US teens left traumatised by tough love camps

[Eldorado]

As one of the most famous faces of the 2000s, people think they know the story of Paris Hilton. So, when the 40-year-old released a YouTube documentary about her life last year, many were shocked to learn about her decades-long struggle with trauma.

Hilton tearfully recounted how she was woken up by strangers in her bedroom in the middle of the night as a teenager and forcibly taken across the country. She said her unanswered cries for help repeatedly play out in nightmares which make it difficult to sleep.

Her story, though shocking, is not unique. Hilton is one of thousands of American children sent every year by their parents into a private network of "tough love" residential programmes and schools marketed at reforming their behaviour.

No-one knows how many for sure, because nobody is keeping track.

Full story: BBC

[Likely Guy]

The sad thing is, is that there will be those who'll berate her for the poor choices she made as an adult and dismiss the mixed up little girl she was.

Wait for it.

[Knob Oddy]

I'm not keen on berating anyone who is suffering, but i really do wonder what the options are for parents who have teens that are unruly.

If your teenage daughter is ignoring curfew, taking drugs or alcohol, not attending school and just generally going down a bad path, what do you do?

I think I'd be desperate enough in some of those situations to send my children to a "tough love" bootcamp considering the consequences of not changing or attempting to change their behavor.

[spartan max2]

23 minutes ago, Likely Guy said:

The sad thing is, is that there will be those who'll berate her for the poor choices she made as an adult and dismiss the mixed up little girl she was.

Wait for it.

The bigger story is how this apprently  happens to dozens of non-famous kids as well

[ethereal_scout]

Perhaps they're reacting out of independence of mind rather than obeying fascists.

[Likely Guy]

1 minute ago, spartan max2 said:

The bigger story is how this apprently  happens to dozens of non-famous kids as well

The rich kids, the semi rich kids. They don't have to be from a famous family.

[spartan max2]

4 minutes ago, Hugh Mungus said:

I'm not keen on berating anyone who is suffering, but i really do wonder what the options are for parents who have teens that are unruly.

If your teenage daughter is ignoring curfew, taking drugs or alcohol, not attending school and just generally going down a bad path, what do you do?

I think I'd be desperate enough in some of those situations to send my children to a "tough love" bootcamp considering the consequences of not changing or attempting to change their behavor.

Therapy. And looks at what else is going on in the kids life.

Kids don't just randomly become extremely "unruly".

 

[Likely Guy]

2 minutes ago, ethereal_scout said:

Perhaps they're reacting out of independence of mind rather than obeying fascists.

For me to understand, you'll have clarify that statement a bit.

 

[ethereal_scout]

Right and wrong to a certain extent are subjective. They are simply doing their own thing, the non-conformity is in someone else's mind.

[Likely Guy]

8 minutes ago, Hugh Mungus said:

I'm not keen on berating anyone who is suffering, but i really do wonder what the options are for parents who have teens that are unruly.

If your teenage daughter is ignoring curfew, taking drugs or alcohol, not attending school and just generally going down a bad path, what do you do?

I think I'd be desperate enough in some of those situations to send my children to a "tough love" bootcamp considering the consequences of not changing or attempting to change their behavor.

Bad dog = Bad Owner.

Bad child = Bad parent.

They should go to family counseling as a unit and address the problem together that  they all share.

Donald Trump acted out in school and his father, Fred, sent him to military school as part of "tough love". We all saw how that ended up. Fred didn't fix his son's problem, he simply foisted his problem on someone else.

[Likely Guy]

5 minutes ago, ethereal_scout said:

Right and wrong to a certain extent are subjective. They are simply doing their own thing, the non-conformity is in someone else's mind.

I think I see what you're saying now. If they're just being 'different' and not harming themselves or others?

[+and-then]

46 minutes ago, ethereal_scout said:

Perhaps they're reacting out of independence of mind rather than obeying fascists.

Being rebellious against authority is something we all pass through as kids and even as young adults.  But when the choices we make are actually destructive in ways that could cause us serious problems as adults then a good parent must try to find a way to curb that destructive expression of personality.  I'd be surprised if even the most disconnected parent would use such means as a first attempt.  

[Agent0range]

4 minutes ago, and then said:

Being rebellious against authority is something we all pass through as kids and even as young adults.  But when the choices we make are actually destructive in ways that could cause us serious problems as adults then a good parent must try to find a way to curb that destructive expression of personality.  I'd be surprised if even the most disconnected parent would use such means as a first attempt.  

Nah, they're just patriots fighting for what's right!  Oh wait...wrong thread.

[aztek]

when parents send their kids to such camps, i think they have a good reason to, no one wants their kids go thru there, unless there is no other way.

maybe the story needs to be how we unknowingly, and unintentionally raise brats that have to be sent there, the problem are parents, not kids.  

Edited June 23, 2021 by aztek

[Likely Guy]

17 minutes ago, aztek said:

when parents send their kids to such camps, i think they have a good reason to, no one wants their kids go thru there, unless there is no other way.

maybe the story needs to be how we unknowingly, and unintentionally raise brats that have to be sent there, the problem are parents, not kids.  

From your comment, I only liked the bolded part. But holy crap, that's the second time in two days I liked one of your comments.

One of us isn't feeling well.

[jmccr8]

Most of those kids parents were lax in their duties then surprised that little Billy has a self discipline problem then shunt them off so still avoid responibility for their poor parenting. Boot camp is better than prison and those kids have to own up for what they have done but I don't think it would hurt to make the parents be a part of the boot camp so the problem can be worked out from both ends.

[Knob Oddy]

1 hour ago, spartan max2 said:

Therapy. And looks at what else is going on in the kids life.

Kids don't just randomly become extremely "unruly".

 

Agreed that kids don't just become unruly. For me the biggest thing you can do with your kids is spend time with them. And the richer some families are, the more time the father (generally) is away working.

That's the biggest factor for me not starting my own business. Even if we would be better off as a family financially, work life balance needs to come first or you risk missing times that you will never get back with your children.

And in terms of saying "bad parents are to blame", these parents may think they are doing the best for their family by working 80 hours a week and being able to provide everything their family could want materially. Still i suppose that could be considered bad parenting. But once you are in that situation your options are limited.

Therapy only works if there is "buy-in" from the person receiving the therapy, without that you are still stuck with an unruly child. Hindsight is 20/20

Edited June 23, 2021 by Hugh Mungus
spelling

[Knob Oddy]

1 hour ago, ethereal_scout said:

Right and wrong to a certain extent are subjective. They are simply doing their own thing, the non-conformity is in someone else's mind.

This is a bit of a weird statement.

Just put yourself in a situation where your 14 year old daughter is taking drugs, potentially having sex, not coming home and not attending school. Would you put this down to simply doing their own thing? Would you call yourself a fascist if you tried to protect her?

If these things were happening you are likely to be prosecuted for a number of things that are a parents responsibility to prevent (like truancy for example) 

[spartan max2]

27 minutes ago, Hugh Mungus said:

Agreed that kids don't just become unruly. For me the biggest thing you can do with your kids is spend time with them. And the richer some families are, the more time the father (generally) is away working.

That's the biggest factor for me not starting my own business. Even if we would be better off as a family financially, work life balance needs to come first or you risk missing times that you will never get back with your children.

And in terms of saying "bad parents are to blame", these parents may think they are doing the best for their family by working 80 hours a week and being able to provide everything their family could want materially. Still i suppose that could be considered bad parenting. But once you are in that situation your options are limited.

Therapy only works if there is "buy-in" from the person receiving the therapy, without that you are still stuck with an unruly child. Hindsight is 20/20

Sure. But these programs abducting kids in the middle of the night dosen't have any buy-in either lol

[Likely Guy]

22 minutes ago, Hugh Mungus said:

This is a bit of a weird statement.

Just put yourself in a situation where your 14 year old daughter is taking drugs, potentially having sex, not coming home and not attending school. Would you put this down to simply doing their own thing? Would you call yourself a fascist if you tried to protect her?

If these things were happening you are likely to be prosecuted for a number of things that are a parents responsibility to prevent (like truancy for example) 

But would you go to family counseling first or call in the tough love kidnappers?

[Golden Duck]

58 minutes ago, and then said:

I'd be surprised if even the most disconnected parent would use such means as a first attempt.

My guess is that's financially out of reach for most parents.  The Troubled Teen Industry doesn't sound like it would have goals for the future generations.

[Grim Reaper 6]

2 hours ago, Eldorado said:

As one of the most famous faces of the 2000s, people think they know the story of Paris Hilton. So, when the 40-year-old released a YouTube documentary about her life last year, many were shocked to learn about her decades-long struggle with trauma.

Hilton tearfully recounted how she was woken up by strangers in her bedroom in the middle of the night as a teenager and forcibly taken across the country. She said her unanswered cries for help repeatedly play out in nightmares which make it difficult to sleep.

Her story, though shocking, is not unique. Hilton is one of thousands of American children sent every year by their parents into a private network of "tough love" residential programmes and schools marketed at reforming their behaviour.

No-one knows how many for sure, because nobody is keeping track.

Full story: BBC

The title of this thread is tough love camps traumatizing youths sent to these camps. Well this is the purpose of sending them there, to teach them their actions have consequences. Obviously these kids could not learn the easy way, so this should be a last resort to deal with these troubled kids. The only thing that should be important is not if their get their feelings hurt, but the positive results that can and do come from these programs!

JIMO

[+susieice]

1 hour ago, closed for business said:

Most of those kids parents were lax in their duties then surprised that little Billy has a self discipline problem then shunt them off so still avoid responibility for their poor parenting. Boot camp is better than prison and those kids have to own up for what they have done but I don't think it would hurt to make the parents be a part of the boot camp so the problem can be worked out from both ends.

This happens a lot when kids are raised with wealth and privilege. Mom and dad are partying social butterflies and the kids are spoiled and left to abuse the staff who are hired to oversee them. IIRC, Paris had a brother who had issues too. The parents have a lot to do with this. 

[Tatetopa]

Apart from killing your child or molesting them one of the greatest betrayals a parent could do is allowing your child to be accosted in the middle of the night and hauled away screaming for help as you stand by.   The kid doesn't know if they are about to be killed or raped or held for ransom.  That is not love, tough or any other kind. There is no reason that child will ever trust family or have a relationship with them again.

There are facilities and camps in just about every state that specialize in troubled youth.  They work on behavior problems,  A lot of those facilities get state assistance, so it is not just for rich people's kids. The difference is, every kid that goes there knows why.  It is a consequence of their behavior.  They also know what is going to happen and what to expect.    There  is a huge difference between solving behavioral problems and humiliating a person or making them feel like a powerless thing at the mercy of strangers.

When parents can't be bothered to participate in helping their child but send them away and expect them to come back fixed,  that is not a stellar display of love or parenting.

[aztek]

9 hours ago, spartan max2 said:

Sure. But these programs abducting kids in the middle of the night dosen't have any buy-in either lol

well imo it has its purpose,  it tells kids, this is serious sht, not a game anymore, something to snap them out of their pampered and spoiled reality