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TooFarGone

Random CHuck Norris Facts

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TooFarGone

The Vin Diesel thread has provided us with many a laugh. But now, here is :

Random Chuck Norris Fact Generator!!!!!!!!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chuck Norris was born with his beard.

Chuck Norris caught all 386 pokemon in just under 2.7 seconds. He says he won't trade any of them for anything.

Chuck Norris pulls off the toenails on both of his big toes and chews on them every day. He does so to keeps his teeth strong.

In "To Kill A Mockingbird", on page 163, Dill says that a man orders babies from a foggy island. Chuck Norris creates these babies. He later on invented sperm and eggs as a way to express-deliver said babies.

Man, I could go on and on.

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riotboy555

Hmm....that link isn't working for me.... sad.gif

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LosTSouL
Hmm....that link isn't working for me.... sad.gif

747766[/snapback]

Same here mad.gif

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TooFarGone

Works fine for me.........alternativly, you can go on the vin diesel one, and the link is on the top of that page.

Chuck Norris killed the Pope with a roundhouse kick to the chest after an argument over who had a better beard, Jesus or Norris.

w00t.gifw00t.gif

Thats the best.

Chuck Norris eats pencils and markers for breakfast, and he ****s out masterpieces.

Chuck Norris does not use spellcheck. If he happens to misspell a word, he simply changes the acutal spelling of it.

Unlike most other humans, Chuck Norris can acutally travel through the Internet, exit at your PC, and kick your ass if he wants to.

Edited by Jeremy_Rumbolt

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riotboy555
Works fine for me.........alternativly, you can go on the vin diesel one, and the link is on the top of that page.

laugh.gif Neither of the links were working for me. I guess I'll have to take your word on how funny it is.

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Super Pancake

Chuck Norris hacked my cat. sad.gif

Chuck Norris wrote, conducted, recorded, and distributed the original score of Jesus Christ Superstar from within his plastic bubble in the 1960s.

Only Chuck Norris knows if a tree that has fallen in the forest with no one there to hear it makes a noise... and he won't tell. w00t.gif

How about a real fact, in a 100 punch sparring match with Bruce Lee Chuck only landed one punch and well Bruce wiped the floor with Chuck yes hitting him 99 times.

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Great Big Sea

I'm sorry but I maybe in a bad moon today, but that fact generator was plain weird.

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Shadowsleet

*submits one*

"The phrase "How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck would chuck wood" was brought about by Church Norris, due to his daily exercise of lifting Giant Redwoods."

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final flight

Chuck Norris once talked in his sleep. The words he said were recorded in a classified government document and sent straight to the president. The No Child Left Behind Act stems from this document.

Ballpoint pens are the brainchild of Chuck Norris, and when they become obsolete, Chuck will bring back Fountain pens.

Chuck Norris gives +3 damage vs. ogres, but -2 to charisma

Chuck Norris can stop time for up to two hours by thinking about pineapples

Chuck Norris invented the buffalo, but only to roundhouse kick it in the face.

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Moose-Of-Armageddon

Chuck Norris likes Dad

Chuck Norris recently parted the Red Sea, so he could win a bet with God. Chuck is now immortal and is currently debating with God that he could beat him in an arm wrestling match

Propell water is actually made from Chuck Norris' tears that he cries after each episode of Golden Girls

After the 9/11 tragedy, you can clearly see the face of Chuck Norris in the smoke of the burning ruins

Chuck Norris is what happens when Bigfoot and the Yeti get drunk

Chuck Norris once went round the world in 79 days, and promptly dove to a depth of 21000 leagues under the sea. He the hunted down Jules Verne and pimp-slapped the world-renowned author

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Myseriothemysterious

grin2.gif Chuck Norris once made Baby Jesus cry.

Chudk Norris beat up MacGyver using only a paper clip, a rubber band, and a pinecone. thumbup.gif

Chuck Norris and Steven Seagal are secretly married. Norris wears the pants.

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ILoveChuck

I just want to let everyone know that I am a HUGE Chuck fan!!!! I eat, sleep and breathe CHUCK! I grew up as a young boy trying to imitate Chuck. When I hit my teen years, I actually shaved my pubes and glued them on my face where I could look like Chuck. Even still today, I wear my tight pants and shirts, while throwing on a good 'ol jean jacket for my boy Chuck. If you read this Chuck.....I LOVE YOU!!!

"Chuck" Hewitt

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Raptor

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light, not because he is afraid of the dark; because the dark is afraid of him.

See my signature.

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Megalomania

"The phrase "How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck would chuck wood" was brought about by Church Norris, due to his daily exercise of lifting Giant Redwoods."

Lmao!

"The only thing Chuck Norris ever lost was his virginity"

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PadawanOsswe

-Chuck Norris does not hunt, for the word hunting implies the possibility of failure.Chuck Norris goes killing.

-Chuck Norris has counted to infinity, twice!

-Chuck Norris can speak Braille.

-once, a blind man stepped on Chuck Norris's shoe, Chuck then yelled "dont you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!". The mere mention of Chuck's name cured the mans blindness. unfortunatly the first, and last thing this man saw was a fatal roadhouse kick to the face delivered by Chuck Norris.

Edited by PadawanOsswe

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Moose-Of-Armageddon

Chuck Norris once survived a suicide bombing. He was the bomber.

When Chuck Norris found out that he was not included in Mt.Rushmore, he wanted to leave his mark somewhere. He then karate chopped the ground and created the Grand Canyon.

The famous Patterson video footage of Sasquatch is actually Chuck Norris returning to his woodland home after a night of binge drinking and unprotected sex.

Chuck Norris once had sex on the beach. The lucky woman exploded from the sheer force of his ejaculation. However his sperm lived on and occasionally wash up on shore, where they are mistakenly identified as giant squid.

MacGyver uses a paperclip, balloon and pencil to make a building explode. Chuck Norris used his feet.

A kid once stole Chuck Norris' hat and ran into an apple orchard. Chuck Norris flew into such a rage that he accidentally invented apple sauce.

Chuck Norris' real name is actually unknown. He adopted the name "Chuck Norris" because his actual real name spoken out loud would cause severe bleeding from the ears and your head to explode.

One day Chuck Norris brought his famous, extremely spicy salsa dip to a party. Many people then asked for the recipie. It included his semen and several dead children.

Chuck Norris once went swimming... The blue whale is now endangered.

In the 14th century Chuck Norris got so mad he roundhouse kicked a third of the population of Europe to death. He then forced the rest to blame it on rats or be kicked as well. This is now known as the Black Plague.

Chuck Norris is the devil's evil twin.

Many children enjoy games like jump rope, tiddlywinks, and marbles. As a child, Chuck Norris enjoyed killing people with jump rope, tiddlywinks, and marbles.

The original "Fantastic Four" consisted of Chuck Norris, Mr. T, Vin Diesel, and Bruce Lee. They broke up shortly after an argument between Chuck and Bruce concerning a bag of Cheetos, which resulted in the real cause behind Bruce Lee's death. "Fantastic Three" just didn't have the same ring to it.

No one has ever seen Chuck Norris and Optimus Prime together at the same time. Coincidence?

Chuck Norris once found his way into an alternate dimension in which God had decided Chuck was too powerful and had split his strength into several pieces. Chuck left in disgust when he found out that the largest piece was called Goku and spent its time flying around chasing Dragonballs.

Chuck Norris created the hole in the ozone layer by kicking the air.

Chuck Norris' family crest is a barracuda eating Neil Armstrong.

The Civil War ended when Chuck Norris said "stop."

Chuck Norris' beard is actually composed of all 118 elements of the periodic table.

Sega made an arcade game once where you fought Chuck Norris. Every time you put a quarter in, the screen immediately displayed "You Lose". It was Sega's most popular machine ever.

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

Chuck Norris is, in fact, a species. The rest of his kind died out with the dinosaurs.

Normal children went to a party and played Pin the Tail on the Donkey. When Chuck Norris was a kid, he played Pin the Tail on the Saber tooth Tiger... except he used a real saber tooth tiger.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a waitress because his steak didn't have a beard.

Chuck Norris once leaned against a tower in Pisa, Italy.

Megahertz describes 2 things-Computer speed and Chuck Norris' fist.

And finally......(My own contribution that I made up myself)

The eternal conunderum 'What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object' was solved after Chuck Norris punched himself in the face. The result was the Big Bang.

ROTFLMAO!

Edited by Moose-Of-Armageddon

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PadawanOsswe

-After eating a series of spoiled cabbage, Chuck Norris shat a turd with magical abilities. He named it Yoda and roundhouse kicked it to a galaxy far, far away.

-Tornados are not caused by sudden changes in weather, but rather, a sudden roundhouse by Chuck Norris.

-The film Delta Force was not fiction, but actually a home movie of Chuck Norris' summer vacation.

-Chuck Norris promised a Gypsy that he would eat San Francisco when Duke Nukem Forever is released. That's why it has been pushed back so many times.

-Chuck Norris doesn't own a cell phone. He just yells.

-Chuck Norris can bench-press the moon.

-Chuck Norris craps pure muscle.

-Despite historical record Chuck Norris was the first man to walk on the moon. He came up there to give that smug "man on the moon" a good ass-kicking.

-Chuck Norris once lit a fart while camping in the Sahara forest.

-Every dinosaur skull ever found has the imprint of a size 15 cowboy boot on its jaw. Scientists are baffled, but we know damn well why.

-Chuck Norris underwent Kemo Therapy and didnt lose any of his hair. When the doctor asked how this could be true, Chuck stared at him until he disintegrated.

-Chuck Norris fishes by cutting himself and then jumping into shark-infested waters.

-No human has ever died out of old age. Chuck Norris just dont like old people.

-Chuck Norris owns 3 pit bulls and 2 dobermans, yet if you go near his property the only sign you see is "Beware of Chuck Norris".

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huggy bear
Chuck Norris played in a friendly game of softball, when the pitcher left one over the plate and Chuck Norris roundhoused the ball for a homerun, at Chuck Norris's next at bat, the pitcher beamed Chuck Norris, enraged by the beaming Chuck Norris charged the mound and killed the pitcher with 15,342 roundhouse kicks which took aproximatley 34 hours and 22 minutes of non-stop roundhouses.

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huggy bear

Chuck Norris blew up the Hindenburg when he pulled down his pants and blasted a turd at it. Turns out that his doo doo butter roundhoused the Hindenburg in the face

Edited by huggy bear

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