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'Hair' jokes


Fox Lupine
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Why are blond jokes so short?

So men can remember them

A blond left the house, angry at the whole blond hating jokes in papers, and sees another blond in the field opposite her house, rowing a boat along the grass

She angrily runs to the gate and calls "Its blonds lik you that give us a bad name- if I could swin I'd come over there and drown you

How do you know if a redhead has been using a computer?

Theres a hammer in it

How do you know if a guy has dumped a redhead?

You're at his funeral

I'll post more when I get a chance- quick question? Why is it blond joked offend blondes, yet when they say something stupid they say boldly "sorry, blond moment"? blink.gif

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I have no idea? I'm blonde and the jokes don't offend me, it just gives me an excuse for what I do original.gif

Desires Of Heart!

A Blonde, a Redhead and a Brunette go into a bar. The bartender tells them there is a magic mirror in the ladies room, if you say one true thing you will receive the desire of your heart, but if you tell a lie you will be sucked into the mirror forever.

The Redhead walks in and says, "I think I am the most intelligent woman here" and *poof* a million dollars falls in her hands. The Brunette walks in and say "I think I am the most beautiful woman here" and *poof* the keys to a mustang falls into her hands.

Next the Blonde walks in and says, "I think..." and *poof* she disappears into the mirror forever.

Game of Football

A guy took his redhead girlfriend to her first football game.

Afterward he asked her how she like the game.

'I liked it, but I couldn't understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents,' she said.

'What do you mean?' he asked.

'Well, everyone kept yelling, 'Get the quarter back!'

Another question, how did it originate that blondes are so stupid?

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I think that came rom jealously. for some reason men all like blonds (I'm a guy and don't understand it myself). I think the concept is all they got the looks, so its fair they didn't get the brains

Lets try a brunette joke!

What have brunettes got in cokmmen

EVERYTHING!

okay, that was lame....

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What's black and blue and brown and laying in a ditch?

A brunette who's told too many blonde jokes.

What's the real reason a brunette keeps her figure?

No one else wants it.

Why didn't Indians scalp brunettes?

The hair from a buffalo's butt was more manageable.

What do you call a good looking man with a brunette?

A hostage.

Take that!

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user posted imageHow do you get a redhead to argue with you?

Say something

How do you get a redhead's mood to change?

Wait 10 seconds

If you love a Redhead, set her free ...

If she follows you everywhere you go, pitches a tent in your front lawn and puts your new girlfriend in the hospital, she's yours.

What's safer: a redhead or a piranha?

The piranha. They only attack in schools.

How do you know a guy at the beach has a redhead for a girlfriend?

She has scratched "stay off MY TURF!" on his back with her nails.

What do you call a Redhead with an attitude?

Normal

What does a redhead, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?

Men always miss them.

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?

A redhead!

How do you know when your redhead has forgiven you?

She stops washing your clothes in the toilet bowl

How do you know when a redhead has been using a computer?

There's a hammer embedded in the monitor

Only two things are necessary to keep a redhead happy.

One is to let her think she is having her own way,

and the other is to let her have it.

Oh I can just see the hair dye, flying off the shelves ! tongue.gif

Kidding, I am soooo kidding. *eyes ditch and her insurance policy* wink2.gifrofl.gif

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""""""""Next the Blonde walks in and says, "I think..." and *poof* she disappears into the mirror forever.""""""

I nearly choked on my breakfast reading that one... lmao

So, blonds are the beautiful, Dumb ones....

Redheads are the possessive, short tempered ones....

And us Brunettes are just boring and plain??

GAH!!! I am highly offended!!!!!!!!

.......

.........

j/k incase someone thought i was serious.

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I dont get it. huh.gif

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Oh, I had to explain this to my friends too. Bar, as in horizontal stick of metal. *does weird things with arms in attempt to explain*

..Yeah.

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^^^ Must be blonde grin2.gif

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A blonde man and a brown haired man are walking down a pathway through the woods. The blonde man tells his friend that he needs the toilet, but that he has no paper. His friend tells him to use a dollar.

When the blonde man returns from the woods after going to the toilet, he has crap all over his hands. The brown haired man asks him what went wrong, the blonde man responds by telling him he used 8 dimes and 4 nickels, but they didn't help much.

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Ok, in the interest of fairness and in the spirit of the chuckles of the hairless....

Bald jokes! (And chuckles for the shaved) tongue.gifuser posted image

A little girl climbed into her grandfather's lap and studied his white, balding head. She ran her fingers along the deep wrinkles and road mapped his face and neck.

"Did god make you?", she asked.

"yes" he answered.

"did god makeme, to?" she wondered.

"yes", he replied.

"well, she shrugged, "don't you think he's doing a better job now than he used to?"

A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.

"I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."

The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes the client asks in garbled speech.

"And what if I swallow it?"

"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."

What not to say to a bald man: "Your so bald, when you put on a turtleneck you look like a stick of roll on deodorant!."

a guy was teased everywhere he went, because of his bald head! After going through years of this, he decided that he should say something about it! so he stood up on the tallest statue and shouted for everyone to hear: 'I AM NOT BALD, ITS JUST THAT I'M TALLER THAN MY HAIR!'

A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber's chair

and said, "I'll have a shave and a shoe shine." The barber

began to lather his face while a woman with the biggest,

firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen

knelt down and began to shine his shoes.

The cowboy said, "Young lady, you and I should go and spend

some time in a hotel room."

She replied, "I'm married and my husband wouldn't like that.

The cowboy said, "Tell him your working overtime and I'll pay

you the difference."

She said, "You tell him. He is the one shaving you."

Edited by GoddessWhispers
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laugh.gif That last one is fantastic!
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