've had so far so completely estranged and hopelessly alone more then others around me. My life is not normal because my friends there is no gift without a price. I have not allowed evil to destroy my heart and despite of the lack of love or nurturing that most people take for granted that I've been denied I have truly been able to love even though I've never been loved the same in return. Except by God. God's the greatest for of love I've ever known truly. For I'm just one man lost crying into the wilderness .  I'm not doing so hot though anymore. I fear I'm at the end of my rope and I need help truly and salvation. I work very hard I try so hard too. But evil forces have constantly been trying to destroy me since I can remember. Evil is a real entity. I promise you but you have nothing to fear  unless you give it away and sadly most people do. And they do it for nothing. I need a friend and I need help. I can't do this on my own anymore. I've tried its not working. Why would it possibly work now? Thank you

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ouija ouija

I've got nothing more, I'm afraid . . . . . sorry. :( What about looking back through this thread and making sure you haven't missed a good suggestion by one of the posters.

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Hammerclaw

 

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