Bone_Collector Posted September 20, 2005 #1 Share Posted September 20, 2005 (edited) I couldn't find it on the net or anywhere else, so I'll put it my own words... One dark night a young guy in his early twenties was driving along the looney roads of his city's outskirts in his brand new car; he was enjoying every moment of his long private drive. All of a sudden, he spots a hiker holding a small brief case, standing in front of a grave yard asking for a lift. The hiker was a tall dark guy in a dandy black suit with a matching tie; he was lean but had a very muscular frame and appeared to be in his late forties. The young guy slows down and asks him to get in; the hiker promptly thanks him and gets into the car. Curiosity gets the better of the young guy and a conversation between the two starts... Young Guy : what are you doing at this part of the night dressed like this in front of a graveyard? Hiker : I usually spend my day time in the graveyard and return to the city late at night. Young guy : *laughs hard* You gotta be kidding man! Why do you do that? Hiker : *smiles* The young guy plays an old Elvis tune on his deck and the conversation between them continues... Hiker : wonderful, isn't it? Young guy: yeah Hiker : I and my wife used to dance to this tune. Young Guy: used to? Don't you dance any more? Hiker : No Young guy : why? Hiker : death Young guy : I'm sorry, I didn't know. Hiker : that's alright. Young guy : how long has it been? Hiker : couple of weeks. Young guy : It must've been tough Hiker : it is Young guy : how did she die? Hiker : who? Young guy : your wife Hiker : why are you killing her? She's hale and healthy, fit and absolutely fine! Young guy : but, but ... you just said... Hiker : I wasn't speaking of her death; I was speaking of mine. Young guy : *laughs hysterically* now, you HAVE a sense of humor, don't you? Hiker :*smiles* Young guy : so mister ghost, what do you guys do on weekends, do you go to movies, do drugs, girls and stuff? * pokes the hiker with his elbow* Hiker : not exactly, we just hang around here and there. Young guy: aww, come on! Cut the crap man, your little joke is really getting stale. Hey btw, can you disappear?*laughs* Hiker : people think ghosts are creepy monsters which can take any shape and form and haunt deserted places and a whole lot of mumbo jumbo but in reality ghosts are just like you, they don't disappear or anything, after death, they are just transported into another dimension; the workings of which the living don't quite percieve. Young guy : oh yeah? Hiker :*cough cough* excuse me *pulls out a hanky from his pocket* Young guy : what the hell is that stain on your hanky? Hiker : It's a blood stain. Young Guy : WHAT? Hiker : I was shot. Young Guy : enough is enough! *pulls his car over and opens the door* GET OUT OF MY CAR RIGHT NOW! *pulls the hiker forcibly out * Hiker : okay, okay....relax! We are doing this for a prank TV show; the stain is just ink...see...there is a camera in my briefcase, the whole thing was staged and recorded. Young guy : *laughs out loudly* you know, not one moment did I believe that this thing was really true. Hiker : Man! We tried this trick on several people, everybody was scared sh**; I had to call it off before I could get to the hanky part but you were the FIRST guy who wasn't scared. Young guy : it's a good idea! It must be fun doing stuff like this. Hiker : you bet! Young guy : Just one thing: you were wrong! Hiker : about what? Young guy : ghosts Hiker : what about them? Young guy : ghosts DO disappear! *smiles and vanishes into thin air* The hiker died instantaneously of a heart attack.... Edited September 20, 2005 by Bone_Collector 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wabbit Posted September 20, 2005 #2 Share Posted September 20, 2005 cute one, but I shouldn't read spooky stories at this time of night... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
psychobeauty Posted September 20, 2005 #3 Share Posted September 20, 2005 great story...with really unexpected end..... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bone_Collector Posted September 20, 2005 Author #4 Share Posted September 20, 2005 Hey, thanks! I took quite some time to decide how to put it. I wanted the end to be totally unexpected. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Great Big Sea Posted September 20, 2005 #5 Share Posted September 20, 2005 Good ending. I wasn't expecting that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
40nrockinon Posted September 20, 2005 #6 Share Posted September 20, 2005 Good ending! Kinda reminds me of something Stephen King might pull! 40nrockinon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kardz Posted September 20, 2005 #7 Share Posted September 20, 2005 good story you should write up another Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fawkes2 Posted September 20, 2005 #8 Share Posted September 20, 2005 ^ that was good can you write another Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bone_Collector Posted September 21, 2005 Author #9 Share Posted September 21, 2005 Thanks Guys, I WILL write when I get some free time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LisaMHD Posted September 21, 2005 #10 Share Posted September 21, 2005 Real good story!! You show some talent!! Keep it up!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Area69 Posted September 21, 2005 #11 Share Posted September 21, 2005 Horrible. The dialogue is dreadful and doesn't resemble the conversational flow that any two people in the place known as "the real world" would ever carry with each other. The ending is a third grader's attempt at a Sixth Sense ending. Please don't ever post again, anywhere on the internet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oldvariant42 Posted September 21, 2005 #12 Share Posted September 21, 2005 Well My name is Zeeshan and By Reading that Urban Legend I Remember a Movie... I live in Pakistan...I Saw an Indian Film named as "Darna Mana Hai" (Fear is not allowed)...In That There were 5 Friend Who lost their way in a Forest and it was night to Pass Their Time They sat beside an old Cabin in Forest and Started Telling Scary Stories in one of the Stories The Same Urban Legend was Mentioned..............If u wanna know the End of the Movie Just Ask me!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oldvariant42 Posted September 21, 2005 #13 Share Posted September 21, 2005 Well My name is Zeeshan and By Reading that Urban Legend I Remember a Movie... I live in Pakistan...I Saw an Indian Film named as "Darna Mana Hai" (Fear is not allowed)...In That There were 5 Friend Who lost their way in a Forest and it was night to Pass Their Time They sat beside an old Cabin in Forest and Started Telling Scary Stories in one of the Stories The Same Urban Legend was Mentioned..............If u wanna know the End of the Movie Just Ask me!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ruby Posted September 21, 2005 #14 Share Posted September 21, 2005 Good Story, i didnt expect that ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red-eye Dragoon Posted September 22, 2005 #15 Share Posted September 22, 2005 Awsome story loved the twist at the end Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bone_Collector Posted September 22, 2005 Author #16 Share Posted September 22, 2005 (edited) Horrible. The dialogue is dreadful and doesn't resemble the conversational flow that any two people in the place known as "the real world" would ever carry with each other. The ending is a third grader's attempt at a Sixth Sense ending. Thank you very much! First of all, let me remind you that this is the URBAN LEGEND forum. The stories that we read here are a type of folklore, in the form of supposedly-true stories circulated primarily by word of mouth. I never claimed that I created this story; I heard it and tried to put it in my own words as I mentioned at he very beginning of my first post. I'm glad some people liked it. Please don't ever post again, anywhere on the internet. Ooooh....I'm scaaaared...what do I do now, I'm threatened by the Internet overlord. My posting days are over. Edited September 22, 2005 by Bone_Collector Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wabbit Posted September 22, 2005 #17 Share Posted September 22, 2005 I personally liked it... it spooked me, so it was awesome... don't let people who have nothing better to say then spew their negative and unwanted criticism stop you from ever making up another story like that and please keep posting.. I look forward to reading more Urband Legends from you 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bone_Collector Posted September 23, 2005 Author #18 Share Posted September 23, 2005 Good to know that you liked it wabbit and thanks for your words. I will post another Urban Legend soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manitou Posted September 23, 2005 #19 Share Posted September 23, 2005 Well, to get into the technical part of writing, the poking with the elbow is just a little stale. The laughing hysterically, or whatever superlative you used there, gets recycled and doesn't make the story better. The joke comes a little too quick, the 'ghost' gives up too fast. Then the ending twist is something a bit unexpected, I have to say, but after that it's also pretty familiar in some way. About Urban Legends... I never quite understood how this all could ever be written down if both parties in the legend don't write it down. Here we have the ghost disappearing and the man dying instantly. Who collected all the info for the next of kin? That actually makes it just another story, with no 'actually happened to a friend of a friend of mine' at all. Anyway, I liked the story but you should practice. Then again: don't we all? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wrighty Posted September 23, 2005 #20 Share Posted September 23, 2005 Great story. Fantastic end. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tornado Posted September 23, 2005 #21 Share Posted September 23, 2005 (edited) Horrible. The dialogue is dreadful and doesn't resemble the conversational flow that any two people in the place known as "the real world" would ever carry with each other. The ending is a third grader's attempt at a Sixth Sense ending. Please don't ever post again, anywhere on the internet. ^ That was harsh ... no need for that! Hi Bone Collector. I liked your story. Edited September 23, 2005 by Tornado Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GhostW/aSkinSuit Posted September 25, 2005 #22 Share Posted September 25, 2005 That was a good one, I really liked the twist at the end. And like they say, the people that can tell a good story, tell it. The people that can't, gripe about the ones that can. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barnacle Battlefront Posted September 25, 2005 #23 Share Posted September 25, 2005 i've heard several variations on this legend. a guy picks up a girl on a dangerous piece of road called 'Devils Elbow' (or something like that), takes the girl to her brothers, gets there and the girl is not in the car anymore. so he knocks on the door anyway, turns out the chik had been going to visit her sick mother in hospital, and had died in a car accident on the Devils Elbow. And every year, people picked up her ghost, always on the anniversery of her death. and there were others, but i can't remember them right now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bone_Collector Posted September 26, 2005 Author #24 Share Posted September 26, 2005 Well, to get into the technical part of writing, the poking with the elbow is just a little stale. The laughing hysterically, or whatever superlative you used there, gets recycled and doesn't make the story better. The joke comes a little too quick, the 'ghost' gives up too fast. Then the ending twist is something a bit unexpected, I have to say, but after that it's also pretty familiar in some way. Well...I didn't exactly post this story to show off my writing skills; it was a story I heard from somebody and I tried to put it in the best possible way I could, however, I will consider few of the points that you mentioned when I attempt to write the next time. About Urban Legends... I never quite understood how this all could ever be written down if both parties in the legend don't write it down. Here we have the ghost disappearing and the man dying instantly. Who collected all the info for the next of kin? That actually makes it just another story, with no 'actually happened to a friend of a friend of mine' at all. Good observation but the whole thing was being recorded by the Hiker for his TV show, remember? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nativechick1989 Posted September 27, 2005 #25 Share Posted September 27, 2005 Great story . . . had me going 'til the end! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now