Tourist pens scathing review of Loch Ness after failing to spot monster

[Still Waters]

A British man who vacationed at Loch Ness with his family penned a scathing review of the iconic Scottish site because they never actually saw the legendary 'monster' that is said to live there. The riotous recap was reportedly written by an individual named 'Ron' on the website TripAdvisor earlier this summer and went viral this week when people online noticed the rather odd write-up. In his review, which saw Loch Ness given a mere one star, the disgruntled tourist grouses "what a disappointment. We traveled 400 miles from Grimsby to see the Loch Ness monster and it didn't show up."

https://www.coasttocoastam.com/article/tourist-pens-scathing-review-of-loch-ness-after-failing-to-spot-monster/

https://www.grimsbytelegraph.co.uk/whats-on/i-wish-hadnt-bothered-grimsbys-5782427

[+Hammerclaw]

Tsk, tsk. Apparently, he forgot to pack his imagination for the trip.

[jethrofloyd]

He comes from Grimsby. They have ”The Humber Monster” there..

https://www.grimsbytelegraph.co.uk/news/grimsby-news/humber-monster-eyes-size-portholes-5474348

Maybe, they see it every day ? So he expected the same with Loch Ness monster too. 

[+Hammerclaw]

2 hours ago, jethrofloyd said:

He comes from Grimsby. They have ”The Humber Monster” there..

https://www.grimsbytelegraph.co.uk/news/grimsby-news/humber-monster-eyes-size-portholes-5474348

Maybe, they see it every day ? So he expected the same with Loch Ness monster too. 

Vér hǫfum vaðnar leirur   vikur fimm megingrimmar; saurs vara vant, er várum,   viðr, í Grímsbœ miðjum. Nú'r þat's más of mýrar   meginkátliga látum branda elg á bylgjur   Bjǫrgynjar til dynja.

We have waded in mire for five terrible weeks; there was no lack of mud where we were, in the middle of Grimsby. But now away we let our beaked moose [ship] resound merrily on the waves over the seagull's swamp [sea] to Bergen.   Orkneyinga Saga in this Dróttkvætt stanza by Kali Kolsson:       wiki

Edited August 20, 2021 by Hammerclaw

[Stiff]

It sounds a bit tongue in cheek to me and more like he's done it for a bit of a laugh as opposed to being serious. At least I hope so. Grimsby is about half an hour S/E from me but the folk round there do seem a little 'different' shall we say. 

[Stiff]

On 8/20/2021 at 7:58 PM, Hammerclaw said:

Vér hǫfum vaðnar leirur   vikur fimm megingrimmar; saurs vara vant, er várum,   viðr, í Grímsbœ miðjum. Nú'r þat's más of mýrar   meginkátliga látum branda elg á bylgjur   Bjǫrgynjar til dynja.

We have waded in mire for five terrible weeks; there was no lack of mud where we were, in the middle of Grimsby. But now away we let our beaked moose [ship] resound merrily on the waves over the seagull's swamp [sea] to Bergen.   Orkneyinga Saga in this Dróttkvætt stanza by Kali Kolsson:       wiki

It's not changed that much really.

[+Hammerclaw]

5 minutes ago, Stiff said:

It's not changed that much really.

Had quite a fishing industry before the EU drove the final nail in it's coffin. Always seems to get a bad rap, these days, quaint backwater and all that--do you think?

[Stiff]

17 minutes ago, Hammerclaw said:

Had quite a fishing industry before the EU drove the final nail in it's coffin. Always seems to get a bad rap, these days, quaint backwater and all that--do you think?

Yes. It's very much the same as Kingston Upon Hull, north of the bridge, where I grew up. Massive fishing industry and communities which have now been replaced by Eastern European and Muslim shops and take-aways. Most of the original 'wealthy' areas are now no-go zones, especially on an evening. 

Such a shame to see but totally out of the lower echelons decisions unfortunately. 

[Duke Wellington]

On 8/20/2021 at 4:18 PM, Still Waters said:

A British man who vacationed at Loch Ness with his family penned a scathing review of the iconic Scottish site because they never actually saw the legendary 'monster' that is said to live there. The riotous recap was reportedly written by an individual named 'Ron' on the website TripAdvisor earlier this summer and went viral this week when people online noticed the rather odd write-up. In his review, which saw Loch Ness given a mere one star, the disgruntled tourist grouses "what a disappointment. We traveled 400 miles from Grimsby to see the Loch Ness monster and it didn't show up."

https://www.coasttocoastam.com/article/tourist-pens-scathing-review-of-loch-ness-after-failing-to-spot-monster/

https://www.grimsbytelegraph.co.uk/whats-on/i-wish-hadnt-bothered-grimsbys-5782427

The ocean off the coast of Northern Scotland has giant squid in, I suspect the monster may be whenever one strays into the Loch.

[Jaded1]

1 hour ago, Cookie Monster said:

The ocean off the coast of Northern Scotland has giant squid in, I suspect the monster may be whenever one strays into the Loch.

I hope this is tongue-in-cheek as there's so much wrong with this statement that I don't know where to start (but I'll try).

There are no freshwater cephalopods and they can't tolerate fresh water. Generally, giant squid live deep underwater (300m to 1000m according to wiki) and are only seen on the surface rarely (usually when they're dying or in distress). Also, even if they could manage to survive the journey up the River Ness and Caledonian Canal, don't you think someone would notice them on the way? If they got stuck in the loch they'd die, so why have no corpses of Architeuthis Dux ever been found there?

[Sovreign citizen]

He would have good grounds for a lawsuit if it happened in the US. He could still file one there though.

[Seti42]

If you're vacationing in Scotland and all you care about is seeing a myth, I feel sorry for you (and everyone around you).

[Duke Wellington]

1 hour ago, Jaded1 said:

I hope this is tongue-in-cheek as there's so much wrong with this statement that I don't know where to start (but I'll try).

There are no freshwater cephalopods and they can't tolerate fresh water. Generally, giant squid live deep underwater (300m to 1000m according to wiki) and are only seen on the surface rarely (usually when they're dying or in distress). Also, even if they could manage to survive the journey up the River Ness and Caledonian Canal, don't you think someone would notice them on the way? If they got stuck in the loch they'd die, so why have no corpses of Architeuthis Dux ever been found there?

Giant Squid - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Giant_squid

If you look at the map and focus on the North Sea you will discover its a hot spot for giant squid. Both sides of the North Sea have tales of the Kraken attacking Middle Age vessels and snatching sailors off the decks. Read the part where it talks about range and habitat. It tells you in the link `Northern British Isles`.

Just because marine life is salt water doesnt stop it straying into rivers. We get that a lot with whales here. If a giant squid strayed into the lock its tentacles would certainly explain what is observed with sightings of Nessie.

[beelzebufo]

20 minutes ago, Cookie Monster said:

Giant Squid - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Giant_squid

If you look at the map and focus on the North Sea you will discover its a hot spot for giant squid. Both sides of the North Sea have tales of the Kraken attacking Middle Age vessels and snatching sailors off the decks. Read the part where it talks about range and habitat. It tells you in the link `Northern British Isles`.

Just because marine life is salt water doesnt stop it straying into rivers. We get that a lot with whales here. If a giant squid strayed into the lock its tentacles would certainly explain what is observed with sightings of Nessie.

Whales are air-breathing mammals though, it's an entirely different situation. Squids will die very quickly in fresh water.

[Duke Wellington]

6 minutes ago, beelzebufo said:

Whales are air-breathing mammals though, it's an entirely different situation. Squids will die very quickly in fresh water.

its irrelevant as to whether they die or survive, the fact is salt water marine life strays into rivers.

[Jaded1]

29 minutes ago, Cookie Monster said:

Giant Squid - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Giant_squid

If you look at the map and focus on the North Sea you will discover its a hot spot for giant squid. Both sides of the North Sea have tales of the Kraken attacking Middle Age vessels and snatching sailors off the decks. Read the part where it talks about range and habitat. It tells you in the link `Northern British Isles`.

Just because marine life is salt water doesnt stop it straying into rivers. We get that a lot with whales here. If a giant squid strayed into the lock its tentacles would certainly explain what is observed with sightings of Nessie.

Whilst whales and other marine species have been known to saunter up rivers, the story doesn't generally pan out well unless they get back to sea pretty damned sharpish! Whilst creatures as large as seals have been known to get into the loch on occasion (https://www.icrwhale.org/pdf/SC039151-157.pdf), good luck to anything as large as a whale or giant squid getting up the Caledonian Canal with all its locks and a depth of 18 feet and maximum boat beam of 35 feet! You obviously haven't thought this through properly.

 

[+Hammerclaw]

5 hours ago, Stiff said:

It sounds a bit tongue in cheek to me and more like he's done it for a bit of a laugh as opposed to being serious. At least I hope so. Grimsby is about half an hour S/E from me but the folk round there do seem a little 'different' shall we say. 

Sounds like a little fictional derelict fishing village in New England called Innsmouth.

[Stiff]

13 minutes ago, Hammerclaw said:

Sounds like a little fictional derelict fishing village in New England called Innsmouth.

Very simliar.

[+Hammerclaw]

3 minutes ago, Stiff said:

Very simliar.

I'm surprised Colin Wilson didn't set one of his stories, there.

[Tatetopa]

On 8/20/2021 at 9:41 AM, Hammerclaw said:

Tsk, tsk. Apparently, he forgot to pack his imagination for the trip.

Not only that but he failed to buy one of my guaranteed Nessie caller mouth pipes before he went.  For only 3 easy payments of 39.95  I guarantee a sighting of Nessie or no money back.

[Jaded1]

18 minutes ago, Tatetopa said:

Not only that but he failed to buy one of my guaranteed Nessie caller mouth pipes before he went.  For only 3 easy payments of 39.95  I guarantee a sighting of Nessie or no money back.

What a scam! Everyone knows you can only call up a Nessie with a bona fide "Thistle Whistle" as seen in "The Family Ness" 

 

[Stiff]

2 hours ago, Hammerclaw said:

I'm surprised Colin Wilson didn't set one of his stories, there.

He probably did but changed the name to protect the innocents.

[+Hammerclaw]

2 minutes ago, Stiff said:

He probably did but changed the name to protect the innocents.

Nah, he was from Leicester.

[Ell]

Scotland: there is hardly a day when all four seasons do not make an appearance.

[Gumball]

It's been a real hot summer here in Scotia and like most of us Scots, she doesn't take the sun too well.  It's a ginger thing.  He wants to come back when it's drizzle, she'll be on the shore talking to some local fishermen.