Popular Post bmk1245 Posted October 13 Popular Post #1 Share Posted October 13 Let me explain why I created this thread: mom got Alzheimer. Thing is, I despised her for three decades, she is next to the most totalitarian person you can think of... Thanks to her, sister's marriage was ****ed, mine was ****ed from the start... Now, she has ****ed brains... And I have to see after her... At one point I even tried to cancel myself (scars on the wrist still visible, ****ing sissy)... Doctors have only solution - knockout drugs... Any here with the same experience? How to deal with that kind of person? I have quite strong psyche, though, that **ite drives me to the edge... To mods: if this **ite don't belongs on this branch of threads, move where it would be appropriate, or delete it entirely. 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ouija ouija Posted October 13 #2 Share Posted October 13 Hi, bmk1245, I'm sorry to hear about your current situation. Do you actually live in the same house as her? Are you her sole carer? If so, I can't imagine how difficult that would be. I am tempted to say that you and your sister don't owe her anything by the sound of things, but perhaps a financial situation is forcing you to take care of her. You need to spread the load as far as you can . . . can your sister help? 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+susieice Posted October 13 #3 Share Posted October 13 (edited) I'm sorry to hear this. I agree with Ouija as it sounds like mom is a handful. You may have resources in your area to help you handle the stress of caring for her. There are a lot of support groups to help caregivers deal with the day to day care of an Alzheimers patient. They can usually steer you to resources you may have available to you. If you have financial ability you may want to put mom into a care home. Make sure your sister is also helping you. Edited October 13 by susieice 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+joc Posted October 13 #4 Share Posted October 13 5 hours ago, bmk1245 said: Let me explain why I created this thread: mom got Alzheimer. Thing is, I despised her for three decades, she is next to the most totalitarian person you can think of... Thanks to her, sister's marriage was ****ed, mine was ****ed from the start... Now, she has ****ed brains... And I have to see after her... At one point I even tried to cancel myself (scars on the wrist still visible, ****ing sissy)... Doctors have only solution - knockout drugs... Any here with the same experience? How to deal with that kind of person? I have quite strong psyche, though, that **ite drives me to the edge... To mods: if this **ite don't belongs on this branch of threads, move where it would be appropriate, or delete it entirely. Yeah, that definitely sucks. But, you know...sometimes life sucks. I gained some very good advice when I was searching online how-to videos because I wanted to paint my truck myself. Found a guy that really knows his stuff and I found myself getting really OCD about details...at the end of the video he said, "Hey, don't overthink it...it's just paint". I don't know why but that struck me deeply. So, my go to phrase when life sucks is: Hey, don't overthink it, it's just life. Sometimes we just get really overwhelmed and there doesn't really seem to be an 'end' there. Things just kind of have a way of working themselves out. I don't know how to deal with an Alzheimer patient...but I do know that patience is a virtue in that respect. Also, someone posted something the other day here, I think. It said, Expect the unexpected. And I think that applies in your situation as well. And one tidbit of wisdom I have about Unexpected. The emotion of anger is generally introduced because we expect things to be a certain way, and when our expectations are not met, sometimes anger is the result. Hey, don't overthink it, it's just life. One thing I do know...there isn't any 'magic bullet' for you. It's real life, and you are the real guy that has to handle it...and you can. You also have a valuable tool at your fingertips. Just ask Google...How to deal with Alzheimer patients. There is a vast amount of information (and misinformation) on the internet about every subject. The most important thing is your attitude. You can work this out. You can't make it go away, but you can make it better. The pieces of the puzzle don't come that easy. But you can do it. You kind of have to. So instead of focusing on things like the past...focus on making the present better for you and her and everyone else involved. and remember...don't over think it! It's just life...and life has a way of working things out. 4 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lightly Posted October 14 #5 Share Posted October 14 Hi bmk I see your in Lithuania…are you/she eligible for this HealthCare? Maybe even an assisted living.. place for Mom? https://eurohealthobservatory.who.int/countries/lithuania 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ell Posted October 14 #6 Share Posted October 14 I am sorry for her plight. I would rather die from a heart attack than get Alzheimer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XenoFish Posted October 15 #7 Share Posted October 15 My grandfather has alcohol induced dementa. Years of abuse fried his brain. My aunt has alzheimer's. If she can be put in a care home, could be the best bet. 4 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
openozy Posted October 15 #8 Share Posted October 15 I agree with Xeno, looking after even a nice family member who has mental issues is extremely taxing, as with my mother in-law who was one of the nicest people who ever lived. She is probably better in a health care facility. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lightly Posted October 16 #9 Share Posted October 16 I’ve told before..my Dad spent his last 10 years in a medical care facility ..paralyzed , all but his right arm&hand,&neck&head, due to a post surgical stroke! Before that Ma took care of him at home for 5 years ,with one paralyzed leg, after an earlier post surgical stroke! That was way too hard for her. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Black Red Devil Posted October 17 #10 Share Posted October 17 Alzheimer's (one of the variances of Dementia) is becoming one of our modern day tragedies. Science and Medicine in particular put it down to people living longer lives and because the disease affects mainly the older population. It has also to do with how we treat our body throughout our lives. Too much smoking, drinking, fatty foods, stress etc are highly detrimental. If the brain is injured (i.e, stroke victims or sports where the brain gets shunted around the cranium) it causes a buildup of a specific protein which eventually prevents blood flow. At least this was the simple explanation I got from a doctor when one of my relatives got Dementia. There is no coming back from this and people looking after them deserve a medal. I saw my relatives husband waste away in 4-5 years she had the disease and eventually passed away. He is 6 foot 2 and ended up weighing 52kgs from something in the 90's. He eventually gained his weight back but was/is mentally scarred from the "experience". You can't do anything for them anymore and a Nursing Home or Age Care facility is their best option. If you or they can't afford it look up governmental options. Because it's quite a common disease now a lot of westernised countries have support systems to care for Dementia patients. If not, good luck. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Piney Posted October 17 Popular Post #11 Share Posted October 17 13 hours ago, Black Red Devil said: Alzheimer's (one of the variances of Dementia) is becoming one of our modern day tragedies. Science and Medicine in particular put it down to people living longer lives and because the disease affects mainly the older population. It has also to do with how we treat our body throughout our lives. Too much smoking, drinking, fatty foods, stress etc are highly detrimental. If the brain is injured (i.e, stroke victims or sports where the brain gets shunted around the cranium) it causes a buildup of a specific protein which eventually prevents blood flow. At least this was the simple explanation I got from a doctor when one of my relatives got Dementia. There is no coming back from this and people looking after them deserve a medal. I saw my relatives husband waste away in 4-5 years she had the disease and eventually passed away. He is 6 foot 2 and ended up weighing 52kgs from something in the 90's. He eventually gained his weight back but was/is mentally scarred from the "experience". You can't do anything for them anymore and a Nursing Home or Age Care facility is their best option. If you or they can't afford it look up governmental options. Because it's quite a common disease now a lot of westernised countries have support systems to care for Dementia patients. If not, good luck. It is inherited in some cases. My people actually have a "spirit" named Te'taogelemhes which takes the minds of the elderly. 8 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Black Red Devil Posted October 17 #12 Share Posted October 17 5 hours ago, Piney said: It is inherited in some cases. My people actually have a "spirit" named Te'taogelemhes which takes the minds of the elderly. Interesting, I never knew that. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Piney Posted October 17 #13 Share Posted October 17 4 minutes ago, Black Red Devil said: Interesting, I never knew that. There's actually a test now to see if your predisposed. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
openozy Posted October 17 #14 Share Posted October 17 58 minutes ago, Piney said: There's actually a test now to see if your predisposed. Is there anything they can do if you are? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Piney Posted October 18 #15 Share Posted October 18 3 hours ago, openozy said: Is there anything they can do if you are? Eat good and exercise. NO SUGAR. 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ell Posted October 18 #16 Share Posted October 18 23 hours ago, Piney said: a "spirit" named Te'taogelemhes which takes the minds of the elderly. How old is this 'spirit'? In use for decades, centuries? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Piney Posted October 18 #17 Share Posted October 18 2 minutes ago, Ell said: How old is this 'spirit'? In use for decades, centuries? Pre-contact.... Don't tell me...."circumcision". 😘 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ell Posted October 18 #18 Share Posted October 18 8 minutes ago, Piney said: Pre-contact.... Interesting. Thank you. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bmk1245 Posted October 21 Author #19 Share Posted October 21 On 10/13/2024 at 9:35 PM, joc said: Yeah, that definitely sucks. But, you know...sometimes life sucks. I gained some very good advice when I was searching online how-to videos because I wanted to paint my truck myself. Found a guy that really knows his stuff and I found myself getting really OCD about details...at the end of the video he said, "Hey, don't overthink it...it's just paint". I don't know why but that struck me deeply. So, my go to phrase when life sucks is: Hey, don't overthink it, it's just life. Sometimes we just get really overwhelmed and there doesn't really seem to be an 'end' there. Things just kind of have a way of working themselves out. I don't know how to deal with an Alzheimer patient...but I do know that patience is a virtue in that respect. Also, someone posted something the other day here, I think. It said, Expect the unexpected. And I think that applies in your situation as well. And one tidbit of wisdom I have about Unexpected. The emotion of anger is generally introduced because we expect things to be a certain way, and when our expectations are not met, sometimes anger is the result. Hey, don't overthink it, it's just life. One thing I do know...there isn't any 'magic bullet' for you. It's real life, and you are the real guy that has to handle it...and you can. You also have a valuable tool at your fingertips. Just ask Google...How to deal with Alzheimer patients. There is a vast amount of information (and misinformation) on the internet about every subject. The most important thing is your attitude. You can work this out. You can't make it go away, but you can make it better. The pieces of the puzzle don't come that easy. But you can do it. You kind of have to. So instead of focusing on things like the past...focus on making the present better for you and her and everyone else involved. and remember...don't over think it! It's just life...and life has a way of working things out. Yes, patience is a virtue, but psyche of mine is on the edge... Thing is, worst character of hers, kinda, multiplied by 10 nowadays... And you can't forget the past, cause the past influences her behavior today in the worst way, sadly... Anyway, thanks for kind words. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bmk1245 Posted October 21 Author #20 Share Posted October 21 On 10/15/2024 at 4:25 AM, XenoFish said: My grandfather has alcohol induced dementa. Years of abuse fried his brain. My aunt has alzheimer's. If she can be put in a care home, could be the best bet. Not exactly, in care homes (at least here) she won't last long, cause there patients were being stuffed with the pills to the gills... Agitated? Pill. See some things? Pill.... etc 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bmk1245 Posted October 21 Author #21 Share Posted October 21 On 10/14/2024 at 10:26 PM, lightly said: Hi bmk I see your in Lithuania…are you/she eligible for this HealthCare? Maybe even an assisted living.. place for Mom? https://eurohealthobservatory.who.int/countries/lithuania Yes, shes eligible for healthcare, but I don't want to give her away yet. She spent three weeks in psych hospital, and I saw how things were there... And from other people I heard that care homes aren't that much better, despite all that glamour promises and ads. Good thing, I can work from home. 3 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bmk1245 Posted October 24 Author #22 Share Posted October 24 On 10/13/2024 at 2:45 PM, ouija ouija said: Hi, bmk1245, I'm sorry to hear about your current situation. Do you actually live in the same house as her? Are you her sole carer? If so, I can't imagine how difficult that would be. I am tempted to say that you and your sister don't owe her anything by the sound of things, but perhaps a financial situation is forcing you to take care of her. You need to spread the load as far as you can . . . can your sister help? Sorry, missed your post, my sincere apologies. I live next to her apartment building, and as for now, I'm sole carer, but there are ways to get social workers, or daycare for the times I'm away, but bureaucracy is effing crazy, "Go there, go see that doctor, go see another doctor, wait month, go see yet another doctor, etc, now register here online, sign here online, then go there..." ***k... As for my sister, well, shes living far away, so... Anyway, on the happy side, mom still managing putting 30 pieces puzzle, 20 with ease,.. With caveat, I have to be away for couple hours, otherwise her psyhe kicks in and... "You haven't eaten all day, you are hungry" schitck comes in, and its on the loop, all day long. With 60 piece puzzle gets tired before assembling half, though, if you put corner pieces and the sides. takes hour/couple to complete Anyway, life's good. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+Sherapy Posted October 26 #23 Share Posted October 26 On 10/13/2024 at 5:50 AM, bmk1245 said: Let me explain why I created this thread: mom got Alzheimer. Thing is, I despised her for three decades, she is next to the most totalitarian person you can think of... Thanks to her, sister's marriage was ****ed, mine was ****ed from the start... Now, she has ****ed brains... And I have to see after her... At one point I even tried to cancel myself (scars on the wrist still visible, ****ing sissy)... Doctors have only solution - knockout drugs... Any here with the same experience? How to deal with that kind of person? I have quite strong psyche, though, that **ite drives me to the edge... To mods: if this **ite don't belongs on this branch of threads, move where it would be appropriate, or delete it entirely. I am a certified Alzheimer’s/Dementia caregiver, I specialize in this type of care, if I can ever help with suggestions or you just need to talk, pm me anytime. It is not easy and it is noble of you to take this on. Please self care and take care of yourself too. 🙏🏼 4 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bmk1245 Posted October 30 Author #24 Share Posted October 30 On 10/27/2024 at 2:41 AM, Sherapy said: I am a certified Alzheimer’s/Dementia caregiver, I specialize in this type of care, if I can ever help with suggestions or you just need to talk, pm me anytime. It is not easy and it is noble of you to take this on. Please self care and take care of yourself too. 🙏🏼 Thank you. Main problem is... How to say it... I'd describe it as 'food fetish' (it was way back when she was still in full brain capacity). That ****e multiplied by 10 drives me crazy... She constantly (with 5 minute intervals) insists for me to eat something 'cause "You are hungry", "You haven't eaten all day", "Your fridge is empty". Even if we eat together (I show her how massive pile of food is in my bowl), doesn't matter to her, several minutes and "You are hungry, eat something". I'm trying to distract her with 3+ puzzles (20 pieces), game with cubes, even chess (yes, she still have it), works for several minutes .. And... "Oh, you are hungry, let me check my fridge"... Fridge of hers is running 24/7, 'cause she constantly checks what she has in it. Another thing, her memory flips 180 degrees, for example, we go for the walk, after returning, several minutes and "We haven't went for the walk today" schtick comes in, though, when someone calls (on my phone) later, she describes events almost to perfection "We had ice cream, went to shop, saw swan, etc". Same with mood... There are many more quirks... BTW, physically, shes strong as hell (despite her nearing 92), can walk mile/two per day, In bad weather, she makes that run in her flat))) 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bmk1245 Posted October 31 Author #25 Share Posted October 31 (edited) One question: what video games are the best for Alzheimer folks? Tried few (racing) on my laptop, but she has problems with keyboard, so... Bought PS5, maybe will be easier with controller, but buying games for nothing would be waste.... Damn... Haven't fired my PC rig for year+... Spiders, probably, had built whole society there... Edited October 31 by bmk1245 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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