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Disrespect and the internet


8th_wall

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I am reminded of two dogs barking at one another with a gate inbetween them.  Open the gate and they're all social sniffing each other's *******s.  The two dogs barking being this back and forth between a disrespectful ******* and someone else that doesn't know how to respond in a manner that's assertive.  Seriously though, what does it take out of a person to give the benefit of the doubt and be respectful to the person posting something one can clearly see that they are fired up and alive about?  You wouldn't do it in real life so what the **** excuses a person to do it online?

I am well accustomed to dealing with hard sceptics, fundamentally fundamental Christians in their presentation believing the literal works of holy scriptures is verbatim.  Have you ever tried to place a single brick in the life of the person that's taken on the 'it' value in your world-view?  I hold prejudices, sure, who doesn't, but I ****ing keep it to myself over causing some other person harm, emotional damage, psychological damage.  I had a quick conversation with a registrar psychiatrist over my analysis of pain stating matter of factly that psychological pain is worse than physical pain, he concurred.  I don't give a **** how disagreeable you are.  ****ing with someone's vibe is seriously not okay in my books unless you know full well that you will be helping them grow.  If you don't know how to dominate someone (being dominated feels good, not like tyranny) then shut the **** up and sit the **** down before you come to harm yourself.  I'm not someone to bite someone's throat out, I have my monster under control.  But better believe some of the weak ignorant idiots smart playing dumb this that are more than capable of giving you a mean hiding as you charade around with your chest out thinking you're the bee's knees on the dl like the donkey you don't realise you are.  We are better than this idiocy.

The power you wield, most of what I've seen in my visits here over the past 5 years, is wielded pathetically.  Taking time to sit there and seriously mull over what someone's saying and simply reacting by a like does far more wonders for them in the positive reinforcement provided than your woke ass waking a mother up with a hiding to educate them.  Negative reinforcement is only to be used when ALL OTHER MEANS OF RECTIFICATION HAS FAILED.  If nothing else will teach a person then pain is a last resort, must be a last resort, for someone that MUST learn.  Otherwise ignorance is the only evil and my analysis on evil is that it only exists momentarily due to necessarily being self destructive.  Now time is relative and that moment could drag on for an eternity but that's for the wielder of evil to deal with as they're busy drowning.  If you aren't able to enlighten someone by providing the knowledge they need to 'open their eyes' and 'let them see' then go practice on family members and friends instead.  Not someone you don't know from a bar of soap online because they LITERALLY MIGHT JUST BE A SERIAL KILLER.  Respect goes a long way, and I get that it's not just given out willy nilly.  Just as the person has to work to earn your respect you too must work to give it!

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It is near impossible for me to communicate with narcissists and other people with alien psychologies who are incapable of comprehension. So I have a lot of people on block.

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There are two schools of thought on “respect” one is that it is automatically given (particularly to certain people or groups of people) and the other is that is needs to be earnt, and prior to it being earnt mere politeness is all you offer. Within each school are further divisions of thought, particularly along the lines of what you need to do to earn respect and how do you act when you have lost respect of another person.  
 

The prevailing school of thought on the Internet  is “you earn respect” and that rubs a lot of people the wrong way because they expect to be treated a certain way because of whatever reasons, and those people react loudest, decrying the lack of respect whereas they have done little to earn that respect. Furthermore there is a lot of “respect = obedience” going on with a fair few of those people, or at the very least “respect = you don’t challenge me/my ideas”, which …. Well good luck with that. the people who cry loudest and the most often about disrespectful comments are those who do not like to be challenged, who do not like to be told they are wrong. The people who cling to certain beliefs and will not change, the sort of people who expect everyone else to move and accomodate them without thinking that they too need to accomodate others. 

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3 minutes ago, Ell said:

It is near impossible for me to communicate with narcissists and other people with alien psychologies who are incapable of comprehension. So I have a lot of people on block.

I resorted to muting people that were upsetting me in gaming however I stopped due to mulling over the conception of free speech and letting another have their say, even if it was negatively effecting my game play it just didn't feel right to mute, essentially power to take away their freedom of speech.  I zero to one hundred like crazy and when I get fired up there's no punches held back.  I haven't been pulled up, or very rarely been pulled up, when responding in kind.  I don't like shutting people out because I feel it's painful in that ostracise causes pain that is equivalent to physical in the sense of having a long removed rather painfully.  If things then to dialogue and I see myself as someone who is capable of wielding the word even when vehemently upset then I should because it allows moderators easier access to see how I am, especially as someone who is introverted so the sincerity in what I'm saying can be felt.

I've thought about toxic people and cutting them out but I wonder if this is not advice given to someone for them to learn that they are toxic when they find themselves on hell island all alone praying that someone figures out how to teleport when all the bridges has been burnt?  Who deserves such treatment?

I'm deeply shameful in our kind that we've had to resort to block lists due to bullying fools.  It's a big problem I can't quickly see any solution to hmm.  What're your thoughts on alternative ways to go about dealing with hateful speech?  I personally find that by feeding into and conversing with those you enjoy and learning from those that you don't to love them from a distance instead, only rarely employing a to and fro when you see things have gone too far, is best.  Especially in the online world of you have your internet files enabled to suggest stuff based upon previous activity.  Doing this brings a far more positive experience to the online world.  I find a good place to practice is on social media media sites like Instagram or TikTok.  Legit sitting there and taking the time until you can feel in your heart a reaction from what you're observing before reacting and even going further to comment even though it takes it out of you emotionally and is draining initially there's a positive return on engagement over a very short period.

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14 minutes ago, Sir Wearer of Hats said:

There are two schools of thought on “respect” one is that it is automatically given (particularly to certain people or groups of people) and the other is that is needs to be earnt, and prior to it being earnt mere politeness is all you offer. Within each school are further divisions of thought, particularly along the lines of what you need to do to earn respect and how do you act when you have lost respect of another person.  
 

The prevailing school of thought on the Internet  is “you earn respect” and that rubs a lot of people the wrong way because they expect to be treated a certain way because of whatever reasons, and those people react loudest, decrying the lack of respect whereas they have done little to earn that respect. Furthermore there is a lot of “respect = obedience” going on with a fair few of those people, or at the very least “respect = you don’t challenge me/my ideas”, which …. Well good luck with that. the people who cry loudest and the most often about disrespectful comments are those who do not like to be challenged, who do not like to be told they are wrong. The people who cling to certain beliefs and will not change, the sort of people who expect everyone else to move and accomodate them without thinking that they too need to accomodate others. 

I think assertiveness is best employed when dealing with the particularly stubborn.  I came across an unbelievably stubborn woman regarding hatred for men and managed to earn her trust on the dl (I seriously didn't take to heed when she told me that she hated men...  I lost her trust and felt it the hard way.  I've had a very long time to reflect upon the position I held in her life and can only express gratitude and surprise at natural me causing such a shift in her, for some time).

How should one go about being assertive when it seems to border on manipulation I wonder?  I think that's a matter of sincerity and genuinely trying to make friends.  If you have friends then you won't come across as needy or like an incel.  In that the person might work to earn your friendship.  But if one has dealt with no one other than rude sons then ia it any wonder that they've come to stone wall at the slightest conflict that might arise?

I think one of the schools seriously errs.  I don't understand how it's possible to just give respect without working on it.  And even if one works one's ass off if someone caused you to be disrespectful towards them, especially when first impressions matter, well, good bloody luck earning respect just given then!

I like what you have to say regarding how to act in the aftermath of losing respect, can you elaborate?  I realised that I seemed to be equating trust with respect to some extent.  I find trust incredibly difficult to traverse to try and find how to earn back trust that has been lost, my analysis is that it can be earned back only in the aftermath of losing it if you can show an error of judgement on the party that lost it.  Otherwise I don't see how it's possible to gain it back, no matter how good hearted and natured a person might be who has lost it.  It might speak more of them and their shortcomings but doesn't take away from losing it.  This automatic occurrence seems like a matter of choice of the emotions but I think a lot of it isn't decided upon until taking it from the internal and externlising it.  Only when making it formal like that, where the world is a forum for action, I think is when its actually effective.  If one has one's notions on the inside then I think one is still working it out, externlising I think causes execution.  I think that many, I know I do, suffer from negative perceptions of some unknown initially no matter what, however the positive, even though seeming impossible to reach in a particular moment, does seem to occur eventually.  Learning hold back one's knee jerks are paramount but sometimes listening to the gut is more important.  Seems like a interesting weighing act for developing emotional intelligence.

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Great topic!

I feel that nothing good comes from taking things too personally. We tend to feel disrespected only if we allow things to get to us. I feel that it's never a good idea to try and control other people's actions and behaviour - everything already comes at a cost! However we can allow ourselves to build a greater sense of self respect and self worth. Self respect, I like to believe, comes from keeping promises to ourselves - even simple things like working out, reading something interesting, meditation, staying away from alcohol, drugs or distractions, or doing our jobs to the best of our ability. This helps build trust in ourselves.

Sometimes, dogs bark when an elephant is passing by, but it doesn't mean that the elephant should be affected by it. However the elephant can always choose to be respectful to others no matter how they are - because the elephant has good values, and that, in my opinion, is what matters the most! 😊

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I don't care about respect, nor do I care about being respected. It's just flattering admiration for qualities that are fragile in the moment. Trust is more important to me than respect.

When you really get down to it, everything comes down to ego. Who's inflating who's. 

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Respect is for real life where big dudes can punch you if you're being a smart a-- 😉.

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So, Mr Walker had a son.....

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I think if you can't stand the heat stay out of the kitchen.  Not everyone has the mental and emotional fortitude to argue with anonymous strangers on the internet because people will be rude or worse from time to time.  If you are one of those people then I suggest you are better off using the internet for different types of entertainment than debate.  

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"Psychological pain is worse than physical pain" I'd assume both could be devastating. Especially during wars, like Haiti or Ukraine.

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1 hour ago, OverSword said:

I think if you can't stand the heat stay out of the kitchen.  Not everyone has the mental and emotional fortitude to argue with anonymous strangers on the internet because people will be rude or worse from time to time.  If you are one of those people then I suggest you are better off using the internet for different types of entertainment than debate.  

Why not tell those unable to engage in respectful discourse to get lost instead?

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Posted (edited)
10 minutes ago, Kittens Are Jerks said:

Why not tell those unable to engage in respectful discourse to get lost instead?

Yes Kittens, let's just tell everyone what they can and can't say and how they can and can't say it :passifier:  Also feel free to tell them to get lost :tu:

Edited by OverSword
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4 minutes ago, OverSword said:

Yes Kittens, let's just tell everyone what they can and can't say and how they can and can't say it :passifier:  Also feel free to tell them to get lost :tu:

Oh yeah sure. Next you'll be telling women to stay off the streets if they can't handle being raped.

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7 minutes ago, OverSword said:

Yes Kittens, let's just tell everyone what they can and can't say and how they can and can't say it :passifier:  Also feel free to tell them to get lost :tu:

There's nothing wrong with saying a conversation is disrespectful and out of line so I'm out of here. You can also say why you're leaving. 

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Posted (edited)
14 minutes ago, Kittens Are Jerks said:

Oh yeah sure. Next you'll be telling women to stay off the streets if they can't handle being raped.

That is not worthy of you, terrible comparison.  Rape is against the law.  Internet posts hurting feelings are not and should not be.  You are losing the debate when you have to go to such lengths.

Edited by OverSword
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21 minutes ago, OverSword said:

Internet posts hurting feelings are not and should not be.

For the highlighter haired weirdo's words are 'violence' or something.....🙄

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5 minutes ago, OverSword said:

That is not worthy of you, terrible comparison.  Rape is against the law.  Internet posts hurting feelings are not and should not be.  You are losing the debate when you have to go to such lengths.

Online 'disrespect' goes way beyond posts that are merely hurtful to feelings. Disrespect includes things like harassment, bullying, intimidation, trolling and cyberstalking. It also includes abuse on grounds of sexual orientation, gender, disability and other attributes. Some of these activities can reach the point where they do indeed become illegal.

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4 minutes ago, Kittens Are Jerks said:

Online 'disrespect' goes way beyond posts that are merely hurtful to feelings. Disrespect includes things like harassment, bullying, intimidation, trolling and cyberstalking. It also includes abuse on grounds of sexual orientation, gender, disability and other attributes. Some of these activities can reach the point where they do indeed become illegal.

Only if you're perpetually online is when that crap hurts the feely feels. I mean, there is an non-internet world out there. It would be easy to just turn off the computer once in awhile. To be honest, we should make bullying great again. It was almost a means of finding out who was weak and who had strength. 

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1 minute ago, XenoFish said:

Only if you're perpetually online is when that crap hurts the feely feels. I mean, there is an non-internet world out there. It would be easy to just turn off the computer once in awhile. To be honest, we should make bullying great again. It was almost a means of finding out who was weak and who had strength. 

Spending less time online can indeed help reduce frustration and stress. When the boundaries people set (such as ignore, mute, block or report) are no longer sufficient and online interactions are starting to affect their mental well-being, then it's definitely time to take a break.

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6 minutes ago, Kittens Are Jerks said:

it's definitely time to take a break.

So the problem is easy to solve if people get real world 'therapy'. Go outside, do something like hiking. They maintain their own suffering. From experience I take month long breaks, great for the mind and body. Plus the virtual reality doesn't match the real world. 

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Internet Trolls Are Narcissists, Psychopaths, and Sadists

Trolls will lie, exaggerate, and offend to get a response.

In this month's issue of Personality and Individual Differences, a study was published that confirms what we all suspected: Internet trolls are horrible people.

Let's start by getting our definitions straight: An Internet troll is someone who comes into a discussion and posts comments designed to upset or disrupt the conversation. Often, in fact, it seems like there is no real purpose behind their comments except to upset everyone else involved. Trolls will lie, exaggerate, and offend to get a response.

What kind of person would do this? Some Canadian researchers decided to find out.

cont...

Internet Trolls Are Narcissists, Psychopaths, and Sadists | Psychology Today

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53 minutes ago, Kittens Are Jerks said:

Online 'disrespect' goes way beyond posts that are merely hurtful to feelings. Disrespect includes things like harassment, bullying, intimidation, trolling and cyberstalking. It also includes abuse on grounds of sexual orientation, gender, disability and other attributes. Some of these activities can reach the point where they do indeed become illegal.

Yes and you hit where that should happen.  If anything you mentioned reaches the legal definition of harassment then the law should get involved.  It certainly shouldn't  pay a bounty for reporting and it most certainly should not entail a life sentence.

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8 minutes ago, Michelle said:

Internet Trolls Are Narcissists, Psychopaths, and Sadists

 

Politicians, corporate executives, celebrities, teachers, lawyers, Reverends, etc, etc, etc.....;)

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