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Sherapy

spare the rod ..spoil the child

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Michelle
Actually, Sheri, Michelle is just pointing out the same thing that several of us have tried to point out. You are not transparent, sometimes it's like you get lost in your own posts and leave us all wondering what the point was, and you seem to ignore questions. Maybe you feel you're being transparent, but many of us just don't perceive it as that. If you really are trying to be transparent then I hope you will stop and take the feedback and see if you can figure out why you aren't coming across as transparent.

Thank you, kind sir... :nw:

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MUM24/7
where did this idea come from?

where would be the progress if not for the valiant that challenge unfair laws, for example?

decency is relative, for example.

toodles.

Hi hyperactive,

Please don't get all pseudo-mystic on me, we're both real people living in the real world.... ;)

You know exactly what I meant, a decent law-abiding & confident person like you and me...... :D

See, that wasn't so hard, was it ?????? :tu:

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MUM24/7
mum ((HUGS)) this made me smile i have talked with you and i am certain your kids are loved and on many things we agree......are you still having braxton hicks??? when are you due???

Thanks Sheri.... :wub:

I get the pains every now and then, I'm due in about 5 weeks....Can't wait...... :yes:

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MissMelsWell

Actually MUM, if I read right, this is your fifth... Woman YOU ARE A SUPERHERO. haha.

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Sherapy
Thanks Sheri.... :wub:

I get the pains every now and then, I'm due in about 5 weeks....Can't wait...... :yes:

Dang woman i can remember the home stretch are you huge?? are you sleeping have you gotten the nesting urge yet and do you know what you are having???

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Beckys_Mom
Thanks Sheri.... :wub:

I get the pains every now and then, I'm due in about 5 weeks....Can't wait...... :yes:

5 weeks away WOW..i'll bet you can't wait...i recall when i had a few weeks left to go and i was yelling HURRY UP AND GET OUT OF ME LMAO

Good luck to you and please let us all know what you have had and how everything was

umm PM me 1st cuz im more important LMAO :w00t:

Don't call me love...

oh ok then love :devil:

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MissMelsWell

I guess part of the problem I have is that I had some unique (unheard of in respect to education really) parenting tactics. It sounds like Sheri has some really unique approaches as well. I share my approaches, she doesn't, except to tell everyone else they somehow missed the parenting boat. It's annoying. Perhaps someday I'll share in another forum my adventures in Unschooling... it has a name now, but it didn't 16 years ago. 16 years ago it was called "You stupid teenaged parent, you're not educating your child?"

There's nothing mysterious, ethereal, enlightened, innovative, or even good about being purposely obtuse to annoy people. You can't tell everyone they're "wrong" then not give examples because all the sudden you're "private" and don't share outside of PM. :huh:

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texasgirlheather

Sheri, I am trying to ascertain where guidance stops and interference takes place. I want to ask you a question, it is an example I am very familiar with, because I see it almost every day. I am going to briefly give a particularly bad example from last week. I am hoping that by your response to this example I can form a picture in my mind of your theory and how it works in a certain type of situation.

I am a waitress, I think you probably know that but not everyone does. This one day last week, a woman came in with her three-year-old. The mother clearly did not plan on interfering in the child's behavior whatsoever. Although she appeared to be sober (no bloodshot eyes, slurred words, dilated pupils, anything that would bring to mind drugs or alcohol) she completely disregarded that the child got up and walked around the restaurant. The child in fact, wandered around with complete freedom, trying to come into the kitchen, only to be greeted with an extremely firm, "No, Ma'am," from me. I also had to get the child down from my other table where the customers were eating their food and looking at the mom with consternation and she just watched with no concern. She didn't seem to be depressed or otherwise non-functioning; she took calls on her phone, she enjoyed her food and coffee, she played with her hair. There was nothing to indicate that she was withdrawn from her environment or incapable of handling the child.

She didn't respond in any way when I put the child back at her table and said, "Mom, you're going to have to keep her at the table with you." And no, I was not smiling when I said it. She didn't seem to see a cause and effect thing going on, it was just the environment and the child wanted to explore it. The child had no fear of wandering around touching everything, there was no cautiousness.

I want to hear your opinion on whether this was productive for the child, the mother, the other customers, or the other employees and myself. Was there any wrong or right here?

Thanks.

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IamsSon
5 weeks away WOW..i'll bet you can't wait...i recall when i had a few weeks left to go and i was yelling HURRY UP AND GET OUT OF ME LMAO

Good luck to you and please let us all know what you have had and how everything was

umm PM me 1st cuz im more important LMAO :w00t:

oh ok then love :devil:

OK, I'm feeling left out... I wore some really tight pants that made my stomach hurt once... does that count? :huh:

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texasgirlheather

And BM, I am truly sorry for the pain that was caused you, it is not really adequate for me to say I wish it never happened, but I wish it hadn't. It is brave for you to open up here and all I can do is send you love and a hug, you went through some bad stuff but you have taken the highest possible number of positives out of I think. Good for you. You are always welcome to talk about it here, we are all supportive of you and have a great deal of affection and concern for you. :cry:

:wub:

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MissMelsWell
OK, I'm feeling left out... I wore some really tight pants that made my stomach hurt once... does that count? :huh:

IamsSon, the day you poop a 7.5lb football... let us know :rofl::P

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MissMelsWell

Oh, and let me say IamsSon, from what I've read here, you are a STELLAR dad, and dads deserve a TON of credit, I have no doubt that it's not an easy job. No sir.

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Sherapy
I guess part of the problem I have is that I had some unique (unheard of in respect to education really) parenting tactics. It sounds like Sheri has some really unique approaches as well. I share my approaches, she doesn't, except to tell everyone else they somehow missed the parenting boat. It's annoying. Perhaps someday I'll share in another forum my adventures in Unschooling... it has a name now, but it didn't 16 years ago. 16 years ago it was called "You stupid teenaged parent, you're not educating your child?"

There's nothing mysterious, ethereal, enlightened, innovative, or even good about being purposely obtuse to annoy people. You can't tell everyone they're "wrong" then not give examples because all the sudden you're "private" and don't share outside of PM. :huh:

i am not into being annoying i am being who i am... not everyone is gonna like it or understand it.... you of all people can understand that some times we do things on gut on intution and few get it ...my style of paretning is like your unschooling it just works.... its about the moment not some cookie cutter way i have been very forhtright , it jsut is not what others want to hear... it istn ot mainstream it goes against the norm... i am careful the things i share.... i iwll not apologize for it.. Mw I am not judge and jury on others paretning if they see it that way that is on them i am jsut adding my persepctive mine jsut happens to be unlike anyones..*shrugs*

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texasgirlheather
i am not into being annoying i am being who i am... not everyone is gonna like it or understand it.... you of all people can understand that some times we do things on gut on intution and few get it ...my style of paretning is like your unschooling it just works.... its about the moment not some cookie cutter way i have been very forhtright , it jsut is not what others want to hear... it istn ot mainstream it goes against the norm... i am careful the things i share.... i iwll not apologize for it.. Mw I am not judge and jury on others paretning if they see it that way that is on them i am jsut adding my persepctive mine jsut happens to be unlike anyones..*shrugs*

Well, when others are of beliefs, opinions, or knowledge of the same type as you described above, you are insistent that they explain it. Now the shoe is on the other foot. It's not that we don't want to hear it, it's that we need further explanation because it is unfamiliar to us.

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Beckys_Mom
And BM, I am truly sorry for the pain that was caused you, it is not really adequate for me to say I wish it never happened, but I wish it hadn't. It is brave for you to open up here and all I can do is send you love and a hug, you went through some bad stuff but you have taken the highest possible number of positives out of I think. Good for you. You are always welcome to talk about it here, we are all supportive of you and have a great deal of affection and concern for you. :cry:

:wub:

Texas...........thank you for taking the time to read my lil story...it took a lot to post it..I had to stop and take a deep breath half way through it, cuz it was hard...and brought up old horrible memories

your thoughts are always loved and appreciated...you are a great friend...cheers sweetheart :wub: I have great concern for you too girly...

OK, I'm feeling left out... I wore some really tight pants that made my stomach hurt once... does that count? :huh:

ha ha NOPE....IAMS left out??? NEVER onthe month of Sundays lol....we think of ya IAMS :no: ohh I mean :yes::D

Anyhoo I have a toothache and WOW look at the time..and whats worse is im hungry too LMAO and I cant be bothered making anything to eat...all that walking down the stair to the kitchen...nuts to that :w00t:

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Sherapy
Sheri, I am trying to ascertain where guidance stops and interference takes place. I want to ask you a question, it is an example I am very familiar with, because I see it almost every day. I am going to briefly give a particularly bad example from last week. I am hoping that by your response to this example I can form a picture in my mind of your theory and how it works in a certain type of situation.

I am a waitress, I think you probably know that but not everyone does. This one day last week, a woman came in with her three-year-old. The mother clearly did not plan on interfering in the child's behavior whatsoever. Although she appeared to be sober (no bloodshot eyes, slurred words, dilated pupils, anything that would bring to mind drugs or alcohol) she completely disregarded that the child got up and walked around the restaurant. The child in fact, wandered around with complete freedom, trying to come into the kitchen, only to be greeted with an extremely firm, "No, Ma'am," from me. I also had to get the child down from my other table where the customers were eating their food and looking at the mom with consternation and she just watched with no concern. She didn't seem to be depressed or otherwise non-functioning; she took calls on her phone, she enjoyed her food and coffee, she played with her hair. There was nothing to indicate that she was withdrawn from her environment or incapable of handling the child.

She didn't respond in any way when I put the child back at her table and said, "Mom, you're going to have to keep her at the table with you." And no, I was not smiling when I said it. She didn't seem to see a cause and effect thing going on, it was just the environment and the child wanted to explore it. The child had no fear of wandering around touching everything, there was no cautiousness.

I want to hear your opinion on whether this was productive for the child, the mother, the other customers, or the other employees and myself. Was there any wrong or right here?

Thanks.

heather i won't call this right or wrong i know you all want me to judge others behaviors.. look definnitely you observed that the child was doing something the mom was disengaged, for whatever reason... ( based on what you are saying this is only opinon not being there myself) i see alot of this sort of stuff and i see alot of awrre parents point out or wake the parent up..what more can you do....

its simple the essence of socialization is its adapting to the enviorment , this is covered very intensely in my parenting from field trips to all diffenrt enviorments including not taking a child to an enviormnent it is unable to adapt too for all considered.....i see no reason at all to beat or smack or time out...my child wouldn't be there if he was unable to sit for a hour no exceptions.... some three year olds can and some can't, i.....the sad thihng is its the kid that takes the brunt .... since when is the child capable of parenting .....but that is reality..

its not right or wrong it jsut is and we look for ways to help each other....

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chaostrom
C this is well said you are so right each child is different you can certainly have core principles but the child has to be the main consideration an it is a commitmwnt you get a huge awakening when you see jsut how much of a commitment few are prepared we have no prepartion for this soemthig this important.... one may be active one maybe quiet and calm and as a parent you adjust to accomodate the child create an enviorment that allows for their natualrness... some will be easier than others there are no hard or fast rules.... i have a very hard time saying what i do it depends on the situation i have core principles that guide me but each moment is unique....

Thank you. However, one must also consider that a child's nature is not set like a rock, it's open to manipulation, like clay. There are many examples of parents shaping the child into what they want, and not necessarily in a good way (fundamentalist Jesus camps and Islamic boys with bombs come to mind).

And, BM, my sympathies to you. I really don't know what to say. Beating up a 6 year old... :no:

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texasgirlheather

So, did anything seem wrong in that story, to you, Sheri?

Yes, I looked for ways to help, but it wasn't my responsibility to do so. Is it right or wrong for the mother to expect everyone else to do her parenting?

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chaostrom

I believe that would be called an unacceptable transfer of effort.

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MissMelsWell

No Sheri, we have no idea if you're unique or unconventional at all... You don't even give hypothetical examples.

I parented "in the moment" as well... ALL parents do. There's nothing new about that. The only thing we're asking is that you explain your technique specifically since you apparently don't believe in shouting, punishment, apparently consequences or anything else... So what's this ellusive technique that appears to be heavily influenced by psychologists?

You are right about one thing... I did not yell, I did not hit, I did not punish in conventional ways--in fact, I didn't even have to punish often, but boy I had a LOT of rules. You're right that I parented to exactly what my kid was responsive to. So how is your way any different? I KNOW that not all kids respond to the methods I used with my observent, quiet, yet deadly cunning kiddo... SOME (probably most) kids would turn into unholy nightmares if parented them the way I did my daughter. My 3 year old neice would melt down if I tried the same techniques with her I did with Alexandra.

So how can you say NO kid needs punishment or restrictions? It's patently false.

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Sherapy
So, did anything seem wrong in that story, to you, Sheri?

Yes, I looked for ways to help, but it wasn't my responsibility to do so. Is it right or wrong for the mother to expect everyone else to do her parenting?

the mother was jsut not paying attention is it right is it wrong NO it jsut was what it was....And it was what it was that you preferrred not to parent for her... but you did , you looked out for the child that is what i noted .... Texas is a working mother and that for whatever reasons tryed to help the mom..........

heather certainly speak your truth loud and clear so there is no msitake what you mean, how ever that is be it word or deed but don't seek to impose your ideas of right and wrong on others. or tell then how to live...then you jsut become righteous and in righteous ness we can lose sight of our humanity ..this is the time when we have to show compassion as hard as it is.... ....i doubt this is what you want to t hear but its my truth...(((HUGS))))

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Radian
..my child wouldn't be there if he was unable to sit for a hour no exceptions.... some three year olds can and some can't, i....

Lord this is the truth- I wouldn't NEVER allow mine in places If I knew they act like bunch of wild heathens. If I knew they could behave they go, if not they stayed home.

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MissMelsWell

Ok, while I was posting, I did see something that caught my eye!

That's right, you don't take a 3 year old into a situation they can't handle. That's correct.

BUT sometimes you're forced to take them into a situation that they can't deal with. What then?

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texasgirlheather
Texas...........thank you for taking the time to read my lil story...it took a lot to post it..I had to stop and take a deep breath half way through it, cuz it was hard...and brought up old horrible memories

your thoughts are always loved and appreciated...you are a great friend...cheers sweetheart :wub: I have great concern for you too girly...

ha ha NOPE....IAMS left out??? NEVER onthe month of Sundays lol....we think of ya IAMS :no: ohh I mean :yes::D

Anyhoo I have a toothache and WOW look at the time..and whats worse is im hungry too LMAO and I cant be bothered making anything to eat...all that walking down the stair to the kitchen...nuts to that :w00t:

I'll hook you up right here. *fixes Geri a plate* Look here, you've got my special brisket, smoked in fresh, real mesquite in a real slow-smoker in my backyard (it is not possible for there to be any more authentic Texas-style brisket... my own marinade recipe, too, but I won't tell you what it is, you can't even get it out of me by tickling because I'm not ticklish *crosses fingers and hopes no one knows that was a lie* :unsure2: ), barracho beans, beer-battered onion rings, broccoli with my homemade cheese sauce. mmmmm.. and a mango tart. lol I love to cook for people.

*Yanks the wine list out of BM's hands* No, Miss, you drink Bud longnecks with this meal! Or Dos Equis is good, too. ;)

Now put your feet up, you don't have to go anywhere or get anything for yourself.

But you do have to tell me it's good :lol:

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Sherapy
No Sheri, we have no idea if you're unique or unconventional at all... You don't even give hypothetical examples.

I parented "in the moment" as well... ALL parents do. There's nothing new about that. The only thing we're asking is that you explain your technique specifically since you apparently don't believe in shouting, punishment, apparently consequences or anything else... So what's this ellusive technique that appears to be heavily influenced by psychologists?

You are right about one thing... I did not yell, I did not hit, I did not punish in conventional ways--in fact, I didn't even have to punish often, but boy I had a LOT of rules. You're right that I parented to exactly what my kid was responsive to. So how is your way any different? I KNOW that not all kids respond to the methods I used with my observent, quiet, yet deadly cunning kiddo... SOME (probably most) kids would turn into unholy nightmares if parented them the way I did my daughter. My 3 year old neice would melt down if I tried the same techniques with her I did with Alexandra.

So how can you say NO kid needs punishment or restrictions? It's patently false.

miss wells i have outlined my parenting and I'm gonna leave it at that...

parenting without punishing if that engages you explore it....... i live it and many others do to, shadow, myself , GW etc...you see what you want to see. ...

by the way i think you have done a fine job with your daughter and talk very kindly of you ....... :tu:

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