A short summary of my fantasy story

[The Drake]

First of i would like to tell that i suck in these things, i only do this because of a bet i made to prove that i don't have talent in writing tales and stories (i've heared it a freaking million times since i was in kindergarden!) and second, the story will be written in dutch so if i make horrible mistakes in this small summary plz don't kill me. I would like your honest opinion on it.

The Tears of The Warrior

The Story begins in a world created by 5 Gods. These Gods are The Guardians of Light, Fire, Water, Thunder and Darkness. In the Citadel of Light a small boy, Hikaru lives in a small house with his parents, not knowing that he is the last decendant of the House of Light that can use powers beyond imagination. His father can wield this power and his mother is a genius medic. But disaster strikes... The Land of Light is under attack by Erebus, Master of Darkness and all the Warriors (including Hikarus parents) have to be sent to the battlefield. For months the battle raged on untill Hikaru's parents sacrificed themself by unleashing all their energy to stop the last attack. But instead of being treated like the son of heroes he was trown on the street because he had no money. The people that looked out for him during the war had taken al of Hikaru's parents money for their own. Thus being forced to live on by stealing things. After a couple of years Hikaru got used to the life on the run for the people he stole from and had allready gained great sneaking skills and power due to it's bloodline . Untill one day he was being followed by a group of people he had stolen from. He escaped by going in a small street and there he saw a young girl, not much older then himself who got beat up by her drunken father. Hikaru stood up against the father and fought him. The man hit Hikaru on the head with a piece of wood and the young warrior fell on the ground. But on the moment that the father was about to kill the young girl something snapped inside of Hikaru. The power was released and with a swift strike he punched the man right trough a wall. But he had drawn so much attention that the group that was following and thus they found him. On the moment that they where gonna catch them an old man jumped right in front of them. The Village Elder, Oracle, ordered them to leave. He had saw what happened and recogniced the power he saw. Oracle had trained his father and knew how the Gift of Light worked. So he offered to train him and give him and the girl a good home.

This is only a part of Chapter One in the Book that i'm gonna make. And i'm not gonna tell the rest yet because if it is good and i become famous you guys would allready know the story

So plz, tell me what you guys think of it.

[CypherZero]

Hey I liked it.... but I think it would make a better comic book the a novel. Or actually I think it would make a better TV show, the set up sounds like something you would see on Adult Swim. I say you should try selling it to one of those Anime companies they would buy it for sure. But props on the good story

[Purplos]

Just asking... is this a summary of the story or a part of the story?

I agree with Cypher that it would make a great comic book or anime film.

[The Drake]

Just asking... is this a summary of the story or a part of the story?

I agree with Cypher that it would make a great comic book or anime film.

761761[/snapback]

It is the summary of the first chapter of the story... So it's only a part of it made smaller

[JayRob303]

This would make an amazing anime/comic!

Perhaps you should consider screen plays to short stories.

Either way...GREAT START!!

[about]

[cliché] That'd make a great anime tv show or something like that [/cliché]

Btw, I think that the first chapter is too long; it should be spread out over a few chapters.