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"Medical Insurance Explained"


Nancy
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Medical Insurance Explained

                    Q. What does HMO stand for?

                    A. This is actually a variation of the phrase,

                    "HEY MOE." Its roots go back to a concept

                    pioneered by Moe of the Three Stooges, who

                    discovered that a patient could be made to

                    forget about the pain in his foot if he was

                    poked hard enough in the eyes. huh.gif

                    Q. I just joined an HMO. How difficult will it

                    be to choose the doctor I want?

                    A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing

                    your parents. Your insurer will provide you

                    with a book listing all the doctors in the

                    plan. These doctors basically fall into two

                    categories -- those who are no longer accepting

                    new patients, and those who will see you but

                    are no longer participating in the plan. But

                    don't worry; the remaining doctor who is still

                    in the plan and accepting new patients has an

                    office just a half-day's drive away, and a

                    diploma from a Third World country. w00t.gif

                    Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-

                    certification?

                    A. No. Only those you need. crying.gif

                    Q. Can I get coverage for my preexisting

                    conditions?

                    A. Certainly, as long as they don't require

                    any treatment. ohmy.gif

                    Q. What happens if I want to try alternative

                    forms of medicine?

                    A. You'll need to find alternative forms of

                    payment. wacko.gif

                    Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs,

                    but I need the name brand. I tried the Generic

                    medication, but it gave me a stomach ache.

                    What should I do?

                    A. Poke yourself in the eye. crying.gif

                    Q. What if I'm away from home and I get sick?

                    A. You really shouldn't do that. whistling2.gif

                    Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my

                    doctor insists he can handle my problem. Can

                    a general practitioner really perform a heart

                    transplant right in his office?

                    A. Hard to say, but considering that all

                    you're risking is the $20 co-payment, there's

                    no harm in giving him a shot at it. thumbsup.gif

                    Q. Will health care be different in the next

                    century?

                    A. No. But if you call right now, you might get

                    an appointment by then. w00t.gif

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