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Relationships with men from Military backgrounds


Anthill Tiger

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Is it a good idea to get involved with a man from a very strict military background? How does one handle such a person?

He seems to be accustomed to speaking to people in anyway he sees fit, verbal abuse being the order of the day when things do not go his way, but when he gets treated back in the same manner then all hell breaks loose and there are subtle symptoms of potential violence now too that have come to light..(clenched fists, throwing gifts down to break them).. Is a violent nature imminent? When the storm is over then it's apologies all round, which is all good and well if it doesn't happen again but a couple of weeks go by then there's another outburst...Also doesn't like FB but then he is on it himself for hours on end himself..its weird. I shut mine down because he stalks my friends on there, calls them names.. It's also starting to look like he hates the fact that I am 100% self sufficient, I don't need anything from him, and that fact appears to bother him somewhat (but I cant say for sure). He wants me to have a child but he has children, and so do I..also I am 49 years old.. also I find that just a bit weird. Anyway I'm just asking because maybe I am wrong, maybe Im just being paranoid.. 

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I thought as much, thank you. 😔

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Move to another continent, change your name, move to yet another continent, change your name again, attach claymore mines to your front and back doors and windows - and pray that he does not find you!

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53 minutes ago, Piney said:

Seems more like a mental health issue than military one 

I was a professional soldier and never fought with my wife and I'm known for my mild temper.

@Trelane might add something being a career soldier.

Even if he was an Operator? I know that the training moulds a person to be in a specific way and if this is the case I want to try be more mindful and understanding.. but Im walking on egg-shells ...so to speak. The relationship is new only 5 months, and I have no experience in the industry that he is in but if it is an external issue that falls outside of that then there's not a lot I can do from my side. Im really not a difficult person at all, if I was I would say so. Perhaps its just best to be alone.

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3 minutes ago, Ell said:

Move to another continent, change your name, move to yet another continent, change your name again, attach claymore mines to your front and back doors and windows - and pray that he does not find you!

Would that really be necessary even after ending the relationship? He is going away on a new rotation within the next few days.

He went down to Ministry of Agriculture yesterday and retrieved a map of my property, not sure why. I live quite remote out on a farm and the nearest town is really small so he had no difficulty getting a copy of the map.

Also he is teaching me really a lot about self-defense as well, how to handle weapons etc. Which seems very nice, and maybe this is his way of showing he cares?   

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Go to your sheriff or whatever police force and tell them that when you disappear in an unknown grave or are found dead for whatever reason, that that guy most probably murdered you. (This advice is not a joke. Do it!)

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1 minute ago, Trelane said:

This is extremely disturbing. i would contact your local police about this. I mean seriously, who the **** does this? Not any man (or woman) who is stable and is looking for a lasting relationship.

I don't give a flip about weapons and self defense training. Maybe it's his way to connect with you. Or maybe this is a way of him establishing control, and orchestrating an alibi if he does hurt you.It just sounds creepy and sketchy as hell.

I never even thought of that, thank you for the advice. Ive definitely done the right thing by posting this.

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46 minutes ago, Anthill Tiger said:

I never even thought of that, thank you for the advice. Ive definitely done the right thing by posting this.

@Commander CMG was career special ops and he and his wife are a tensionless couple too. The only tension from her was when he was on a dangerous mission. 

55 minutes ago, Desertrat56 said:

@Piney is correct, No matter what his job, his abuse has nothing to do with the job, and everything to do with him being menatlly imbalanced and violent.   Walk away while you still can.

I should of tagged you too Rat. My bad. 

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3 hours ago, Anthill Tiger said:

Even if he was an Operator? I know that the training moulds a person to be in a specific way and if this is the case I want to try be more mindful and understanding.. but Im walking on egg-shells ...so to speak. The relationship is new only 5 months, and I have no experience in the industry that he is in but if it is an external issue that falls outside of that then there's not a lot I can do from my side. Im really not a difficult person at all, if I was I would say so. Perhaps its just best to be alone.

If you're "walking on eggshells" after only 5 months,I'm guessing trying not to do things that trigger certain behavior...then you will be doing so till you finally crack one of those shells. 

Getting maps of your property as you say in another post...if he's getting ready to go on leave,sounds as if he may be looking into putting some cameras up for surveillance while he's gone.

I'm no psychologist though.

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Hey Tiger, you have to use your femininity to let him know who's boss, nothing to do with physical prowess. If the guy has half a brain he'll realize who prepares his meals, dishes out the love and care and you're the one to protect in his world. If he still tries to overpower you just remind him he has to sleep 😈😇.

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Also if he shows any signs of violence toward you kick his ass to the curb as I told my three daughters with their partners.

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On 6/6/2024 at 5:05 PM, openozy said:

Hey Tiger, you have to use your femininity to let him know who's boss, nothing to do with physical prowess. If the guy has half a brain he'll realize who prepares his meals, dishes out the love and care and you're the one to protect in his world. If he still tries to overpower you just remind him he has to sleep 😈😇.

Sorry for being an old fud, but wrong time for jokes.  This guy is a danger to @Anthill Tiger and maybe others as well as himself. I could be totally wrong and misjudging the guy, but unless @Anthill Tiger is trolling us, he is planning to dominate this situation in an unpleasant manner.   This guy is like the jack in the box that has been cranked about four and a half times, its got between one and six notes left before POP goes the weasel.

If @Anthill Tigeris already walking on eggshells, it will only get worse, violence once he is sure he has got you captured.  Walk away now.

It does not require service in the military, and the military does not cause people to become creepy.   This guy is creepy.   I have seen this once before. Get away.

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1 hour ago, Tatetopa said:

Sorry for being an old fud, but wrong time for jokes.  This guy is a danger to @Anthill Tiger and maybe others as well as himself. I could be totally wrong and misjudging the guy, but unless @Anthill Tiger is trolling us, he is planning to dominate this situation in an unpleasant manner.   This guy is like the jack in the box that has been cranked about four and a half times, its got between one and six notes left before POP goes the weasel.

If @Anthill Tigeris already walking on eggshells, it will only get worse, violence once he is sure he has got you captured.  Walk away now.

It does not require service in the military, and the military does not cause people to become creepy.   This guy is creepy.   I have seen this once before. Get away.

I totally agree with you Tatetopa, she needs to get away from this guy and I think she lives in a rural area in Africa, which is dangerous enough if you're white. My post might have come across as funny but I was deadly serious with it. The threat while he's asleep could be dangerous for her if he is that unhinged but works on most blokes.

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On 6/7/2024 at 6:13 PM, simplybill said:

If you value your freedom, you should put as much distance between you and him as you can. It’s very likely that he considers your independence as something to conquer. 

I did not consider this but you do have a point. To try and take away someone's independence is the absolute epitome of low. 

 

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Thank you for all of the advice I sincerely appreciate it, I did the right thing by putting this out there because I have really learned a lot. Sometimes people on the outside of a situation can see things a lot clearer than the one that's in the middle of it, and I am sorry for putting this down to having a military background (just my lack of experience).

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5 minutes ago, Anthill Tiger said:

Thank you for all of the advice I sincerely appreciate it, I did the right thing by putting this out there because I have really learned a lot. Sometimes people on the outside of a situation can see things a lot clearer than the one that's in the middle of it, and I am sorry for putting this down to having a military background (just my lack of experience).

Manipulators come from all backgrounds,and these kind prefer those they can single out and keep away from others...your comment on him not wanting you on Facebook,but he's always on it is a big red flag.

Hell I hate to say it,but just about everything you posted was a big red flag.

I had a really good friend growing up,who once he got in his early mid 20's became one of these type creeps...and you couldn't have gotten him a job tasting pies at a pie factory.

Only way I really found how strange he had become with his gf's was when my son's mother became good friends with his gf at the time,and I started hearing little sob stories about how rough his life was growing up,and I knew it was all complete BS!

It got worse,was glad she got out of it...but kinda hated seeing a once good friend,be relegated to s*** bag status.

Hope all goes well for you ma'am.

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On 6/6/2024 at 5:25 AM, Anthill Tiger said:

Is it a good idea to get involved with a man from a very strict military background? How does one handle such a person?

He seems to be accustomed to speaking to people in anyway he sees fit, verbal abuse being the order of the day when things do not go his way, but when he gets treated back in the same manner then all hell breaks loose and there are subtle symptoms of potential violence now too that have come to light..(clenched fists, throwing gifts down to break them).. Is a violent nature imminent? When the storm is over then it's apologies all round, which is all good and well if it doesn't happen again but a couple of weeks go by then there's another outburst...Also doesn't like FB but then he is on it himself for hours on end himself..its weird. I shut mine down because he stalks my friends on there, calls them names.. It's also starting to look like he hates the fact that I am 100% self sufficient, I don't need anything from him, and that fact appears to bother him somewhat (but I cant say for sure). He wants me to have a child but he has children, and so do I..also I am 49 years old.. also I find that just a bit weird. Anyway I'm just asking because maybe I am wrong, maybe Im just being paranoid.. 

Stay away from men who don't treat you like a princess.  :)

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