Youth And God...

[+Sherapy]

So what do you say when your kid comes up to you and says "So how did i get here and why am i here?" . I remember asking my parents how i got here - and i didnt mean to get the response that i did- thats when they told me allll about sex! I was like EWW NO!!!! STOP!

See what i'll do with my child is force nothing upon him/her when she is young...yet as the child matures i will ask THEM the question for a change...I will just say "whats your idea on life"...That way they can give you their honest opinion that you or i as a parent would have to accept.

I will surely mention religions to my Child and be very simple about it...I'll say you dont have to follow any religion- but go with your heart....Theres nothing more bad to do with a child than to pressure them and i have a muslim dad and christian mum and thank God none of them pressured me with their faiths and now im a God believing boy...not necessarily in a "religion" but i believe...cause its in my heart not force fed.

Ramster I've been a parent for 22 years, i have quite a bit of wisdom accrued and its smooth smooth sailing these days...20 years ago i shared what I thought i knew which was I really don't know there is alot of constructs built around these questions...present day and far wiser, i still don't know, and thats what i tell my kids...Kids let you know where they are at in their awareness, each is different ..I have core concepts i build my parenting around...such as there is value in all things, honor the truth you find inside, if you find you are excluding anything you are in danger of creating a dogma... Fear nothing , let love be your guide..alot of parenting is listening , being there full time more listening...Its far more important to cultivate esteem, confidence, love and trust and this sense that one is safe, then what religon they are gonna be....IMO why can't they just be who they are create a enviorment for them to honor the truth they find inside.. as a parent spend your time loving them hearting them when it gets tough hug them let them know you are there greatest fan, never ever tell them they can't or aren't good enough and never allow a philosophy to do that...don't look the other way when you see they are headed for trouble in loving them I promise they will respect your wisdom and consider it...Parents make their kids hate them too too much, noone listens to someone they hate... .Few find religon inside its not inherent its taught.. i say if you are gonna have faith use it to have faith in yourself, allow for mistakes they are your greatest gifts... again talk with them and listen, they let you know what they need of you...I am raising interdependent children , children who can think for themselves and they are encouraged to do so, their voice counts and is part of the family unity....We aren't normal( meaning like everyone else we are natural...But as i said i have 22 years, I'm not new to this and i have lived long enough to see the fruits of my labor as they say....

IMO parenting should be taken far more serious then it is, and be willing to say this doesn't work, when it obviously doesn't ( I see parents that actually say smacking there kids really works i think to myself yeah it works at getting them to hate you...Ramster i really understand abuse i lived it and I know it dosen't work and I don't BS myself i don't lie not to myself or my kids.....The only thing you teach a child when you have an answer for everything is to not think for themselves...Coming from a abusive early years , i had enough awareness to understand that my ..childhood would be my guide unless i got help, too many deny their childhoods have no impact ,it is everything...i am not shy too tell you there isn't a parenting class i haven't taken or still would take , and i treated myself to several types of therapy to understand me and be a functional adult, i was not parented in love , i was fear parented and even though I would be removed from the enviorment and into a loving enviorment alot of damage had happened by 7....and some time had to be devoted to healing and was....I also was very fortunate to be placed with my grandparents, they were older and far wiser and really devoted themselfs to me being okay. and hugging alot and loving alot...Love, love, love do that and you can't go wrong.......

[kaknelson]

BM -

Actually i know of someone, a friend of mine to be specific, that was in the newspaper about something upsetting. I read that he was the main server for child pornography in the Lower Mainland. And, the police raided his house and took all his computers from the music studio and all. I haven't said anything to him about it, infact, i've kind of ignored him since. What should I do? Make ammence, or....? :S

I cannot look at him the same, nor fathom how one could even do that.

So what do you say when your kid comes up to you and says "So how did i get here and why am i here?" . I remember asking my parents how i got here - and i didnt mean to get the response that i did- thats when they told me allll about sex! I was like EWW NO!!!! STOP!

See what i'll do with my child is force nothing upon him/her when she is young...yet as the child matures i will ask THEM the question for a change...I will just say "whats your idea on life"...That way they can give you their honest opinion that you or i as a parent would have to accept.

I will surely mention religions to my Child and be very simple about it...I'll say you dont have to follow any religion- but go with your heart....Theres nothing more bad to do with a child than to pressure them and i have a muslim dad and christian mum and thank God none of them pressured me with their faiths and now im a God believing boy...not necessarily in a "religion" but i believe...cause its in my heart not force fed.

You wouldn't preach to him/her? Even if your child wished to become a strong advocate of Atheism or Scientology?

Edited August 20, 2006 by Kaknelson

[chaostrom]

Kate...I am not a christian...but I have my lil Becky baptized as a christian....she gets taken to church every Sunday...but if she tells me...she dont wanna go...I wont drag her there by the hair or hurt her in any way................because I dont want her to hold that memory of me...and hold it against me in years to come............because I hold it against my father, still to this very day...I have forgave him....but I wont foreget it....I tell myself...it was done for my own good...but I still hate him for it...meaning I hate what he did..............If you want a child to like going to church...then you should make it look like a fun experience for that child......you should also make that child believe religion is Good...God is good...and tell them things like...you will get rewarded for doing good...........and yea afterwards reward them...for doing good..............thats works IMO...but not violence...nuts to violence...you get nowhere with violence..PERIOD!!

Well said, BM. Violence is not the answer - "cruelty mothers cruelty, pain breeds pain, abuse fosters abuse". This is always true when dealing with children.

Bm and chaosstrom great points on both posts and too often as paretns we don't realize how critical and important our guidance is, Bm you made a great point, children that are tortured and forced religous beleifs are more prone to killer behavior...most serial killers have had just this sort of upbringing.. the neighbooor hood bully is being bullied at home.....How many parents use name calling as a way to guide a child the majority and then they wonder why kids are so cruel... call each other names....a child is socialized in the home and takes it too the world that is a fact and that is where change starts......

Yup. Parents never take the blame, but seeing as how they have the most influence on their child, they should if there's a problem. It's not only parents, really. It's most everyone nowadays. It's never their own fault . Despite the fact that at least half the world's population is religious, sense of accountability in people nowadays is atrocious. It's always somebody else - politicians, neighbours, religions, disasters, terrorists... There's always someone else to blame, but the real culprit is in the mirror more often than not...

chao.. I hope you are a parent or plan to be we need yor vision in the world, i like that you are optimistic and se youself as the solution.... and really get that our kids are our future..hats off to you..i really enjoy your posts.....

Whoa there, let's slow down, shall we? I'm only 18, I am not about to become a parent . I'm not optimistic; I seek the truth. I don't see myself as the solution; I am but part of the solution. Children are the future, that's the whole point of reproducing. But I'm honoured that you like my posts all the same, thanks .

Yea and I wanna go on record saying.......................NO child should be forced into religion..and NO child should get hurt in the process of it...thats UNFAIR and so freaking wrong...ohh so wrong.....

Cuz when you bully a child and hurt it over the sake of religion...you dont deserve to have that child ...and you lack understanding of children..you FORGET what its like to be a child...and how a childs mind works......shame on ANYONE that hurts children

Hear hear! "Youth cannot know how age feels, but the old are guilty if they forget what it is to be young". Adults should have more consideration for the little ones. If a parent forgets their childhood, they are not fit to be a parent, for they have forgotten how the young mind works. How do they propose to shape that young mind when they no longer have understanding of it?

Children need LOVE..and lots of it...they need YOUR full attention...they need guidence.........they need laughter......hugs...they need their parents to tell them..I love you ...and when they do good they need a hug and perhapps a reward for their good doings..this HELPS a child feel its ok to be GOOD...its great and rewarding...............then they grow up loving themselves

I don't know about the full attention thing... Children are all unique individuals too, that should never be forgotten when parenting. Say rather genuine attention. Children, because they are open to everything equally, most often know when someone is being dishonest. There's no use in giving your full attention to a child when the child can sense that you'd rather be doing something else, hmm? Anyway, love is good, despite that some do turn out okay without it.

BUT..when you bully a child...hurt that child and force your beliefs on to that poor child.............and that child searches in the dark corners of its mind and grows into a monster........................you CREATED the monster.....some kids will not turn into the monster..noooooo they just either go crazy and wind up in a mental home...and some take their own lives..............so if a parent wants their kids to be like that...then bully and hurt them...torture them ...scar them mentally for life and you will get a horrid result that ends in TEARS thats MY OPINION

Bravo. Like I said earlier, if there is a problem, look to the parents first, not the neighbourhood kids.

No one should be forced into a religon, one should find out on their own who they truely are, and that in this world we do stand alone. But being in solitude, one gains wisdom, and may realize that they were never alone after all.

Another good post. "Some do best in company, striving to outdo the rest, while others do best on their own, though it may be lonely, but both have value". (Emphasis added)

Another thing is not just religion.its other things..its just plain bullying an infant/kid PERIOD..beating them up ect...so freaking wrong....no kid deserves that

True, no person deserves that. However, "you can’t learn to overcome difficulties unless you’re presented with some", so I wouldn't do anything to stop such unless the child seeks help. I'd just like everyone to treat others as they would like others to treat them, and to keep that in mind. That'll minimise such brutal upbringings.

You cannot love your child too much, you cannot hug your child too much...i am saddened that the bible actually advocates hurting kids and limiting love for fear of spoiling them.I was raised in relign Bm used the correct words terrorized by religion my parents thought they were good parents too they thought they were doing the 'right" thing......As a child of abuse I was a luckier one I was removed from the enviorment and sent to my grandparents i can tell you that love saved my life.....Love is the only answer and it should be sought out in every situation..It works....i am a mother who parents in non violence that means no punishing none of it...my kids are great kids because of it ...My childhood inspired me to be a the difference and I use my life for that..... I shared this to let you know i am no victum I have found value and have used it too stop the legacy of abuse in our family line its over no other child will be hurt in our bloodline......

See? Because of the nasty way you were brought up, you eschew such behavior towards your children, and that makes for a brighter future for your whole family.

See what i'll do with my child is force nothing upon him/her when she is young...yet as the child matures i will ask THEM the question for a change...I will just say "whats your idea on life"...That way they can give you their honest opinion that you or i as a parent would have to accept.

An excellent way to find out what kind of child you're bringing up . Unfortunately, most don't ask what their child thinks, because they don't care as long as what the child thinks is what the parents want them to think.

Ramster I've been a parent for 22 years, i have quite a bit of wisdom accrued and its smooth smooth sailing these days...20 years ago i shared what I thought i knew which was I really don't know there is alot of constructs built around these questions...present day and far wiser, i still don't know, and thats what i tell my kids...Kids let you know where they are at in their awareness, each is different ..I have core concepts i build my parenting around...such as there is value in all things, honor the truth you find inside, if you find you are excluding anything you are in danger of creating a dogma... Fear nothing , let love be your guide..alot of parenting is listening , being there full time more listening...Its far more important to cultivate esteem, confidence, love and trust and this sense that one is safe, then what religon they are gonna be....IMO why can't they just be who they are create a enviorment for them to honor the truth they find inside.. as a parent spend your time loving them hearting them when it gets tough hug them let them know you are there greatest fan, never ever tell them they can't or aren't good enough and never allow a philosophy to do that...don't look the other way when you see they are headed for trouble in loving them I promise they will respect your wisdom and consider it...Parents make their kids hate them too too much, noone listens to someone they hate... .Few find religon inside its not inherent its taught.. i say if you are gonna have faith use it to have faith in yourself, allow for mistakes they are your greatest gifts... again talk with them and listen, they let you know what they need of you...I am raising interdependent children , children who can think for themselves and they are encouraged to do so, their voice counts and is part of the family unity....We aren't normal( meaning like everyone else we are natural...But as i said i have 22 years, I'm not new to this and i have lived long enough to see the fruits of my labor as they say....

You know what? You could start a parenting college.

Actually i know of someone, a friend of mine to be specific, that was in the newspaper about something upsetting. I read that he was the main server for child pornography in the Lower Mainland. And, the police raided his house and took all his computers from the music studio and all. I haven't said anything to him about it, infact, i've kind of ignored him since. What should I do? Make ammence, or....? :S

I cannot look at him the same, nor fathom how one could even do that.

I know this wasn't directed at me, but if I may make a suggestion...?

It is not your place to make amends, the children and their family can forgive him or not as they choose, but if the friendship between you two was true friendship, then you should not forsake him. Of course you can't look at him the same, that's understandable, and you need not fathom how your friend committed the abominable act. But, "a friend is not someone to lean on in times of trouble, it is someone you keep out of trouble". Help him get over whatever possessed him to do that, help him to become an honourable human being again. If that proves impossible, however, I think you should sever your ties with him.

You wouldn't preach to him/her? Even if your child wished to become a strong advocate of Atheism or Scientology?

If your child wished to become a strong advocate of Atheism or Scientology, guide them to a debate class. Don't preach.

[Saint]

I can't think of a time when it WAS hip or cool to believe in God...

[artymoon]

To Ramster's original post:

Youths will be youths. This is not unusual behavior necessarily, not to say some things have changed, but for the most part it is typical. More times than not it is the older generations(30 and up) that turn to religion. They have come to a point in their lives where things have gone differently than they expected, so they turn to something that can give them order and direction. Most youth have not yet faced the struggles of adulthood and therefore have a different perspective on life in general. Death and birth have a way of drawing out the spiritual side of people.

Edited August 21, 2006 by artymoon

[Beckys_Mom]

Well said, BM. You know what? You could start a parenting college.

Why thank you chaostrom

Hee hee I KNOW you where talking to Sheri

Yes I agree Sheri SHOULD start up her own parenting college...it just might work and she would have made a difference

So Sheri put down those sissors and get cracking

just saying is all...cuz it raises awareness too

[Doug1029]

Yea and I wanna go on record saying.......................NO child should be forced into religion..and NO child should get hurt in the process of it...thats UNFAIR and so freaking wrong...ohh so wrong.....

Amen!

I think religious bullying is a big part of the backlash against religion that we see so adroitly demonstrated on this site. In particular, bullying by fundamentalist, so-called, "Christians."

--DJS

[Doug1029]

You wouldn't preach to him/her? Even if your child wished to become a strong advocate of Atheism or Scientology?

My kids tried out Satanism (Temple of Seth) and atheism before developing their own philosophy (They're 25 and 27, now.). The "cure" was a simple suggestion that they research the history of each. They still lean toward atheism, but that's not a problem for me, as I am sort of leaning in that direction, myself.

The Satanism bit sure stirred up a hornet's nest in church, though.

--DJS

[+Sherapy]

Its interesting too becasue alot of parents will not force their kids into religion ( of course there are exceptions) , observably many see it as harmful and draw the line at their children.....How does a parent choose or suggest how the child is to experince 'god'.....

[Cadetak]

I think it's a good thing that the new generation of people challenges the beliefs and ideas of the one that came before it. It's the only way we can grow.

[chaostrom]

I think it's a good thing that the new generation of people challenges the beliefs and ideas of the one that came before it. It's the only way we can grow.

I personally wished youth would do more of that... Notice how if anything is perceived as "cool", they don't question it? They just follow fashion, and it's no different to believers blindly following the dogma of their religions.