Statements of Absurdity

[Daughter of the Nine Moons]

A chinchilla attack is bad because... we evolved through the optimal process of discombobulation.

As a firm believer that all things enjoyable are illegal, immoral, or fattening...

[Melladior]

As a firm believer that all things enjoyable are illegal, immoral, or fattening... I cannot in good conscience purchase your Girl Scout Cookies. Be gone, vile vixen!

Acrylic paints are superior to oil-based paints because...

Edited August 18, 2005 by Melladior

[Daughter of the Nine Moons]

Acryilic paints are superior to oil-based paints because... they are still loaded with enough chemicals to create a fusion bomb with the addition of a paperclip and three raisins.

Thank you for dropping by. Today, we have a large assortment of wondrous stuff all wrapped up in this nice neat little ...

[Melladior]

Thank you for dropping by. Today, we have a large assortment of wondrous stuff all wrapped up in this nice neat little ... whole wheat tortilla.

I'd rather be a nurse than a doctor because...

[JennRose]

I'd rather be a nurse than a doctor because nurses have those sweet white shoes.

My favorite book has been stolen, and all that was left in it's place...

[Melladior]

My favorite book has been stolen, and all that was left in it's place...was half a sammich and my New Kids On The Block bookmark.

[TaintedDoughnuts]

No quote from above...

I want to be a strong thief, not the kind who...

[Melladior]

No quote from above...

I want to be a strong thief, not the kind who...

796900[/snapback]

oops

I want to be a strong thief, not the kind who...buckles under the weight of a stolen microwave.

When I want something filling, I...

[snuffypuffer]

When I want something filling, I...now come with easy 6.9% financing.

Fat people make me...

[Melladior]

Fat people make me... handwash all their delicates.

Skinny people make me...

[Moose-Of-Armageddon]

Skinny people make me.....Kill badgers

People who crawl on all fours on Christmas Eve at 3:30pm when it's a Wednesday make me....

[Daughter of the Nine Moons]

People who crawl on all fours on Christmas Eve at 3:30pm when it's a Wednesday make me....pancakes

Little Bo-Peep has lost...

[Moose-Of-Armageddon]

Little Bo Peep has lost....her virginity

These gorillas are.....

[Melladior]

These gorillas are... magnificent ballerinas.

I prefer the short bus because...

[Moose-Of-Armageddon]

I prefer the short bus because....it is sometimes yellow

Lemons drop from the sky simply because....

[Daughter of the Nine Moons]

Lemons drop from the sky simply because....life gives you oranges.

If the heart don't beat....

[Melladior]

If the heart doesn't beat...you have died.

Grocery stores are evil because...

[moe eubleck]

Grocery stores are evil because... small rodents accost Moe's feet, leaving tiny nibblets on our toenails.

A herd of roaches is better than .....

[Melladior]

A herd of roaches is better than...a roach army of millions.

the thing I hate about ice cream sammiches is...

[moe eubleck]

the thing I hate about ice cream sammiches is... the stains they leave on my dental floss

without ten fingers and a large nose we will never...

[Melladior]

without ten fingers and a large nose, we will never...truly understand the aardvark.

The stain on my blouse is...

[moe eubleck]

The stain on my blouse is... all that remains of that passionate birthday where I jumped out of a cake

If a bird can fly yet a fly cannot bird, how do monkeys....

[Melladior]

If a bird can fly yet a fly cannot bird, how do monkeys.... giggle like schoolgirls when others point and laugh?

I get my freckles from my Irish genes and my humor from...

[moe eubleck]

I get my freckles from my Irish genes and my humor from...my old stained blouse smelling of mothballs and something sinister

what ever tomorrow birngs..

[Melladior]

Whatever tommorrow brings...to the picnic had better go with fried chicken and potato salad.

I forgot I had a pencil in my pocket and now...